Post George things you’ve done

My fiancee died while licking toxic envelopes that I picked.

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>go to Korean BBQ
For those of you who don't know, you cook the meat yourself and the servers come by with a new grill
>bill comes out to $50 (eating with friends)
>pay with $60
>wait 20 minutes and the guy asks what we're still doing here
>tell him I want my change
>he says he thought it was a tip
>ask him what exactly happened to merit $10 tip
>back and forth happens until I get the money back
>leave $4
This was 3 years ago and haven't been there since
Was I in the wrong here?

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I don't know who was in the wrong because I'm missing some important contextual features here, but this is pure fucking Costanza. Good post.

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what's the difference? you're their all-time bestseller

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Dumb ass servers

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jerry get ipad

I once double dipped at a common dip bowl at a party.

My pants came off after getting out the pool and my dick was inside out small. Everyone laughed and "I screamed I was in the pool!". My best friend got a laugh out of that.

*jery

Got a date by doing the opposite of my instincts. My instinct would have made me awkwardly smile at this girl and walk away wishing I'd said something. I said something then said the opposite of everything I would have said. I couldn't believe I got away with it. We dated a few times but there was not much there after all. I haven't tried it again yet.

All of that is George. Disgusting.

Not good enough

We live in a society rant

That's more of a Larry thing

But george is larry

Piss in the shower all the time

Fuck waiters. I tip based on service. Sometimes that means 0

Once I bought a new baseball cap in a mall, and ten minutes later I saw a group of black kids hanging around and they all kept the hologram stickers on their hats, and I handed them my hologram because I didn’t want it.

They looked at me like I was racist. I was trying to be nice.

Maybe you don’t find this George but it’s true

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Find an empty extra large popcorn bucket and use it for free refills.

Yeah? And I had sex with your wife

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Kill yourself faggot

I got you beat.....
Once I went into McDonald’s, went to the bathroom, reached into the garbage can, grabbed a McDonald’s soda cup......washed it a few times......walked to the soda fountain and proceeded to have four refills.

I am not proud of that.

Originally I used to do that scam with my own cups but one day I forgot and did the bathroom scam.

you fucking scumbag

Broke up with a hot ass girl because she had a weird freckle on the back of her shoulder

Based

Why is a scumbag? If he was about to leave that instant why the fuck did he put a fucking card down and want to leave right after. Just fucking leave.

i never really watched seinfeld but i got dem same tiddies

What's wrong with what I did? You can't just play a card as you leave and just completely change the dynamic of the game

Don't worry senpai. I got your back.
It's a shitty move on his part to influence the game and leave immediately after, and uses a hospital visit as an excuse.

No joke, couldn't stare other men in the eyes for weeks.

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what job and what was the punishment assignment

Korean BBQ shouldn't expect big tips

I was disappointed that George didn't want to bang his slutty cousin.

Dumped my ex because she had a black kid, but stayed with her for years trying to get her to break up with me because I didn't want to look racist.

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joker george

Billy Mays was based

Hooters chicks weaponize our libidos against us for tips. Costanza was just evening the odds

doesn't get more based than that.

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Is there a video of this masterpiece?

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you should. it's not a lie, if you believe it

hahaha holy fuck absolutely based

This is great

Not that's not even 20 fucking %

no because it's fake

>tfw hairy as george, but have numerous moles

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>believing things you read on the internet

There's a Reddit thread. That image embellishesh what happened probably from someone who has a mommy milkies fetish. She doesn't actually grow embarrassed and turn red like an anime big titty wife.

Based. Fuck tipping.

Based fuck wagies

Real r*ddit description vs incel women hatred fantasy

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20% is a massive tip for service that goes above and beyond human limits
5% is good for a waiter who did beyond their normal fair share

its real its just that it was a minor little joke he did and had no bearing on who won or lost. This seething bitch who posted this is trying to make up copes as to why her favourite poker lady was BTFO by the superior male brain.

I found it and it happened, but she didn't actually start lactating and have to leave as a result, and she wasn't mad about it. It's still some solid banter and a perfect George move.

>incel woman hatred fantasy
>post was a massive cope by a woman who didnt like seeing a woman lose
at least use your buzzwords correctly you retarded tourist

Poker is just a random outcome anyway, it has nothing to do with "male vs. female brain". It's basically just rolling dice, there's no skill involved.

tell that to the seething bitch who wrote that massive cope paragraph

When I was younger I always felt embarrassed about how little I knew about cars, considering men are supposed to know those kinds of things. I also worked at a store that happened to sell some automobile maintenance products. One day this old woman came in to buy coolant as her car was overheating. Upon checking out she asked if a big strong man such as myself could help her as she knew absolutely nothing about cars. Afraid of embarrassment, and in a sudden burst of desire to prove myself, I said absolutely, and bragged about how I could take a car apart and put it back together. When I opened the hood of her car it was like trying to read chinese braille. I ended up pouring the entire bottle into a couple of random spots cause I wasnt sure which was the right one.

From the driver's seat I heard her ask "everything ok dear?" I said "absolutely, all set to go!" I took a few precautionary steps back as he started the car and felt relieved when it started ok. The old woman got out and gave me a generous tip for my help. I accepted and told her to have a good one.

you know what i fucking come to hate? every poker game is texas hold em, not five card. when the hell did that happen and why didnt i notice until a couple years ago? hold em is way more luck based

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20% is the standard tip at least in the US at any major city, unless the service was horrible.

My stomach made a noise today at my office and i had headphones on so i thought it might have sounded like a fart so when i got up near the end of the day i spoke loudly to myself a out how im hungey and my stomach gets really noisey when im hungry

I dont think anyone gave a fuck

pokertube.com/video/celebrity-poker-showdown-s05-ep02--part-2

george poker lactation video, starts around 22:15. For all the faggots saying it's fake

>go on double date
>my date is plump and kind of ugly
>other girl is cuter
>tell other girl aside I like her
>she says that's mean and is going to tell my date
>I say fine tell her if you want to make her upset
>she tells her
>date gets upset with me
>don't give a shit cause she's ugly
>the movie was also shit (transfrormers 3)

Sometimes that cold water hits your feet and you just got to go. What are you going to do? Step outside of the shower and drip water all over the place, on the toilet paper? No, you do what everyone does. you piss in the shower as is your God given right.

>be me
>work at Home Depot as a puller
>my job is to put online orders together so people can come pick them up or have them delivered
>trying to find some wood for an order
>some couple is asking about some bundle we have or something
>I don't fucking know, this isn't my department
>mfw they're very insistent and won't leave me be
>tell them I'd look for the lumber guys
>don't
>actually just sit in the bathroom until they leave
>quit with 1 (one) days notice a week later
Fuck that place

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You were partially in the wrong because you didn't declare that you needed change. The server was partially in the wrong because he didn't ask if you needed change. But mostly I blame the server for feeling entitled enough to not ask. All the same, you were acting just as autistically and should always declare that you need change if they didn't ask. It's a tough one but I think the server is marginally more assholish, especially since you ended up leaving a tip anyway.

>inb4 "hurr the server should've felt entitled to a 20% tip"

Fuck that, common courtesy is 15% and no one is entitled to anything, especially idiots who work serving jobs and then complain about how much extra money their patrons are unwilling to spend. If it matters to you that much move to a country where servers actually get a decent living wage and aren't shafted by their employers in order to receive a bonus. I consider that server's presumptuous behavior to be borderline theft.

>and this is why they have 1 refill only signs now

thanks

that happened to me,i fully understood the definition of tense afterwards.

I know that feeling user, i have autism too

Been a loser

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That old lady was dumb as fuck to ask for your help but nearly wrecking her automobile to do something you were not paid to do is way worse and you should feel ashamed.

>It's quite painful when the milk lets down... Very nasty

I have never had a job in my entire life and I'm nearly 30.

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ive been having sex with a 19 year old girl without a condom on for over a month now

You don't have to ask for your change, a fucking tip isn't assumed.

I have, formerly say, sneeded.

What you just said doesn't make sense...

the absolute madman

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Yes but if you don't bring it up the server is probably gonna pocket the cash. The server doesn't owe you anything if you don't say anything. Taking the extra is just restaurant culture so it's not far fetched they'd see the extra as being a 20% tip. Therefore if they're arrogant enough to not ask and you just sit there waiting it's kinda on you for not knowing how restaurants work. But again, I'm on the autistic patron's side, he just needs to learn tipping behavior better.

It's weird thinking back George was considered 'fat' at the time. The average weight in America went up so much in two decades.

>had sex with teacher in the school
>larped a rich guy and got caught
>larped law student
>larped med student and got caught
>always making time when driving
>doing summer of george right now

>>had sex with teacher in the school
Storytime?

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For what purpose were you LARPing so? For sex? Because if so I don't really care, but if it was something else I'd be very intrigued.

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milton?

I piss in the shower even when I’m not showering. My home has a toilet but I love the ease of urinal pissing so my shower doubles as a urinal. No regrets

Are you a white person?

If someone takes perfectly good food that they only took one bite out of and puts it in the trash and it isn't surrounded by shit, you better beleive I'm gonna reach in and eat the damn thing.

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>they keep adding new categories
My sides.

No they bring all the change back THEN pocket it when you walk out leaving it there. That's how resaurants work. I don't know what ghetto corner of the world you're from but fags get fired if they ever try that shit

I swerved around a woman inside the grocery store with my full cart in a race to get to the checkout line first. She only had a couple items and asked if she could go ahead of me. I gave her an empathetic smile, shrugged, and told her "It's okay, I pay with credit, it won't take long". Then I asked the cashier to unlock the liquor cabinet at the front so I could also get some Hennigans scotch.

Why are you repeating the same thing he said?

Asked my cousin if she'd want us to be a couple

>WAHHH MOMMY
Kevin did this on the Office once.

That's Jerry and George tho

You are a faggot and should kill yourself asap

it moved

Based and dickpilled

Pat?

What a fucking Chad

>For sex?
Yes, except when I larped as law student, kinda. I was in a relationship and met a cute girl so I gave fake name and made up things about myself hoping for one night stand. Met her bf 20 minutes later at the same party and had a great time. We had a lot in common. He invited me to a game I really wanted to go on so I decided to continue with my lie. It lasted for a week. In the end I couldn't go to the game so I dropped the phone number and never talked / seen any of them ever again.

Not as exciting when I give more details but whatever
>need high school diplomas
>lost originals
>go to high school to request new ones
>meet with a girl I knew, but never talked to much
>she became teacher and works there
>went for a coffee later that day
>she invites me to her apartment
>here we go
>5 minutes later her neighbor comes in crying
>some shit about her husband
>leave
>ffw few days
>go to pick up my documents
>see her again
>asks to speak in private
>i agree
>she pretends to search for empty room
>i know where is she taking me
>retired physics lab we used for smoking
>start kissing immediately
>grope her ass
>she is a moaner
>she bends over
>wettest and hottest pussy I ever saw
>fuck her doggystyle for couple of minutes
>loud thump in the hallway happens
>she is scared, dresses up and leaves
>annoyed as fuck
>grabbed torsion pendulum and smashed it into some other device i forgot the name of
>zip up and leave
it was the kids throwing their bags at the ceiling for some reason. fucked her 5 more times in 3 days I was in hometown. got interrupted by the same neighbor 2 more times

What? I pee in the shower every day. I'm sure a lot of slobs just let their dick flop all over the place and get piss all over themselves. Grab your dick and aim toward the drain. Nothing wrong with it.

That was bizarre and unfunny. What a jackass.

This is like an Always Sunny thing

how?

Jesus fuck this is based

have big puffy nipples. I hate 'em.

Unless he’s infertile or she is, or if she’s on the pill

i was unemployed and lived with my parents

one time I was supposed to trip sit a girl while she was tripping on acid and she started freaking out really bad and so I just left
classic George imo

>got interrupted by the same neighbor 2 more times
Yo that's shitty

SHRINKAGE!

>Idaho that high in being overweight
I thought they were supposed to be a bit better, fuck....

Serious question, why do niggers like stickers on their hats?

Fucking based

>go to Korean bbq with friends
>they are savages who like to fight over the meat as soon as it’s done cooking, frantically grabbing as much as they can with the chopsticks
>swipe some tongs from the buffet
>can suddenly grab 3/4ths of the meat with zero effort if I so choose
>give my friend a shit eating grin after every round

Not exactly a George moment, but it was still fun.

Not only do I shit shirtless, I get completely nude before sitting on the toilet.

holy fuck this is based

George had jobs, retard.

Your answer is in your question

>middle school aged
>go to church on wednesday nights in addition to sunday
>much more casual, play basketball and shit before and after
>one wigger kid shows up with one of those flat brimmed hats with the sticker
>he talks a lot of shit, nobody likes him
>challenges older kid to game of horse
>gets his ass kicked
>older kid takes his hat, rips off the sticker, and bends the bill of the hat so that it's permanently creased

seeing that bitch get dabbed on is a very good memory

Uronically all my life is like George but with hair

There's a girl I work with and I keep looking at her feet and I know she's caught me, tits too. Hasn't said anything though

I masturbate everywhere I go. I masturbated in a cave before. In the bathroom at a few old jobs. Everywhere.

i have literally never had to tell a server to bring me back change, retard. if anything they'd probably be offended by the implication that i think they're just going to pocket what's left. the only time when it's implied you don't need change is when you leave money on the table and just walk out, if they pick up your cash while you're still there, they 100% should bring you back change. i'd have stiffed them if they had tried to pull that shit on me, especially given it's a korean bbq place where you literally cook the fucking food yourself

>that line

truly some costanza-tier shit, well done

I had this "Reiki" treatment from a man once and part of it was him laying his hand on my heart to feel my heartbeat and it was beating all fast and weird because I was so nervous from a dude touching me like that.

Lie about being a marine biologist

>moved to Yea Forums

dam this was a good thread, now its fucked

>moved to Yea Forums
for what purpose

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I am going to murder this mod

Yea Forums mods are fucking retarded moving threads like this but letting the same 20 bullshit big brother/sneed threads cycle through day in day out

I put a little bit of my cum on this one chick's pizza and watched her eat it with a smile on her face

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moved to Yea Forums was most George thing ever, nice one

They let bitches whine about trump for 270 posts last night. It was fucking infuriating

Trump is a dump tho

Tits or gtfo

>but they weren't talking about television jerry,
>they were just talking about pissing and tips!

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What a faggot

I made the switch.

Or an impressive version of it, anyway.

Lol maybe in like 1940

I left the propane heater on after I was done smoking a joint in the shed.burned down my cousins shed

> constanza approved digits
Happy Festivus!!