Been a long time since I've been on here, you guys wanna hear my life story while I drink myself to sleep...

>I was also very suicidal and suffering from PTSD from abuse since I was like 4
>No one could stop watching me
>One time when the teacher stopped looking for a while I took all the skin off rhe back of my hand with a fucking ruler

>After a few years of being on those meds they finally reduced them and I could actually act like a child
>With my new found energy I spent all of my time working out how to tie a noose
I've tried so many fucking times to end it, I just can't die. I took a mixture of almost 200 500mg or so painpills, prescription (not mine) and otherwise with a bottle of rum. Didn't die

Was in hospital for a few days though when someone found my body on the floor the next morning

Same. After i stopped taking them i felt like killing myself everyday, started having hallucinations and cutting myself

I've been told I hallucinated back then too, I saw a demon who would tell me what everyone thought of me, told me to hurt myself and jump off balconies whenever I had the chance. He still hangs around sometimes which's how I know he's real

Anyway, no one talked to me throughout all of my school life because they were scared of me, not that I'd hurt them but because every now and again they would see a scar on my body (I cut really fucking deep which scares some people) or hear a story of the things I have done in the past like just walking into people's houses at 15, steal their alcohol and walk out with no fucks given, I was an alcoholic. Later started making crack and smoking it just for myself at 16 or 17

Oh shit! Forgot to add that I'm a sperg with a disability which essentially just makes it painful to do anything, writing with a pen is fucking agony and even standing still for too long can make me walk with a limp for days

...

I saw a pair of cat or fox ears made out of shadows that would jump and run around my room.
Also heard something breathing and eating somethimg under my bed at night

To cut a long story short since no one gives af. I recently found out that the abuse which started all of my mental anguish, the reason I got locked up for trying to kms, the reason I've almost been sanctioned. Could just be lies made to make my stepdad look bad, and it was my grandma who started it. I'll explain

My grandma (who took me in after the abuse) is a pathological liar, tried to put my brother up for adoption, tried to break my family apart a d could have made the whole abuse thing up because she hated my mam. But I get violent flashbacks to the abuse and remember it clearly. Yet there's so much evidence to say she made it up

I don't want this shit ending sad, so I'll say there's a lot I left out, like being hospitalised for a month and having 3 operations and not being able to eat or drink anything that entire time without a food tube. Or being homeless. So I'll just say that I'm 18 now and about to get my first flat, I'm off the crack and hard drugs but still not doing well. Any questions ask away

I'd just see this demon, he would tell me not to trust anyone because they want to hurt me, told me how they'd do it too. But as a punishment for bringing nothing good into the world and only making people's lives worse I'd have to open my wrists or try to kms.