any wise old sage out there that could offer some advice on sexual attraction?
18, m, 1 year into a long distance relationship (my first relationship ever). we video call a fuckton and save all our money for plane ticks so we can see each other on holidays.
going into it, I was obsessed with her, it was so much better than the porn I've been hooked on since I was 11. it's a daily habit. however, my attraction to her began fading away after the first month or two. now, after our longest trip together, 2 months of her living with me and my parents, I'm just not interested.
is this a temporary feeling after being with someone 24/7 for 2 months? I'm an introvert and it got really tough for me towards the end. or is this my fault, for trying so many times but ultimately failing to stop my porn habits? was i just starstruck, and now that the blind, teenage passion has subsided I can truly see her for what she is? or maybe she's not my type, she's a little bit on the heavy side and it really turns me off, and even though she's shown interest in the gym and losing weight (more than just interest, actually, she did CrossFit for a few months, we went a few times while she was living with my family, and she now that's she's back home, she got a new gym membership).
what do :( I'm not sexually attracted to her and her personality is beginning to wear on me, but I just feel like it's my fault for not quitting porn, or not loving her for who she is, I'm just a shallow asshole who's too caught up with how people look.
and im fuckin terrified to break up with her, she's obsessed with me and i don't want to hurt her. and the added pressure not to break up makes the issues seem so much bigger
pic for attention