Give me your darkest jokes

A homeless jew, a mexican, and a nigger looking for something to eat ask a farmer if they could have some of his crop. Farmer said sure, go out to your favorite crop and carry up as much as you can and its yours. So the Jew goes to the cucumbers and picks a few and heads back to the farmer. Upon arriving, 4 big farm hands pop up out from the barn, restrain the Jew, and the farmer starts shoving the pickles up the Jews ass. Once finished, they let him go and he runs away from the farm crying. Same thing happens to the Mexican except with a handful of limes and instead of crying he was laughing hysterically. Farmer stopped and said "hey why are you laughing?" And the Mexican replied "Because on my way back I saw that stupid nigger carrying up 2 watermelons"

Two pedos are tanning on the beach, one says to the other "Move over, you're in my son"

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Does this answer your question?

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How do you get a jewish girl's number? you look at her right arm. (ba-dum-ch)

You know what's good about dating a homeless girl?
You can just drop her off anywhere.

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What do you do if you see your wife, staggering around the back yard, bleeding?
Shoot her again.

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How does a Kentucky mom know if her daughter is preggos? Her sons dick taste funny.

Q: What's the best part about anally raping little boys?

A: When they break down sobbing on the witness stand

Kek, based bean

Are you actually proud that your ape demons frighten normies?

Keep honking. Im reloading. Yee yee

An East German man was sitting at home one night watching the state mandated TV program when there was a knock on his door.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Is potato man! I come to give you free potato!" The person on the other side of the door replied.

The man was so happy at the thought of a free potato that he jumped out of his chair and rushed to fling the door open.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the potato man on the other side. It was the Stasi Secret Police.

>t. Redditor

I like my whiskey like I like my women. Aged 14 years and mixed up with coke.

I would tell you but a nigger stole my joke.

I like my women like I like my coffee: ground-up and stored in the freezer.

you know what you're just a piece of shit, your joke isn't even a joke and that's a shitty thing to joke abouit

I like my women like I like my washboard:
Flat and underaged

Whats the worst part of eating vegetables?

Getting them out of the wheelchair.

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>coffee
>freezer

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What did the gay dads do with their son over summer break? They constantly molested him!

What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani Elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone

Q: Difference between a Jew and a loaf of bread?
A: A loaf of bread doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
the kid in my cellar

that humour is not allowed

How is broccoli similar to anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as a grown-up

How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagon?
all of them, 4 in the seats the rest in the ashtray

How many black guys does it take to start a riot?
-1

Hold up everyone here's the winner: Why is dark spelled with a K and not a C? Because you can’t C in the dark hahaha. Oh my belly hurts from laughing

You know what's bad about being black and Jewish?
You have to go to the back of the oven.

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A white woman goes on a date with a black man. When they get back to her place at the end of the night, she asks him "So, are you going to show me if it's true what they say about black men?" So he stabs her and runs way with her purse.

why do women love jesus?
because he was hung like THIS (pic rel)

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Nigger

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I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Go home James Gunn

the real reason why Disney fired him

What's the worst part? When they just lay there like they're not into it, kinda like their mother

What's the best part of fucking a three year old?
Hearing the pelvis snap.

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q; Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
a: Because he was dead.

My girlfriend was always on about how she wanted me to treat her like a princess. I threw her into the back of a Mercedes and drove it into a wall. ~Frankie Boyle

KGB agent always work in team of three: one who read, one who write, and one who keep eye on other two intellectuals

How do you make a little girl cry twice?

Wipe her blood off your dick on her Teddy bear

Hows an alcoholic like a necrophiliac?

They're both happiest when they're cracking open a cold one.

Here's a one-liner:

So I was eating out my girlfriend the other day when I tasted some donkey semen, so I promptly swallowed and asked: "Jeez, grandma! Is THAT how you died?"

Little bobby was excited because the state fair was in town and all of his friends were talking about going. He approached his Dad and asked, "Hey, Dad! Can I go to the state fair?" His father, paused for a moment and replied: "Sure thing, champ! If you suck my dick!" Bobby, disgusted, said, "Get real, Dad... I'm not going to suck you're dick." So his dad wouldn't take him to the fair. After a few hours of a boring day, Bobby gets a call from his friends: "Where are you at, Bob? We're having so much fun here! You are missing out on the best time!"

After hanging up the phone, relenting, Bobby approached his dad again. "Alright, Dad... you win. I really want to go to the state fair, so I'll suck you're dick." Without hesitating, Bobby's dad whips out his erect cock. Bobby closes his eyes and begins sucking his dad's penis. After a few moments, Bobby starts coughing and spitting. "Jeez, Dad! You're dick tastes like shit!"

"Yeah..." his father replied, "Well, your sister wanted to borrow the car..."

This got me.

I was driving when I saw a nigger running down the street with a large flat-screen television in hand. I thought it was mine, so I sped home as quickly as I could When I arrived, I was relieved. Mine was still there, shining my shoes.

What's big, purple, and chained to my porch? My nigger, and I can paint him any color I want.

A man walks into a bar and approaches the counter. Just before ordering, he notices a cage full of monkeys in the back. "Hey, what are those monkeys for?" he asked the bartender. "You don't want to know," he responds, "What'll it be?" Unsatisfied, he orders a drink.

Later that night and after a few more drinks, his curiosity gets the best of them. "Bartender! I gotta know what those monkeys are doing back there! I'm not leaving until you tell me!"

"Alright, alright," the bartender says, "Hold on one second." The bartender steps away and comes back with a baseball bat. "Since you really wanted to know..." The bartender opens the cage, drags a struggling monkey outside, and then bludgeons it in the head with the bat. Dazed and bleeding, the monkey unzips the bartender's pants and begins giving him a blowjob. The bartender moans, cums, and issues the monkey back into the cage where it collapses amongst the other concerned monkeys. "So... wanna try it?" the bartender asks.

"... Um... sure!" the man responds, "just don't hit me that hard!"