For a lot of people, heavy metal is today's real rock and roll music. It's basic, it's rude, kids love it...

Reactor [Reprise, 1981]
Got loads of feedback. Ain't got no takeoff. B+.

Well he's right. Rock 'n' roll and Heavy metal are awesome.

Metal is gay.

christgau may have the worst opinions may heave the worst set of opinions any hunman has ever held period

the right people at the right time got their opinions from him. he's the ideological founder of pitchfork

He's just your basic nyc commie cuck

Most Metal/Rock fans nowadays are likely from third World Countries which makes this comment completely retarded

>"people"
Wow what a dick

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Why do they usebig words that have 20 synonymous terms that are easier to read?

Douche bags

>because he's a good writer
He's not though. He has a good command of language but he uses it to be a snarky asshole instead of communicate anything of value. One Lester Bangs article is worth more than Christgau's entire body of work.

Everyone who respected this guy is dead

Do you not see how his snarky elitism affects so much of musical discourse? Majority of Yea Forums shitposting feels like a parody of Christgau whether or not anyone here would like to admit it.

*AAAHHH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH*
ALRIGT NOWWWWWWWWW
When I first met you, you didn't realize
I can't forget you or your surprise
You introduced me to my mind
And left me wanting, you and your kind

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...

Idk who is more pathetic
Him or fagtano
Both hate themselves for being white though

For a lot of people, Robert Christgau is today's real rock and roll critic. He's basic, he's rude, kids love him, parents hate him. But a closer look reveals how stupid and delusory he is. Christgau is not basic. His reviews cultivate a pseudo-virtuosity that negates content. The values he promulgates are foolish and often destructive. Eighty percent of the "people" who read him are male and 98% of them are white.

christgaus favorite bands are the rolling stones, beatles, beach boys, vu, and van morrison

fantanos are kendrick lamar, brockhamton, danny brown, father john misty, xiu xiu, and death grips

theyre both fucking awful but it should be extremely obvious which is worse

Disgusting basedboy with shit taste, as a mexican i couldnt care less about representation, just make good shit.

>christgaus favorite bands are the rolling stones, beatles, beach boys, vu, and van morrison

He's said his two favorite rock albums of all time are New York Dolls S/T and The Clash S/T.

The Best of Friends [Columbia, 1976]
I suppose this compilation deserves points for hummability and getting it over with--eight of the ten songs are from the first two albums, so it's about time--but there's just too much to forgive. The memory of K. clapping his hands like a seal while exhorting a Cheech & Chong crowd to "boogie." The memory of FM programmers offering up "You Mama Don't Dance" as a tribute to the uptempo demons. The note that compares that song to "Wilbur Harrison's version of `Kansas City'" (it's Wilbert, you ignorami, and it sure ain't "Kansas City"). And especially the note that connects the even limper "My Music" to "the simplicity of the early Chuck Berry days." The nerve. Chuck Berry had genius, energy, soul, spunk, wit, irreverence, brains, urgency, a good beat, a criminal record, a number-one record, brown skin, a pompadour, and a duckwalk. All they've got is a million dollars--or less, I hope. C+

That's not even a correct premise. It's for the weirdo edgelord kids.

How are the majority of white people seemingly perfectly fine with being openly discriminated against? Has a group ever in the history of civilization WANTED its own disenfranchisement?

Wh*tes deserve everything coming at them. Bad karma bitch

>Christgau has named Louis Armstrong, Thelonious Monk, Chuck Berry, the Beatles, and the New York Dolls as his top five artists of all time

The River [Columbia, 1980]
All the standard objections apply. His beat is still clunky, his singing overwrought, his sense of significance shot through with Mazola Oil. He's too white and too male, though he's decent enough to wish he weren't; too unanalytic and fatalistic, though his eye is sharp as can be. Yet by continuing to root his writing in the small victories and large compromises of ordinary joes and janies whose need to understand as well as celebrate is as restless as his own, he's grown into a bitter empathy. These are the wages of young romantic love among those who get paid by the hour, and even if he's only giving forth with so many short fast ones because the circles of frustration and escape seem tighter now, the condensed songcraft makes this double album a model of condensation--upbeat enough for a revery there, he elaborates a myth about the fate of the guys he grew up with that hits a lot of people where they live. A-

christgau is literally LITERALLY a cuck, and not a cuck in the meme throwaway template Yea Forums pejorative sense but in the actual literal dictionary definition of a cuck sense, and furthermore in the porn-subgenre definition of a cuck sense as well - in other words, not only did his wife cuck him, but he enjoyed it let her do it

He and his wife were trying to have a baby but weren't able to, so she went to a fertility clinic or something and at some point cracked and had an affair with some other dude. He thinks it was his fault for not accompanying his wife to her fertility treatments.

They never had any natural kids in the end, just some adopted daughter from Honduras who only likes basic bitch pop and salsa.

He wants so, so badly to be Hunter Thompson but doesn't have what it takes.

Writing a lot of fancy words while saying very little of substance is the exact opposite of good writing. It's a sign of the New York Jew. Also, "too white" is not a valid criticism. All in all, he can fucking rot.

youtube.com/watch?v=MbQSZRrJcdE

Cuckgau in a nutshell.

>he's a good writer
You mean a good stylist. He's honed down his convoluted new york snark. I personally hate the attitude though and because he says so little of substance to justify his boring tastes in the end he's pretty much devoid as a critic to me.

Moontan [MCA, 1974]
The single almost made #1 on the billboard before its radar ran out of love down the stretch and it got knocked off by Grand Funk's "The Loco-Motion". Yah yah, our stupid rock is better than your stupid rock. Especially when yours comes from Holland. C

This guy literally gave Cardi B and all of Taylor Swift's album As, and he gave really good Bjork and Joanna Newsom and Kate Bush albums Bs and lower. He's a fucking retarded faggot and if you take anything he says seriously you should have been aborted.

I was thinking of this too. You never hear a black person say "most of the people who enjoy this are black" in a negative context. Same goes for every other race.
It's only ever white people that I see doing this. It's infuriating.

The Velvet Rope [Virgin, 1997]
Why do I believe that this self-made object's mild kink and coyly matter-of-fact bisexuality are functions of flesh pure and simple? That for her sex really is about pleasure rather than power--or even, except as a side issue, love? Because her sex songs are flavorful where her love songs are all cliche, and because her much-berated fluting little-girl timbre whispers innocence even when she's loosening her new friend's pretty French gown. So in the absence of total personal fulfillment, here's hoping she retains her ability to feign delight, to fool herself as well as everyone else. A-

Like seriously, you'd never hear a black dude say "he's too black" or a mexican say "he's just too mexican". It's so fucking offputting for me.

Don't ever compare Christgau to HST. Holy fuck that made me mad. Like I got up and paced around and shit.
Don't ever do that again.

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This was a guy that gave riot grrl bands As with a perfectly straight face and no irony intended.

based cuck

>to justify his boring tastes
How's this boring?

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It's a pretty standard critics' list of albums without anything really unique or interesting.

Why do you think nobody cares for it now? It's nothing but white noise.

I won't argue that metal since the 90s went in a direction it shouldn't have gone.

It's pretty boring.

I kindly doubt that you've listened to most of these albums

Half of this is just political garbage not worth listening to.

I will never understand xguy's obsession with the dolls