Why does Yea Forums hate critics so much?

The point of a critic is supposed to be to turn you on to good/interesting/alternative music, not jerk off mediocre corporate buttrock trash you can already hear on the radio at work.

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Cause they're queers who most of the population would rather punch in the face than entertain. Only faggots sympathize with them, and your kind is still a minority.

being a music critic just means you are too stupid or talentless to make music of your own.

and also, its a little retarded to judge art.

because their opinions aren't any more worthwhile than any random poster on Yea Forums, yet they get hundreds of thousands of faggots sucking them off. xgau in particular is terrible, he's worse than anthony - i've seen some """reviews""" of his where he literally doesn't talk about the album at all, at least fantano will talk at length about the album and go through the tracks explaining why he does/doesn't like them.

>xgau in particular is terrible, he's worse than anthony - i've seen some """reviews""" of his where he literally doesn't talk about the album at all

You mean like the review of Charlie Daniels' Me and The Boys?

>why does Yea Forums critics
>answers own question
Christgau is a biased faggot who does ratings to push his own political agenda, similar for fantano but he just reviews pop music. I think Vinyl Rewind is genuinely the only good critic alive right now

Christgau is literally just a Bangs wannabe who tries too hard to be snide without ever discussing the music.

Why do I need an aggregator when I possess basic mental skills to seek out music on my own?

People who sit on the sidelines making backhand comments out of turn about the people who are actually doing something should absolutely be scorned with complete prejudice.

Critics are parasites.

They're the abo tier of journalists which is the abo tier of professions

I opened one of his videos and was immediately greeted with Jon Hopkins LMAO.

fuck off with that shit

>The point of a critic is supposed to be to turn you on to good/interesting/alternative music
I'd love critics if they focused on that, but they seem to waste so much energy writing snarky takedowns of things they don't like. Why would I want to read about a bunch of albums that [supposedly] aren't any good?

I feel like there are many jobs that quality for abo tier more accurately

do you even like music? Its fuckign subjective

It's subjective, so there's nothing to like or dislike.

Speaking for myself, I hate most critics because they are typically English Lit major types who only care about the words and don't have anything intelligent to say about the music. Plus if you read Christgau he only seems to care about proving how clever he is.

I don’t really understand “rating” music either. Why would i put a label on how I should feel about an album? Every album has really good parts and mediocre parts. Besides your opinion can change overtime which would make the rating worthless

>Christgau is a biased faggot who does ratings to push his own political agenda

He's also one of those people who falls into the trap of thinking black culture is cooler and more jive than white culture when most of the time it's just corny and silly.

Did you miss my point? I get that it's subjective and that opinions will differ among critics (and listeners). I'm saying that I don't want to waste my time reading snarky reviews about albums they don't consider good enough to recommend in the first place. Take Fantano's "NOT GOOD" reviews, for example. They're a waste of time if you're just trying to discover good music.

>The point of a critic is supposed to be to turn you on to good/interesting/alternative music, not jerk off mediocre corporate buttrock trash you can already hear on the radio at work

correct, so why do they praise corporate trash so much nowadays?

Quote from the introduction to "Consumer Guide to the '70s"

>I've tried to review every rock album worth owning in here. If it's not listed in Consumer Guide, I advise you to forget about it. I've often skipped forgettable mid-career albums by a mediocre artist, and I haven't always reviewed late career albums, when the rock and roller, being the original romantic, has a strong start followed by a long, slow decline. I've also rarely searched for the best album by artists I have no use for--for example, if Harry Connick Jr. has a C plus album, I don't want to know about it. In general, I wouldn't recommend you actually go and buy an album with a grade lower than B plus unless you're really a fan of the artist in question. Artists I respect but haven't had the time to fully explore their discographies are listed in the Subjects For Further Research column, while ones I don't respect are in the Disctinctions Not Cost Effective and Meltdown columns.

I find music criticism itself to be quite compelling though I like to distinguish between music critics and music reviewers, the guys in the picture posted being music reviewers
Admittedly, Fantano has turned me on to some interesting pop music in the past but to call what he or Christgau, Pitchfork, Scaruffi, etc. do criticism does not feel appropriate
Typically these types of reviews refrain from any meaningful analysis or discussion of the musical content of the piece in question, instead focusing on how similar the piece may be to other works, genre classifications and lyrical content
It may be fair to argue that this type of 'criticism' is adequate to the pop music they are reviewing which often contains little in the way of musical complexity, instead lending itself more to commodification and a particular message emphasised in the lyrics but to me this standpoint feels like something of a cop out

Lyl remember how Cuckgau admitted to lowering his opinion of The Who in later years after Pete Townshend started filling albums with his Gilbert & Sullivan compositions?

Are you kidding? Yea Forums bases their collective opinions entirely on critics.

Yea Forums hates fagtano and cuckgau, and rightfully so. Scaruffi is alright though.

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I don't hate critics, I hate the cucks who follow them.

Quote from the introduction to "Consumer Guide to the '70s"

>I've tried to review every rock album worth owning in here. If it's not listed in Consumer Guide, I advise you to forget about it. I've often skipped forgettable mid-career albums by a mediocre artist, and I haven't always reviewed late career albums, when the rock and roller, being the original romantic, has a strong start followed by a long, slow decline. I've also rarely searched for the best album by artists I have no use for--for example, if Harry Connick Jr. has a C plus album, I don't want to know about it. In general, I wouldn't recommend you actually go and buy an album with a grade lower than B plus unless you're really a fan of the artist in question. Artists I respect but haven't had the time to fully explore their discographies are listed in the Subjects For Further Research column, while ones I don't respect are in the Distinctions Not Cost Effective and Meltdown columns.

The poibt of a critic is to write and record how the people of a certain time was thinking about some piece of art. Like some Bolaño said in 2666, the piece of art will stay the same as the years pass, but the opinion of the people in regards to it will change, and that's the role of the critic, to be able to anticipate how people will generally think about a piece in a place and time. The critic plays more a social role than an artistic role.

In that case, it's astounding to think how many times Christgau got it totally off the mark. Seriously, his opinions have not held up for the most part.

it's really astonishing to me how hr can listen to all that music and still be so wrong in his opinions

But that's the thing, the opinion of a critic is only valid for its time, some part of the population agreed with him, and still agrees with what he wrote. It tells you how popular an opinion was and is. Just take the most popular critic today and you will have a pretty accurate picture of how people think today. At least the majority.

Why not judge art? Quality varies.

critics are meaningless. why should i take any opinion into consideration that isn't my own? critics are white noise. empty space. they shouldn't exist and might as well not exist as far as im concerned. they mean nothing to me.

People can't think for themselves so they need a 2nd opinion on the feelings and how their individual self percieved the album and look for other opinions to see if they are right or how they can convince themselves "ya idk what I was thinking it wasn't that good of an album. " or they "no they are wrong this album is good, why does everyone over 18 hate this artist or album. "

>Q: Have you ever changed or reevaluated your opinion of an artist years later?
>A: I can say with very few exceptions that I have not--most of the time my opinion of an album is made up the first couple of times I listen to it. One of the rare cases where I did change my mind was Shania Twain's Come On Over, which I originally rated one star in 1997 and then upgrade to an A minus in Consumer Guide to the '90s.

You’re a critic.

He only upgraded his rating because he wanted to fuck her.

professional petroleum inhalation specialist

Bridge Over Troubled Water [Warner Bros., 1970]
Melodic. B

So does personal taste.

You just have to find a critic who shares your taste and you'll immediately see their worth even if you're not interested in the discussion part. You'll find way more music you'll like quicker.

Reviewers are only as powerful as their audience makes them. You can criticize a reviewer for doing a shitty job, but getting mad at them for turning the tide on the consensus of a particular album is the fault of people who choose to get swayed so easily over what some guy on the internet has to say.

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Most of Christgau's best-of album lists have unlistenable music or stuff he rated highly for political reasons.

>The point of a critic is supposed to be to turn you on to good/interesting/alternative music, not jerk off mediocre corporate buttrock trash you can already hear on the radio at work.

Agreed, but the real purpose of a critic was to give you a better idea of if a record/album was worth dropping cash on without listening

In the days of streaming and the internet, that's not nearly as necessary, so many critics have needed to turn to making money through other means. Poptimism just so happens to be the best way to do just that, as no other genre of music will pay you so much to shill for them

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Taste in music is subjective, music itself isn't. A snare hit is a snare hit, regardless of if its in an Ariana Grande song or a Metallica one.

>Agreed, but the real purpose of a critic was to give you a better idea of if a record/album was worth dropping cash on without listening

That is true. So imagine reading the Village Voice in 1970 and seeing this . That really tells you a lot useful about an album you'd have to spend $7 on.

Yea Forums universally approves scarufficore, even if they don't realize it.

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Will the Ariana review finally kill TND posting on mu?

>I don’t really understand “rating” music either. Why would i put a label on how I should feel about an album? Every album has really good parts and mediocre parts.

Christgau readily acknowleged that though, he said all albums in practice have at least one dud track and most people have one particular track they play on repeat.

>Chrsistgau has admitted to disliking the following genres of music--heavy metal, progressive rock, folk, gospel, bluegrass, Celtic music, salsa, and jazz-fusion

how can you respect someone who has such a shitty taste in movies. He's a faggot, same as fantano and cuckgau

Neat, dismissing whole genres of music out of hand.

what a fucking self-centered faggot.

Doesn't this asshole call himself the Dean of American Rock Critics or something?

At least he's honest about that. Better than the Fantano "I like all types of music xd" types who have clear biases but would never admit so.

based

Music is a personal experience. My ears won't hear it the same as yours.

Genuine question. Do people actually read/appreciate Christgau reviews here? Or is it more public shaming that goes on for him

Sure, but the snare hit themselves differ. Some snares might even be mislabeled due to how different they sound.

>because their opinions aren't any more worthwhile than any random poster on Yea Forums
this is exactly correct.
especially because everyone has different criteria for what they like and what they perceive as good or bad.

if anything, I just like lists or charts without any explanation. it gives me ideas for new stuff to check out, without the added baggage of what some random chucklefuck deems an album to be.

>Do people actually read/appreciate Christgau reviews here? Or is it more public shaming that goes on for him
Definitely the second.

The other day I listened to the entire Surfer Rosa and didn't really care for it that much. It's hard to explain, but there's something I look for in music that just wasn't there.

>the entire Surfer Rosa
its only half an hour long dude. also give it another try it's a grower

don't you have an AC/DC comment section on Youtube to be posting in, buttrocker?

Jealousy. Yea Forums wishes they were famous and got paid for their opinions about music.

That's what this board, at best, is and always has been. A music criticism board. Actual amateur musicians are the extreme minority on Yea Forums, this is a board for amateur music critics.

I didn't mention anything about my personal tastes.

>because their opinions aren't any more worthwhile than any random poster on Yea Forums
Maybe for Fantano, but Christgau is actually highly intelligent and has heard 100x more albums than you ever will. The only reason people here hate him is because they're too dumb to understand him.

cause this is Yea Forums and hot Yea Forums.

>but Christgau is actually highly intelligent and

Don't make me post it.

Rid of Me [Indigo, 1993]
Never mind sexual--if snatches like "Make me gag," "Lick my injuries," and "Rub 'til it bleeds" aren't genital per se, I'm a dirty old man. And if the cold raw meat of her guitar isn't yowling for phallic equality, I'm Robert Bly, which is probably the same thing. She wants that cock--a specific one, it would seem, attached to a full-fledged, nonobjectified male human being, or maybe an array or succession of cocks, it's hard to tell. But when she gets pissed off, which given the habits of male human beings happens all the time, she thinks it would be simpler just to posit or grow or strap on or cut off a cock of her own. After which it's bend-over-Casanova and every man for him or herself. A

>The only reason people here hate him is because they're too dumb to understand him.

Any man who calls himself a "rock intellectual" abdicated his right to be taken seriously. Also, he hates Metal for the most superficial reasons. It's literally this:
youtu.be/rfqAkUXKT5Y

The only reason people like you like him is because they're even bigger pseuds than he is.

>Also, he hates Metal for the most superficial reasons
Sometimes he comes up with mental gymnastics that metal and prog are a reactionary throwback to classical/European music forms that rock is supposed to liberate us from, whatever that means.

he's also a self-described male feminist

Because Yea Forums is already the best music review web site.

Those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach critique

I would have punched his face in too if I were James Chance.

Take a drink for every review where Christgau brings up race or misogyny.

Or the In Utero review.

>not jerk off mediocre corporate buttrock trash you can already hear on the radio at work
Daughters

>Christgau is actually highly intelligent
>The only reason people here hate him is because they're too dumb to understand him.

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>how dare he not like my pretentious art rock with a bunch of blue faces on the cover

>exposing yourself this hard

why did you respond to me with that?
fuck the Pixies and fuck Frank Black people

I don't get what was so remarkable about the drum sound on SR. It just sounds like typical 80s huge POOM POOM POOM drums to me.

Me, I don't like country that much. Well, not all country but I have a particular disliking of those slow ballads with the slide guitar. They make me want to puke.

Doesn't matter dumbass, someone who does shitty reviews of movies can't magically make good music reviews

>because he's not proficient in one medium means he can't be in another
are you retarded?

>Ohhh A critic I wonder what they think of these guys I don't like?
>Hahaha, that's so true, these guys I don't like really DO suck! My opinion is validated!

>Hey, this critic is reviewing my favorite artist's new album
>OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD THEY CRITICIZED MY FAVORITE ARTIST >:(
>THIS CRITIC IS A FRAUD, ABSOLUTE LOSER HACK TOO STUPID TO MAKE THEIR OWN MUSIC NEEDS TO TEAR DOWN OTHERS.

The paradox of being a critic: People go to you for being trustworthy and "fair", but nobody wants to hear criticism of their favorite things.

If you'll notice, the really popular critics tend to praise everything and use really flowery, vivid imagery. If you can't give an honest review, you can at least tell an interesting story.

Fantano has become such a cuck

imagine giving that soulless robot ariana a good review

>but nobody wants to hear criticism of their favorite things
An intelligent, well-written critique is not the same thing as

I'm not really a big fan of them, so I couldn't tell you one way or the other.
I like Bone Machine but that's pretty much it.

>In Utero [DGC, 1993]
>"How 'bout some Nirvana?" you'll say. "Oh yeah, great band," the reply will go. "Really had their own sound. What do you wanna play?" "It don't matter that much, any of the first three." "You mean Bleach?" "Nah, the Geffen albums--not that outtakes thing, but Nevermind or Bluebaby or . . . what did they call the Steve Albini one?" "You mean the really hard one. In Utero. The guitar one." "What do you mean guitar? It had songs on it." "Well, so did the outtakes thing." "The Albini one had better songs, actually. And it was real cadmium besides. Toxic." "You have to play it loud, though. And aren't you supposed to crank the treble too? I liked Nevermind better." "I liked Bluebaby a little better too. But that was a good album. Go ahead. Once Madonna conks out, she sleeps through the night. She's a good baby that way--nothing wakes her up. Come on, let me relive my youth." "I hope you don't regret it in the morning." "These days, I never regret anything in the morning. I'm too fucking tired to bother. Let her rip."

reads like something off RYM lol

he probably just didn't want to get hate from her fans, who seem like the type of people that engage in outrage culture in an unironic manner, like being genuine about being offended and not using sock puppet accounts to post screencaps on /pol/.

I haven't actually listened to the album, or anything by her really, so I can't judge whether it's good or not and also I don't go on twitter or know about her fans so this entire post was pulled out of my ass.

Vespertine [Elektra, 2001]
I liked this a lot better once I heard how it was entirely about sex, which since it often buries its pulse took a while. Sex, not fucking. I'm nervous so you'd better pet me awhile sex. Lick the backs of my knees sex. OK, where my buttcheeks join my thighs sex. I'm still a little jumpy so you'd better pet me some more sex. How many different ways can we open our mouths together sex. We came 20 minutes ago and have Sunday morning ahead of us sex. Or, if fucking, tantric--the one where you don't move and let vaginal peristalsis do the work (yeah sure). The atmospherics, glitch techno, harps, glockenspiels, and shades of Hilmar Om Hilmarsson float free sometimes, and when she gets all soprano on your ass you could accuse her of spirituality. But with somebody this freaky you could get used to that. English lyrics provided, most of them dirty if you want. A-

>vaginal peristalsis

Didn't he also give As to all the worst Stones albums?

If Cuckgau even actually gets to discussing the music itself instead of going off on a political tangent or speculating about the artist's sex life, you're lucky.

Cause we all think we can do a better job than them.

We get mad because they make a living out of it and we don't.

Get over urself fags we have no talent

How about how he said Nina Simone was shit because she was a classically trained singer.

>and has heard 100x more albums than you ever will
How many of those were hip-hop and feminist punk though?

Reminder that Nicki Minaj gets multiple A's but "muh older rocker' music isn't worth listening to

>tfw on his scale, the albums that would get 8/10 from XGau would include albums from Nicki Minaj

It's not just that he dislikes them, he clearly disdains metal at the very least, if not having a pretty clear cut hatred for metal fans as well. Classic smug, New York socialite wanna-be who would have been lucky to suck dick behind CBGBs in the 70s

i hate "it doesn't have a political message" fantano, the fag thinks liking dead grips it's somekind of elevate state over the masses who the fucking he think he is?

Q: Okay, but you do have--I'm not looking for you to slag some of your contemporaries or whatever, but you obviously have some problems with [Robert Christgau]. You did that piece on the Pazz & Jop poll a few years ago...
A: Oh I have tremendous problems. I think I basically--first of all, I think he hates rock and roll. I don’t even think he makes much of a secret about it. If you actually look at his reviews, he doesn’t like rock bands. He said some miserably...I can’t think of a better way to put it but really bigoted things about, for instance, the heavy metal audience. And I think he's promoted a fairly self-aggrandizing idea of what rock criticism ought to be. So yeah, I disagree with all those things, and there’s no reason to make a secret of it.

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I prefer these kinds of reviews, where he seems like he's about to call her a nigger, and then gives the album an A

Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded: Deluxe Edition [Cash Money/Universal Republic, 2012]
Since the positive and negative reviews say pretty much the same thing, we can agree that this is an overstuffed, musically manipulative, thematically directionless bid to put the pink-haired alien on the singles charts until Katy Perry absconds to rehab. She isn't "the female Weezy" or some ill-defined male alter ego. She's an aspiring and most likely inevitable pop queen who raps exceptionally well, sings quite well, rhymes inconsistently but sometimes superbly, and will do anything to be rich and famous. This obviously doesn't make her a heroine. But if you enjoy contemporary pop whose market-tested blare offends both rockist philistines and IDM aesthetes, her second album is a worthwhile investment. It begins strong and, counting the three bonus tracks, ends strong. In between it tends mawkish and loud, neither of which precludes fun, especially with the right cameos. There is, however, a Chris Brown track. (Hey--I said anything.) A-

Untitled [Def Jam, 2008]
Between warning Barack Obama not to say out loud what most black voters believe about fatherhood and warning Nasir Jones not to name his new album after the turned derogatory that was an African-American commonplace long before the gangsta rap Nas has been transfiguring since Illmatic, Jesse Jackson has clearly lost it. This album would have been so much more coherent if Nas could have entitled it something like, to cite a surviving song title, "N.I.*.*.E.R," and included a few of the related deletions available on the Green Lantern mixtape cited below. That's because, in the classic manner of turned derogatories, the "n.i.*.*.e.r" songs articulate the confusion and contradiction of a "revolutionary" whose historical analysis encompasses Orwell, Pushkin, Farrakhan, "The Matrix," the Masons, pale horseman William Cooper, Africans-discovered-America scholar Ivan van Sertima, a UFO he saw himself, "the ghetto where old black women talk about they sugar level," every luxury brand known to bling and "an elite group that runs everything"--the last of which, for the record, I half believe in myself. The beats beat Green Lantern's. And what the finale has to say about Obama is so sane I may just check out van Sertima myself. A-

>metal is artistically invalid because white males listen to it
But metal has fans all over the world and in all different colors. And FWIW Japan is the one place in the world that still has a strong mainstream rock scene.

Scaruffi isn't like that at all. Don't group him with the other fags

Marsh and Greil Marcus never really wrote a lot about metal, but I don't recall they ever went out of their way to attack metal fans or burn a strawman version of them.

What are your favorite movies?

>Classic smug, New York socialite wanna-be who would have been lucky to suck dick behind CBGBs in the 70s
His best-of album lists certainly give that impression. This is seriously the most smug, pretentious hipster listening list in the world.

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Can someone translate these ratings into numbers. I can't into yank letter ratings.

5/10
2/10
5/10
5/10
4/10
9/10

>xgau
Did you actually censor the "Christ" in Christgau? Are you for real?

>why didn't he rank my favorite butt/hair metal album from 86
Found your picture, user.

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>proficient in a medium

You are so fucking stupid. If you have the critical ability to know what elements make a good album, then you know that there are the same type of elements you have to understand before criticising cinema. The fact that he doesn't have those elements in rating movies means he also suffers when it comes to music.

scaruffi has good opinions and based reviews
christgau has shit opinions but based reviews
fantano is just shitty and boring and takes himself too seriously

holy shit i had totally forgotten about those guys

it's a just contraction for his name you moron. he even uses it himself

he did it to make a statement
>look i gave ariana grande and xiu xiu good scores i'm not a dark progger!
>le duality of man o_0

Shame is my favourite ever, followed by american psycho, pan's labyrinth, requiem for a dream and black swan if a have to give a top 5 i would recommend to anyone.

have you ever heard of "xmas" user?

>christgau has shit opinions but based reviews
No.

based when he's not cattering to vice and other "media" outlets

I think its only because their opinion is made to look like superior to others. There's music that can be more complex or sentimental o meaningful than other kind of music, but making it look like it should affect how much you like a song or artist is retarded.

There are about three good albums in that list total.

>Any man who calls himself a "rock intellectual" abdicated his right to be taken seriously
^This.

A Farewell to Kings [Mercury, 1977]
The most obnoxious band currently making a killing on the zonked teen circuit--not to be confused with Mahogany Rush who at least spare us the reactionary gentility. Imagine a power-trio Kansas or Angel or Uriah Heep with the vocals cranked up an octave. Or two. D

>tells us nothing useful other than that Geddy's voice is annoying (we already know that)

Part of the war of CHRISTmas

Cuckagu is a guy who clearly wanted to be Hunter Thompson but never had what it took.

I think that critics especially Christgau played the biggest part in making music listening more snobby. It's possible to introduce a person to a variety of music without having one's head up their own ass. Most of Yea Forums (along with places like RYM, Sputnik, etc.) probably doesn't even realize it, but their own bitter faux elitist takes on music is indirectly influenced a lot by these critics, and not in a good way.

See

based but he's a numale who thought queen was fascist and thinks bruce springesteen is god's gift to music so also cringe

He's married to a high ranking Springsteen business associate/promoter or something.

None of the American critics "got" Queen at all, I think their British sense of humor and sarcasm went over their heads.

How can you just dismiss as broad a genre as folk? Does he mean folk rock or something? "Yeah, I think all culture's traditional music sucks." fucking idiot.

I think he mainly means the Peter, Paul, & Mary/Joan Baez type of folk, which he's always had a hateboner for.

>Rolling Stones album
Dropped

60s Rolling Stones are great though. Also it's hilarious how cuckgau reconciled their objectification of women by convincing himself they were being ironic. Truly the original nu-male

Here's my take on these two guys

>Christagau
Satirical writer, blasts a lot of albums that I like a lot without any kind of style or humor that I'm into. Would be totally fine with him if he had more reasoning behind his reviews but his absurd approach just leaves me to discount any opinions he has. He's also very predictable. He likes virtually every punk, proto punk, and post punk record known to man so you always know he's going to like something if it's punk related and usually can it if it's too artsy, which is the stuff that I usually like the most.

>Fantano
Entertaining, but not really a good writer. The fact that he's video based means his personality is always evident but it also means when he does a boring review it really grates on me and it upsets me when he doesn't put in the effort to review something I personally enjoy.

I would be more interested in music criticism as a whole if it were better written as a whole. These guys aren't the only music critics out there but they are popular for their approaches, whether I like them or not. Most music reviews are of decent writing quality and those who write about music are usually the worst writers out of the lot, film, news, art, even sports writers out write music writers 9/10. A big problem with music writers is when they dislike something their cases are very often left-field and irrelevant, that kind of writing is everywhere, when a negative review doesn't even make logical sense. And when they like something they put actual effort into the review, it's an unprofessional double-standard.

Two of the best music reviews I've ever read are Lou Reed's review of Yeezus and Steve Albini's review of Spiderland surprisingly.

>60s Rolling Stones are great though
Dirty Work however...

>He likes virtually every punk, proto punk, and post punk record known to man
Also if an artist is black, he'll rank the album a grade or two higher than if they were white.

Music critics are absolutely fucking useless. If, by some miracle, they even have the vocabulary to understand and describe what they're hearing, they still more often than not lack the fucking mental faculties to talk about what they're hearing.
Why is this? Book critics aren't like this, art critics aren't like this, even film critics aren't this vapid and brain dead. I have never encountered an intelligent music critic. No, fucking Scaruffi, Fantano, Christgau et al don't count.

no shit? that's an intriguing observation

Either way Christagau does have some kind of entertainment value even though certain reviews make me roll my eyes out of my head

Didn't like The Damned for some reason though.

Or when he convinced himself that Blue Oyster Cult were an ironic deconstruction of metal.

he's an enigma and I think that's intentional for him or something I don't know the guy obviously

it's like he spends all this time showing how much of a punk rock man he is only to show you that sometimes he can have a discerning ear

I'm not that invested in his mind but I'm sure there are lots of things that don't make sense for him but as a wide music listener myself I often run into albums where I say to myself "I should like this, why don't I like this?" when I should just accept I don't like it and move on.

How much of a retard do you have to be that you need someone to tell you whether you like a piece of music or not? Goddamn, that's woman-tier agency right there.

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One of my favorite ones was giving Done With Mirrors a B+ when even a Rolling Stone Magazine reviewer at the time called out Aerosmith for the most braindead, tired, and stale rock sexism imaginable.

Actually he also thought Slayer were a parody band or something.

>and Steve Albini's review of Spiderland surprisingly

He also dismantled Private Dancer and after listening to it, I largely agreed.

Nice bait.

>If you have the critical ability to know what elements make a good album, then you know that there are the same type of elements you have to understand before criticising cinema.
wrong.
Also desu I don't find anything very wrong with his cinema.

Its not to tell you if you already like something or not. Its to tell you if its worth listening to in the first place, retard.

Cuckgau gave that one an A.

"Rockist phillistines"
What a fucking joke, as if hip hop listeners and pop listeners even listen to music than those genres. They are the true phillistines but he's too much of a self-hating cuck to be honest about even that.

Albini described Private Dancer as "A dessicated old woman trying to be a sex symbol with absolutely no melody or tune at all. It works as a great palate cleanser--once you've heard it, you'll instantly forget whatever other song happened to be in your head."

The funny thing is that grade aside, this is fairly negative.

Private Dancer [Capitol, 1984]
Her voice was shot even before she split with Ike, ten years ago now, and videotaped evidence belied the dazzled reports that filtered in from the faithful when she began her comeback, two and a half years ago now. Less than converted by her reverent reading of the Reverend Green's "Let's Stay Together," I noted cynically that the album lists four different production teams, always a sign of desperation. Which makes its seamless authority all the more impressive. The auteur is Tina, who's learned to sing around and through the cracks rather than shrieking helplessly over them, and who's just sophisticated (or unsophisticated) enough to take the middlebrow angst of contemporary professional songwriting literally. Also personally--check out how she adapts the printed lyrics of Paul Brady's "Steel Claw" to her own spoken idiom. A-

Subjects For Further Research [1970s]: I've somehow never been moved by Albert King's wide-beamed take on BB's blues, although somehow I suspect that's not entirely Albert's fault. It's generally agreed however that the man cut his best stuff in the '60s for Stax; he spent most of the '70s trying to go pop with predictable results. For an eloquent defense, see Robert Palmer's liner notes on Live at Montreaux (Stax, 1973).

Chris Ott is alright I suppose.

He's ok if you like 80s alternative rock, not much else though.