>Be me
>Manager at KFC
>pretty decent pay. Get 20$ an hour for literally overseeing the restaurant.
>Customer walks in.
>It's a fat fucking pig wearing stripper rags.
>"How can I help you ma'am" I say with my best pokerface.
>"Ken ai Hevsh a twenny shikken bukket? Laggs anly." She orders for a bucket of 20 drumsticks.
I was a fat fuck once, but not hamplanet. I can however translate fatfuckism into English, so the rest will be all translations from here on out.
>I soon place an order for 20 chicken drumsticks in a bucket. Gets done in 15 minutes lickety split.
>This fat bitch takes as much time just getting up and over to the bucket, falling on every other step and managed to roll over to the counter Super Monkey Ball style.
>Everyone in the restaurant, including the customers is trying to hold back their laughter as well as myself. "W-Will that be all?" I ask for anything else. "No thank you, I'm on a diet."
>wat.mp3
>She tries to walk but one fateful roll literally ripped all of her clothes nude.
>Everyone in the restaurant is trying to keep themselves composed. A couple people call 911 on her ass for indecent exposure since there were children.
>All the while, she was screaming her ass off. "FUCK THIS RESTAURANT, FUCK THESE CUSTOMERS, FUCK THIS BUCKET OF CHICKEN." She rambled. Luckily, her rambling left her short of breath, and soon she became passed out from over-exertion of just talking.
>everyone including myself becomes pic related and as soon as the cops come drag her fat ass, everyone in the restaurant was laughing as if they heard the funniest thing ever.
>This kids is why I don't come order shit from KFC every other day.
care to hear more of my stories Yea Forums?
Be me
Yes.
Also, I'm a cab driver. Not uber. Not lyft. Actual cab driver.
$20 per hour to manage an entireentire fast food restaurant?
I made $28 on the line at Ford in 1995. Your generation is fucked.
Tell me more.
Alright. You tell me one of your stories after this.
>Tuesday
>Business is running as usual.
>New guy's shaky on his feet. Anxious tard can't control himself.
>I have to be his tard wrangler for the morning, while my buddy charles has to be for the evening, per my boss' orders.
>Assign him to take out the trash and do nothing requiring social interaction.
>Some dumbass kid tries to run off with the chicken that wasn't paid for.
>Tard stands by the door.
>"Get out of my way retard!"
>Kid is met with a falcon punch as he breaks his fucking face.
>Tard is now promoted to security guard at the KFC.
>mfw we hired a security guard
>mfw he also gets a pay raise from my boss ranging around $35 for sitting there and being pretty until someone tries to steal our fucking chicken.
Who gives a fuck old man.
> its the same thing
Not me faggot. I've already made more money than you'll ever see.
And physical labor was your only assest to the job market because....well, look at your fucking comment. You can't proofread for shit.
Tard security guards aren't the worst idea if you can trigger their anger. Maybe get a shock collar?
I used to work at Chuck e cheese and would fuck bitches in those stupid sky tubes.
Phone posted. Obviously didn't proofread it faggot.
Ford put me through college too. Debt free. I haven't done manual labor in 20 years.
Yeah, it's always something or someone else huh?
Working at a Ford factory? Lol OK. Quit larping homie
The Next Day
>Wednesday
>Tard clocked in an hour early before the store opened, watching over the door's entrance.
>"Hey man."
>"Hello user. Lovely weather isn't it?"
>He gives me the biggest death stare I've ever gotten from anybody. It left me at unease, wondering if he knew he was playing the anti-hero, or was trying to look cool and menacing.
>Open up shop.
>Kid from before comes back with a nigger posse.
>"GET 'EM! THAT'S THE GUY THAT FUCKED UP MY FACE."
>Points to tard.
>Tard breathes down on kid and picks his ass up. "LOVELY WEATHER, ISN'T IT?!" He breathes onto him, the scent of saliva wrinkling his nose.
>popcorn_chicken.wav
>"YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET THROUGH ME IF YOU WANNA STEAL MY CHICKEN!"
>Nigger posse runs after my paid popcorn chicken.
>Tard drags them back in and screams until they go deaf, as their faces are covered in saliva.
>He slams them down, as the kid gets up and tries to hurdle over the counter.
>"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING user!?" a coworker asks. We'll call him andrew.
>"Andrew, get me a food tray. This shit's war."
>We start pummeling the shit out of the chicken bandits, and make sure they had their asses beat enough so the cops didn't suspect it was us but also made sure they couldn't get up.
>Mfw this place became Kentucky Fried Wrestlemania for the morning shift.
>business ran normally that day and never saw them since.
Can you math? I made over 100k in 97 and 98 working some overtime.
and yet, here you are. posting in the same place as all of us other losers. congrats faggot.
>I made $28 on the line at Ford in 1995.
Then NAFTA shipped your job down to Mexico.
Okay. Here's one.
I was in my cab and headed to a fare in a shitbox motel. I get to the motel, and a dude gets in. However, he doesn't get RIGHT in... He holds the door open, then closes it, without getting in. Then, dude goes around to the other side, slides into the middle, then after waiting another second or two, reaches over and closes the other door.
Now, normally this wouldn't be that odd, because the front seats are angled in such a way as to not make it comfortable for people to sit directly behind me. However, this guy decides to buckle the seatbelts over nothing on either side of him. Then this guy proceeds to begin speaking to the empty, buckled seats on either side of him.
At this point, I am concerned, but he seems harmless enough, so I roll with it. Ask where to and get going.
In route to wherever it was, dude begins arguing with his phantom friends in the back seat. So, being the person that I am, I decide to quell the situation. I turn around and say, "LISTEN UP. IF YOU THREE DON'T STOP FIGHTING, I'LL PULL THIS FUCKING CAR OVER AND THROW ALL THREE OF YOU OUT. NOW SAY YOU'RE SORRY OR THE RIDE'S OVER."
Guy starts apologizing, and interprets for his "friends" that they're sorry as well.
We get to the destination and he proceeds with the same deal as before, but in reverse, letting one then the other out, paying me, and tips me $20 on top of the fare, apologizing again.
Not a bad night overall.
Not mine, but a lot of others. Thanks Republicans!
Badass Cab driver.
Tell me more user, I want this to be a fucking greentext stories general rn.
is this bait? clinton signed nafta into law
I've been saying this for years, that we should weaponize retards as they have no other purpose. My main thought behind it is outfitting them in this, siberian bear hunting armor.
I'd agree user. We'd need to teach them bear hunting and then drop them off in the wilderness.
No.
After it passed a Republican Congress with a veto proof majority. The only votes against it were from dems.
I need that.
got too fake to be interesting, I don't mind a little fake but this is fake AND gay
Fake and gay