Reign in Blood [Def Jam, 1986]

Reign in Blood [Def Jam, 1986]
I'm not about to check out the complete works of Venom to see if you can't do better, but anyone wondering what Washington ladies are up to these days is advised to beg, borrow, buy, or steal this piece of, quote, speed satanism, un quote. Rick Rubin focused, CBS passed, guitar's quicker than a theremin on reverb. And to top it off, "Jesus Saves" mauls the enemy, which as we all know isn't Jesus, or Satan for that matter. B+

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Mein Bier is Slayer

based as fuck review desu

This was the best rating he's ever given to a metal album. I wonder what motivated this odd display of generosity.

Open Up and Say . . . Ahh! [Enigma/Capitol, 1988]
Hard rock trash as radio readymades, these cheerful young phonies earn their Gene Simmons cover art. A residue of metal principle spoiled the top 40 on their debut, but here they sell out like they know this stuff is only good when it's really shitty. "Nothing but a Good Time" and "Back to the Rocking Horse" are clubby arena anthems, "Look but You Can't Touch" mocks cock-rock with a self-deprecating gesture, and the Loggins & Messina remake has been waiting to happen for 15 years. B+

Same score he gave this, wonder which he prefers

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Likely because he thought Slayer were kind of goofy and non-threatening like Metallica or something were. And maybe he also approved of Rick Rubin and Def Jam due to their connections with hip-hop.

>Metallica is threatening
What are the circumstances that could lead one to believe something like this?

Master of Puppets [Elektra, 1986]
I feel at a generational disadvantage with this music not because my weary bones can't take its power and speed but because I was born too soon to have my dendrites rerouted by progressive radio. This band's momentum can be pretty impressive, and as with a lot of fast metal (as well as some sludge) they seem to have acceptable political motivations--antiwar, anticonformity, even anticoke, fine. But the revolutionary heroes I envisage aren't male chauvinists too inexperienced to know better; they don't have hair like Samson and pecs like Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's the image Metallica calls up, and I'm no more likely to invoke their strength of my own free will than I am The 1812 Overture's. B-

This. Slayer was very "trick or treat" in their imagery and was not taken all that seriously back in the day because of the Satan gimmick even though they were total edgelords, while Metallica was not, he probably thought Slayer to be a lot more self mocking than they actually were, while Metallica showed no signs of self deprecation someone like him might hope for

We're talking Cuckgau here. He thought James's long hair and biceps were threatening to his fragile sense of manhood.

>he probably thought Slayer to be a lot more self mocking than they actually were
Also did that with Poison (see above) and Blue Oyster Cult. As usual, projecting his own personal autism/retardation onto the artist he's reviewing.

Watch out, Christgau. These scary Vikings are coming for you.

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He most likely saw the Dead Kennedys sticker on Kerry's guitar and decided it was ok to like them. God, he's so shallow.

Reminder that James and Lars were skinny pimple-faced little nerds who got chased down the street in terror by Nikki Sixx.

Yeah they totally look just like the 6' tall meathead Elvis fans in leather jackets who stuffed him into a locker in Jamaica High.

Their music is also pretty sloppy and he's always tended to dislike that super-precise kind of sound that Metallica has.

Does this dude care about anything other than the artist's clothing and hairstyles and whether he thinks they're cool enough?

Slayer is borderline hardcore punk on this album

Unless you count giving an A to Rocks, but whether Aerosmith are hard rock or metal is hair splitting anyway (by modern standards they would not be considered metal, though in the 70s they certainly were).

racist-sounding riffs

Just about every 70s rock group with overdriven riffs was referred to as heavy metal back then but nowadays nobody would consider Aerosmith, KISS, AC/DC, and Ted Nugent as heavy metal.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, watch where you tread zoomer. Your kind have annoyed me enough today. Plenty of people would consider some of it heavy metal, those with the sense and knowledge about the nuance of the decade and you know....actually LISTENED to music. They would consider some of that heavy metal but have the sense to know where it fits into heavy metal.

yeah well plenty of people consider the earth to be a ball but it's a flat plane surrounded by a giant ice wall
fucking boomer

Metal moved away from blues rock after the 70s which is probably why Nugent and Aerosmith don't meet the modern definition of metal.

You have not listened to more than one band from the NWOBHM, and that band is Iron Maiden, and you only know the meme songs. Poseur.

Metal was very much a thing in the 70's, and even in the 80's it held a different definition than it did post 90's. Get some friends who aren't zoomers some day, it'll be good for you. Zoomers really know nothing about music for the most part.