ITT we work in an office

Good morning, was the birthday meeting today or the new schedule for the quarter, trying to decide if I keep my tie on when frosting is around.

You can have my old chair since I switched to a standing desk.
Sitting will kill you, you know?

Ok people.. listen up.
Im going to need the weenis reports and the weekly spreadsheet on my desk by quiting time today. Or else everybody stays late until they are all done!!!!
What the fuck do i pay you faggots for!!!????

NO MORE DELAYS !!!!!

WHO THE FUCK TOOK A SHIT ON MY KEYBOARD

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Due to recent complaints I want to remind everyone it is not accaptabel to fuck the handicapped cleaning lady in the Server room *looks at the IT guy*

Brenda

:bringing in my CV:

Good Morning Boss, Just wanted to tell you that my in-laws decided to suddenly visit. I will be leaving early today, Hope that's okay.

*printer fucks up again* youtube.com/watch?v=N9wsjroVlu8

Now I know why there is this horrible stink, jesus that's god I got an air spray on my workstation
*fssssss*
Much better

It was not my fault. That bitch was wearing very "revealing" clothes that day

Hey, uhm... the Boss sendet me down to your department to ask about the weenis report it's not urgent but he wants to be up to date, He also wants me to remind you about Golf on Friday

Ok I will be honest, there has beeen a massive problem with that report. I will try my best but don't expect it to be done before next thursday.

Friday!!??? Crap..
I got my daughter's school play on Friday..
Uhh, tell him its on .

The problem is you and I and the boss will no longer tolerate your idle behaviour. Either you have that report ready till wednesday or he might consider not golfing with you this time.

No one is blaming anyone, I just want to make sure it doesn't happen again. And the rule does not only apply to you it applies to everybody. We just don't want another lawsuit, shit like this is the reason why we can't fire fucking brenda

Gross. Please don't.

Did everyone sign Brenda's birthday card yet?

The boss is quite excited about your daughter's school play and will join the audience. If she does good he will give you a pad on the back and some chocolate.

I didn't.

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Hey everyone, hey boss. sorry im late!! My little angel stephen smeared shit all over his sister! UGH! kids am i rite ? i do love being a mom tho !

I saw a cake in the break room on my way in, is that for brenda ?!

listen up faggots, the good news is we won the pitch this morning but bad is the first concepts of the new dragon dildo campaign has to be finished till friday! so you better get your shit going fast!

this is insane, im not even caught up on the weenis reports !

Can I go on a lunch break?

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I'm sorry but I fail to see how my romantic adventures with the disadvantaged would offend anybody. If anything I'm doing community service while attending work.

Woof !!!

No Brenda..
You've already had four today.
You fat fuck

Boss wants to see you first hehe *pinches your cheek*

Who the fuck take a shit on my fucking briefcase

Ihate you all fags.

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Shit. I think Bob has it. Just sign it.

That's a good boy

it was you, user. don't you remember getting shitfaced at the office party last night and doing it?

Fuck you, Chad!

if by "sign" you mean "rub my balls all over it", yes

Hey, I m just telling you what HR told me to.

*plops paper stack on your desk* "hey tina from HR said she needs you to file these reports by Thursday okay?"

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Why the fuck has Jack to fap the whole shift.

A disgruntled employee comes in with a shotgun and kills all of you. THE END.

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Your AC is sexist. Turn it off.

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It's nigger time

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Hey little girl, I will spare you if you can please me with that little body of yours. Otherwise this shotgun is going straight up your ass

psssst, brenda... brendaaa, give him your KFC bucket

*comes back from smoke brake*
Shit, I hope he killed Brenda

ive seen brenda in this thread

I'm pretty sure that would remember shit on my own briefcase. Prolly was Brenda. Stupid landwhale.

Which fucker borrowed my chair again? Now I have to readjust that goddamn thing again.

And fuck Brenda. I'm not signing a birthday card for that self entitled cunt. Her whinging every day does my nut in.

Game over

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Y'all mind if I shit in the copier?

Why don't you put a sweater on instead of moaning about the bloody temperature

youtu.be/BwwKxEUu72Q

What the fuck Brenda? Just because we have a active shooter in the building doesn't mean you can behave like an animal

shut the fuck up brenda you deserved it whore
and yeah. for the record. everyone knows you are fucking erica's husband.

Just clean it afterwards Greg, Maintenance is already high this month

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Spiderman get the fuck out or I will tell everyone you are peter parker

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Oh look its Mike from downstairs in his fucking spiderman costume

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Spiderman save us, there is a shooter roaming around here

Yeah but wait until he killed brenda

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This. The fat cunt...

At least it's not fucking Stuart in his Batman onesie

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Did anyone make a room booking for this meeting about the meeting in which we are going to schedule a meeting?

Nah he killed him self last week he was on some drugs and actually belived he is batman.
He jumped of the building trying to get in in his batplane

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According to the meeting Brenda was supposed to book a room

The sandwich aint the only thing I'm eating out Todd

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Oh FFS Brenda...!

Doesn't surprise me at all. Godspeed, Stuart, you ginger son of a bitch...

Does anyone have a pen I can borrow?

FFS Stuart I thought you were a goner

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Where's the IT guy? There's a visitor for him.

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Nah, there's someone at the door, mate. Sayin' something about collecting some tapes. Just hope it's not a sex tape about him with the disabled cleaner...

Is it about the cleaning lady, do we need to call the legal department AGAIN

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Should we give Brenda a surprise party for her birthday in the form of a gangbang to boost the morale of this place?

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Only if you like crabs. Or so I've heard. From a friend.

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I'm going out to smoke I'll be back in 5

i remember when brenda was new 10 years ago. she was really sexy and look at her now, a fat whale. apperently she never got the message that she dosnt get away with her crap anymore because she looks good

Attention everyone: basketball shorts are no longer allowed on casual Friday :(

Danielle the HR cunt is in today, got a meeting with her at ten. Have you been to yours yet?

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Oh shit one of them got in!! Security!

its Danielle this time?
wow thats going to be easy, we have an affair

HalfLifeWave.wmv

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THERE IS A FUCKING BLACK GUY IN OUR OFFICE
also there is a shooter somewhere but he is not that importand, he is white

No not a Chinaman, BRENDA!

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*plops steaming turd on your desk* "hey, andy six from black veil brides needs you to cram this down your throat by lunch, okay?"

Karen keeps insisting that she gets a raise lol stupid female workers

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i almost forgot about the second shooter who was a nigger.
thanks security

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Cunt has been on maternity leave last year and I had to cover for her whilst she was looking after her hellspawn. And did I get paid extra for it? Like hell I did...

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Lewis I need to discuss the spreadsheet you mailed to me, there are a few discrepancies that we need to resolve.
Oh and make sure Keith informs HR that that Margaret died on her way to work. Terrible.

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Yeah user I'm gonna need those VPN reports

hey i overheard Margaret died on her way to work?
thats weird she is the 25th person who died on her way to work just this month.

Printer xerox tech here STOP getting milk cum sweat and cracking the God damn glass
I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT

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U took my stapler

Anybody got a spare stapler?

he took the stapler you took from me
THATS MY STAPLER I GOT IT FROM HOME

Can we still vape here?

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sorry no you cant

we are a fag free office

Looking back anyone else wish they had a comfy boring office job?
The office made it look like heaven compared to the horrific Job market and unemployment shit we have now
>burns office to the ground

Lord go and see Luke and he'll get you some from the stationery cupboard...

Fuck. We have a fire. Now what.

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Drop and roll Brenda on the fire.

i dont care, my shift is over.

Fire! I tried looking for some extinguishers but no luck... Thought they were required by law?

Sorry I'm late everyone, I was stuck in traffic.

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Sounds like something Jenny from Corporate would do.

* sips coffee *
* look lost *
* another sip *

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Don't just stand there do something

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The IT guy might have blocked all the porn sites but that won't stop me from cooming all over his greasy thinkpad!
Huh huh huh huh
I'm...
COOOOOOOOMINGGGGGGGGGGGG

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*puts coffee granules in the sugar bowl*

>WRRRRRWRRRRRWRRRRRWRRRRR

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Bro quite down, I'm trying to work

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Only 100 emails left to go through after coming back from holiday...

It's quiet. You work in an office. Do try to get your grammar right for Pete's sake...

...by the way, has anyone seen Pete?

Oh hey user, good to see you! Say, did you ever get that gf you were looking for? No? Ahh, well better luck next time.
>WRRRRRWRRRRRWRRRRR

could someone get the IT guy? my Google Ultron isnt working

oops i dropped my pen...

Please don't stare at me like that user

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FFS whoever is printing 1,500 pages of tranny porn, go cancel the print job. I need to print out the HR forms to keep Brenda away from the lunch room.

user, cover for me for a bit I'm gonna head out for a little. Need anything?

Yeah. A can of diet coke since that **** Brenda took mine

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"Ring ring"

Where's Pete? His phone is ringing

Does anyone know who's taking all the fucking printer ink? I bought twenty new cartridges just yesterday and now they're all gone.

Who ordered the caramel latte?

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Hey, I’m making some copies over here, so it might be a little loud for a while, sorry bout that.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=gH3SZtCWpWg

is it ok if i fap in my corner?

Fucking openspace.
I WANT MY CUBICLE BACK.
I'M NOT WORKING UNLESS I GET MY CUBICLE BACK

Kyaaaa!

N-no, user, don’t look...p-please no

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I bet it was Brenda.

God fucking damn it. It's always fucking brenda, the bitch. You know what? user, you're a good guy. See to it that you aren't anywhere near brenda's desk tomorrow. Go out for a cigarette break around noon and just head home.

Brenda please...

What the hell is wrong with Brenda? I keep hearing that she’s constantly harassing workers and messing with the whole damn office, but has anyone actually put in a report to HR?

Im back with the diet coke. How many times has Brenda done this...

Sheesh. Report this to the boss or something, because she's a-

what the fuck is brenda a tranny or some shit

No one put in a report yet? Some one needs to hurry the fuck up with one