Why the fuck does he hate progressive rock and metal so much?

hahahah BRUH XD
filter got u again :D

Because Henry Cow was hipster-approved.

Reminder that self-described male feminists are the biggest misogynists unhung and are trying lamely to atone for it. This dude has many dozens of uber-misogynistic album reviews.

they are actually regressive and not progressive

Meaningless buzzwords, innit?

CAR-DI!

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he's a proud plebeian who hates complexity and anything that aims to be more than mere pop or rock

The summation of every Cuckgau review ever:

>any music listened to by suburban white people is bad
>grade automatically boosted if the artist is black or is from NYC
>I claim to be a woke male feminist but never write a review of a female artist without discussing her bodily features
>I hate all the misogyny, brutality, and materialism in hip-hop but I won't stop listening to it or reviewing it
>sincere music is reactionary, only being some self-aware ironic jive turkey is ok
>did I tell you LA is lame and nowhere near as cool as New York?
>I hate any music I imagine my old bullies from high school would listen to
>did I tell you Yuropeans are lame and nowhere near as cool as New Yorkers?
>I generally have no clue how singing or playing instruments works
>on the odd chance I find a metal or prog album I enjoy, I reason it must be a self-aware parody because it's impossible that I could enjoy those genres in a sincere manner

Remember when he said Ray Charles was a porch monkey for playing at the White House for the Reagans?

It’s one of the best genres of music there is.

By his own admission, he can't match Greil Marcus for educational attainment, interest in high culture, or knowledge of politics.

>Yes
>ELP
>complexity
it's just cheese

that's hilarious. source?

robertchristgau.com/get_artist.php?name=Ray Charles

Down at the bottom.

Greil Marcus is just...IDK, way too wordy. I read that book of his about Bob Dylan and it was like trying to get through War and Peace.

prog rock fucked his girlfriend once or possibly a greater number of times

perhaps but that doesn't excuse his hatred for classical, jazz, and anything he just views as being too arty

i fucking hate him

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>[Griel] is a lot better educated than me. He has a lot more interest and knowledge of the fine arts than me. His knowledge of politics is more detailed than mine is. I'll say my appetite for music exceeds his by quite a bit, in particular black music, which kind of lost him around the time when soul went off a cliff. He still keeps up with newer black artists, but I can't say he has the same interest in them as I do. There was a time in the late 80s when we didn't speak to each other for six months, because he thought I was supporting Public Enemy's anti-Semitism. He had a completely different take on it than I did.

this is so cringy it just becomes impressive

wtf is wrong with this man

C U M B R A I N

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The review of BEP--The E.N.D. was the worst ever. Nothing can top that review. Not for being vulgar, but just completely brainless.

He is an soulless useless piece of shit and desperate for attention so he hates white people to appear hip and cool and relevant.

I got woke on mainstream music critics when I started to notice them giving good reviews to shitty rappers with terrible lyrics. Then I started to connect the dots and noticed its all politics, man with these people same as with movie critics..

Is everyone from New York this intolerable?

[Q] Are you pussy-whipped? Do you review straight white males with guitars anymore or are they beholden to the patriarchy? You're worse than NPR. -- Drew Hirsch, Sweetbrier, California

[A] I am a white male heterosexual who has identified publicly as a feminist since 1970. Since then I have written thousands of positive reviews of bands consisting entirely of straight white guys with guitars. So far in 2018 I've added albums by Idles, Pedro the Lion, Todd Snider (solo, true), Robert Forster, Jason Ringenberg, and, er, Bruce Springsteen (also solo, hmm), not one of whom is stupid enough to think "pussy-whipped" a striking or witty term. Facts: African-Americans have always been the prime creative motor of American music, I've had an active interest in African music since it began to become more available in the mid-'80s, and most of today's interesting younger guitar bands are led by women, freed up by the confidence that they won't attract ginks like you to their shows.

Mystery Train was pretty accessible but agreed on the Dylan book.

He's really a cultural critic, not a music critic.

What album is this review for?

idk but i hate them because they're pretentious and tryhard. i guess i dont really hate them, im just tired of them at this point

robertchristgau.com/get_artist.php?name=Bj�rk

The book he wrote about the punk movement (Lipstick Traces) is also a real slog to get through. Only thing I could figure out was that he made some vague connection between punk rock and various 20th century modern art movements.

Eve [Arista, 1979]
Musically this is a step towards schlock that knows its name--a few smarmy melodies mixed in with the production and synthesizer furbelows. Visually it's sadistic--the three women on the Hipgosis cover wear black veils that barely conceal their warts, bruises, and blotches. Thematically it's both sophomoric and disgusting--programmatic misogyny rooted in sexual rejections that were clearly deserved. What is it they stencil on street corners? "Castrate art rockers?" D

It surpasses the laws of any framed genre, how can be a shitty version of jazz?

I met Alan Parsons after a show once. He's as nice of a guy as can be, he's not like the way Cuckgau depicts him.

>programmatic misogyny rooted in sexual rejections that were clearly deserved
so much projection

the review is ok until "and lyrically, her aim is true"
>tell it sister
>ca-ching
>car-di!
what the fuck

Prog will always be the unloved red-headed stepchild of rock and roll.

>it will never be loved by critics because they perceive it as too pretentious and cheesy
>metalfags think it's too wimpy and doesn't rock hard enough

Of course it's politics. How else can a guy like Christgau lump all of black music into one neat category as if Ella Fitzgerald and Jay-Z have anything in common other than skin color.

Q: What would you say are your favorite artists of all time?
A: Chuck Berry, the Beatles, Louis Armstrong, Thelonius Monk, and the New York Dolls are the ones that probably mean the most to me. If I had to name a woman, Billie Holiday. From the last 20 or so years, probably Sonic Youth and Pavement. I mentioned the New York Dolls for an example of a group that only lasted a short time and because they opened me up to a whole new way of thinking.

LOL what's innovative about NYD? They sound like a bad Stones cover band.

As Richard Meltzer said in the early 70s:

>Robert Christgau is 31 years old. Thirty-one. He writes reviews of the New York Dolls and says they're good because they're adolescent and they make him sad because he's not a teenager, he isn't one anymore, and he knows he'll never be one again. He hasn't jerked off since he was 19, he told me.

It's almost entirely unlistenable.

I don't hate prog, it's just...not for me.

Two thirds of the name

Q: You've mentioned Sonic Youth as being one of your favorite groups of all time, but you had a pretty bad relationship with them once.
A: Yeah on the Kill Yr Idols EP, the title track was a song calling for my death. Even worse, they released it as a single retitled "I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick".
Q: And you didn't find any humor in that?
A: No, not at all. I hated it. Because the song was calling for my death. And there's a lot of unhinged people out there, y'know what I mean? At Carola's insistence, I included it on my top 30 singles of 1983 list, cleverly renamed "I Killed Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick (And Now It Doesn't Work Anymore)".

They started the brilliant idea that rock groups should wear makeup and eyeliner. Thanks, guys. We owe you one for the trend you started.

If you have such a problem with white people, kindly reminding you have 6 BILLION non-whites to mingle with. Go on. Fuck off.

Onions don't reduce testosterone, retard.

>being this new

Stephen Stills 2 [Atlantic, 1971]
Stills has always come on as the ultimate rich hippie--arrogant, self-pitying, sexist, shallow. Unfortunately, he's never quite fulfilled this artistic potential, but now he's approaching his true level. Flashes of brilliant ease remain--the single, "Marianne," is very nice, especially if you don't listen too hard to the lyrics--but there's also a lot of stuff on order of an all-male chorus with jazzy horns singing "It's disgusting" in perfect tuneful unison, and straight, I swear. Keep it up, SS--it'll be a pleasure to watch you fail. C

>Stills has always come on as the ultimate rich hippie--arrogant, self-pitying, sexist, shallow.
so much projection

Wait, did this guy just cite the Idles as an example of white male guitar music?

This guy sucks

Beautiful Garbage [Interscope, 2001]
the new Annie Lennox--bad dreams are made of this ("Silence Is Golden," "Cherry Lips [Go Baby Go]") *

That one I don't get either. How he gets the Eurythmics out of this Hot Topic-core album I don't understand.

Pet Sounds: A good album that never meant anything to me personally. I prefer Wild Honey, GH, and many other late 60s-early 70s albums.

>white [X]
>guitars [X]
checks out

Also what is it with him and Stephen Stills? Did he get denied a backstage pass or something?

[Q] Do you consider Pitchfork's 8.7 review of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music trolling? Your own C+ I can sort of get, but come on . . . 8.7? Ok, to be fair I have only heard the "A 1" track myself, but this is a mind game, right? I would have more fun with the drumbeats on the live "Waiting for My Man" than listen again. Next up we have 9.2 for 1973's Dylan because it's actually a masterpiece. Right? -- Ian Sommers, Manchester, England

[A] I don't know if I'd call it trolling, but in general I think this particular P4K feature/gimmick is more about repositioning the mag and recalibrating the canon than anything systematic or serious. Since this particular extreme example was written by Mark Richardson, who was the editor at the time, it's fair to assume it was done with some sort of editorial strategy behind it, but that's not to suggest that I think he did it solely to shock and be contrarian--he's always been a more judicious critic than that. Instead I'd surmise that the prog side of him had always believed (or, less propitiously, recently decided) that this provocative album had gotten a raw deal and thought it would be nice positioning for Pitchfork to play around with its own hard-earned stature as the established critical voice of the thoughtful young music fan by saying so in print. If you think that's trolling, a term I've never been comfortable with unless it involved anonymous, fictional personas, then you have a right, I guess. But my assumption is that the ideas expressed in that review are truly Richardson's. Not that they'd ever move me to relisten just to make sure. My 1977 review was based on multiple plays I have no desire to repeat. And I would also add that Metal Machine Music is a far cry from Dylan. It has a conceptual rationale and is original in that respect, which Dylan does not.

Big deal, if he can claim Dirty Work is listenable for the sake of being contrarian, what's wrong with P4k doing same with MMM?

It's complicated.

>being mad over a fucking opinion

Imagine having this poor reading comprehension

Celebration [De-Lite, 1981]
It goes without saying that unlike George Clinton or James Brown, these pioneering funksters have adapted painlessly, nay, profitably to disco. All of which goes to prove their funk was as bland as you suspected. Even the platinum-plated title cut isn't disco as interpreted by funksters, it's disco as interpreted by bizzers, which means disco without a cult and therefore disco without an audience. C

To be fair there are some songs on Eve with seemingly misogynistic lyrics, but I always assumed they didn't reflect Woolfson's views and were just describing how misogynists view women. Don't Hold Back is blatantly a pro-feminism song.

Dylan [Columbia, 1973]
Listening to this set of rejects from what used to be Dylan's worst album does have its morbid fascination--if you'll forgive the esoteric reference, it's like watching Ryne Duren pitch without glasses. Not only are the timbre and melody off--he was always wild--but he also doesn't phrase cogently, and the songs just hit the dirt. All of which is CBS's punishment after Bobby had the bad manners to sign with another label. I wonder how he could imagine that Columbia is less than benevolent. E

Also Parsons is old now, judging his present day self by his youthful self 40 years ago isn't fair. People do grow and mature with time.

Wait so because Dylan temporarily jumped ship to Asylum, CBS got revenge by putting out a bunch of shitty outtakes never intended for anyone to hear?

Oh yeah.

emphasis on "unhung"

Asia [Geffen, 1982]
The art-rock Foreigner is a find--rare that a big new group is bad enough to sink your teeth into any more. John Wetton and Steve Howe added excitement to contexts as pretentious as King Crimson and Yes, but this is just pompous--schlock in the grand manner, with synthesizers John Williams would love. And after listening to two lyrics about why they like their girlfriends, three about "surviving," and four about why they don't like their girlfriends, I'm ready for brain salad surgery. Inspirational Verse: "So many lines/You've heard them all/A lie is every one/From men who never understand your personality." C-

That 80s wind tunnel production is so bad.

In Color [Epic, 1977]
Nowadays punk makes it easy to resist hard rock this slicky-textured, but these boys don't waste a cut and they allow themselves none of the myopthia or showmanship or bombast of post-boogie formalism. Now if only they seemed interested in their well-crafted, say-nothing lyrics. B

>Nowadays punk makes it easy to resist hard rock this slicky-textured
I hate this guy so much.

WHAT'S FUCKING SMASH???

Coney Island Baby [RCA Victor, 1976]
At first it's gratifying to ascertain that he's trying harder, but very soon that old cheapjack ennui begins to poke through. Oddly, though, most of the cheap stuff is near the surface--the songs sound warmer when you listen close. And not even in his most lyrical moments with the Velvets has he let his soft side show as nakedly as it does on the title cut. B+