I have this female friend that I've been friends with for like 5 or 6 years, and we've talked about hooking up but it didn't really happen, and now she has a bf for a couple of years and we still hang out every now and then as friends. The thing is I still fap to her and when I'm with her sometimes I record our conversations so I can listen back to the sound of her voice while faping. Shit's so cash.
Wait...is this supposed to be humor, or is it garbage?
Ryder Morales
I never tell this story because it scares the fuck out of me reliving it but fuck it. I’m 2014 I moved to a rural area in Victoria, Australia and across the road from my house was an abandoned church that was built in the 1800s. I sleep walk all the time and one night my brother heard our front door slamming, he went to check and my bedroom door was open too. He said that he saw me across the road walking to the church and he tried yelling out to me but I wasn’t responding. He knows about my sleep walking so he ran after me but apparently the door I opened was locked when I went inside. As if it needed to be locked for me to open it up in the first place, why I shut it behind me I don’t know. He could see me through the windows walking up to the front of the church inside and I got on my knees and started praying. I am not relig nious in any way shape or form. My brother didn’t know what to do so he started kicking one of the windows in around the back of the church, he got inside and grabbed me and we just started kissing and fucking relentlessly. Using tongue and maintaining eye contact. Scariest shit of my life.
Tl;Dr, but Ill judge it regardless. You're a pussy, grow a pair.
Andrew Peterson
I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy
Nicholas Wilson
Newfag
Kayden Hill
first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that.
Juan Gray
Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences
Juan Barnes
I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.
Wyatt Roberts
I pussied out of seeing my friend's dead body today. Had a hard time getting up close and personal with him and his parents. I saw him from about 2 meters away though, so I don't feel like all the way dying. There were also a bunch of old ass church fags forming a "snake style" line to see a 26yo who accidentally killed himself. am I a bad person?
Nice FUCKING meme you fucking SPERGLORD FAGSHIT. Holy FUCK it pisses me off when some unoriginal, retarded assholish dickweed decides it would just be FUCKING HILARIOUS to post the SAME. OVERUSED. JOKE. What do you even fucking hope to gain out of this? Karma? Well you're certainly getting that, cause it seems like a lot of other inbred shitface fucking retarded autistic fuckshits are thinking you're just FUCKING HILARIOUS and that this joke HASN'T BEEN MADE A BILLION FUCKING TIMES. FUCK you.
Ryan Hernandez
Nigger
Charles Hall
hasshass haa. I sit atop the mountain a fourchan on my glass. I sip up out my flask and grip tight on my lass. Around i swirl a round i tiwrl i fall in to ravine. i sit and drink and sit i think i will begin to cum
Nice FUCKING meme you fucking SPERGLORD FAGSHIT. Holy FUCK it pisses me off when some unoriginal, retarded assholish dickweed decides it would just be FUCKING HILARIOUS to post the SAME. OVERUSED. JOKE. What do you even fucking hope to gain out of this? Karma? Well you're certainly getting that, cause it seems like a lot of other inbred shitface fucking retarded autistic fuckshits are thinking you're just FUCKING HILARIOUS and that this joke HASN'T BEEN MADE A BILLION FUCKING TIMES. FUCK you
Jaxon Roberts
Nigger your music is laughably bad please go back to fagland
Xavier Mitchell
You are the king of faggots, user. Please do the world a favor and end your sad existence.