Monkey's paw thread

Monkey's paw thread.
Think of a wish, anons must tell you the downsides.

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Omnipotence

Assuming this is for infinite knowledge, you now know everything about Andy's steamy logs and that's the only thing you can think about. Getting a thick greasy leg clouds your mind as you know the feeling and can't stop chasing it.

You assume poorly mortal, now bow before your one true God

I want speed racer remastered

You go blind during the opening credits

I wish this wish has no downsides

I want to go to Japan again.

You gain nothing

You’re raped by your new stepdad and boss, unrelated to this wish causally.

It sinks into the ocean as soon as you get there

japan gets nuked a third time

You’re raped.

Your penis shrinks to the size of the average Japanese mans once you arrive

Absolutely nothing happens. Ever.

It would grow, then, sucker!!

I wish to have 3,000 beautiful 10/10 teen girls lined up to fuck me in all the best positions every day

I wish Germany won WW2

re-do on life starting from 6th grade keeping all my memories and knowledge of the past and present.

they all have aids

furries are the cultural standard

They gas you for being a fag

they can only peg you

The only movie you can watch for the rest of your life is Pearl Harbor

I want to put my tongue inside Elles' asshole for 7 minutes.

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You turned into a vibrator on Brazzers. You have no feelings or nerve endings to enjoy it because you're just a lump of plastic.

you still lack confidence to do anything at that age and your vast amount of knowledge is useless as you forgot most of your lessons anyways

I wish smoking had no I'll effects.

I wish I could be a black guy

you're a nigger

Your tongue is inside of a butthole for 7 minutes

Your tongue is in her anus but it was torn from your mouth with a pair of rusty pliers

I wish I could get away with murder every time I was accused of it

You smoke and you look like a faggot for doing it anyways

Reported

I wish that no other wishes would ever come true.

Nice.

I wish I could pause and unpause time at will for everything except my own consciousness and thoughts

I could live with that

You get E. Coli, you dumb cunt

I get a 2nd monkeys paw that grants as many wishes as I want with no drawback

You vaping hipster, but the vape has no nicotine, so you're just smoking water and look like a faggot.

You get arrested then shot for resisting.

It breaks when you go to use it.

Granted, but time pauses only while you have your finger in your asshole.

You are found innocent after the first trial, but then get shot and killed in a mass shooting at the court house.

I wish WW2 ended with Americans finding German deathcamps run by the Jews

reported for reporting

You can do that, but you can't move while time has stopped.

This doesn't seem so bad, time is paused so just do everything one handed

I wish for the power of absolute creation.

reported for reporting me reporting

Reported for reporting the reporter

I stab myself with the arrow and am worthy

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Absolutely deal, better than finger in butt.

Bobos hijueputas.

reported for reporting the guy reporting me reporting and posting at the same time as me

you can only create things that do you harm

you get raped by a pack of niggers

Sounds good to me, quick death, later cucks!

I wish for the end, dear friend

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reported to AOL mods for being a bigger fag than OP

You become immortal and have to live your most embarrassing day over and over only to commit suicide at the end of it and wake up and relive it all again

Black Mirror tier.

I WANT TO BE SMART XD

You become completely immortal and invulnerable to any sort of damage, down to the subatomic level. You will now live for eternity. Floating through the universe for the rest of your infinite lifespan, until the end of the universe, which you alone will bear witness to. You wished for the end, have the end of everything, nigger.

I wish Obama was still president

everyone i hate (except myself) dies

obama is president

everyone you love hates you

Hold out both hands...
Now wish in one hand, and shit in the other,
See which one gets full first.

That’s what my mother used to tell me if I wished for anything.
That was a different time, way back then...

I can undo any downside to my super power.

good. no one hates me.

non-blacks are made into sex slaves for native West-Africans.

I want to see my grandchildren play in a large garden from a valcon, while having breakfast with my wife.

only see them in a recurring dream, once a month. freak accident takes your ability to procreate or achieve erections irl.

Your superpower is being able to grow your hair at 1.25x speed.

I wish I could stop shitting my pants

you bleed heavily from your anus daily. smells like a woman's period.

i just want big female titties to replace my sorry excuse for milk jugs :(

your HRT stops working. you look like a man with perfect E-cups.

ok am i supposed to hate this?

Nah, you'll be fine.

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(op btw) lemme take another crack at this, i wish that i had a mommy gf

i wish for everyone on Yea Forums right now to all receive a disease free, fertile, and biologically female girlfriend that is, to their taste, a solid 7.

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you are terribly uncreative
the protagonist is a black lesbian who has to race against all white males and win or else they government of the states of united emrica wont stop detaining immigrants in their IEC detention centers. (get it?! its topical!)

she's HIV+
hates condoms
all males 13+ lose the ability to orgasm permanently.

jokes on you a jew stole my foreskin so I don't even have to worry about it.

I wish for the below statement to be true:

This statement is false.

your head explodes

(op again) yeah im bored af, i wish that i had "average csi hackerman" skills

You're brutally gang raped by niggers. Your hands never stop shaking.

I wanna die and have no one feel sad

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are you kidding me, wtf. that was the most innocent-ish wish and i just get BLACKED so hard that i gain PTSD and never be able to have a steady hand.

(op again) i wish i had some perfectly good loaf of untainted breaf straight from the oven.

you get Diavolo'ed, an infinite loop of death, each and every one is unique in any way.

It burns the roof of your mouth so badly you can never taste anything ever again.

thats not how it works but ok

Why is my true Identity being hidden from me?

You have omnipotence but also infinite apathy. Thus while you have the power to do everything, you also lack the motivation to do anything.

you cant handle who you really are:
A founding member of your local NAMBLA chapter

All wishes now become "true-ish" mean they're granted, but with negative side effects.

Why do I have to be satan again he's always the bad guy?

You become smart enough to realize how meaningless and pathetic your life is, but not smart enough to do anything about it.

Obama's third term set of a civil war, which is still raging to this day.

No one dies as you discover your emotions to be so weak and sad that you don't really hate anyone.

Every downside undone creates two new downsides.

Your feces becomes hot and acidic, burning away your pants everytime.

You are given a pair of the world's largest tit mouses.

I wish for the ability to make men and women have the most powerful orgasm their body is capable of having by being within 1 mile of them and they know I'm responsible and fall in love with me.

The orgasms are so powerful they kill the recipient after three hours, which are spent shouting your name and address.

The orgasm is so powerful they empty their bowels/bladders and get brain damage so you ultimately end up having to deal with a legion of incontinent retarded stalkers

I wish futaba would pee in my mouth

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i wish my life was more fulfilling and i werent a neet.

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That's omniscience you plebiscite

you are required to smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day or you will die a slow and agonizing death

monkey paw gives me incredible good handjobs with the best orgasms ever once a day

Only works in public

The nogs win

This wish is so pure I can't think of a satisying corruption.

this makes it even better

I wish my gf wasn't mentally ill.

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Wish granted, she's dead. Next?

Now I'm impervious to stds

You’ll never have sex (again)

Basic one, but space and time manipulation at will

her pee is acid

Like... hcl? Or LSD?

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she becomes retarded instead, like full potato power retarded with the downs and everything.

like shit that burns through your flesh and scars for life if you're lucky