Gotta pass a drug screen in about 1 month. Only worried about weed showing up

You will be fine. Do a flush and you will certainly pass as long as you don't consume anymore until after the test.

If you don't smoke too often let's say once a month, big chance you'll be fine.

There's lot of stuff you can do if you have money. Buy some drug tests and see if you'll pass. Drink lots of water and cranberry juice. You can buy fake pee as well but those require some finesse. You have to warm the fake pee up and make sure it doesn't spill or get too cold. I've heard of guys tying a balloon to their crotch area for it. If you're going to be watched while peeing, you can buy a fake dick but I've never heard of it working.

Anyone else got some stories?

pharmaceutical chemist here, I've done these analyses and I also smoke weed occasionally. It will rarely, like extremely rarely be detectable after 1 week. Normal weed consumption is below noise/legal levels after ~3 days. Relax, fag

Damn, is that extra weight from fat or muscle? The urban myth is that THC is fat soluble so the thicker you are, the more likely the thc will stay in your system for a long period of time. A myth but might be somewhat true

Imagine being this much of a wagecuck.

Had an old roommate drink 2 bottles of cranberry juice a day before a drug test while also hitting the bong the night before and passed. Exercise helps too since thc is stored in fat cells. Sweat and piss it out basically. Good luck OP

A buddy of mine used the fake dick before. From what I heard it didn't go to well. The one he bought was way too big to go any where. Unzipping his pants was a challenge alone. Plus having some dude eye balling you the whole time. In the long run he stood there for 3 min trying to get his dick out. He said the dude thought he was packing some heat . Fucking dumb ass gov workers.

OP here. EMT and Paramedic

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You’re fat as fuck no offense but anyway besides that drink a shit ton of water and take laxatives flush everything’s out of your system and before the test drink like a whole bottle of water and if all else fails have a poppyseed bagel package in your car ;)

Dont listen to this faggot

I failed a drug test after 2 months being 150 and 5'10. However, I was a /heavy/ smoker. I went through withdrawals when I went cold turkey for a drug test

Lets say from a bit of both sides. I have a dad bod, but none the less it is a toned and payed attention to dad bod. A couple beers never hurt right?

But fetish urine. Keep it warm, put it in your pocket (96-98 degrees) and pour that shit into the cup. Then pee in the toilet for added sound effects, don't flush. Badda Bing badda JOB.

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If one was on a very limited time frame to pass a test...

Best thing to do is start pounding water as soon as you learn about the test. Exercise heavily until a few days before test. At which point you'll want to stop strenuous activity. THC is stored in fat cells so by cutting out activity you lower the chance of THC flowing out.

Day of test pound water. A couple hours before test switch to Gatorade to get some electrolytes and put some yellow back in your urine.

Take an at home test before leaving to take real test. If you pass, you'll want your next piss to be the drug test piss.

As I mentioned before I've passed within 14 days notice. Twice. One closer to 10 days if I recall correctly.

Granted, I do have a pretty high metabolism which also helps.

At the time, not much of a heavy user. Smoked about once a week. Which also helps.

> heavy
Are you brain dead or something?

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You have a whole month? Exercise, drink lots of water, you'll be fine. Worst case scenario swim has used a detox kit like you get from a head shop and it worked.

UA will only be inconclusive if not enough vitamins are present. You can load up on multivitamins beforehand... namely B12.
They're not taking a microscope to your piss, user.

You know you can go to the pharmacy and get a cheap piss test, right? Instant results like a pregnancy test.

Can put your mind at ease.

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It sure feels like it sometimes

Use this month to lose a couple pounds. Hit the gym and do lots of cardio to get sweaty. Drink tons of fluids and electrolytes. Dont want your salt levels to get all messed up from the amount of liquids you're about to drink

THC is stored in fat cells dumbass. Just look it up.

Forgot about the B vitamin. Also helpful to get color back in urine. But over-doing it will make your piss neon yellow which you do not want.

Quickfix with UREA. Buy it.

Drink B12 and D

Also with Diet Coke or pepsi.

This.
They can tell if you tried to cheat but from what I've heard it's rare

just drink some cleanser you can get at the head shop..i have used and so has other people i know and it works..a girl who is a nurse showed me last week her drug screen paper work and she had nothing in her system..

just get a better job where no random scumbag tells you what you can or can't fuck yourself up as an adult

my pops is a hiring manager at his place, and he claims that as long as you tried to cover it up with fake piss or something, he'll most likely throw you a bone for not being a total dumbass and still hire ya... if you piss dirty and dont even try, then you've fucked up.

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They dont care if you tried to cheat as long as you're not whipping out a fake dick. It's always done at a 3rd party facility which has to make sure that

It's a real piss
The test came back conclusive

Its what they're paid to do.

They can tell if its boy or girl pee you dipshit. If you live near NY I'll sell you clean urine OP.

MI, I appreciate the offer tho /bro/

I said "cup", not "lab", you dipshit.

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I mean you can likely find someone that will sell you some for a couple of bucks or just give it to you. You could also go full degenerate and grab some out of a public toilet or ask a guy to pee in your mouth and save it for later.

Your best option is to try and sweat/pee as much as possible. Drink a lot of water. Most other remedies are bullshit. Or you could jump off a building and go to the hospital, delaying the drug test and giving you more time to get it out of your system.

What are you talking about? Are you saying he should just drink the urine and not give any to be tested? What is your point?

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Are you autistic?

I don't get what you are saying though. They test the urine, they don't just take the cup and do nothing with it.

Ok, I'm gonna help you out here, check this out. A great deal of businesses test with a strip test, which requires peeing in a cup. What you're thinking of is a laboratory test, which is where your urine is tested in a lab. A lot of government jobs use independent laboratories. Have you really never had to "pee in a cup" for a job?

You might be ok might not. You are spinning the wheel. Make sure you don't give your first piss of the day as your sample.

This is how you pass that test
No smoking of the weeds
Lots and lots of water. The more you can piss in the month before the better it'll go for you.
Lots of cranberry juice between now and then.
Again, per as much as possible.
Like some of the other user's have said, get a home test from the pharmacy to see if you're clean beforehand.
If it's dirty, get some Dr. Greens agent X. Your local headshop should have it.
It's synthetic pee. As long as you don't have a cock watcher, you'll be fine. Most pre-employment drug screens don't have a cock watcher.
Good luck user