Post near death experiences

>homeless
>drunk as fuck
>drunk mind thinks trespassing and burglary is a good idea
>start testing door knobs of houses with no cars
>one opens, little dog inside freaks out
>runs into the yard
>run away, but drunk so slow
>dog is right on my heels
>owner come out
>is holding a .357 revolver
>aims at me and starts yelling
>trip over some shit
>dog is all over me
>owner is closing in
>get up and run for my life
>pass out in a kids slide at the park when I can't run any more

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>be 17
>winter 2008
>2inches of ice on roads
>decide to drive anyway
>1985 grand prix junker
>go to local park to snowboard down massive hill
>nothing eventful happens
>pack up and begin slowly driving downhill
>gravel road turns with curve of hill to meet main road
>coaating downhill about 20mph
>notice I won't make turn to main road
>lightly tap breaks
>nothing
>lay on breaks
>full slide towards edge of road
>begin to slow, but not stopping
>scared I will pass road and go over edge
>egde has 100m sudden drop
>"oh god oh fuck"
>going 3mph now
>not stopping and im passing road to turn
>finally come to a hualt
>get out of car to check
>front tires are more off road than on
>shit pants
>go home and masturbate

It was satan keeping you alive for your true purpose later on in your life

>be me
>hangin out on the train
>suddenly my back hurts
>tell my bro i feel weird
>get off train at next stop
>walk off the platform
needsumwater.exe
>suddenly can't breath
>fall down flight of stairs
>think i'm having a stroke or something
>black out
>wake up three days later
>massive tubes going into my lungs
>both of my lungs collapsed
>doctor asks me if i smoke weed
>say "ya you got any?"
>he tells me i can never smoke again

Life without weed is worst than death

Lol well I was 17 or 18 at the time. I was a wealthy Chad in my 20s. Now I am 32 and a fat unemployed loser with severe anxiety disorder.

That was your purpose, to be a leech on the functioning members of society. It’s what satan wants for us all

>driving home from school with gf
>getting off freeway
>space out and miss the red light
>still going 60
>cars coming into the intersection
>somehow manage to miss all oncoming cars
>drift into the turn lane between a semi and a van
>everybody honking
>turn off and park
>start crying

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Do sum push ups bro you got this. I believe in you

So if I find God & work it will get better? I mean I made almost a million dollars by the time I was 30 so it is kinda like early retirement only now I must live modestly and not like I make 100+k/yr

I just bought a Bowflex off home shopping network so should be turning my life back around again soon

>going home back from school, earbuds on
>about to cross a two way divided street
>Look left, no cars, pass
>in the middle division, look to the right, no cars
>just before the first step, a fucking firetruck passes inches from me, from the left
>now i always look both sides even on one way streets

>be 12,13 or 14, cant remember
>summer school camp
>other kids playing with water baloons in the yard, some water went on those smooth thick steps
>didnt see that
>start walking down the steps, there's like 20 of them, all wet
>fuckyouresowet.dng
>start tumbling down on my back
>finally reach the ground,lying on the back
>cant fucking breathe
>crying like a little bitch
>all the kids around me watching and in shock
>everything starts going dark, like a big vignette coming to the centers on my eyes
>im legit gonna die
>finally start catching shallow breaths
>back is black and blue from hitting on those fucking steps
>didnt die after all

>11
>at babysitters boyfriends house
>there is a pool with a diving board
>diving board has no grip on the end
>jump on diving board
>foot slips
>wake up breathing in water
>brain_shutdown.exe
>someone grabs me
>not breathing
>does cpr
>wake up coughing water
>head bleeding
> I now realize all the adults had been drinking

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edibles?

>be young teen working on family farm
>be driving quad bike to herd sheep
>finish herding and counting sheep
>race home to get dinner
>hit pothole on crusty Lane
>quad fishtails and rolls 3-4 times with me holding on for dear life
>Black out

>wake up half an hour later still on ground, in mad pain
>>left arm can't move, dislocated. Right arm shredded on dirt road. Still bleeding badly. Right ankle Sprained, concussed af
>notice a sharp as fuck rock an inch from where my head landed.
>SweetAuntJemimah.cow
>eventually get up and stagger to stream.
>have to pop arm back into place
>brace against tree. CRUNCH.mov
>pain and relief. Like jacking off with with poison ivy
>wash self in stream look battered but alive
>flip quad back on wheels. Fucker is heavy as shit.
>have to bend handlebars back to normal position.
>drive it home at a snails pace.
>tell gran gran the bull rushed me.
>mfw the fucker gets shot for my lie, sorry bull bro
Always wear a helmet and protective gear kids.

That's one of many 'idiot teen me on farm" near death experiences

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edibles you dumbass

>17
>friend has new bouncy tramp machine
> bouncy times with fren, fren sis and sis fren
>feelsgoodman
>anonIgotagreatidea.exe
>"lets jump off the roof of the garage"
>big bounces ensue
>anonIgotgreatidea.exe
>lets double bounce eachother
>other people jump just before roof jumper lands so the extra flex shoots the jumper extra high
>whatcouldgowrong.jpeg
>time to get double bounced
>frens flex the tramp machine just as I land
>upside down, feet over head
>slung like a rock in a slingshot
>directly into the garage wall
>garage wall one of those old stucco style jobs
>literally broken glass and jagged stones embedded into cement
>land on the ground on upper back
>feet over my head slide down the wall
>completely winded
>breathing is impossible
>scramble to nearest chair and focus on trying to take a breath
>finally able to inhale jagged breaths
>relieved but why does everyone look so scared?
>"what is it"
>fren points at my feet
>look down at what used to be my feet
>just blood and mangled flesh but doesn't hurt
>proceed to start bleeding out
>girls are crying, fren is pale
>fren grabs garden hose
>pours cold water on feet probably trying to clean up the pool of blood
>frens nurse mom arrives home
>find me white as a ghost in her back yard
>saves my life

TLDR mangled my feet in a trampoline accident and would have bled out in my best friends back yard if not for his mother arriving home from work at the hospital just in time. I couldn't walk properly for 2 months. Most of the toes in my feet still don't flex or bend like they used to.

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once during my teenage years. i was trying to impress my friends. i sat in the middle of the highway and not to move no matter what then a speeding 10 wheeler truck almost hit me. back then it was funny but thinking about it now, it was one of the dumbest thing i did, i almost died.

and about 2 years ago. i was smoking near my house on a vacant lot. lots of trees, bush tall grass. i decided to sit down on some log. then a yellowish brown snake probably a cobra slithering on my left foot. that thing gave me a slight heart attack. it was gone few seconds later.

A cobra?
Where you from Yea Forumsro?

and yeah when i was a kid, i almost drowned. good thing they revived me but i wont forget that worst feeling ever..

south east asia.

Wow, well I'd be pretty cautious with cobras just out and about.

>be like 9 yr old me
>awesome idea on how to charge batteries
>cut lamps cable, strip it, tape one end in battery's +, other end on -
>plug the contraption
>go out and play or something for a long while
>come back and "battery charger" is smoking af
>run, fill a glass with water and pour it over it
>disconnect the thing

>was 17
>visiting aunt in NYC
>walkign thru times square
>it is a piece of shit place
>guy comes up to me, stabs me twice, grabs my laptop bag and runs off
>end up in ER
>liver lacerated, major surgery, massive blood loss
>i died on the table twice
>the tunnel of light is real
>Jesus is absolutely real, I met Him
>sent me back to tell people
>trying to but it's hard sometimes because so many people freak out at you for telling them
>oh well gonna keep trying
>still the most vivid memories ever

Did he call himself Jesus?
That is an abnormal experience for near death experiences.
Most people just get blissfull and fade to black.

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how does he look like?

>4th grade science fair
>wanna make a system for people in wheel chairs to turn on light
>take 2 metal hangers and make a Circuit to a couple boards in a v shape
>it works
>mom is a nurse and works 12HR shifts
>normally just do homework alone
>take my creation to school
>teacher freaks out

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