Well Yea Forums?

1. Depending how he does it, yellow or verbal warning for opposition captain
2. Do nothing, just make him look a bit of a tit to the fans by looking like he's shit at penalties
3. Give a corner unless this is Delap-era Stoke, then I'd give a throw-in

1. card everyone involved
2. nothing
3. corner

>3. Give a corner unless this is Delap-era Stoke, then I'd give a throw-in
10/10

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1. yellow the captain, add 2 minutes to injury time
2. tell him to not be a cunt
3. "when in doubt, it's a throw in"

1) Warning for both players and the physio is sent to the stands. I’ll be writing him up in my post match report to the F.A

2) I give the player a yellow card for dissent

3) I ask the linesman, and if he doesn’t know I give a drop ball in the corner as the attacking team will probably kick it out for a throw in or a corner

red card both
punch him
corner because senor perez' check cleared

Got another one for you guys.

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1. Red card the captain
2. Give him a post-match punishment for simulation
3. Throw-in

lemme just get my magnifying glass

In better resolution.

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1. Perform whatever red card offence the player did earlier in the season on that player
2. Goal
3. Play the full six minutes

WELL?

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Red card the cunt
Goal, game proceeds
Give the 6 minutes

1. red card for dissent
2. goal
3. play the full 6 minutes, and call Fifa afterwards saying that the stopping time meme should end and the clock should just stop when the ball is out of play

red card again
is a goal can't
no negotiations

1. yellow card for being a cheeky bastard
2. goal, nothing against the rules to do thath
3. 6 minutes = 6 minutes, if they'd been pissing about too much beforehand I'd already have booked some of them

1. Red card the captain
2. Goal
3. Fuck it lets play 5 more mins, if they get too annoying yellow card him

1. Fuck his ex-wife
2. Fuck the ballboy
3. Fuck the gay player

Women's football, so who the fuck cares
One goal for the first ball, and give them another if they also get the other in the net
Join in as well

This is correct.

Well, depends, did she cuck him?
Deny the goal(and watch the guy who throw get lynched)
Game proceeds, it's his and his fucking manager problem.

1. Allowed, fuck the cunt.
2. Carry on, fucck the fans.
3. Nothing, fuck the faggot.

kek. ya'll childish.

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Yellow for timewasting, warning yo the other captain
Congratulate him on him and his shit team getting BTFO, then show him a yellow
Corner I guess, dont know this rule

1. No
2. Goal, notify the FA about the issue
3. Notify the FA

yes

depends on which team is paying my bills. innit la'?

I tell the player to repent for his sins

I reconsider my wrong path on this earth and save my soul

I agree with him as that is the truth of creation

Agree with the lad

Flash her my penis and tell her to csll me after the game
Goal, punt the original ball out of play
Recite leviticus 20:23 and tell him to nut up

Leveticus 20:13*

Give him another red card to add to his collection and send him off
Goal, award the assist to god
Play on

Fag

based God fearing american

1. get shot because i'm american
2. oink like a pig because i'm american
3. get my towers blown up because i'm american

>2 penals against
>losing 5-0
I give him a red and send him back to math class.

1.yellow the captain
2.yellow him for protesting
3.I think it's a corner

BASED

1. No, it could affect his impartiality
2. Depends on when the ball was thrown, if it affected the attack majorly stop the game and give indirect foul to the attacking team
3. Nothing, he could be lying. Maybe write about the chants in the post game match report, and suggest a fine for the home club.

1. Have a laugh, since its played as a joke.
2. Goal, wind is a natural phenomenon that affects both teams. If the wind is bad to the point where football can't be played, postpone the game.
3. Irrelevant, 6 minutes need to be full so we make up for lost time. Play all 6 minutes, maybe more if home team wastes time.

1. Red card him, obviously. The team who lost the team is allowed to swap him though.
2. Goal.
3. Depending on the tone of the complaints, yellow card the home side players talking shit. If time is wasted, add more minutes.

1. Of course not.
2. Keep the play going as long as it doesn't have TOO much influence on the outcome. This shit is reported after the match anyway and the home team is always punished anyway, that's their fault.
3. Verbally warn the manager saying I won't take any shit about this and that doesn't matter really. The implications of it are purely social and on the political sphere so I have nothing to do about it.

1. not my fucking job, I'm the ref not the guy who picks the refs
2. technically I might stop the match and give a 0-3 but i'd need to have seen it, so just allow the goal unless the ball actually influences the action.
3. tell the FA officials to warn the fans that the game will be stopped, expel the manager and if the supporters keep going give the faggot team a 0-3 win

1. Card him with a yellow
2. Goal
3. Irrelevant who it favours. Injury time is impartial.

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>get raped by Germans because I'm Polish
>get raped by Russians because I'm Polish
>drink Żywiec and smoke camel ciggs because I'm Polish

>get raped by germans and russians because i'm youre mum

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1. Offside. Not my problem they fucked up their advantage
2. He was on the list to take the penalty kicks and that list has been submitted so he's going to take it. If he still refuses, count it as a miss
3. Fine with me. Play on.

Advantage played and taken, therefore blow for offside. Card keeper depending on severity of handball.
Tell him to stop being a fucking pussy and take the shot
I wouldn't do the first bit because I'm not a cunt, but if I was then I'd just play on without him

1. i repent
2. i straight red card him for the heresy of modernism
3. i straight red card him for atributing false documents to st thomas and for the heresy of double predestination

Based

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>ess pee in charge of footy

1. VAR
2. VAR
3. VAR

Can you come up with a better resolution Sven?

Based

>2. Goal

Literal retards. You can't score a goal with your hands.

Offside
There are no lists anymore so he can be replaced
Play on

1. take the red card from him, put it in my shorts and rub it vigorously in my asscrack, hand it back to him, send him off using the real red card
2. talk about the time i took a fake red card from some dude, put it in my shorts and rubbed it vigorously in my asscrack, handed it back to him and sent him off using the real red card
3. talk about the time i took a fake red card from some dude, put it in my shorts and rubbed it vigorously in my asscrack, handed it back to him and sent him off using the real red card
4. fuck the cute token female assistant ref

1. Don't care, it's only womens football
2. Sign the fan up, he clearly has 20 long throws
3. Tell linesman if he heard anything and to keep an ear out if not. Can't just believe what some poofter tells me

pool's closed

For 2, I'm pretty sure you actually get cautioned for refusing to take your penalty kick. It also counts as a miss. For 3, leaving the field of play without permission from the ref is a yellow. He can get red carded to even out the numbers but he can't just step out.
>You can't score a goal with your hands.
Of course you can.
>There are no lists anymore so he can be replaced
Not after a kick taker has been designated.

Point where in the laws of the game it says this.

Yes, the goalkeeper can.

1 - Red to the blue 5. Not his job to manage the clock. Can't be doing that.
2 - Nothing. Tell him you'll remember what he did next time you ref one of his matches.
3 - Corner.

1. ask him if she used to take in the ass
2. laugh and award goal/no-goal based on who complains the most
3. say well you are a faggot so he's not lying

1 - Book him for his first foul of the game, however small.
2 - Goal
3 - Play the six minutes, it's not a reward or punishment, it's to make the game up to the proper time.

1. Call it back for the handball, give a freekick and send the keeper off
2. Advise him to go down injured otherwise tell him to fuck off then and count it as a miss
3. Like I give a fuck, let him walk off and resume the match

1 - No. Silly cunt should've said sooner.
2 - Goal
3 - Put it in the match report. Tell the linesman on that side to keep an ear out. Red cards if you hear anything untoward.

1. Rewind it, award a foul outside the area and red card the keeper
2. The shootout is predetermined, he either takes it or I count it as a missed penalty
3. Red card for both.

>You can't score a goal with your hands.

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theguardian.com/football/2016/may/20/you-are-the-ref-fa-cup-special-no373-louis-van-gaal-and-alan-pardew
theguardian.com/football/2016/feb/26/you-are-the-ref-no362-willian

Answers for any lads that don't like uncertainty

1. Red for the captain. No punishment for anyone else. Physio was just showing some pashun.
2. He's just frustrated. No punishment, no reaction.
3. Throw-in. Less likely to result in a goal which I will be endlessly mocked for allowing.

1. Laugh. It's just a bit of banter really.
2. Ball's in play after it leaves the keeper's hands. The goal stands.
3. Additional time is for both teams, not just one. Play the full six minutes, and more if I have to due to extra stoppages. Book anyone who is especially insistent.

1. Yeah. I doubt there's a spare and realistically he can't ruin the game that badly.
2. The second ball interfered with play, force a retake and get the stewards to kick out the fans who fucked with the match.
3. Without evidence I can't act. Have the fourth official pay close attention, send him off if it's true.

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1. Play advantage for handball? What was I thinking? I pull it back for a free kick and book the keeper.
2. Red card.
3. No official punishment for the player, I treat it as if he's left the pitch due to injury.

>if it was actually time wasting seperate them and warn him, if not yellow
>cards depend on how he talked to me, consider retirement after the match
>try and check with linemen and others, if it comes to nothing, corner
>send him off again, but they can still get 11 players since the match hadnt stated
>give goal
>if they bitch to much yellow card the complainents, then have the 6', maybe less
>yes, fuck that slag
>give goal, original ball is a random object
>if i didnt hear him theres nothing i can do, but try and catch it if its true
>caution him
>give goal, agree with him
>red card him
>red card keeper, freekick from outside the box
>if its the absolute last penalty taker force him to do it or expell him and have another one take it
>id change the call, but in this scenario id let him leave

1. Warnings for the lot of them. If it happens again, yellow.
2. Yes. It's only the coin toss. No use creating bad blood from the off, it sounds like we're in for a comfy game.
3. Laugh it off. No need to be a tight-arse.

You actually know the rules.

>caution them
>yes
>red card him since its was purposeful

thanks based hue son

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Based, good answers

Yellow card and a pat on the buttcheeks
Physically impossible so won't comment
Play 7 minutes to make up for home side's goal celebration

No, remind him that she's a cunt and that she might file an official complaint blaming him if her team loses
Goal
I tell him to stop being a pussy

I call him based and redpilled
I agree while saying that Darwinian evolution is in fact just a theory
I tell him that this red card I'm about to hand him is also a part of the God's plan

Offside and red for the keeper
Red card and call upon the next kick taker
I recommend therapy for the striker

Red card for bringing shame to my family
Yes, not their fault I'm retarded
Red card

I've got a different version. It's calle
>YOU ARE THE JANNIE

1. You see a clearly sports-related thread devolve into a dubs thread. What do you do?

2. The top post on the catalogue is >tfw no gf. Everyone seems to dig a thread with an unrelated topic once in a while. What do you do?

3. During a highly viewed match, people start posting slags to kill time during half time. Advertisers are not happy about this. What do you do?

1. delete the thread for no pay
2. delete the thread for no pay
3. delete the slags for no pay

>Delete the thread, dont ban anyone.
>Delete the thread, 3 day ban for the OP
>Dont delete the thread, delete all slats and thot posting and ban anyone posting such. Then microwave a hot pocket to celebrate not getting paid

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1. Goal
2. Yellow card for all 6
3. Call him a dense cunt and have him kicked out of the officiating team

1. Yellow card to both, send physio to stands based on nature of the abuse and report him if it was the N WORD or equivilent
2. Yellow card for diving, yellow card for insulting the ref (new meme rules make it yellow now) so send him off.
3. Drop kick or corner. Linesman should have done his job anyway.

1. Yellow card for dissent
2. Goal
3. Tough shit, it's 6 mins.

If it was interfering with play, it is disallowed, otherwise goal
2. Rules say players safety comes first but it's obviously bullshit, yellow card the players, red if they persist, thus making them have 6 players sent off, which automatically gives the blue team a win due to the discipline meme rules. Club is then fined and punished for their shit.
3. Doesn't effect Mike Dean; dude literally has been caught celebrating when Spurs score and has been caught being bias against Arsenal and Chelsea. So, no issue.

1. Offside.
2. It's a goal, don't call an abandonment.
3. Don't let him ref, specially because I'm a home team lifelong.

1. Penalty to United
2. Penalty to United
3. Penalty to United

1: Glass the captain
2: Red card to the opposing keeper for being shit
3: Add another six minutes

1. Kill myself for being janny scum
2. Kill myself for being janny scum
3. Kill myself for being janny scum

1: Make him and his ex switch places
2: Multiball
3: Tell him to picture the other manager naked to distract him from the abuse

1: Make the keeper and offside player wrestle to determine whether it's a goal
2: Make him take it blindfolded
3: Tell him to have fun being sold to some team in My Little Sawker

1: Join them in abusing the keeper
2: Switch places with the home captain
3: Block as many of their passes as possible going forward

1: Tell the striker and assistant to work it out
2: Grant the replay, but make the team faking the injuries to play 5 on 11
3: Blatantly make calls in the home team's favor to fuck with him

This is a good one

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1. Still stands as goal
2. Red card both the dumb faggots and consequently end the game, a team in such shambles shouldn't be playing.
3. Red card the home captain but still have the play on as a goal kick to the home team

1. disallow goal, yellow card the player who re-entered without permission
2. red card both players, proceed with penalties
3. red card captain, let security deal with the invader, award indirect free kick at the spot of the interference

1. Allow the goal, but give the home address of the scorer to the opposite team's Ultras/hooligans. Let them deal with it.

2. Tell everyone to back off and let the players fight it out. Winner of the fight takes the penalty.

3. Have security escort the fans to the visiting team's Ultras. Let the visiting team's Ultras beat the fuck out of him. Yellow card the home team captain who carried the fan, let the visiting team they can foul the fuck out of the gay home team captain. Stand and watch the captain get his legs broken.

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check with linesman to see if he saw the guy come on, otherwise its a goal
start taking bets on who will win the fight
ban the hooligan for life, award a penalty kick

1. It's legal unless he was interfering with play, but I believe that the player HAS to get permission to come on, so it's completely down to that.

2. Red card the players, proceed with the penalty shootout (the only dodgy thing here is that two more players sent off would send them to 6 players and that auto ends with a 3-0 win for the other team iirc)
3. It isn't a goal (obviously), the captain is sent off (neither spectators nor players can touch each other unless in self-defence, Cantona made that shit a rule iirc) and red card the player who pushed the kid over. They both then get fucked by the FA and the kid is banned for a long period of time.

get ready brehs, this is the hardest one so far

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I hate this meme because Janitors cannot ban. That's mods. I'm annoyed that newfags don't know the difference. Also CP is a dead meme now.

1. red-card each
2. smile and do nothing
3. would think there's a rule to cover this, but if not I'd give a throw if the ball hit the pole and went in the general direction of the goal line, and a throw if it went closer to the touchline.

>>carry on, maybe call him a cunt

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you had one job, you daft cunt

1. Red card for being a cunt, yellows to every teammates because fuck em too.

2. Ball in net=goal. In my report I question why the league is playing during a hurricane.

3.yellow card for telling me how to do my job, but to be fair the home team I red card an away player as soon as play resumes.

.1 Gay
.2 Red Card
.3 Next time have a convict standing there the whole game holding the corner flag. This way he is useful to society

.2 goal. If the weather conditions were too bad I should have canceled the game.
3. Tell them to just play defensively lmao.
.4 get the bleach and the noose

.1 If I like him yes, If not, no.
.2 goal
.3 Tell the opp manager to fuck off back to his team's dugout. Ask for the player's number.

>you've no
I fucking hate how ESLs butcher my language like this. It's
>you don't have
How fucking hard can it be to learn when to use your contractions properly

Based and redcarded.

3. red card for the cheeky wanker

1. Ban him for spamming
2. Ban the Americans
3. Call the FBI on him

1. Red card him.
2. Red card the wind.
3. Red card both teams and call the match.

1. Red card the assistant and fuck his wife on the pitch.
2. Red card the fan, both balls are in play.
3. Red card everyone, except give the gay guy a rainbow card.

this is your life. correcting fucking grammar on Yea Forums hahahahaha

1. Corner
2. Give the red team 6 penalties
3. Make sure his team loses

range ban everyone participating in the threads

soccer needs mockery so I let them continue

pretend I didn't notice it and only delete it half way through, save everything off the archives

now we'res my hotpockets?

red card both him and the furious opponents, don't disallow goal

let them duke it out and film it for my youtube account

beat the little shit silly them give away a penalty kick

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1. Red card
2. Goal
3. Play the six minutes out, of course.

1. Walk off and resign because I'm so retarded I couldn't walk over and draw another line before he took the freekick
2. 2nd yellow for diving
3. Rules are probably something gay about him actually having to enter the field.

1. no
2. if there's no rule to cover this, start the play over.
3. if I witness the opposition manager do this, eject him or whatever the rules call for.

1. tell them to fuck off and get on with the match
2. era penal, era red card. question is retarded, it's either a reckless challenge or a dive, not both.
3. i'll have the player come on properly and the throw in retaken

EPIC THREAD
should be a regular feature

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Shame the strip's stopped.

1. Laugh at the classic diveballers. Add stoppage time
2. Laugh hard in his face. Stare him down with a wide smile as I blow the final whistle.
3. Throw in

>Stare him down with a wide smile as I blow the final whistle.

Based

I don't get that 4th question. Is having stupid hair and a smug grin a sanctionable offense?

>british attempt at humor

Award the player who picks up the other player a penalty for banter, red card the physio

red card the player, award the team 5-0 a penalty

red card the corner flag, award a penalty

1. red card for the diving time waster, sick of this shit it's a blight on the sport
2. topkek, play on
3. when in doubt throw

The referee has the authority to take disciplinary action from entering the field of play for the pre-match inspection until leaving the field of play after the match ends (including kicks from the penalty mark).

If, before entering the field of play at the start of the match, a player commits a sending-off offence, the referee has the authority to prevent the player taking part in the match (see Law 3.6); the referee will report any other misconduct.

Post the official solutions from the guardian page. Otherwise the thread is meaningless

fuck off autismo

>bunch of fags spouting nonsense
>good thread
Kys

>stop liking what I don't like reeeee
might as well apply to get a janny job
i hear they pay well

>i am just gonna spout random memes now
okay memelord

>get called out
>s-stop spouting m-memes!!

1. Book the captain and compensate the time wasting in extra time
2. Why do I give a shit again?
3. Corner

third one is actually pretty easy:
if the flag pole is more to the throw in side, it's a corner
if the pole is more to the corner side, it's a throw in, i hope you understand why