I swear like every person I meet hates me

You probably have very nervous energy and pathologically avoid exposure. If I were to guess, you are also a chronic procrastinator, underachiever, abandon hobbies etc. etc.?

I'm a chronic procrastinator and underachiever but I dont abandon hobbies.

Note that I mean skilled/creative hobbies, for example I bet you've picked up an instrument at some point and subsequently abandoned it as soon as it got challenging.

I feel that way a lot but then they randomly shower me with affection so

Nah, I do music religiously, can play guitar, piano, produce etc. I'm good at focusing on hobbies because I have an obsessive personality.

Okay, that's good, that's something to build off of and ground yourself in. My question is, are you reluctant to share what you make with other people and do you tend to either denigrate and/or exaggerate your own efforts when speaking of them?

I rarely show people because my inner critic is disgusting and most of the time I wont even tell people IRL I do music because theres nothing to gain from doing so.

Yeah exactly, you have high neuroticism + unstable sense of self and thus subconsciously avoid exposing yourself as much as possible. Exposure/honesty/authenticity, both in how you present yourself and how you experience/perceive the other person (this is dialectic) are the sole requirements for establishing, developing as well as sustaining relationships. The one advantage the "normalfag" (though I've come to dislike this term) has over yourself socially, is that he is unashamedly and uncompromisingly authentic, warts and all.

In other words, just be yourself bro (unironically)

>Yeah exactly, you have high neuroticism + unstable sense of self and thus subconsciously avoid exposing yourself as much as possible.
this is me except my music actually is trash

>just be yourself

I really have no clue who I am. I'm hiding behind so many masks and I have been my whole life. My personality changes like the wind but its see through to everyone because I'm a terrible actor. I literally just play the role (badly) that i'm expected to depending on the situation. My whole life is a play and my happiness is at its highest point when my acting is at its best.

Why the fuck is this board so emo? Fuck off nobody gives a shit

have a like and be happy

maybe stop thinking about yourself so much

Your fortune: Very Bad Luck

>I really have no clue who I am
This is dialectical, there is no you other than what you forge in relation to others. Your current distress is due to the dissonance of your inner and outer self(ves)

+1

>There is no you other than what you forge in relation to others.

So how do I be myself then?

this

same❤️

Just be a dickhead to everyone since they already hate you
Thats what i do

Start exposing those autonomous traits you have, such as your musicianship/creative side, and your feelings tied to it, gauge, appreciate and comprehend reactions, then reassess and develop from there.

It just hurts to bad

youtube.com/watch?v=oCVck7bIbBI

How do I stop this?