/heem/ late lazy motherfuckers edition

almost two minutes in
still no punchline
just lots of talking...

branch lives in a state of perpetual flushedness

heem my life into pieces

*dabs back*

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Lel

One hunnie percent CTE

We need you to return to Cybertron. Megatron's forces are threatening to destroy everything. We need you, Schaub Prime.

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>tfw you're at risk of dying of old age before the next event happens
Furious about this right now desu.

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how do i show my likes

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Is Poirier hispanic?

>UFCybertron
>Ngannotron
fixed

no punchline
he's just describing his fight against travis browne (?)
and then he ends with him realizing he'll never be world champion instead of joe rogan ending his career
i really wanted to like this but it's really quite bad bros...
he's just talking for 7 minutes... and of course it's about a ufc fight

i read recently that he did an hour-long special
what did he do, talk about ufc for a whole fucking hour?

>Mechs are shit, but we need to make them worse somehow
>lets use mechs from the 80s
Transformers need to be banished back to dusty shitter of a decade that they were shat from..

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Not the funniest thing ever but still a good story teller. Had me hooked.

All the wrong people won on saturday, it was very much a victory for the kind of mma that's taylor-made for reddit.

Creole

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louisiana_Creole_people

>is the white guy with the french name from lousiana a spic?

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On the contrary, I think White Power is quite unreddit, my guy.

French and Spanish so like half Hispanic right? I only ask because I thought he was white but he looks crazy tanned compared to Gaethje.
He doesn't look white though, he looks similar to Ortega.

This tbqh

>comedy
>no laughs

i'm only two minutes and seventeen seconds in but good grief

>he doesn't look white though

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>you now remember Sean “The Muscle Shark” Sherk

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Is that a mirror behind him, or is he in the centre of the audience?

how well would he do after getting USADA'D?

>trick blacks into think he's one of them to stop any roadblocks from (((racism))) mafia
>trick bisexuals into thinking he's one of them to stop any roadblocks from gay mafia
>predict girpower movement and skim the cream of prime ronda's popularity
>personally created and planted "ronda can outbox mayweather" narrative
>tricked everyone into thinking he's a chinlet and solved haters urge forever while dodging CTE
>by pretending to be a beta tricked rogaine into becoming handlers scapegoat and talking head, which will inevitably lead to his fail into obscurity and hatred
>meanwhile shits on callen 24/7 because he's not important and doesn't recognize the situation
>pretends to be dumb and plays along to help Edgybrah expose as much truth as possible
>shits on goof not for small personal grudges but for ruining UFC as one of his sources for gaining power and popularity
>simultaneously exposes thottery and has good weapon for future political gains by all means necessary by having a wife he doesn't care about
>incepted most elite autists on internet with an idea that will provide him free lifetime PR and creativity
How does it feel to be marks and pawns in Schaub's preparations for election campaign against Barron Trump?

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He would become a phenomenon.
youtube.com/watch?v=XqZsoesa55w

Why? It was pretty nice. The underwater battle was quite funny too. 7/10

I don't know why you're getting upset it's not a big deal

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Big Nog vs. Bredan Schaub is on ESPN+ via UFC 234 reloaded for all you Schaub heads out there

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Khabib will retire undefeated.

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Khabib will not retire.
He will be retired.
Wake up and smell the bacon Khabib. It was over 7 seconds ago, when your head splattered off the pavement.

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what kind of faggot paints shit like this and for what purpose

We talmbout ice tea in the crowd, b! y’eva seen a celebrity in the audyens? BOOM

You don't consider people in Spain white?

Wake up, Khabib. You’re next.
twitter.com/aaronbronsteter/status/1112792678566191105

Where's the cawlmedy?
He IS a good storyteller though.

*lives rentfree in your wall*

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Punchline? lol how out of touch are you with comedy? no wonder Europeans are so unfunny, you are living in the stone age of humour

You dont have any to show.🙁

Luckily, there's all kinds of artists out there.

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GeT oUt Of My HeAd

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Top kek

>Travis Browne is Hawaiian
I literally never knew this

shitty crown wasting whole pic

alhamdulillah god give me everything

Pretty awful, I was only amused by the abortion clinic comparison. The story is honestly pretty interesting, but how does he not bring up that it was his ex's new man that beat his ass? That's the most interesting part, and he doesn't mention it.

Isn't the end of a bit supposed to be a payoff? Instead, he just talks about how calmedy is his true calling after making just one joke over 7 and a half minutes.

It's a stinker.

Thoughts on that brazillian mma fighter dying over the weekend?

In April 2019, Magomedov received a lifetime ban from USADA after sustaining his second and third violations of the UFC anti-doping policy. According to USADA officials, Magomedov tested positive for anabolic steroids in October 2018 and then in February 2019 allegedly refused to complete the sample collection process as requested by a doping control officer during an out-of-competition test.

Thawlts?

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lol

He is only bad because he has no comedy character. He needs to stick to someone and write his shit around it. Not just telling a story. I've only watched about 4 minutes but he missed so many good opportunities: no joke about tv malfunctioning, no joke about him being arrogant when he saw his name on the board or whatever it was, no joke about troubles to get into arena. It's all basic shit. People want to relate to you not just listen to your stories

>porier pulled out
made my heart sink

almost everyone that early in their career is terrible

You don't understand cawlmittee bee. You're just a haydder my man y'homeless cat and Schaub is Netflix.

it was just a pictogram

*get permanently banned on sherdog just for saying the fight was an "early stoppage"*, yellowcard if you say anything other than OMG THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS RIP MY MAN

Why aren't they feeding Zabit to Prospect Killing Mode Aldo?
I'm fucking sick of them protecting that stupid meme. It's time to end it.

The same was said about the manlet with rage issues
Face it he's not a meme.

He thinks Alpo has the skill set to beat the hormone monster Lol

steroids dont count as degeneracy in islam?

Beast of a country

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sherdog.com/news/news/Amateur-Fighter-Mateus-Fernandes-Dies-After-Technical-Knockout-Loss-in-Brazil-152115

thoughts?

dude weed lmao

>can't even finish Stephens and gets a decision
Jose would launch this meme into the sun. There's a reason they haven't booked the fight, they know their prospect can't win

Santa claus and 3 heavy metal looking dorks. Is any more proof that weed is for losers needed?

Theodorou is a beast my dude, literally unbeatable

>tfw camping out in Tony's walls until my boy Cowboy gets a title shot

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Your thoughts on Barnett signing with Bellator?

Thoughts on Maycee Barber?🐸

Wake up Brendan

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D E V I L I S H
Leave my fucking boy alone

>over the hill heavyweight joins the bellator retirement league
imagine my shock

Beautiful

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I like her. She finishes fights and she's cute.❤️

i was surprised to learn her karate instructor was arrested for molesting a teenage girl, a girl the same age as her training at the same gym as Maycee. i was disappointed to learn that her gym lied about their bjj credentials. it looks like she is going to struggle to make weight much like mackenzie dern she has the fat genes.

post old and cute valentina

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Y-you don't think fighters lie about their credentials do you?? Haha well at least my boy McGregor is a BJJ brown belt. I know that for sure my guy.

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> Fernandes was fighting as part of a social project that helps people battle drug addiction through martial arts.
somebody definitely reads *business idea* posts

Jessica Eye is going to SHOCK THE WORLD

Testing

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Waifufags are fucking gay

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she looks like she smells bad

will he beat Al?Coin Flip: Tails

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no one beats al, al is secretly the most powerful fighter in the ufc

White people tan too you know, not every white is a pink pig from anglica who just turns red under the sun

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Really sick of Jade Rivera's BS. Either turn pro or bow out.

desu i dont think a permanently ban was fair for tpying early stappage to that brazil guy dying it was just a prank

First word that comes to mind?

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Imagine actually being a devout Muslim

loses her next fight

who?

Brendan

I predict a wrestlfucking and Diaz says he won that shit afterwards

PostMalone

Are there any brazillian ufc fighters that don't have a black belt in bjj?

Ryan Hall and Eddie Bravo both said Conor's BJJ is legid. Obviously far from world class, but he's not shit.

How good do you think the average brown belt is? I guarantee, for 100%, Conor could hang with most brown belts.

you can't get drunk, but you can roid? isn't roiding worse because you're lying and cheating?

Stank

inbox

She's "The Future".Coin Flip: Tails

i gotta create a new email. i went back and looked at your posts i was laughing

every time i try to create a new instagram it gives me an error, i tried 10 times different IPs and different email addresses

>he thinks mudslimes are honest people
They are as bad as the long nose tribe

Don't post your email here you know mine just email me, which posts in particular?

i think billie eilish kicks her ass

ok, im not making one right now though.
all of them made me laugh i know which ones are yours

Is Gaethje from the England then?

appreciate it

Good comedians could read a phonebook at make it funny. Schaub is telling us about the most interesting thing that ever happened to him, and it's just 'ok'.

I hate to be mean, but he's just not funny and probably too low IQ to be a good comedian. He is high energy, though.

name 5 standup comedians funnier than schaub i'll wait

i came on here to post earlier and saw i think indonesia or singapore? i don't know i started laughing though

update on 37 year old woman from last night: some stuff happened lads

2
0
9

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yea lol i was thinking you would that

like

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Amy Schumer
Nikki Glazer
Natasha Leggero
Sara Silverman
Samantha Bee

Unironically.

none of them are funny b. Natasha is fun since she is flirty though.

if someone could crop Yoel out of this and make a template webm/gif of him running it would be very memeable

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youtube.com/watch?v=u13bQgXFxBw
I tried watching this but I can only understand every 10th word

Yeah that's my point about Brendan Schaubs comedy.

lol based
you ever been to the alpaka farm in paide?

Nawl bee, I can't. He's the mound rushmer for sure my man. Upper enchelon homeboy.

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how long has he been in the game? a lot of top comedians were shit that early on

luke, Disciple of Schaub Today at 1:48 PM
say you're prayers
BorkLeznirToday at 1:48 PM
?
luke, Disciple of Schaub Today at 2:39 PM
youtu.be/ouhT0slWO6Y
YouTube
Jimmy Smith
My thoughts on the Paul Felder/Justin Gaethje interview
streamable.com/8dsk5
Streamable
Streamable - free video publishing
steamboating Today at 2:45 PM
what happened in the interview
damn geathje got clammed up
bet the house on felder
Asturbator24Today at 3:03 PM
instagram.com/p/BvsvBlUFNzq/
Instagram
Jenny Sushe on Instagram: “This is how we do in Cali. #whatYOUe...
@luke >look guys, a lapdance is nothing sexual for me
that for sure will work in court
luke, Disciple of Schaub Today at 3:04 PM
damn she disabled comments
Asturbator24Today at 3:05 PM
i wonder why lel
Ariel Britbong'i Today at 3:25 PM
twitter.com/aaronbronsteter/status/1112792678566191105
Aaron Bronsteter (@aaronbronsteter)
BREAKING: Ruslan Magomedov has been handed a lifetime suspension by USADA following his second and third anti-doping violation.
Twitter
BatFury Today at 3:37 PM
i miss :coke:
Ariel Britbong'i Today at 3:53 PM
Josh Barnett to Bellator
bennettToday at 4:01 PM
hahahaha good this discord is dying
luke, Disciple of Schaub Today at 4:04 PM
my boner is dying
so suck me off already
Valbong Today at 4:21 PM
based 13 posts man
AIexJonesToday at 4:27 PM
Jesus Tyron looks tiny
Asturbator24Today at 4:27 PM
instagram.com/p/BvuXJQFAq45/
Instagram
J o a n n a Z a n e l l a on Instagram: “Day 4 of pool haha I’...
three piece with the sodaToday at 4:27 PM
luke, Disciple of Schaub Today at 4:27 PM
@three piece with the soda what is this viral marketing
Valbong Today at 4:28 PM
tiger still breastfeeds
one hunnie persento
Asturbator24Today at 4:30 PM
poor schaub
this is gettin out of control
brendan has to stop this
bjp33n Today at 4:44 PM
espn interview new levels of awkward

it's not a stand up comedy set you moron. Its literally a story show

You aboslute idiots. I’m actually mad right now. You realize that was recorded in 2017? That was one of schaubs first stand up shows outside of CA and he was told to tell a story. He had an hour long special coming it June 15 so how about you dummies wait for that before you go judging a guy telling a story on a STORY TELLING SHOW. The whole premis is telling stories of the worst things that’s happened to you. Seriously stfu

hey pussy are you still there

If anyone has been wondering why I've been a ghost lately, it's because I got some possibly very bad news last week, and after losing two friends this year already, I needed to just step away from everything for awhile.

If anyone has been wondering why I've been a ghost lately, it's because I got some possibly very bad news last week, and after losing two friends this year already, I needed to just step away from everything for awhile.

If anyone has been wondering why I've been a ghost lately, it's because I got some possibly very bad news last week, and after losing two friends this year already, I needed to just step away from everything for awhile.

If anyone has been wondering why I've been a ghost lately, it's because I got some possibly very bad news last week, and after losing two friends this year already, I needed to just step away from everything for awhile.

If anyone has been wondering why I've been a ghost lately, it's because I got some possibly very bad news last week, and after losing two friends this year already, I needed to just step away from everything for awhile.

If anyone has been wondering why I've been a ghost lately, it's because I got some possibly very bad news last week, and after losing two friends this year already, I needed to just step away from everything for awhile.

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It's still supposed to be funny, user.

then a light bob went off in my head

Is Aspen Ladd OK?

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THIS IS THE SHITTY SPAMMER. HE IS A FUCKING ZILCH. FULL RANGE BAN HIS PHONE NOW YOU FUCKING FAT FUCKING ZILCH WORTHLESS KIKE MACKENZIER DERNP FAGGOT BEFORE I ROAST YOUR MOTHERS FAT CUNT ON A NIGGER STICK YOU DIPSHIT FAGGOT FUCKFACE NIGGER LOVING SHITSKINS KIKE FAG

what are you talking about you blithering zilch get a pair of dicks and suck your mom aunt sally you stupid fucking cuck nigger dyke zilch zero nobody nothing low income loser

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burst out laughing holy shit schaub should just put that picture up during his set. EXACTLY what i expected that loser to look like.

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She fucks a lot of dogs isn’t her?

actually reported you worthless fucking zilch literally the only time i have ever reported something on Yea Forums

how much of a kike lover are you? dont even answer that you heeby nigger

Me last Friday. Why do I look like hell and have a teabag stuffed in my mouth? Because I had a wisdom tooth removed and it kept bleeding for hours after, dentist said it could help stem it.

And yes ladies, I am single.

FREEtheANONSuFUKToday at 5:54 PM
Why didn’t Magomedov just say he was doing cocaine with Jon Jones?!

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is that his "big problem" or does he have cancer from eating deep fried food 7 days a week

Mods this nigger loving zilch is here 20 hours a day and is ban evading every single time. He's in Wales and will bd forced to use american proxies, rangeban him NOW

you are ban evading. you were banned yesterday for posting your filter. fucking low income shitskin zilch. enjoy your personal hell of your mental illness you blithering idiot. reported all of your illegal streams good luck with that nigger lover.

imagine being this low income and autistic, enjoy never being me you fucking zilch, go jerk off to asian porn you fucking nobody jre listening fucking zero i hope anyone you care about gets acid thrown in their face and you die horrifically of some cancer

all the mod did is ban good ops and graphics not spam you stupid fuck enjoy your welfare or 9-5 you fucking gooseegg you cant ban anyone they have no power you fucking zilch i wish i had your address you wouldnt be alive its not possible to hate someone more than i hate you fucking cunt don't reply im not reading it you fucking zilch cunt faggot fucking nigger shitskin loving virgin awsfhawepofihawepfoiahwepfoiahwepfoihawepfioahwepfoiahwgp8a4hag984hgpa498htp98hwrtpa98erthpae9r8thaperthpaer8htpa9er8thpaer98fwnefuaew9fhp3498gh34p98th34p89th34p8thpa43thap43thap34tha4iogha4thia4iotha4tijhp;a4io

who the fuck is your favorite discord poster

bjp33n Today at 6:05 PM
instagram.com/p/Bu5FSBKhhku/
Instagram
Travis Stevens on Instagram: “Still going at it hard enough to p...
luke, Disciple of Schaub Today at 6:06 PM
@FREEtheANONSuFUK he cant speak english
bjp33n Today at 6:06 PM
forget draining this man's ear needs an abortion

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>streamable.com/orurr
Meh. He's just a guy telling his story. He's not an elite comedian at all.
His voice isn't even professional, neither are his facial expressions.
Rogan needs to give Schaub the comedians' version of that great
>"Brendan, you're the opposite of Georges St. Pierre" line. that got him to quit fighting.

>"Brendan, you're the opposite of Bill Hicks/Dave Chapelle/whoever."
And hopefully Schaub quits trying to be funny. He needs to just stick to colour commentary on MMA fights.

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Fuck niggers.
Fuck whites who convict whites for killing blacks.
Fuck rap.
Fuck r&b
Fuck hiphop
Fuck wiggers
Fuck ms13
Fuck the triads
Fuck coal burners.
Fuck oil drillers.
Fuck all white traitors.
Fuck Muslims
Fuck Kikes.
Fuck Chinks.
Fuck Weebs.
Fuck Autists.
Fuck Internet Censors.
Fuck Goverment Employees.
Fuck Gang Members.
Fuck criminals.
Fuck cops.
Fuck vegans.
Fuck gun grabbers.
Fuck Jerusalem.
Fuck the Koran.
Fuck the Torah.
Fuck Warner Brothers.
Fuck Women's Rights
Fuck The Rockefellers
Fuck NATO
Fuck the UN
Fuck The Middle East.

It’s fantastic. A masterpiece. Hannah Gadsby pioneered the jokeless comedy show, and Schaub just ran with it. I didn’t laugh once. Good on Brendan being progressive enough to realize that comedy isn’t supposed to be funny! Absolute legend!

get back on your meds, m8

eyman we uhh gonna be dubachamp soon yuno iswhatidis ahaha lesgoooooo

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You said it, Boomhauer.

>after losing two friends this year

Your legs are not friends, Spammy.

lol lukas is fucking killin' the game

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losers

it really challenges the viewers idea of what comedy means. it reminds me of when andy kaufmann read the great gatsby and screamed and chased around guests

Honestly, I thought he'd be far worse. Dude sounds like a dribbling idiot on his podcast, but he doesn't sound too bad here.

Fer shure could be funnier, tho.

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what a genetic failure. where does he come off calling trump fat? lol

Ortega wins the rematch

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>Bellator signs former UFC Heavyweight Champion Josh Barnett, 41

For sure, I agree B. Andy Kaufman was a beast.

MMA really is for losers. Imagine having to fight after 20 years in the game.

/heem/ is in shambles

billie eilish is cuter than jade rivera

not wrong, but not good
seek truth my brother w'allah

Time to restore foreskin
>t. Germanturk

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Just found out Karyn Bryant and Alan Jouban do a a podcast together. I was surprised and would like to give an opinion on this, but it doesn't seem like the GOAT has said anything about it so I don't know what my opinion is yet. Funky bless.

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What's it called, 2 Mutts?

>and next to him, I see my ex girlfriend
Ah, the Joey Diaz route of unironically trying to pass off utter bullshit as authentic

thats what comedians do blud

Lukas thank you for your work it hasn't gone unnoticed. It's needed on an MMAless week.

Ok

This is such a faggot look. Can’t wait until all this metrosexual shit goes out of style.

Fuck kikes

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has schaub given his take on alvarez getting starched?

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>calling people zilches
>being into mma
>being into weird porn
is he jim norton?

Good. You do not deserve happiness. And no one here is your friend. You incredible loser.

Jim Norton has legs.

NO NO NO FLIP IT AGAIN. FUCK THE HOUSE SELLER MAN

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no he doesn't

Peaches don’t ripen over night my man

What do you know about fighting, huh?!

Nothing.

friendly reminder that even the elite mm"a" "strikers" are dogshit

understandable b. i should'a known better

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Diaz bless✔️

>canelo walking around like he's not a roider
>anthony joshua walking around like he's not a roider
>paulie has conor living in his head for free
boxing is in shambles

he's more of a fish

does anyone have a webm of eddie getting heemed this weekend

probably

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jim nortons standup is still bad. it was horrendous when he first started. he was funny with anthony though. schaub is going to be huge.

What do you think about this as a punchline to a joke
>did somebody order peaches?

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I must have because this is a peach of a joke.

youtube.com/watch?v=BQa9AidGVlY

youtube.com/watch?v=wFLcpc1ifOM

MILKIES

youtube.com/watch?v=rRFRFC1HZak

woah, liking this post for sure

its incredible how funny these 2 are together but they go on rogan and they're not funny

>GITTERPEACH

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i would literally cut off one of my fingers to be her husband and father her four strong sons. my god

literally looks like any other asian lol

schaub sucks

APRIL FOOLS

i hear they do that in asia

the only people who are really funny on rogan are comedians like bill burr or theo who'd be funny talking to a wall

but I think jim norton has given up on trying to be funny entirely, even when talking to hilarious people on their shows he's just being very serious like rogan

If Cole Konrad never retired, would he be the GOAT heavyweight?

and you literally look like a blind retard, what of it

>my friend asked me if I wanted a frozen peach. I said "no, but i'd like a regular peach later, so yeah."

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club soda kenny

>his flu coloured jacket
>big jew mccarthy

my fucking sides

>schaub schaub

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fake tits

real tits

ugliest person i've ever seen

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schaub knows what the square root of 69 is

Zane Simon is dead...wtf

Ray Borg is a pussy and is using his son for pity, no wonder he's a manlet, he's half a man.

i see that Drake is into a brown things
did they too?

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This would ruin my life. Unironically. I listen to him daily.

That kid’s gonna die.😃

Ray borgs kid is dying

1 like = 1 heem

Hey Faggots,
My name is Brendan, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever landed a rear naked choke? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on the gram.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was 10-5 in the UFC, and black belt in bjj. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my bitch

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He went too soon.

god i hope derek schott is OK

I wish I could keep giving you likes. That kid needs to permaheem.

this thread is deader than ______

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...

who is ________?

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*dabs to Mo Bamba*

Ya, thats gonna be a like for me.

Schaub is the next drake fur shure😃

...

In many ways, Drake is the next Schaub.

What is next for him?

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retirement after getting destroyed like that

journeyman status

flushed in his next fight wonderboy style

me on the right

he should spend the entire camp learning how to move his head

3 likes and i will spam the general of your choice

heem

you forgot yeweffceehawhyeee

It's like people don't understand how strong a gorilla is.

1. Be Civil: A Bit Of Banter Is Fine, But Don't Go Too Far. Please Do Not Spread Salt. We're All Fans Here. Wishing Death Or Injury On A Fighter Is A Bannable Offense. Fighter Bashing Based On Race, Gender, Religion, Or Sexual Orientation Is Also Bannable.

4. Spoilers: Spoilers Are Considered Any Images, Videos Or Discussion Threads Which May Reveal The Outcome Of A Fight. This Includes General Discussion. When Creating A Post, Ensure The Description (Or Title) Does Not Reveal The Result (I.E. Finish, KO, Scorecard, Defends).

5. Duplicates: Before You Post, Check The /New Queue To See Whether It's Already Been Posted. If An Existing Discussion Is Underway, Add Your Post As A Comment. This Is To Avoid Ten Gifs Of One Fight. Add Your Gif To The Stickied 'Alternate Angles' Comment In Each Fight Thread.

6.2. Troll Posts And Troll Accounts: False Announcements That Fights Are Off Or A Fighter Is Injured Will Make Us Ban You.

fortnite general

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Alright which general is it

tree of saviour general on /vg/

without biting a good wrestler can takedown a gorilla relatively easily

WIIIDTH

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What type of gorilla are we talking about here before I determine if you have mental illness or just don't know what you are talking about

*gets banned from sherdog for saying early stoppage of the brazillian fighter who died*
Y SO SRS

>let's ruin everything good about the internet: the rules

unironically fuck people

Gotchu

Funny how this guy gets a lifetime ban and other, higher-ranked guys who have failed multiple tests get a year..

I just picked a random general, maybe i should have thought more about it and picked one that was more active. that would have been better.

Mate that shits dead give me another one

Winning the rematch against Max. He’s a next gen Diaz brother stylistically

has khabib commented on this yet?

how about /heem/?

christ he's ugly

i was the third like do this one bud

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I'm trying to leave the pool but there's a raccoon blocking the exit and it won't fucking move even after I threw a huge ass rock at it

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based spammy

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/vg/, its tagged /fng/

Now that autistic loser is going to link them all here

Oh fuck I don't see him anymore he disappeared

>1 year ago today Tony Ferguson pulled out of 223 after breaking his leg and everyone in the world thought it was a joke
>1 year ago today Max stepped in to fight Kebab on 1 week's notice

A whole year.
That went by fast as heck if you'll pardon my french.

why do mma fighters so rarely stay in punching range? I'm used to boxing where they often stay in mid or even close range for long period of times

Im back motherfuckers now we will rip the fucking fornite general apart fuck niggers fuck jannies fuck kikes

Mate the fortnite general is just as dead ill just spam hoc or some shit

kicks and wrastling, basically
if you get into a clinch in boxing, that's safe(ish)
but being pinned against the cage can go in all kinds of directions

Holy yikes is there actually a fortnite general? Lmao give em hell turby.

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takedowns, kicks, etc.
silly question desu

the whole site is dead atm i guess April fools scared people away

sorry, it was just the first general that came to mind. just take your pick of /int/'s shitty generals tb h

Rolled 3 (1d6)

Honestly April fool's is pretty based if you catch this 5

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As people said it's not optimal in mma to stay in punching range because you can use your legs and/or wrestling. It's style dependant too. Super blind man is pretty ok with punching but JJ will never allow you to get into a comfortable position to punch: he either leg kicks you or uses his monkey arms to scare you away by constantly measuring distance. Or just clinch if it's very bad

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youtu.be/lBU4Hxqe8vY
Max-Ortega
T-City wins the rematch
Don’t respond unless it’s about your thawlts on Maycee Barber

based, great webm
left a like

still my boy, coincidentally was just listening to the song
i think i will do so as well

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Andrade meme ends soon⚽

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poor lil man is gonna grow up with an oedipus complex for sure

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>tfw someone likes my post🐸

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I just made this, let me know what you think! :)

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favorite schaubs?

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based

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goodnight, good game choice😂

Is this the year Jon Jones gets heemed?

Your fortune: Excellent Luck

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i believe it

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I never cringed so hard in my life

Wake up, Jon

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oh shit

Is there an mma youtuber that you watch? There's this Lithuanian dude who quit aikido and is learning mma that i get recommendations for, I don't watch the vid's tho

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youtu.be/7gc45XuFo60

Eddie Alvarez was always a can lol

Prime Conor heems khabib. Current Conor beats him via split decision in the rematch
Don't forget to hit like, subscribe, and turn on notifications so you never have to miss one of my posts.

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I used to watch MixedMollyWhoppery until he stopped making shit. I guess he's back, but I haven't watched any of his new videos. Jon Bois's series Fighting in the Age of Loneliness is pretty kino.

>tfw you can go back to fighting unranked cans

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Dome bum in One fc showed Conor how you really handle Alvarez

ufc shistar has some funny compilations

Jack Slack is starting to put out some pretty good breakdowns on fighters and their specific styles. He's still mostly an article guy tho.

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New Jack Slack tommorow

Blood God Gaethje Ends The Khabib Meme

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Those are also good.

does he still get fined for jumping off the cage? commissions are pissy about that

not bad actually. would go see for cheap ticket

>DUDE BEN ROTHWELL IS MMAS GEORGE FOREMAN-MARCELO GARCIA HYBRID
cringe

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Only in Colorado and Vegas afaik

a cute

not a cute

What went wrong?

>anyone besides a hue-monkey thinking this is attractive

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wtf she's fat

strength training maybe

Big and strong for 125. Needs to prepare for fights better but she's got legit KO power

This is what a 3.5/10 looks like

> fat
That’s prime mommy weight.

Conor sure it shite on the ground for a BJJ brown belt who knows what he's doing💢

Only way Bones loses is if he gets caught in a submission like Vitor.

How many times are you going to make this god awful post?

Kenshin

Unironic elite head movement😂

I figured it out lads. Conor is fighting Paulie Malignaggi in the first ever Zuffa boxing event. Don't fawgget ta bring ya bawls Cannah.

bUt hE GoT cHoKeD ouT bY khaBiB!!!!

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me on the right

Does he get exposed in ONE?

You ever notice how often dominick cruz is wrong when commentating about something
>oh this is in deep, its over
*guy pops out of sub*
>he hit him really hard there hes about to go out
*doesnt go out*
etc etc

Don't like Jack Slack's fart huffing self satisfaction but his breakdowns are good to great, also he appreciates that Sumo is the true ultimate martial art
Lawrence Kenshin does short videos, pretty decent usually. Here's his Pettis vs Wonderboy post-analysis. youtube.com/watch?v=I67Lf-EoMa0
When BJJScout posts a breakdown they're good, but he's mostly doing BJJ gossip these days
Modern Martial Artist has good videos from time to time too, mostly boxing focused though. youtube.com/watch?v=xL9TDcXvDCw
Coach Brian is good too, here's his breakdown of Hermansson vs Branch sub youtube.com/watch?v=tEShcuuK5Vk

UFC are 1-1 in One so far
- Eddie got flushed
- DJ had his hardest fight since Cruz and caught a lucky sub
If Sage loses, UFC is a shitter organisation full of USADAbabbies
If Sage wins, One is a shitter organisation full of PEDbabbies

Gaethje has German blood from his dad's side and Mexican blood from his mom's side. It explains why he has the ultimate warrior mentality.

weasle, mixedmollywhoppery, chael, schaub, mma on point, occasionally luke thomas, bjjscout and alpacathesaurus

manlets have never been right about anything ever.

this guy does fight like he's stoned out of his mind

Yup, DC does it too but his seems to come from being overexcited

Exposed? He was never good

Luke's best content isn't even on his channel
Monday Morning Analyst breakdowns

Based Elias
Can't wait for our next dose of Eliaskino vs Derry Brunson

heem? more like dumbos

*heems you*
Come with some better material next time, bud.

did you wake up or stay up

i'm sorry guys this was really rude of me and I shouldn't be saying stuff like that i don't even believe it

I miss Big John, lads.
>Are you ready? Let's get it on!

*flexes on you*

How many bongs until Facechan ends?

I like Brendan Schaub because his wall has a mural of black people killing each other

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god I wish that were me

*dabs to Mo Bamba*

That's called enhancing drama for the viewers, you rubes.

>omg, he's hurt!
>that armbar is tight, this could be it!
>wow, he survived! What a fight!

It's playing up the action. It's fine if you don't like it, but don't be a big enough mark to not realize what's happening. Commentators are preformers. The people on tv are putting on a show for you.

Mate that's not what he's talking about, stop being intentionally retarded.
He's referring to both DC's LITERALLY saying "it IS over" while the fight is going on. Rogan does the hype thing all the type, that's not what he's singled out. If you actually sat and watched cards you'd notice Cruz or DC sometimes just say the fight has ended and that is it when it hasn't

DC is entertaining because of his energy and excitement. Cruz is boring because he acts like he knows everything and gets btfo by reality a second later

He's basically live podcasting

can someone make this of yoel running away from bisping

hahaha holy fuck hes flushed

>it's past twelve and there's still fucking likes

heem me lads

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Doesn't even panic shoot, sad.

I'd rather have that skinny cute tomboyish girl at the left aaaaghhh

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Keith Peterson is best ref in the game

How did Schaub avoid the Drake Curse?

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(moments earlier)

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conor looks sad somehow

I miss him so much lads
>ywn be at the cutting edge of lift science

Holloway did too

CTE

Fun to remember the old days
i.4cdn.org/wsg/1554181376414.webm

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I dont think so but I hope so

can someone heem khabib

You called?

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Why did Eddie get into a boxing match with a flip?

💢

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kid's going to have the worst Oedipus Complex ever

after you

how do i use my perks lads

are either of these retards ever going to fight?
love em but wish theyd both fuck off if theyre done with heeming cunts

lowtest

Schaub in the options field

options field💚

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where are the codes?

On reddit

click perks

sneed😂

So Cain Velasquez basically mandrama now?

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barncat WILL defeat jon jones

ok 4chanX wasn't updated for some reason, thanks🖤

>unironically liking hack wack

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♨️

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Why the fuck is Gustafsson vs Smiff happening Who cares?
Smith is an absolute meme whose only wins besides Oezdemir are Shogun, Rashad, Lombard and a bunch of literal whos.
Don't get why the UFC keeps coddling Gus either considering how shit his last undeserved title shot was.

They both don't belong near belt anytime soon so why the fuck not? You want Gus vs Manuwa II?

Mma on point, also been watching lots of bully beatdown episodes, its incredible to see the amount of legit good guys that were on that show and got paid for using a person as a punching bag

You know Harold Howard?

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Yikes...

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Misinformed

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Nobody asked your opinion faggot

i mean, it's tough my guy

Nope, redpill me on him

Comedy? We can tell Brendan

i mean gus wins the decision but there's no way smith gets finished by that flabby ass prancing snus juice slurping swede

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>proceeds to post chimp #2
Is she even a fighter?

How much did schaub give Ray Borg?

youtu.be/WJsTv3ypGxI

1 like

Yeah you're right, looking at the rankings MW is a total shitshow.
I think Walker has potential if he doesn't keep injuring himself in dumb ways.

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IF YOU'RE COMING ON

COME ON

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whoa nice heem you got there

Does anybody have the webm of Emmett heeming Johnson

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Kino

damn freddie roach used to be jacked

Based👌

prime chuck heems jon

...

i.4cdn.org/sp/1554097930564.webm

Fuck did you just make this? This is excellent.

Wrong

Current Chuck heems Jon

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thanks b

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Of all people to do it why'd it have to be dumbass Pettis.

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mirep auschb mehes ongunan

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Hey pussy are you still there?

>pettis heems wonderboy
>still ranked below him

how many more days til you collect your workers allowance though?

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I'm part of the /YangGang/ friend

beautiful

the fuck is Dana's problem Gaycheese was right

Dana doesn't do the rankings, media members do
Though UFC might have some influence because people randomly shift up just before they have a fight

am i supposed to get mad at how braindead this post is cuz i can't stop laughing

I'm here to spread joy, my mission is accomplished.
Schaub you later, my man. Peace.

based
#yanggang gonna take it home

Rumor is that doo doo ngumbu threw his fight

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I applied to join the rankings panel as a heem.com representative but they haven't answered my emails

>media members do
media guys do rankings, but the official ufc ones are done by the UFC. it's weird, because masvidal heems till and gets bumped up high, but pettis heems thompson and goes from rank 8 lw to rank 8 ww, below the guy he just beat

Aim for the eyes my son.

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that's discrimination my mans

r u high?

on schuab

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>but the official ufc ones are done by the UFC.
They aren't, you can go to the UFC site and see a breakdown of each members rankings. At least, you could, not sure if you still can with the new shitty site

Schaub thinks that grown ass men shouldn't participate in April Fools. Are you a grown ass man?

Why do you guys care so much about why that fat has been think?

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i think he meant halloween

>Schaub thinks
he doesn't

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do what you enjoy doing, don't concern yourself with the opinions of others.

That said, reminder I literally live in all your heads rent free. Heem sleepy.

Is there anything he can't do?

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what this

I have no idea where this myth of Rockhold being awkward became fact, but IMO it's complete bullshit.

People don't look at him objectively and are just jealous because he's good looking in addition to having so much else going for him. Their are some pretty bright guys in the UFC, and there are some absolute bricks, at least on camera.

He's definitely not awkward relative to other fighters. If anything he's well above average, but I love how people think that people like McGregor and Bisping are a cut above the rest intellectually because they're loud and obnoxious and come up with an occasional sound bite.

It's actually funny because if McGregor sounded like he does, but was a worse fighter people would be calling him a dumb, Irish prole.

But instead, since he's been relatively successful, people worship him like a god. I mean I have no ill will towards him or Bisping. I actually like them. They seem like good, honest dudes, but you can't tell me they're these social savants.

McGregor is always nervous as fuck doing press. He's jittery and anxious. When he's on a national TV / talk show like Jimmy Kimmel it's even worse. And Michael is just fucking loud, like McGregor. He talks over people and talks so fucking much.

People laugh because they guys talk without a filter, which is fine, but then why do we need to go back and retroactively declare them to be gods of the social sphere?

I mean, is yelling over someone "Have I been wrong yet? Have I been wrong yet?" really a sign of being well adapted socially? Personally, I think it's headed more in the direction of circus freak.

Not to mention they come up with one line or group of phrases and just continue to repeat them ad-nauseam until fight time.

Like McGregor's gazelle comments and Bisping talking about how every fight is different. No shit? If every fight was the same why would we even bother having a rematch?

Are you kidding me?

me in the background about to heem this sperg

heal your marriage

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genetically engineered to fuck your girl

The Tony Ferguson situation is really sad.
Is he done for good?
How long would it take to recover from something like this assuming he gets treatment?
I really want him to fight again but at the same time it's probably not a good idea for him health-wise.

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He will be back before khabib is back

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But I want him to fight khabib

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>people were actually under the impression that T-Sperg WASN'T mentally ill

Like my niggas did you watch a single one of his interactions with any human beings outside of the cage? He's been fucked in the head since day 1.

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I thought he might've been playing it up for the camera

Pray

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Wonderboy dad was a Munster

>tfw no more ubereem

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sleep

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youtube.com/watch?v=D_7HqixPmFA

prime schaub would heem ngannou

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Anyone got webms of heems from last event

Gaethje Barboza and Emmett MJ

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this guy's been posting this shit in every general for what feels like years now holy shit

lads

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>replying to yourself

What ARE we doing here?

Based

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sheem sleepy
wmma produces like 5% good fights, but sometimes it does produce

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holy fuck. most brutal wmma knockout i've seen

so is tony vs khabib happening or what?

absolute trucking cawmedykino. look at all the seething haters here

Tony is on the verge of strangling his wife and son, then hanging himself with his own interim belt; but yeah, let's book that Khabib fight.

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khabib vs holospic first

There's no white champs wtf this is the first time in history

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Isn't Robert Whittaker Australian?

soon lad

stylebender is coming

Lmao Schaub is an idiot
>chin pulls up April fools tweets from fights
>Schaub falls for every one
>thinks Tim Kennedy is back
>thinks conornis making a rosee
>he even brings up bisping coming out of retirement
Lmao

Her knee did a Cain there.

Schaub is legitimately a stupid person, and he is inspiration for people of low IQ all over the world with his success in life. If even he can make it, you can make it as well!

schaub is the only one in mma talking about conor's rape accusations
that makes him based imo even though his comedy sucks

...

⚾

youtu.be/M3WB39NyKao
@36:20
Schaub btfos zoomers and dumb pranks

>everyone too deep in likes to notice Dana saying Conor isn't retired and that he is gonna make him happy

Y'fired. Fired. Fuckin fired. Whaddaya got.

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>paying attention to meme gossip drama that will be forgotten within months
Invest your mind into the eternal. Embrace Schaub.

At last I truly see

source?

Is this the routine that was recorded a few years ago? Fur shure Schwabs m-m-munster wurk ethic has had him improving dramatically the past couple of years. Ahnd dun jus shey its becaz of his athelete mindset b. Gunner purcent hardest wurkin man in chalmedy.

youtu.be/XpYvYPP4N48
Don’t have a time stamp do just watch the whole thing. Trust me it’s worth it.

friendly reminder that if you hate Schaub you hate success, hard work and dedication

You are also most probably a SEETHING likelet too

onehunnitpersent🐷

...

Ywelcome

...

Peaches are a beast
#fathogs🐷

God damn I miss this awkward mastermind so much.

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The manlet that got busted numerous times for PEDS?

some kind of instagram influencer career. He's not a fighter. Maybe he can sell hair product or teeth whitening systems.

imagine the smell

phenomenal kino

10/10 keen0

Imagine what the world would be like if we actually had gotten to see what "putting the karate aspect back in Jiu Jitsu" would entail..

You know damn well Drake was like "who the fuck is this nigga, guess Ill let him take a picture so he can leave me alone. Wheres Conor and Max?"

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