Real doctor here, ask me anything

refer to other sour fruits also help, but oranges work best

Is homosexuality ok?

the holy bible says no

I can't tell if I fucked up my lower back or kidneys.
How do I tell bird doctor

What type of Doctor?

they also say so. ok then - how to get rid of psoriasis

>Doctor
>Religious

Contradiction.

how to deal with fags?

probably won't find an answer to that. you put out a smart guy

my stomach is fucked
>cant eat just throw it up
>feels like I'm being stabbed from the inside
>have lost over 30lbs in the past year(I was 150lbs)
>very weak all the time
>always tired
should I bite the bullet and go to the hospital doc?

if your pee is red-ish, it's the kidney
muscle pain is a lack of black bile, eat raw meat and breathe in a couple breaths of fire smoke every day.
kidney pain means excess of yellow bile, cut down on fruits, if it doesn't get better you will need some herbs

general practitioner

only a retard would believe this

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are you a doctor?

Marijuana herb?

a physical examination won't hurt
stomach pain usually stems from excessive amounts of phlegm (and sometimes also lack of blood). keep your head up and apply cold water/ice to your neck, and eat read fruits and dry meat for more blood.

>Religious
>Says retard

Contradiction.

a tea/brew made from ribwort and dandelion, with small flakes of dried chicken's foot

get out, whore of satan
i will let the king's guards know of your presence

Hey doc on a scale of 1-10 how big of a boner does this bitch give you?

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so? what is your answer to the question: how to cure psoriasis?

Colloidal Silver?

Pepto Bismol for food poisoning to kill the parasites?

lack of both biles, eat more citrous fruits and raw meat, cut down on water and avoid soups
if that won't help, ingest some dried heather and dandelion

not all that much, these tits look fake as shit, bitch.

wth ..... do you want to poison me? maybe I should still stand naked on the full moon and lash the strip?

you just don't know medicine
delusion is commonly associated with excess blood and sometimes possesion
i prescribe bloodletting, and you should visit a priest

holy water will kill me ... crossing the church threshold causes bleeding from the eyes, ears and nose - sometimes from the anus. something else?

yeah you're too heretical to save, i'll contact the guardsmen

Hey Doc how do these totally make you feel

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quite funny in my lower robes, post more you dumb whore

finally leave this world! it's been 777 years 77 days 7 hours and 12 minutes

Can't make a religious man cum, that's gay and I'll go to hell

you passed the test, good job.
jesus bless your soul

I',m middle aged. I'm kinda fit, but mostly not. I have a tendancy to get kidney stones. I got one stuck in my dick once and it almost killed me. Will I die early from trying to pass rocks through my dick?

I love you doctor, may Jesus stay by your side every time you help a brother.

If a woman is acting crazy would you prescribe stoning?

I passed, but will you? She has a fuckkkkkkktonnn of nudes. Ask her name and you're exposed troll. Don't and you go to heaven

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May i go to heaven sir

I develop smegma after like a day and my penis itches. Part that itches is red. What do

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No cause it's easy as fuck to find out who she is with the pics I've posted you're not religious or a doctor

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i feel really tired and dizzy, sweating a lot, and there are these huge painful swollen lumps under both arms and around my groin. the groin lumps are starting to turn black around the edges. what vegetables can i eat to cure this?

i have a weird feeling on the front, right side just under my ribcage. not really painful, but uncomfortable. i have this since yesterday. it feels bloated. i'm not an alcohol. will i die of liver failure?

Not too shabby. I'll buy you a drink.

come on, bird doctor, this is really painful. please don't tell me i have to give up playing with my pet rats. they're all feral and i am their only friend after they got chased off that norwegian fishing boat.

Are you american? what do you think on free healthcare? Why US have no interest in implement it?

wash it every day. pull back mr. foreskin and scrub lightly with soap. make sure and pull it back and rinse well.

every day user, every day. after a few months you'll be able to go a day or two.

also blotting your dicktip after peeing with a square of tp, before resweatering, will help

how do I have to explain this shit to another grown ass man idk, what a fucking world we live in

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How do I get rid of warts that keep coming back on my right hand? Shit is annoying as fuck.

Inb4 cut off hand

Why do my nuts ache and I co Stanton feel the need to piss at night?

>vegetables
there's your problem. eat more meat and you'll be fine.

>also turns out it wasn't so much the rats as other people themoreyouknow[star]

>*constantly

you're drinking too much water and thinning your blood. switch to sweet red wine exclusively, and stop smacking your nuts around you're upsetting the humors.

Stop jerking off pigs.
Pig semen causes black warts.
Or does it cure them?
I forget.

cut off head

fuck I did actually give up alcohol completely a while ago.
You’re a great dr!
Time to get wasted!

Why dick no go in vagina?

But doc, do you even lift?

What percentage of docs out there are Christians roughly speaking? Does the percentage differ from different fields? Catholics don't count.

if your patients knew you post here, do you think they would avoid you?

The Bible Way to Heaven
youtu.be/WDEBz25lGdY

The new world order bible versions
youtu.be/88q2QK6TvFY

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Do you know what scfe is ?and if there are long term effects years after surgery

Actually you shouldn't wash with soap

My shit gets stuck in my ass hair. How do I go about keeping the ass hair and not getting any shit in it? Please doctor I need help.

when did you guys give up "do no harm"? after WW2 when the nazis came over?

braid your ass hair

the fuck are you doing here if you have enough brain cells to become a doctor

What happens when you give a prostate exam and the dude gets hard and wants you to fuck him

Whenever i ejaculate my cum comes out like a thick broth with lumps in it ive been trying blood letting to relieve the stress but recently whenever i get erect i hallucinate and feel light headed, should i have a whole placed in my head to release the pent up demons on stop the hallucinations?

Do you wear that getup to protect yourself from Ellen DeGeneres?

you're doing it wrong, it's an excess of phlegm not blood. eat less vegetables and more meat, apply ice to your neck twice a day

the incense in the beak protects against illnesses

helping out the common, retarded folk

wet wipes, also try bloodletting to make your shit less liquidy

you are retarded and i have no idea what you're referring to

warts are caused by excess black bile accumulating, eat dry meat and raw veggies, drink salted water but not too much

Where the hell am I going to find ice? I live in Spain.

eat dried dandelion, cut down on vegetables and eat more meat. black death is an excess of black bile, you're upsetting the humors

refrigerator dumbass

Oh, yes. Of course. Good day doctor.

you're way up there with excess yellow bile, and lack of blood. drink more red wine instead of water, and avoid citrous fruits like the pleague(hehe). if that won't help on it's own, make a brew from beetroot, ribwort and heather, add some salt and flakes from a dried chicken's foot. ingest it twice daily, before bed and before getting up in the morning

doctor, im losing hair. Im 32. Is there any really effective way to stop it?

How do I revive my Jabberwocky? It’s fallen ill due to an infestation of worms.

I'm changing into a woman! help! I stopped tasting beer, learned to cook and the worst ... I stopped watching porn!

Marry a beer wench during a solar eclipse.

you're having a deficiency of phlegm and black bile. eat a small piece of raw chicken each day, then down it with a brew made from heather, ribwort and salt. eat citrous fruits and replace water with white wine. if you're still having issues, you also might have excess blood and should apply a couple leeches every day before bed for 15 minutes.

yeah, become bald

I have ghost's in my blood and I'm out of cocaine.
Something must be done post haste

it's even worse .... footballers do not run on green grass but malachite ...

Whisky is my wife

youtu.be/5tk8J50MFrI

give it a tea made from heather and nettle, then feed it dried chicken's feet. apply some salt to it's sleeping place to keep demons at bay, splash a bit of holy water on it's head every noon.

Doctor, this new science amazes me. Could you explain how I can use pig intestines to predict earthquakes?

kek

pig intestines won't do shit, you need chicken's livers and a very specific blend of herbs and spices. you are clearly delusional, i prescribe bloodletting and you should visit a priest.

whats the ideal dose on morphine to die on od?

What a coincidence! That’s exactly what the blacksmith told me!

ehehe somebody got what i mean.

Will Yea Forums pls rate my ex’s pussy out of 10

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smart man he seems to be
my instruments of medicine are getting old, would you recommend him to make me knew knifes and pliers or is someone else better?

i mean for a guy with around 20 bmi

There are no priests in my hamlet.there is only a nunnery nearby.

the head nun might be good enough, if that won't help you should apply holy water to your head at least after every meal for 2 weeks minimum.

you have a strange wound in the place of your penis.

just self-decapitate, it's easier and safer.

the desire to sinfully kill oneself is an extreme form of depression. you probably have way out of wack blood levels, practice blood letting at least once a day, see a priest once a week. drink a brew of red wine, salt and dried heather after every meal.

Actually, the Smith is only skilled in horseshoes and goblets. I would recommend you visit the hatter, he does amazing repairs of metals with mercury. Why are you there be sure to ask for some mercury to bring home for your children to play with my children love it especially the baby however he’s gotten quite sick lately.

mercury is a fun and actually useful thing, did you know it actually makes you live longer to put a drop or two in your morning tea?
the baby's humors are upset, may i know it's current diet?

I have a pilonidal cyst on my asscrack, how to get rid of it.

excess phlegm, apply cooling (e. g. ice) to your neck twice a day and drink white wine in place of water

Thanks for the information about the mercury, I’ll be sure to add that to my diet. The baby currently only consumes pigs milk, due to the fact that his mother died during childbirth. She was my third wife that has died after childbirth, shame, she had a strong back for a 14 year old, could carry 5 skins of butter and the baby when she would go to the market.
Do you know anyone that is selling a mule cheap? Sir Craigslist brings up nothing...

mule is better than pig, but optimally you would give it either cow's or goat's milk. in addition, give it a brew of nettle, ribwort and ivy's root at least once a day
if you don't have access to another animal, feed the pig beetroot, it makes the milk more similar to bovines or goats.

Hello good doctor I am Sir Robin the brave. I took a lance to my lower back during the jousting tournament and now I’m having trouble moving my legs. Is there anything you can do or for that matter, I could do to get back on my feet?

Thank you. May god bless your soul.

sounds like you're lacking blood and suffering excess yellow bile. drink red wine instead of water, and increase your intake of citrous fruits and raw beef.

kek!
Thanks for the laughs doctor, I’m off to uni.
Great thread!

Bumping for sound advice

Explain to me how veins and blood pressure work

blood has pressure because of the heart
veins bring low pressure blood back to heart since they are a one way street

i have a case of the hokey-pokeys, how may i fix them doctor?

Keep it dry
Don't scratch it
Eat more zinc
Just let it heal

Probably an infection of the prostate, or sperm tubules. But with every ailment, cancer is always a possibility. Try seeing a real doctor

When surgery was invented it became more of guideline than an oath

Ive had an ache in my right testicle for a few months.
Should i go to the doctors?

you have too much yellow bile within you, cut down on citrous fruits, eat dried up meat and drink a brew of dandelion, heather and ribwort

>mental sadness
Yup, you're definitely a doctor.

Moar

i have blood in my shit at least once a week. i used to think it was just fissures or hemorrhoids but its been going on for a while now so i think i might be dying
also i am a raging alcoholic

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the body is trying to get rid of excess blood, i prescribe bloodletting

hey doc, how do i get rid of toenail fungus?

I believe devils have made nest inside my body. How else would one explain my laziness and gluttony? What is the cure o' good medic?

visit the priest for an exorcism
wash your face with holy water before bed, ingest a brine made of heather, dandelion and salt after every meal

Piss on it

No

Dr of what?

Could be because or red wine or stomach ulcers

Oh may the Almighty bless thee sevenfold good doctor. I shall make haste impetuously.

Unironically pee on it in the shower

When are domestic catgirls coming?

soon brother, the genelabs are working on them

This thread is so much win.