Its 4 AM and I'm about to destroy my relationship with my mom. I'm sending her an email telling her all of the things she does that I hate and wish she would change.
Should I do this or is there a better way?
A little context: She's an alcoholic and workaholic who takes advantage of my little sister to do stuff for her, is failing to raise her like a proper parent and doesn't even realise it. Can provide more info but it would be alot.
Unless you want to completely burn a bridge, don't. Dumping all that shit on her would be idiotic as fuck. You have to slowly go about each problem. I had the same shit happen with my parents when they sent me to boarding school. I always would yell and speak about our relationship immaturely, so nothing got across. But after I entered college and slowly talked to them about each problem and our relationship got a lot better and more transparent. Trust and transparency are the most important things.
You have to treat your mom as a human being. That's what a lot of kids (and parents) don't understand. Don't treat your mom like an object, even if she's rotten.
Your mom's tits or gtfo
My mom was abused by my dad from the time she was 16 till 5 or so years ago. Since then its been me(22), my sister(16) and her.
She drinks at least a case a day and is functional, but I feel like it keeps her from being able to think about those around her. She works to pay the bills but that's the extent of what she does. No real parenting or bonding.
Recently, I went to her place to help clean her basement and the entire house was disgusting. I wouldn't eat any food there because I felt unsafe. She's fallen asleep cooking 3 or 4 times in the last week and my sister has found them. She also drinks and drives daily. I'm concerned about my sister's safety.
I just want her to realize that she isn't fulfilling her responsibilities and any time I've tried to confront her on them she gets defensive or tries to lie. The only problem is, I grew up with her my whole life so I know how she really is.
You will make her drink more and depends more on your sister. You'll be out of the picture and your sister will have to grow up fast to take care of her mother
Why would you do that? Also how old are you? This sounds childish.
LMAO at All the low self esteem beta white males trying to give u advice.
ask her to make a list of all the things you do that she hates first
self delusion is a genetic trait
Not at 4am. She will immediately write you off as being drunk and dismiss everything you say. If you really need to do this, do it during the day when she won't be so easily able to shrug your words off.
Thanks. This is what I wanted to hear I just don't feel like shes receptive to anything I've done in the past. What should I do to handle these feelings in a constructive way then?
This happened to me and that is why im worried about my sister. I left and now she has to do everything I was.
Yeah this sounds stupid. Im 22. I just found out that she got super drunk, went out for a drive and left food cooking on the stove that my sleeping little sister woke up to.
Who molested her as a child?
My dad for sure.
You first have to build a mutual trust. Like the trust you have with a best friend. I know it can be hard, I too felt like talking to my mom was akin to talking to a wall at one point. But you have to really put out the effort and gain her trust. Talk to her more often, slowly introduce more personal matters etc. Treat her like you would a good friend, treat her like a human; which imo is a hard part since everyone sees their mom as their mom, not another person. Just start talking about some of the problems, but don't be aggressive about it. She'll warm up to it eventually though. It's a slow process, you can't just fix it with one email.
Its alright to put your own feelings before your mothers. True, she is a human being, treat her like one.
But that doesnt mean you should just go along with whatever she does.
My own mother gaslighted both me and my sister for years into believing we were useless (sister was heavily suicidal and I was heavily depressed), she took money from our bank accounts and put us each around 3 000$ in debt to the IRS.
Kinda a shitty thing to do.
I ended my relationship with her completely, and my life is better now.
I'm still a depressed loser, but at least I know logically I'm in a better place.
Biological family should not be reverred as highly as people say.
If they are toxic, its okay to break it off with them, no matter how hard.
That said, doesnt like your view is quite at the level of cutting off the relationship conpletely, but if you feel she is doing wrong for the life of you and your sister, you can, and should, tell her.
I support you op.
Can't even answer a question honestly
>Go fuck yourself retard
We are already at that point. I guess I should just make a list of the shit, sleep and pick my battles.
Any suggestions on how to get the point accross that her drinking is a problem when being hospitalized for it annually dosnt?
I did? My mom had me at 16 and my dad was 24. Ive seen him sexually abusing her. So how was that not likely or honest?
I don't want to cut her out of my life. I just dont want to sit by and watch her do the same thing to my sister she did to me.
Thanks
Who molested her as a child.
As a child.
U are too young to realize this but ppl don't change. U can't do anything about it. Accept it or move on
Your mother is not going to fuck you no matter what. Scream, cry, threaten and shes still not going to do it.
Impregnating a 15-year-old when your 23 doesn't count? That's at least statutory as far as I understand it.
Wierd that isnt strange to you at all?
Thanks for the serious answers. I'm going to bed. Hope you have a good day.
That's something a professional would need to do. Therapy, rehab etc. You just need to push and support her in that direction. Addiction is a hard thing to fix
U are a fucking retard just like the people before you.
Why won't u answer the question?
life will teach you that YOU need to understand that the problem is not your mom, nit your sister, its YOU. You can choose RIGHT NOW and every MOMENT what YOU desire. thats THE POWER you have EXPERIENCE by DECISIONS.....
If I can just change everybody else, life will be perfect
have your mom put on a temporary detention order for 72 hours for psychiatric problems that will wake her ass up.
Just chop off her head and use it as a fucktoy
>I'm going to give stale general advice without actually reading the context of the situation
why are you even here?