I'm trans mtf and have been transitioning for 2.5 years and everything has been going pretty good. I hate myself a little less and I have a boyfriend who I love, people even treat me a bit better. However I just thought about how my life would have been if I had not transitioned and gotten a girlfriend instead, like it doesn't seem that bad. I've always been drawn towards women but I thought it was because of jealousy instead of sexual attraction. I was always physically really feminine as a boy and I think that might have emasculated my mind, always being compared to others more masculine boys. These interpersonal relationships probably made me pseudohomosexual, so not innately homosexual. Which means I could just be a straight man twisted by emasculating interpersonal relations to other boys from when I was little into confusing my attraction to women for jealousy and confusing my frustrating masculinity struggle against other men for being attracted to them.
If all of this is true it means I'm a straight man trapped as a fairly successfull trans woman in a relationship with a man. I really don't know what to make of this. My boyfriend is objectively physically appealing and I love him romantically but I might not actually be sexually attracted to men. I also wouldn't be able to get a straight girlfriend because I don't think women are attracted to me. How bad did I fuck up Yea Forums? Also please be kind, no need for rude.
