>Be Mummy's 24 year old bouncy happy healthy 487lb baby boy
>In the middle of my 5pm post-breakfast MLPforums and /trash/ browsing session on my 2011 Lenovo Thinkpad T420 running FreeBSD (fuck those Linux plebs)
>hear a knock on my door
>it's Mummy
>"God fucking damn me and slutty Princess Luna don't have time for your normie shenanigans you ungrateful sow!!!"
>She interrupts me mid-REEEE! and says my normie sister has come home from college for Christmas and she brought me a present
>"Fine! I shall take her gift as compensation for your heinous act of interrupting my browsing session!"
>Pull my healthy, quarter-ton /fit/ as fuck body out of my racecar bed and waddle down the stairs
>Fucking normalshit basic bitch roastie sister is in the living room holding a wrapped present with my name on it
>"Hey user! I can't believe it's been 3 years since..."
>"MY NAME IS SHADOWCLOUD! My ponysona is me and I am my pony OC!!"
>"S-sorry, Shadowcloud. I thought you might like this. I earned a little extra cash from my job at Starbucks and I thought I's use it to help you out a little bit"
>typicalroastie.jpeg
>Snatch the present out of her probably cum-drenched whore hands
>Tear into it with the force of a thousand Narutos
>areyoukiddingme.webm
>It's a MacBook
>A FUCKING MACBOOK
>"W-well I thought you could use a new laptop s-since yours is kinda old..."
>THIS. BITCH. HAS. CROSSED. THE. LINE.
>"How dare you insult Shadowcloud's presence by offering him this pleb-tier technological trash!"
>Mummy tries in vain to contain my unstoppable rage
>"user! How dare you treat your sister like this! She cares about you and this is how you repay her!?"
>Bitch, you just poured gasoline on a raging, eternal fire
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with the force of a thousand Thuu'ms (not that I'd ever play a normieshit game like Skyrim)
>Throw the MacBook onto the floor and bodyslam it with 100% pure muscled buttocks
>"APPLE IS SHIT SO THIS IS A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR GRAVE MISDEEDS, ROASTIE!"
End pt 1
Be Mummy's 24 year old bouncy happy healthy 487lb baby boy
pt2
>Clench my gut and let out a triumphant fart followed by a stream of poopoo so hard it rips through the buttflap on my Barney onesie
>Continue REEEEEEEing the entire time while I'm emptying my cavernous bowels
>Mummy tries to pull me off the box
>Throw a fistful of poopoo at her
>*FACESHOT*
>Sister screams and runs to her car
>fuckingnormiesandtheircarfaggotry.webm
>Fling more poo at her but miss and hit the Christmas tree instead
>Get up and let out a triumphant roar as I jump one the PlebBook with all my might one last time to finish off the Apple-made abomination.
>Retreat back to my lair and drink a 2 liter of Mr.Pibb in a victory toast with my beloved equine waifu Luna
>Mummy comes up sobbing 2 hours later and changes me out of my poopy clothes and serves me a megatray of Tyson tendies (5lbs worth) and another 2 liter of Pibb to wash it down
>spend three hours on the shitter while mummy cleans my room for me
And to think that fucking bitch had the gall to say that I was the one who ruined Christmas.
At least I'm never going to see my roastie whore of a sister again because Mummy told me she got something called a restraining order. Fuck that bitch. I hope she dies choking on Chad's cock while my peepee remains purely for Ponies.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
including the disclaimer
Yes, it is obviously a fake story for comedic value...
/r9k/ is thatta way homie
bruh you're using an eight year old laptop you should be thankful for an upgrade
Do you mean autistic works of fiction?
Agreed. OP should apologize to his sister.
Dear OP,
Again I must recommend raising money for a John Waters-esque film. The casting-couch footage alone would net enough views to cover half the cost.
>>*FACESHOT*
lost it
lmfao. unironically, i love these. here's a bump for more
>opening presents for 31st birthday
>mom hands me her and dads gift
>knew it was going to be a gift card
>open that son of a bitch up
>wait what the fuck
>what the fuck is this
>200 dollars to a fucking clothing store?
>"Where the fuck is my GameStop gift card you fucking whore?"
>"We were hoping you could pick yourself out some nice clothes...."
>"I don't need clothes you cum eating slut. I have plenty of trenchcoats and cargo shorts already."
>"user you're going to have to live with it."
>"Live with this you nigger fucker!"
>pull down my shorts and start diarrheaing all over the fine carpeting
>a beautiful brown sludge flies through the air and hits my mom square in the face
>dad tries to tackle me
>"Heh... too easy" I whisper as I evade his bear-like body in a beautiful seamless ballet twirl
>my ass covers him with shit as he falls into the coffee table
>cat was under the table and dies horribly, blood and shit all over
>"ill be in my cave, don't call me unless you fix your mistake"
>mfw they got me a 300 dollar GameStop card within the hour
>some time at some point in this exact time line,knowing the Yea Forums dwellers,there's a garaunted percentage that a btard acted exactly the same way op writed this copypasta
Lmao,i also laughed. Thanks
Fucking kektopolis reached
>Be masturbating to family photos of my mom from when she was in middle school
>Mommy comes in and sees
>Asks me to stop
>Stand up, still masturbating (Slowly, dont want to cum yet, but dont wanna have to start over)
>Explain that incest was just invented by normies to make it harder for superior-minded betas to get laid, and that only a fucking freak wouldn't be attracted to viable pussy when available
>She sighs and leaves, her eyes tearing up
>finally able to finish up, want some spaghetti
>Go downstairs and see mommy in kitchen
>Cooking roast chicken
>Screech at her and ask why she didn't make spaghetti
>Her answer is the final straw
>"What? You didn't ask for spaghetti."
>Lunge at her and punch the shit out of her
>She's out cold
>Shit on her whore face when she's down
>As she lays there, her pants ride up quite a lot
>See her ass clearly through her pants
>Mutter "Only a freak wouldn't be attracted to viable... viable pussy..."
>Don't want to lose virginity yet (saving for my highschool friend who I haven't spoken to in 17 years, still holding out hope we'll meet again and she'll have stayed pure for me too)
>Jerk off onto her ass instead, then write a note on the white wall of the kitchen in my own shit
>"Spaghetti. One hour. Or next time, I'll do it worse, then kill myself and blame you in the suicide note."
I actually know people who act like this
I wish this was satire, but it's an honest recounting of what Humanity has become
We are a sick and dying species
>be a 27 year old NEET
>wake up at 6PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicken tenders, just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to scary clown movie
>mummy and new daddy are in the back row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicky tendies again"
And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
>be me
>530 Lbs of mummy's golden child
>sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day
>finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP
>look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6
>"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!"
>mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies
>proudly point at the toilet bowl
>wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points
>clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150
>cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl
>mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them
>hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days
>can hear them talking downstairs
>"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything"
>hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything"
>girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?"
>clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin
>girl comes into my room and meows and purrs
>have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good
>the next 50 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games
>she's really impressed
>eventually leaves after the hour is up
>mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy
>"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift"
>eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards
How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.
not gonna lie, this one just gave me a comfy vibe
>wake up at 6pm after a particularly exhausting Runescape marathon
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY WANT BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS1.6 reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up chained to my bed with a plate of tendies on the bedside table
>new daddy is gone
great success