How did your mother mess you up ?

If I didn't do things how she wanted she said stuff like. "IF YOU DON'T DO X, IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF", and it deeply messed with my social skills. Otherwise, she told other people how dumb I am and how demanding it is to have a child and discouraged me from trying out stuff. When I got in my teens she told me that I'll never have friends and will never be in a relationship, and I believed her and spend my teenage years alone in my room. Only recently, when I got a job and moved out I realized I might be not as dumb as she had told me, and I might have wasted my youth because of that

Your mom is an abusive bitch yo.

>abandoned me at 18 months old
>dad brought me up
>be 13
>dad died
>mom comes back into life
>be 14
>mom watches me masturbate

Grow up in small town, family ran the hardware store from 1940-1998.
Everyone knew my family, I was born, few years then mom becomes drug addict. Forever "her child, hope he doesn't turn out bad like her".
Drove my dad away, ruined the entire extended family.
Never tried drugs to avoid the connection.
My dad had his shit together and never lifted a finger to help me.
At least she had a substance abuse issue, he was just a deadbeat dad with a do-over family.
Wife that hates his guts and 2 zoomer daughters with mental issues.

Lucked out, took a Psych Evaluation (free in Norway) and got the all clear.
I never got routine as a kid tho so a 9-5 job feels like torture to me.

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That sucks bro. Weak people bring others down.

At least you now realize. Onwards and upwards.

It took me long to find that out. And I only recently learned that the "I'm going to kill myself" thing is massive psychological manipulation and people normally don't say that.

I'm afraid I'll never "learn" how to feel emotions

can we have one thread without you incest larpers?

I'm 29 and live alone and she still calls and texts every day, and will call in the middle of the night if I don't text back to make sure I'm okay/so she can go to sleep. I'm glad she cares but I really want some space. It feels like I can't have a real independent relationship because I have to check in with my mom at least once a day. Like what if I actually get a gf and she calls while I'm with her?

What do you mean never learn to feel emotions?

not larping, i was sexually abused user
but yeah have your precious thread

I taught myself to how socialize and to read other people through countless hours of studying them, reading up on anthropology and psychology. If you are not devoid of emotions, you can learn how to feel them with time, meditation helps.

Non trying to downplay but watching you masturbate is sexual abuse?

I'm dealing with schizoid personality disorder. I'm unable to form relationship and feel emotions that arise with relationships. I don't have hobbies because having something that makes me happy was always a burden and a way to attack me.

So currently I'm just going through the motions, work, sleep, eat etc.

yes
when an adult engages in sexual activity with a child it is sexual abuse

So she brainwashed you to the point of self preservation? By avoiding normal everyday things that people enjoy your safe as those very things bring you anxiety?

I'm just fortunate to have never experienced something like this, especially from my mother. Didn't know that what had happened would of been abuse, guess I'm lucky that I'm ignorant.

Mine was mostly cool, but I'd say she largely failed to instill independence in me until I was well into my teens. Moving out for me was basically a crash course in how to be a functional human being.

this

fuck her for doing this to me

I'm this guy
And I have the same thing. Traumatic long-term abuse made me stop feeling emotion.

>Suffer abuse, experince stress
>Suffer abuse daily long-term, brain learns to shut-off to protect you
>Brain trained to emotion = bad
>Brain prevents you feeling emotion

Have you figured out ways to take advantage of this? I mean if you can turn them off, you basically do whatever you want to get ahead.

I was the only child of a single mom for 11 years. I needed some attention and love. I used to tell myself that she was too busy with work and that things were hard for her as a working divorcee without feeling it at all, and eventually when I figured out that a lot of those times she came home late leaving me waiting outside the door or leaving me at home with the cheapest and nastiest possible babysitter she could find were not because she was doing overtime to make ends meet but because she wanted to fucking party with her friends, as a woman in her 30s. The attitude was extended to when she was at home, not bothering to do shit with me, not teaching me anything, no fun activities, not a single present received from her my entire fucking life that made me thing "wow, this person actually has somewhat of an idea about who I am".

At age 5, my rejection-based anxiety and constant hunger for attention manifested itself in the form of me shitting my pants, first irregularly, but pretty damn regularly at 6, going strong all the way to when I was 15. Her response to it was to send me to a therapist for a total of 3 times, expecting that to be enough to magically solve my problems somehow, despite that maybe being enough for the warm-up period to be over, maybe. Oh, and I guess she stopped washing my shitty underwear for me when I hit 12. That was all the effort that was given.

She didn't want to know about my relationships with my peers entirely consisting of them making fun of me for being the pants-shitter in my class. She didn't want to know about how much it sucked for a socially fucked-up kid like me to abandon the few friends he made to move to another country where the culture and language and everything were alien. She didn't want to know about why I like the things I like and why she shouldn't arbitrarily throw away my prized possessions behind my back and fucking lie about it. She didn't want to know anything about me.

Fuck you, mom.

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Why would you even suggest that?

The experience has made me keen to help others.

Replying again, but many serial killers and psychopaths suffered traumatic childhoods.

Thinking about it, that could have been me. But I can't say why I turned out more empathic.

By not having sex with me

Kind of, yes, tho my anxiety feeling seems to be different to what other people feel. I can still do my tasks because I know I can count the seconds until I'm home and save in my apartment

by being religious

It doesn't benefit me or you, I guess.

I think I could pretend being a normie, convince a girl that I'm normal long enough until we get engaged and have children, and pretend like I'm in a happy family.

It just is a waste of time? I don't want to hurt the poor girl, I know I would be unable to truely love her too

On my way to chemotherapy my car was hit by a truck. My mother was the only person able to come get me. She refused because she was still mad a call had been dropped. I was unable to get treatment for the longest time and may have permanent damage. She still won't answer my calls even now.

Checkem

Yeah I'm kind of surprised you were surprised by my question. It just seems so logical to me at this point, I mean I don't think I could do it currently but you could. It sounded like you are/were unhappy and if you are apathetic (not sure if the right word) why not do whatever you wanted to become happy. I understand why such a person would be selfish as they've been hurt very deeply at a very young age.

There are no positive emotions for us that come from family and relationships, so doing something like this doesn't benefit us (except for pretending to be normal), and only costs energy

You've actually got me considering things I hadn't thought about for years.

I have a very early memory of my dad beating my mum, and once I found her lying on the kitchen floor, bleeding from the ear.

At some point years later, I promised myself that I would not become him. So I guess that was some key point.

Checked again, you're on a role

Who said anything about family and relationships? I was more talking about jobs that require being ruthless to others and taking advantage of people because you would never feel guit. Obviously none of this right but why waste the energy pretending that you would feel anything?

How are you getting dubs and trips so frequently lol.

You can ignore my last message, obviously extremely dramatic but you just became dexter and developed a code lol.

She was extremely secretly manipulative and it took me years… years to pull the laters back. What a piece of shit.

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It's still effort tho
Those jobs require to give 100% all the time. The bit of money you get from it just isn't worth it

Mirror image fren. Shits fucked yo! Hate it. Stuck with it til death… fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

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Checked again, dubs.

Alright man, don't want to leave you with a bs platitude so I'll just say thanks for the interesting convo.

That’s fucked. Sorry to hear that fren. Too many humans fucked in the head

Threw me out of the house when I was 17. Ended up living on the street, on heroin until I straightened myself out. Now healthy and have a good job. Tried for 25 years to contact her (and my father) to try to reform our relationship and they never responded.

>She has autism
>Gave her kids it
>cant give supportive affection, shames us for not doing things right
I think its gotten in my head. I have no confidence even though in every other regard in 7.5/10. gotta keep trying

she said "I wish ai could go back in time and raise you to be somebody else" :')

Forced me to enlist right after high school. It was 'decided' while I was in the Fifth Grade. Air Force. I washed out in Basic.

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>she admits a calculator is a better mother than her

>couldn't make it through Air Force basic
your parents are special kind of delusional if they couldn't see how unfit for the military you were

I literally argued with the recruiter every time I had to go see him, but I still had to sign on the dotted line, or be homeless. Had a GT score of 99, and the fucker was about to put me in the motor pool anyway. I was willing to compromise and go Navy instead, but nope, they wanted Air Force.

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I don't understand what you mean in every other regard 7.5/10

Whats a gt score and is your's low or something?

7.5/10 (looks, IQ, schooling, parental wealth)
Feels wasted, if i have no motivation to use any of it

General Technical. If you get 80 they judge you not retarded enough to drool into your gun so you're in, but you need 110 to not count as too retarded to actually be something. That user should kill himself

The score you get on the ASVAB which can be used to determine what job/rate/MOS you'll be doing while in the military. 99 Is actually quite high, and could have qualified me for things like cyber security and cryptology.

Instead, Tech Sergeant Dickhead wanted me unscrewing bolts and sparkplugs.

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>I have a very early memory of my dad beating my mum, and once I found her lying on the kitchen floor, bleeding from the ear.
What did she do to make him mad?

Damn I wish I had your gifts, life's not fair but that's nothing new.

Is this like a new thing or something, I did 5 years in the Air Force and swear that Asvab was out of 100 total. Like a 75 qualified you for basically every job if I’m remembering right.

Well, I enlisted (and washed out) in mid-2007, so...

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kept me away from other people because of her interpretation of chirstianity, didn't give me an alternative to "worldly" people or the communities they live in so i was never properly socialised. Spent all day watching tv and never spent any real time talking to us. denies hitting me. Her way of addressing an issue with her children was either screaming at them or hitting them, liked to think she was still somehow better than other people because of her religious beliefs.

I was taken advantage of a lot as a teenager, doing coke, mdma and weed when I didn't really want to. I just thought I had to or I wouldn't have any friends cause i'm so socially inept and unlikable.

What's her diagnosis?
How are you doing now?

Which drug was the most fun despite you not wanting to try it?