Any ideas who it is?

Nitrous oxide, but the tabloids realised that's not a shocking enough name so they invented the term "hippy crack"

grape juice

>Sexually assaulting a woman

so...grinding?

These stories about "anonymous Premier League stars" usually lead to nowhere.

I have to assume they're completely made up at this point.

I assume it’s a nignog so it’s gonna be a whiteoid.

Özil

Vardy

it was lacazette, trust me

He filmed himself doing it and only a nigger would be that brazen.
Crackas are usually more subtle and clever about it.

Kante or Kane would be funny too

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>World Cup star

Every month or so the Daily Mail comes up with some BS claim against some local footballer. It's most likely fake news to sell more newspapers.

Have it on good authority that it’s Wilshere.

...

It's always some nobody from relegation shitters

>world cup star
Im an expert in british yellow press - this means hes a squad player who played 10 minutes max in the world cup

>i
it*
sorry

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ok, so don't trust me

>world cup star
At least that narrows it down to 105, sure we could figure it out from there

Sir Harold Kane
that tape would be fucking amazing

>inb4 lovren

How did you get so good at deciphering our media?

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communism

Indian chai mixed with a pint of Guinness

Prolly me

>hippy crack
Laughing gas or some shit lmao

probably some bench warmer, they would use "premier league star" otherwise

hippy crack instead of laughing gas
sexual assault
sending vid to friends
footabller
world cup star
unnamed so viewers can speculate and make comments down below the article

check check check check check check

fuck the media, garbage people

Mitrovic getting drunk after relegating

this, dailymail and others are desperate to sell it as a scandal to their braindead readers since the arsenal players were caught doing it in public but even they call them out for this BS

Wasn't Benjamin Mendy called out for being a night club late at night

Pretty much, but 'Premier League footballer drinks, does whippets and grinds, possibly gropes someone' doesn't make for as good a headline. It's not exactly exemplary behaviour, but let's not pretend like he's the devil

Jack Wilshere

based

It won't be anyone that plays for a big club or they would have mentioned that. It'll be someone who plays for a small club and national team but still went to the world cup like Gudmundsson

seems like the sort of thing he would do but
>world cup star

it was Dejo, lads

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And this is why we should take the footballers' wages and give them to the nurses!

What the fuck is hippy crack?

>unnamed so viewers can speculate and make comments down below the article
i'm sure they would love to name him if they could

Rumour has it that it's a Newcastle player.

front of the big issue yesterday was unironically
>give bin men bankers salaries
chuckled to myself