How you holding up, Yea Forums?
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i texted my girlfriend that i’m losing my mind and that i’m just not doing well mentally at all and she’s being supportive as she always is. i’m lucky to have her
Basically youtube.com
>have a girlfriend
>still not doing well mentally
What hope do we have.
also listening to turn on the bright lights
like shit
Not doing too well. I had a tough day at my job today. I gave a presentation and totally had a break down. This was infront all of the marketing, customer service, and product teams. I am normally pretty outgoing, but for some reason I broke down. It was FUCKING CRINGE and I ended up looking like a total bitch. I haven't gotten laid in a while so situations that make me looking like a fucking cringelord get to me even more these days. It makes me feel less sex worthy. I think I need a therapists but most of them fucking suck. I really hate everything right now frens. What the fuck is the point of all of this. Literally feel like pic related at work and sometimes in general.
Women will only be supportive of this type of shit for so long. Get your head on straight before you lose her.
i’m trying user :/
Whats up Yea Forums bros
Based cold truth. Nothing dries em up like a depressed man.
I really can't see the point in life when it's just work until you die. Killing myself now just seems so much easier than putting up with a lot of bullshit for 80 years just to die anyways. At least if I had a girlfriend it might be tolerable, but I don't even have friends.
girls are easiest to meet alone
Ever thought of getting a new job or moving to a new city?
good since i know I'm only closer to time when I have drugs
Listening to one of my favorite albums.
I am doing better than I have ever been doing in my entire life, I still feel a lot of melancholony and loneliness, but I do not feel suicidal anymore. I am scared though, I feel like I've been here before, wher I felt like this, and I felt down, hard. I'm scared it's gonna happen to me again, and again.
Do it, there is way too many people on earth anyway.
jesus user :/
It's Yea Forums, user.
Facts don’t care about your feelings
I mean I’m a pretty miserable fuck in general but I’m enjoying a nice margarita and will soon listen to some records with my new cartride and acrylic pad so I’m not too shabby atm
based have a good time user
the rninek metanarrative is fucking retarded
you just convince yourself you're content and keep the act up. that's it that's your secret. social conquest is not a transcendental experience and won't satisfy the part of yourself that's making you act like this. it's never enough and never will be. you guys will be beating your head on the ground for the rest of your lives even if you get it together. drop the program and stop listening to these people
I've had the same dream for a week. I've had bits of a work for large orchestra throughout this week - it seems to be a three part-work relating itself to the recurring dream. I've had depressive thoughts in the last days that came in the coldest, most logical manner imaginable.
Daily life is fine. It's just some intense outliers here and there that worry me.
thanks my man, would pour ya one of you were here
Nothing dries em up like a depressed man they're supporting and makes no attempt to try and get better.
focus on the now user, not on the possibility on what might or not happen
i'm losing confidence in the music i'm writing, even though its the only thing giving me anything to work towards. I am so close to finishing school and have promising job prospects but just cant bring myself to care, I'm smoking cigarettes again and drinking everynight for pretty much the last two years. I'm physically exhausted and mentally have become so unwell that its given me panic attacks just to acknowledge. Still somehow I'm keeping everything somewhat together and will graduate soon and probably move away and not have all these weird habits. I'm just trying to make the most of this odd period of my life and turn this disquiet into an album I am proud of. I just need to find a bassist and we can start playing shows, i also have to figure out how to sing, i'm nervous about that but I'll do it no matter what, i have to.
dont give up on the music. it takes time to find your voice. good luck user.
thank you
i'm fine, trying not to get drunk every night anymore. just got really sick of the feeling. it's been 3 days since i've had a drink and fuuuck i really want one
She's not in love with you. She's in love with the idea of helping you out of depression. Women literally are biologically addicted to feeling important to some body. Hence they love mutts and babies so much. Literally anything that is completely worthless and needs to rely on them makes them feel love. I don't know if you are lucky to be in that delusion or just pittyfull.
On a long trip to US from england, first month hasnt turned out at all as I hoped. Been super stressful and kinda dissapointing so far, finding it hard to make enjoyment and find fun.
Still good experience, loving the unicorns atm if anyone has recs for more like them.
bum
>tfw got a gf this week
>applied to transfer schools soon
>starting a new job next month
I think it's going to be alright bros...
cheers user, good times ahead. bask in the moments of bliss.
congrats user, i hope things continue to look up for you :)
im starting to think i might have gender dysphoria
Amazing. I just smoked a bowl and took a long walk. I got my excersise in for the day and I feel great. It's nice and warm, but windy today. I just got back to my apartment. Gonna listen to The Beatles.
I want to die
I want to die too, drowned with my nose stuck in-between these lower cheeks for 10 minutes.
I’m ok thanks user
Still alone but doing ok with it
That sounds comfy. Going for walks during the day has really helped with my mental health. I don't know. There's something different about day walks vs night walks. They're happier.
I've given up. before i never wanted to do any kind of hard drugs for fear of cancer or addiction. but these past couple of months I just don't care cause I know im gonna kill myself soon
fucking this holy shit, took me forever to realize that
i ruined my life thinking nothing mattered because i would kill myself soon. i first started thinking that.. 7 years ago..
>being this bitter
I never did anything wild. I never drank, or did drugs, or anything; I was too scared of damaging my body, or something of that sort -- and I know, I look back on it, and feel as if I missed out. Everyone I know, or around me, strangers or friends, have dabbled in a ton of things -- and had fun, while I did nothing.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? I don't know man. Feels like I never truly had fun, and that I missed out on good times.
me
Gender Dysphoria hitting hard. I'm too scared to try and look more feminine. Every time I even slightly change my clothing style I get really nervous because I'm just not great with change sometimes I guess. I just wish I could get some of the resources I need. Like HRT and surgery. I'm 18 but not able to move out yet. I just hate my body and I hate how self loathing I am about it. I just wish I was born the gender I feel like I am.
no. i only use drugs to cope with my life being so shitty. drugs can only damage what you have. and in my case, when you have nothing, it doesnt matter. dont do drugs
it's pretty fucking gay
i almost expected/wanted the world to end in 2012 and then didn't have a plan after
you can bet your ass there's an alpha male in her life relieving all of that tension you put on her.
I’ve had 3 individual days off in almost 3 weeks with overtime and many doubles. My body is tired. I wrote a song so at least I managed that but haven’t figured out how to fucking get gigs properly. I stay and work inside too much on my off time so I need to go out but I also hate schmoozing. Really, I have little genuine shit to complain about but I still do in my head. Also, no gf but I don’t care about that right now. It’s a lot of time to try and give somebody
we walk backwards, say nothing
I'm growing tired of the way that computer culture has been fucking everyone's minds in general, but the past week I've really noticed it a lot in female behavior; maybe I've just been talking to and hanging out with some of the most vapid, morally-bankrupt girls, but it seems like that used bring with it more of a chance of interesting conversation. I still haven't gotten laid in a while but im learning everyday bros you just gotta keep trying and get some experience!
Its a personality thing. Some people are built to do more shit because that’s how they handle life. Everybody has one way or another and even then you have to chill out eventually. But honestly drugs and alcohol are not going to fuck your brain up as much as not using it. People who spend 30 years of watching Netflix are doing themselves a great disservice.
Also just smoke weed and drink beer if you want to enjoy those things. Anything else is just stupid and dangerous. Mushrooms or whatever under special circumstances
Hang in there user. You've got a job, and you had sex at one point in your life. You're much better off than me and 90% of this board. I'm sure you're a good dude bro. Come get this hug
Ten years ago I planned to kill myself around this time, but a few months ago I kinda just decided I'm hardly alive anyway, so I may as well chug along and keep going through my anime backlog and shit. I sent a very long message to a friend over RYM the other day in which I vented some angst, and ended up feeling a little more energetic, to the point where I felt compelled to text a few different people I haven't seen in a little while. Gonna force myself to hang out with the few friends I have, and basically use them as stepping stones to finding something like a placeholder gf to eat up a little more of my time.
And listening to IGOR, to keep it on topic for the board as a whole
I feel like I should be doing something tonight, but at the same time I don't want to be. It's an odd feeling to have that inner conflict. I'm tired of being alone, but hate the anxiety of being around overs.
alone on a friday night yet again, spinning some dexys midnight runners. I can see into the window in the apartment across the street from me and the people look like they're having a good time.
I can't help but feel like my life has crumpled down to nothing in the past year, I have no confidence in my future, no direction, no friends, I'm thinking of starting therapy but the thought of calling to make an appointment makes me want to throw up
I'm only 19, I used to have great friends and was truly happy for a few years, I'm too young to feel like I'm going to die any day now
It’s part of life that you learn about. You don’t see it as good now but the tough stuff turns you into a new person if you wait it out and process it
>in love with a boy for over a year
>went to shows with him, he came to an art show i was in and canceled all his plans to walk around city and talk to me, holds me when i cry
>yet told me he doesnt care about me
>texts me last week in the middle of the night saying hes thinking about me
>hanging out to watch movies sunday
why is it all so hard bros
You're 19, you don't need to feel like that until you're like me at almost 29. Suck it up, fix your shit right now and you won't end up like me. I'm dead serious, don't fuck up like I did. The first thing you can do, is stop posting on Yea Forums.
Damnnnnnn
I'm not fucking joking with you kid. Please, please don't end up like me.
hi brandon
What's up Brandon, my name is also Brandon. I'm only 24 though, but at least I don't like fucking CHVRCHES
Actually not horrible today. I just finished a midterm for a cobol course I need to take. It's a compressed summer course so only 3 more weeks and then I never have to touch that shit again. Almost finished my trip back to college too and I really know how to program now.
Holy shit. Thanks user.
Girl or gay guy?
That's tough. Be assertive for yourself. Tell him how you feel.
Dont you think your 40 year old self would say the same to you?
>It makes me feel less sex worthy.
Why da fuck even care about being "sex worthy"?
Dude. I'm sorry. Thats one of those memories that will never leave you. But 10 years from now you will look back and laugh at how silly you were being.
But first you need to learn from it. And bring your public persona more in line with who you actually are. This is achieved by being as truthful as possible.
Was sexually abused by my Dad for a few years before puberty and was surrounded by death for all of my childhood. Ended up with PTSD.
6 months ago I was diagnosed with bipolar (progressed from PTSD) and they're in the process of determining whether or not I have schizophrenia.
I'm on heavy antipsychotics that make me so tired all the time, but I still occasionally get manic. When I'm manic I stop taking them because I feel like I'm better.
They think I'm a danger to others if I don't take my medication, so if I stop taking it again they're going to give it to me forcibly in the form of a suppository, once a month.
I will sudoku if it comes to that, because I can't deal with anyone being near my asshole again.
Could be worse.
Once you've been there before it is easier to see the depression coming. Practice positive self talk and asserting yourself against those creeping thoughts and moods.
Actually doing pretty good. Therapy is going really well. My girlfriend is coming back from college next week. I've got a healthier relationship with booze and weed now. Summer classes have started so I can start proving myself again.
Hope everyone's doing well. If not, know that it won't last forever. I've been in a dark place for the first half of this year. I was hospitalized during a terrifying psychosis in January and I'm finally feeling like myself again. It will get better.
Pretty bad.
I am a year out from college - I have a music degree - and shit has gone pretty firmly downhill since then. I went to my friend's senior recital tonight and she sounded great, but I was so tense and filled with anxiety about having to see or talk to people I went to school with at the post-recital reception that I ducked out without talking to anyone. I drink constantly. I have absolutely no interest in romantic relationships. In a month and a half, I'm moving across the country and changing my name in a last ditch effort to turn music into a career. There's a good chance I'll be dead before I'm 25.
I just don't care anymore
I think you will find it easier to become someone else in a new city. But when you do change your outside persona, change it to be more in line with your inner self. This is achieved by being more truthful with the people in your life.
I'm not. I'm about to turn 24 and I've accomplished nothing. I really want to fucking kill myself but my parents somehow still have hope that I'll eventually get my shit together. I won't.