ITT: Yea Forums runs a record store

either an arthoe, a handsome macho without a shirt, or a skinnyfat suburban dude

ALL the pop records go in the pleb section. I swear to god if I find out who keeps putting Lady Gaga records in the patrician section I will beat your fucking ass.

remember that guy that came in asking for creed records? lmao what a pleb.

(over the phone)
>"no we don't have Battletoads on vinyl. stop fucking calling us."

Can I help run the store too?

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let's sell 1000 copies of 1000 gecs

>having a "patrician" and "pleb" section

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fpbp
Remember to take all the albums you want first
Framed/signed copies of Yea Forums core
Yea Forums core is vague but we can all agree
NMH - ITAOTS
TVU - TVU&N
TVU - WL/WH
RH - Kid A
Americ Anfootball 1
MBV - Loveless
Slint - Spiderland
AnCo - STGSTV
Talking Heads - RIL

Deal with it bitch. I know you're just butthurt because all your favorites went in the embryo section.

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Radiohead? BANNED! Animal Collective? GONE! Death Grips? BAN BANBANNED!

you can work silently storing records in the basement but i swear to god if you sneak a kpop record into our stock i will personally get kim jong un to nuke your backwards pedoring 3rd world country into oblivion

The Band? BAND

*buys it*

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>we don't have good records, sorry.

Hey guys, i am a mod from /r/indieheads can i place some stickers outside your store so i can increase our traffic and at the same time send my readers to you for some shopping?

you technically can, but doing so will result in an ass beating.

Kek'd, enjoy ur permaban from all boards user.

*Xtal plays on speakers*

GET OUT OF RECORD STORE PLEB NO I DON"T WANT YOUR MONEY WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO BUY THIS SHIT JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU MIGHT "ENJOY" IT IS NOT A FUCKING EXCUSE

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I want you to know, every day i wake up next to a can of gasoline and bite down on my uncontrolable desire to torch your fucking place.

We have it divided into cores
Yea Forumscore - ITAOTS, Loveless and so on
Doomercore - TQID, The Glow Pt.2 and so on
The store is divided into cores but in the floor of the Yea Forumscore section we have a trapdoor leading down to the vinyl section (if someone asks where the vinyls are we just lock him there and the only thing there is a shotgun, a few shells and a sign saying "kek he fell for the vinyl meme")

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yes we have spotify subscription on vinyl

>*walks in the store
>Hey faggot watch where the fuck you going you almost knocked the "no trannies" sign.
>Anyway what the fuck you want amigo, we ain't got all day.
>"uh uh I just want"
>Yeah ok here's a copy of Kino and Billy Eilish. Our shill of the week gives you a 30% discount.
>"I'm actually I want something for my girlfriend"
>Ah Ok playa, this right here's a classic Del Mundo
>*puts on record
>GOOOOOOOOOOD IIIIIIIIIIIS DEEEEEEEEEEAD AND NOOOO OOOOOONE CAAAAAAAAAARES
>*buyer gtfo as fast he can
>You dumb fuck you knocked the sign down, go buy your shit at Reddit Records then you pleb

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*silently organizes the long-abandoned tradfolk section*

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based trentposter

>Thanks for visiting, here's your complementary Exmilitary

>"Yo, where are the CDs?"
>"In the thrift store you fucking neoboomer pleb"

Add Kanye, or are you another le epic (c)rap poster xD

what are you about sir we exclusively sell CDs
see here for vinyl

>hey, where are the minidiscs?

you are not funny

The gusic cat is roaming around the store, meowing at people who purchase good music.

DID SOME JUST FUCKING SAY MINIDISC

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Wesley Willis and anal cunt sections

:)

You are not straight

my mom says i'm funny

guys, what's the store called?

k pop general records

Yea Forumstant music or something

>Normal person comes into store
>Gets his record and brings it to the main desk
>Worker scans barcode
>Product number ends with dubs
>”CHECK ‘EM”
>”Excuse me what?”

youtube.com/watch?v=QOwjVVSNOtY

Sneedle

male or female?

Post something funny then

>barcode ends in quads
>clerk stops
>pauses the in-store hifi
>turns on the intercom
>"will all employees puh-leeeese assemble at the front desk?"
>the workers gather around
>"FUCKING CHECK 'EM LADS!"
>employees lose their shit
>customer is hoisted into the air, given a free t-shirt
>all employees get dental care and a $3/hour raise
>half prices for the rest of the day

we have fun here

this film is a masterpiece.

I used to work in a record store and while many regulars are super cool and down to earth, you get a lot of people exactly like this as well.

Patrician Records
"We kinda have good taste!"

"Chuck's"

Big Poster of David Bowie doing this on the wall.

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>poster
fuck that, we paid out the nose for a mural on the back wall

based idea

>goes to gusic room upstairs
>blasts prime gusic throughout the entire store
>jazz records all shatter instantly
>all of the stray cats in a 5 mile radius are drawn to the store in an instant
meow

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>Metal section at the back of the store
>random guys singing Chapel of Ghouls taking turns

Came here to post this kino, everyone here needs to watch it

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Thanks for the kek

Are you the fag that keeps putting Radiohead and Swans in the Patrician section? Stop it.

if you don't know that Kesha goes into the Patrician section then you are too new to work in this store.

fuck that hollywood nonsense. youtube.com/watch?v=nkCMSrvOTAo watch Vinyl if you want a honest portrayal of autistic record collecting scum

You're fired, poptimist. RYM Records is down the street.

I don't need to watch your home videos, thanks

I'm not a poptimist, but you're too new to Yea Forums if you don't know that Kesha goes in the patrician section.

What's the music playing out of the shitty 2000s speakers we hoisted up on the ceiling?

>buyer's market

what is this in reference to?

>slips my mixtape onto the shelves while the boss isnt looking

High security gate with facial recognition software surrounding the metal section, fattest tards run their separate counter.

Green Onions on a constant loop, 24/7
>mfw dooo doo da doo da
>mfw dooooo do-do-do da

absolutely based

cardboard cutouts of gigachad attached to little train tracks moving throughout the store like the scene from home alone with a little speaker attached playing a looping soundbyte of a text to speech voice saying “one copy of loveless on vinyl please”

>dj dubbi constantly sneaks in and places copies of his music on the shelves when no one’s looking

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who the fuck even is dubbi man

is any of his shit worth listening to

>dress code consists of a red dress with gold stars and a drum

hey do you guys have a bathroom in this place

I went to Orpheus Records at that location on Courthouse Blvd in Arlington for a few times in the early 00's. Dude who ran it was a total freak: hair to his butt, walked around barefoot, huge fingernails. They had some pretty wild stuff. He showed me Karlheinz Stockhausen records worth a few hundred dollars. I don't remember getting much of interest from him aside from pic related. Which is an experimental post-punk/new wave compilation from around 1980. I think he moved the store back to Georgetown on M Street and last I heard he was still there.

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yeah, the metal sections in the corner over there

You're standing in it

(finger guns towards pile of beaten up radiohead records)

>little beat up shack behind store where we keep the tripfags tied to chains

:(((

>waifuism discussions by crowds of neckbeards who never buy anything clogging the aisles

>They're all coincidentally in the K-pop section

and licking the cover of certain albums by certain females

The (record) Buyers Market

BUY SOMETHING OR GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE

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We hang a single black shirt from Hot Topic in the corner so the scene fags don't leak away from the emo section

What should our closing song be?
Say “closing time” and you’re fired

Sgt. Jannies Lonely Virgins Club Land

Roundabout

Lights Out by Rick Astley

Play some Cardi B and everyone will leave, guaranteed.

>half the store is engaged in a political shouting match
>they keep breaking our shit

put on Philosophy Of The World

The End obviously

for this reason, the floor in that section drops down into the vinyl section referenced in

Unironically the tourist

>you are not funny
when you are not funny

Closing Time (please let me escape this hell)

>do you guys have any radiohead records?

Quads of a man speaking the truth, you're good to go.

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>yeah they're just through that door
*points to fire exit*

>The reddit record store is across the street, buddy

>what about gorillaz and car seat headrest and idles
>they are my favorite band

(finger guns towards the bathroom outlined in )

stfu Twin Fantasy mtm is a masterpiece

Only sell albums with swastikas on the cover

fired on several counts of being a big baby bitch

Hey where do you guys have this one?

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Quick let's see what album Fantano reviewed so we can create artificial scarcity on redditors

have a section for shoddily-made bootleg cds of all the Yea Forums meme greats like kyle and his gang, christian and the hedgehog boys, i think in spongebob, hello kitty suicide club, that vaporwave album that goes urapurapurapurap, and shiekh to the future

>opens door
>*beep*
>enter's, takes a big sniff, exhales
>looks around
Hello store owner! show me your greatest Krautrock records!

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Don’t forget this classic.

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>ywn stand around a record store playing Yea Forums-made albums and discussing them with your bros

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>one copy of assuck's anticapital on vinyl please
who do you imagine?

Profit is theft. If they're going out of business anyway they won't miss a few records.

>vinyls

Not a name but make pic related our welcoming sign

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Based

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Unironically slaps.

>Profit is theft
It's literally not.

This looks like Criminal Records in Atlanta.

>if you pay an extra 20 bucks you can see ricky in the back room with album covers printed from his mom’s computer and animal collective shower curtains to keep him occupied while he rants about women

Dilate.

*shows the only Agitation Free album in the entire store*
>original press of Malesch from 1972
>That'll be 700 £, lad
Can we have cats running around the store?

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