I am a 39 year old recovering alcoholic.. I lost everything except my children

you lost your will power and self control like a woman

Remember that panic attack time period from 14 years old...boom that fucker came back
at its fullest out of nowhere when I was leaving Bloomington illinois to go to Springfield, I
thought I was full out having a stroke or heart attack. I pulled over, checked back into
my hotel, called my clients and decided to have a drink at the bar. After about 6 or 7
drinks I felt good and calm and decided to call up my clients for that weeks trip and
cancel, and just head back home to calm my nerves for a few days, maybe even not
drink. This was where i learened alcohol could fix anxiety attacks. I was 24.

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Ahh gotcha

wtf fag are you retarded? why the fuck would you not greentext this

It's pre written in word and I am mobile and really didn't feel like rewriting each line.

wow ok. stop drinking.done.

I never fully recovered from that panic feeling so i actually decided to take an oppurtunty
at 24, I had met some manufactureres of lesser known brands of appliances who were
willing to let me peddle their brands as the wholesale rep where I would cover Chicago
as my market and i would be getting profit from a wholesale sale, I would keep small
inventory in my garage for next day common items and the rest was ordered and i never
had to touch. For this is what ended up starting a company that i would own for 15 years

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Eventually i got big enough to get a wharehouse and all that other fun stuff and trucks
and thru economy ups and downs was able to keep the company substainable and as of
last May had hired my 135th employee with locations through out the country as servivce
centers for major appliance manufacturers.

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why dod addicts feel the need to share their pathetic normie disease? i hate alchoholics. you're decision. you're the weak one who cant wake up and self correct. you're not a victom and dont expect anyone to treat you as one. go get a job. build your community. stop sleeping in banks and asking for money. nobody likes a smelly hobbo and nobody cares.

I met my now ex wife when i had just turned 26, we met the night the Chicago white sox
won the world series. I was at a bar with my neighbor, I was beyond hammered, we
exchanged phone numbers, we were both upset the Sox had won the world series and
were the only ones in the bar pissed off… it was love at first sight. Our dating was quick
and involved mainly drinking or bars for dates, she was a Cook County Sheriff and
worked nights so we would go out two days during the week and then I was left to my
own vices during weekends. While we drank together it was obvious that i was the
problem drinker and not her, while she would go to the bathroom it was me taking secret
shots and all that fun shit. By 25 I was officially a 18 to 24 beer a day drinker. I was
lucky to have my old house but unlucky to have an alcoholic neighbor who owned his
own business to hang out with pretty much anytime after 2pm to drink or party with. Here
I am a bachelor with a girlfriend and 25 and him a father with a 12 and 14 year old
partying with me. As much as I enjoyed having a drinking buddy i just remember like
wow, how could he be such an alcoholic with kids like that.

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Why would insurance companies cover addiction if it was not a real disease? So some fat ass who over eats and has diabetes or a heart attack is covered because those are diseases. I do not think American insurance companies would cover addiction because they do everything in their power not to cover jack shit.

only good thing about this thread are the damsels.

e got married the following May after the Sox won the world series(6 months), and it
was a good wedding. We did not rely on our parents for shit and paid cash for all. By this
time my business had taken off pretty well and I was getting paid a lot in cash for various
things so it worked out well nicely for discounts for wedding shit, its amazing what
banquet halls will do for cash payment over credit cards. She was pregnant during our
wedding and had asked that I didn’t drink during our wedding because she felt i was
drinking too much and her coming from an Alcoholic mother who abandoned her when
she was 11 had feelings about that, and believe or not i actually stayed sober for our
wedding. What she didn’t know was how fucking hammered I had gotten with a friend
the night before and how i almost puked all morning the day of our wedding. But I was
sober for the wedding and even the few days to follow. I am pretty sure that was my
longest sobriety until the day I finally was done.

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By the time she was pregnanat she started talking about me cutting down on my
drinking while she was gone at work, she was tired of seeing empty cans in the garage
from me drinking while at work, and while i told her no problem, i then discovered vodka
and gatorade bottles. Once our first son was born though it went back to just beer again,
so i felt good, I was able to quit the vodka and be a “normal” drinker again

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This beer driking progressed for the next 4 or 5 years, i was a daily drinker but was able
to maintain at usually 8 to 12 beers a night which in my head was way better than I was
at 24 driking 24 a day. Oh young me the things i want to tell you.
At 30 and thanks to a lot of shady deals I had made we moved into our dream house, I
had it all, a beautiful wife, two kids now, boy and girl, a big fuckign house, a big lot, a
john deere fucking tractor,(and not the home depot version), i was living life. What I didn't realize yet was how much I was using alcohol to numb my panic disorder.

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Glad you like that part at least

My ex experienced depression when she was younger a lot of because her mom had left
her at 11 and she got left in a shitty situaton with her Dad and Step Mom and that was
slowly affecting her daily life. I started noticing it and she decided to goto intake at BHS
in 2011. After 3 weeks there and a family meeting I had learned she had been cheating
on me with a mutual friend of ours. I remember walking out of BHS and everytime i walk
out those doors i get reminded of that exact day, it was February 13th, cold obviously but
no snow, and now i had to go home and not only face my own brother who was watching
the kids for us, I had to deal with this. Up until this day, I did everything, I planned
birthday parties for the kids, handled christmas presents and parties, anything and
everything i handled in our house, and while yes she was a stay at home mom and tried
hard, it was me running the household and running my own business. I am pretty sure I
fucking broke that day, the garage was a 6 car garage and i had a floor heating system
in so it was warm all the time in the winter, almost that humid Florida warm. I remember
going home with her that day, seeing my brother and his girlfriend(who ended up being
the daughter of my old drunk neighbor from when I was 24), and them leaving, and I
went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the vodka that was still almost full and realized
that made the pain go away that moment.

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Thankfully in our new house I had a new neighbor who also liked to drink as much as me
and had kids the same age as our kids so him and i would hang out and “watch” the kids
while we drank all day long on weekends and nights on weekdays. While my drinking
was bad at this point i was basically hiding from panic attacks and thinking about the
affair.

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My exes mental health got worse after the admission of the affair and she tried to take
her life the first time with an extension chord. I found her trying to kill herself the first
time, and she got admitted to the hospital, the second attempt i found her and she was actually
one of the first patients when the new suicide floor opened, the third was pills and the 4th was in the
garage, I had a beam which an engine hoist on it for pulling engines you know, and she
had tied a rope on it, and both kids found her trying to do that and my son at 7 came and
got me(i was on a conferance call), so both children got to witness me get her down that
day. So what do i do while she is in the hopsital, decide I need to work more hours and
rely on my new nanny to watch the kids so i can drink after work and “deal” with all this.
I start focussing my mid 30s on working and drinking, i becamse a differant father to my
children. My anxiety was so high that i would start drinking in the morning to knock it out,
and then just then drink all day. I found benzos from my psych and learned that these
knocked my hangover anxiety out and was prescribed a shit ton for 2 y ears but once
she stopped giving them to me the mornign drinking would resume. I would literally go to
my garge at 4am and our my first drink while watching Married with Children on TBS. i
realized our marriage was done and we seperated with me having custody, that left her
in our “big” dream house while me and the kids moved into another house i bought,
there we had a liv in nanny and i used that literally raised my kids for 2 years… yes i was
there, and never mean but i h ad no clue what was going on

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It's interesting so far, OP. I'm in suspense waiting for the crash and burn

I am pretty sure i lost 2016
completely. Did I mention i only moved 7 houses away? And that my
neighbor from the “dream” house was now divorced and we moved next to each other.
He was basically a single dad and here I was, so when we were home we were in the
garage watching sports or going to local shit hole bars, all while kids played around and
the nanny basically took care of all four. He also worked for me kind of in a personal
assistant role so I kept him on payroll and and we would just kind of fuck up all day,
snowmobile, dirt bike, bought a few rental homes together, you know just normal
alcoholic shit. Then I found the day bar lifestyles and all day long i realized i could do all my emails, paperwork, and phone calls
from there. But then i discovered a town right by mshad the same thing at two bars of which one
i could smoke in for a couple hours. I conducted business out of there for probably 7
months 4 to 5 days a week all day long. When the nanny called or texted I told her i was
in meetings or with clients or whatever bullshit came into my head. I was getting past due on my mortgages, repo notices on my cars, but all I cared about was drinking. The business which once was huge and thriving was all but now done...in about 15 years I had created..survived and thrived during a recession..came through huge and the drank it away with not caring Any more. In my head I was delusional and figured it would all work out..but that was just the liquor talking.

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Getting there

What would be better lossing all except your family or this

By August 2017 I had lost my house me and the kids had moved to and I was short selling our almost 4000 sf house. And I barely remember any of this. Again it was a delusion and I thought it would all work itself out as my brother and cousin were packing my stuff up because I was too busy and they were putting it into a storage unit. Everything we owned went into the storage unit. My ex moved in with her step mom and I moved in with my mom and two children....lesser of two evils..a drunk but none abusive father or a bipolar suicidal mess....thank God for my Mom and Brother

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So Here we are August 2017...my best friend/drinking buddy was still doing okay because alcohol didnt control his life...me..37 almost 38 slept on a floor in my mom's house...while having a 9 thousand dollar California king mattress in storage. But wait it's not over...a business aquantance gave me a shot..he bought a store property and trusted me to assist with remodeling it and then to manage the store...pay was way less but still money wasn't too bad and from August 2017 to February 2018 I did okay...I just drank after work but was making up for all my missing day drinking..I take that back some days I would sneak out and head to bar for lunch and have 4 or 5 Miller lite and 4 or 5 fireballs in 30 minutes and then run back to work.

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>4 or 5 Miller lite and 4 or 5 fireballs in 30 minutes

That's a little hard to believe

Me and the kids would go hang at his house all weekend, him and I drinking from Friday afternoon until late Sunday night and the kids(he has two) would be on their own...we would tell them how lucky they were to have us as dad's and we were cool cause they basically got to do whatever they wanted. What they wanted we re parents but I didn't see that yet. By February I started pregaming work which was at 830am by going to a bar on the way that opened at 6am. I drink fast and with purpose so I would show up to the store with a water bottle of vodka to maintain during the day. February 14th 2018 I passed out in the newly remodeled bathroom floor..on the tile I picked out under the light fixtures I chose. The new owner showed up because a phone call another co worker made about the situation...said maybe 3 words to me..drove me home and said we Will talk tomorrow. Once he dropped me off my delusion set in and I said fuck it and ubered back to my morning bar.

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When you need to get rid of the shakes it's not hard. I have no reason to brag about any of this and the only reason the bartender served it to me was because I had known her for years and tipped her huge.

After my personal Valentine's day massacre I had a huge case of the fuck its...i would go to the bar every morning leaving the kids to get ready on their own and my mom would drive them to school before she wemt to work. I told her I had to be at the office at 6am and had no choice. By now my drinking completely resumed to where it was when I lost everything. I was drinking from 4 or 5 am secretly at home....head to the bar..and sometimes make it to work by 9am. From there I would mix vodka in anything I could find. All during this my best friend had purchased a house that he was going to rent to me a block from his house. I hid from him as best as I could. My new boss gave me some extra money to pay as a security deposit and first and last month's rent. No one but me knew how much I was drinking and all the lies were building up. I needed money to pay off some bills and I decided in my drunken delusion to have a client who I knew pay by cash..my intent was to use their cash and then pay it back to the store before anyone noticed it missing..my delusion was out of control..it was over ten thousand dollars cash.

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I was fired 2 weeks later....Good Friday 2018...none except the client knew about the cash thing and I billshoted them for about a month and a half them not knowing I was fired. Now i had this house my buddy bought specifically for me to rent so I was bullshitting him about why we haven't moved in yet(because I knew I didn't have money to keep paying him or turn electric on etc.)..but what the fuck I still would pretend to goto work to him..to my mom..to everyone and leave at 6am..goto the bar and do nothing bit drink. This lasted a little over a month after getting fired and by now both him and my mom were questioning why I hadn't moved into his rental house yet so finally on a Monday I said fuck it..went to a bar at 6am and at 2pm had what couple friends I had left help me pack up what few belongings we had and moved into me and my kids new house. This was May 7th 2018

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Keep going OP. I'm here.

May 8th I sat in the bathroom listening to the shower...the client with the cash was calling me all the time and said they were going to the store to get their money back....i had two twin beds for the kids in the house and I am sitting here drinking Vodka at 5 am...i wanted to be dead..drinking didn't work anymore, I couldn't get drunk and hated everything. I decided that I needed to die...i could hang myself..my glock was locked at my uncle's because of bipolar suicidal ex so This was my chance. Kids were at school so I decided I would try to have one last day of drinking and did I drink. Nighttime came and kids and I watched a movie..went to bed and I woke up may 9th 2018 at 330am saying this is going to be the day. I chilled in the bathroom with the water running in the shower and started drinking...reading my phone...my last day of YLYL's and all the stupid cuck bullshit that this site has become and I had this moment of clarity. Kids needed to get ready for school so they did that and I kissed them and hugged them like I hadn't in years...they were 9 and 11 at this point ..3rd and 5th grade(fall birthdays)... and said goodbye.

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Fake and gay

MICROWAVE PAPAYA

I was like fuck this shit, i called an uber at 805 am and it
showed up at 810am and had him take me to the
hospital and walked into the emergency room with a water bottle full of vodka and a
mcdonalds diet coke half vodka and said i think I want to be dead and I can’t stop
drinking. I could not find happiness in anyways, sober, drunk, money, kids, nothing.
Nothing made me fucking happy and i wanted to hang myself or try to just like my ex
tried and in that clear headed moment i knew my kids needed more. I got admitted right away and ended up on the same floor my ex had been on so many times. I spent 7 days there...no cell phone..no constant texts...while i was there I told my mom everything..i was beyond broke...i can't afford my friends house....i can't do anything without alcohol. My brother and my dad got our few possessions out of the house and I made one of the hardest decision in my life. If i am going to be sober or try to find happiness I cannot have my best friend in my life. The guy that would take a bullet for me or my kids and me for him and his kids. The guy who bought a fucking house just so I could be by him again...i had to fuck him over so bad just so I could be sober and try to be happy. I will never forgive myself for that but I know I would be dead now had I not made the choice. 7 days on a suicide floor is humbling as fuck. They check on you every 15 minutes..the bathroom has a glass window so to jerk off you either had to not give a fuck or time it right. After my 7th day I came back to my mom's again and slept in the floor. 38 years old...3 years prior was worth well over a couple million dollars and I had absolutely nothing....oh and by now that storage unit with all our possessions and memories had been auctioned off.

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I wish...I still think at times this was all a nightmare

Are you copy and pasting your shitty autobiography on Yea Forums?

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I did about 45 days at the same hospitals rehab facility and somehow managed to not drink during this. I would go during the day and come home in the evenings. Around the first month my son mentioned how much more fun I am when I don't use beer(his words). They had a 12 week after care program which was once a week for a couple hours...I did that all 12 weeks. Remember the over 10 grand cash thing...when the cops came end of june(sober now about 50 days) and inquired about it and took my statement (I was completely honest for one of the first times in my life)... they told me it would be up to the DA to prosecute as my boss had paid the customer back what I had stolen. Mid July (now 2 months sober) I got a call that charge were filed..class 2 felony theft by deception...I now had to tell my family abkut this slight hiccup...i had spent 2 months trying to prove I could not drink and try to regain some trust back and I had to hit them with this. I told them....i wanted to drink before telling them to make it easier but I didn't..because everything I had done with drinking led me to this mess so how would drinking fix it.

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Now I am writing it but initially I was copying and pasting...yeah I probably should have green texted it.

Have to get public defender because poor. He says pay back money and maybe no jail or prison. Have no money..took a year came up with money...told him and he talked to prosecutors... they offer 2 years probation and felony second chance program. Pay fine I am now on probation as of 2 weeks ago. My kids and I,do activities..even if something as silly as a bike ride. I take them shopping with me for groceries. My son is 12 and is obsessed with computer games and knows way more than I do about them so he d oesnt like to hang as much as his sister but we still watch Star Wars at least a couple times a week. Last year I was a room mom at all of my daughters class parties. I was the only guy but whatever she was happy. My kids are excited when they see me...well sometimes not my son because he is 12 and too cool. I am sitting here laying in a twin size bed in the bedroom I lost my virginity in at my mom's house I moved into when I was 5 years old. I had way more before than I probably eever will again..more money..more land more toys you name it. I lost very fucking thing you can imagine except my life and my children..

>So why am I the happiest I have been in over 10 years now?

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I know it's late..probably should have posted it earlier but whatever. I will be up for a bit if anyone has questions or wants to make fun of me or shoot the shit. If not for the few that read this thank you for dealing with the non green text..maybe I will try that next time.

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Why are you happiest user? Congrats on getting off the booze. Things will keep looking up for you and the family from here

When you feel the urge to drink, what do you think off.

I think im in the same situation and will lose everything

>>So why am I the happiest I have been in over 10 years now?

Gaaaaaayyyyy
God, what a cheesy way to end that long ass shit. Hopefully it becomes a meme.

I think it's because I see my kids every day with clarity and am enjoying watching them grown-up and becoming amazing little people. I enjoy sitting outside with a diet coke and a cig watching my daughter ride her bike with no hands. I am enjoying little things in life and have humbled myself to realize and appreciate something as simple as new socks. I turn 40 in two days so who knows what the future will bring but I learned that my issues do not get fixed by alcohol. I cannot have just one drink..never have and never can..its how I am wired. Call it will power..and allergy or being a pussy it just doesn't work for me. And I am okay with that now. Do I wish I would have learned this years ago..of course but I didn't and I have come to accept that.

I could only wish.

At first it was tough...I would find something scary to watch on tv or read X to keep my mind off it. I would start learning about something like Antartica for example and rack my brain with random weird knowledge about it when I felt the obsession coming back on in my head. Now it's just fleeting thoughts that I have maybe once every week or two and I just am like oh yeah i don't drink anymore.

Makes sense. That’s worth more than a big house, for sure. How do you handle the anxiety now? I’m in sales, have anxiety issues and a Long term drinking problem so your story resonated with me. Thanks for sharing

Obviously the booze was causing and not helping my already known anxiety issues and it got so bad the only fix was booze to remove the anxiety. Been on various meds but finally got diagnosed with adhd which is common in sales people and got put on meds that help calm my brain down from getting into that panic attack mode where I feel like I am having a stroke/heart attack.

It would be a shame to see 404 after that long of a story, so bump.

Also I've been sober for 24 hours voluntarily for the first time in about 5 months. Woop dee doo. Now I will have absolutely nothing to enjoy in life.

It was poorly laid out so I get it..like.i said maybe I will try go green text.

So your on your first 24 hours? If so that was the hardest...each next 24 gets easier a hair by hair until that obsession is lifted.

You need to face your demons head on, get a couple of litres of vodka, couple of litres of scotch, couple of litres of rum, some meth, some crack and go out like a hero

What’s the worst thing you did drunk OP

>If so that was the hardest...each next 24 gets easier

Oh, I'm sure. I'm not really worried about it. I pushed it as far as I could go, and I wanted to do that. Now I'm done.

Idk how you managed to avoid it during your long story, but getting pretty bad withdrawal symptoms on several occasions was a lot worse imo than this 24 hours without booze.

Interesting. Thanks for posting. Hope things keep going well

This to me(op)

I forgot to mention that this time I spent about 2 weeks tapering down to avoid the withdrawal this time. I haven't been able to sleep tonight but I expected that since I am accustomed to passing out

It did sound tastey a little when I got to the end of the long tale.

That's tough...you would think the stealing of over 10 grand would be it..I had sex with a couple married friends (the wives b4homo).
I think neglecting my kids and not being there for them relying on family or a nanny to raise them for quite a few years might be it. Alcoholics lie lie lie so pretty much everything out of my mouth back then was a lie or half truth.
Never got a DUI or killed someone thank the universe or whatever is out there.

Bumping while I read.

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Smart move withdrawal fucking sucks..I was on 10mg of valium every hour for 2 days straight then they tapered me off that slowly once blood pressure was back to semi normal.

To add on to my answer...some days I remember random drunken shit...like on Facebook a girl came up in people i may know and I was like oh fuck I owe her am omends

Amends

I am not an uppers guy..they do nothing for me probably cause the adhd....now benzos are like crack to me

>10 mg of Valium every 2 hours for 2 days
>thinks he has experienced withdrawal

I did every morning until the alcohol finally kicked in..usually about an 1.5 hours to 2

Thank you for your story, OP.
A lot of things, like the volume of drink, drinking with friends, drink dominating more and more of your life, are things I remember hearing from other stories.
Are you in AA? Do you have a support network to keep you sober?
I'm not suggesting that you need it, because I know that some people don't need it. I'm just wondering.

Got bored half way through, finished my pint.. About to get another one from the fridge.

You know the scary thing? I'm on the same slippery slope but too stubborn to do anything about it, currently drinking around 5-6 pints (660ml bottles) every day after work. Even while reading most of this & telling myself.. "This is gonna' be me one day" I drink my lager & think fuck it.

I'm only 24 so got time to snap myself out of it but if not, I'll see you on the flip side OP.

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Also me :(
I remember when i was 24 and 38 now.
14 years of drinking 8/9 cans of beer 50ml.

I will die off cancer soon
To much off a pussy to stop

Yes I am in AA....have a sponsor and have sponsee. I also chair meetings at the rehab center near my house with the inpatients. My closest friends today are people I met within the program.

OP here

Was also me until I was 38 which was when I finally gave up

4-5 Miller, 4-5 mixed drinks or shots in 30 minutes.
If he’s a “real” alcoholic that’s nothing. He could easily drink faster and at greater quantities if needed.
Honestly that sounds about right.
I’m also a sober drunk and I appreciate your honesty

My dude, that's a raw hand you've been dealt, not gonna' sugar coat my response & say you should stop drinking & live life to the fullest because when reality hits, we all die.

>Try to remember before you were born.
Pro tip: you can't.
Nothingness isn't an experience, you do you for however long you have left Yea Forumsro. If drinking will help you through it, you drink to your hearts content.

One thing I will say is try to whittle down that bucket list, I mean fuck it, what else have you got to lose right?

I haven't finished reading, I think subconsciously I don't want to, since I get the impression you'll have a preachy "Alcohol isn't the answer" ending which I kinda' know is true but don't want to admit to myself right now so I just settle with my assumption.

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Nah...Alcohol just isn't the answer for me...I know plenty of people who drink daily and did not cause the destruction I caused on so many. My best friend(or former) if you read on drinks daily and has a great job..multiple properties so no preaching here. Just wanted to get my story out to my Yea Forumstards

I guess the core of your problems is your "different" sexual taste. You every "self-reply" has a tied woman as a picture and i cannot help myself but to think what is actually going on in the head of yours. Do want to abuse a single woman or all women in general? Or do fantasize about being that tied woman?
Do you find arousal in some way what i just wrote?

Bike ride is nor silly.

Hey mate Im a recovering xanax addict and i wish you the best. Pro tip go to AA or NA meetings or some 12 step bases program it will help you recover better.

I mean I appreciate that you took the time to post your story, I think it will be or at least should be therapeutic for you to 'vent' it so to speak. I'm a strong advocate of literacy, I think its a brilliant tool for various situations.

Like I said, I haven't finished reading, I think subconsciously I don't want to finish but I will say thank's for sharing & I hope you're finding yourself again and you manage to pick up the pieces mate.

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There's a much deeper reasoning behind the pictures..actually not a huge bondage fan.

Kek

Yeah I do the AA route and benzos are horrible to come off of, I feel ya

Nothing wrong with not wanting to finish it. We all figure out our own shit when it's right for us. Not saying you even need to figure anything out.

Tl;dr

What’s the meaning behind the pictures then?

Ever heard of A.A?

Yeah cool story larp faggot

Asking me? OP...did you read?

Who would larp this

That's a story for another night

bump

Do you still get panic attacks?

I would get them driving mainly...the adhd meds help..I am also on Buspar 3 times daily and there's a huge noticeable difference but when I drive long distances I,still feel them coming on and get them so for now I avoid that

I was hoping when i woke up there would be a thread like this. I decided before i went to bed ln this would be my first day of sobriety. I guess you would call me a functionally alcoholic. Never miss work or have lost anything because of drinking but i just hate it anymore. I seem like i can't do anything anymore without having some drinks. Never drank at work. Go to work.come home and drink. Right now that's all i'm doing is thinking of having a drink. Man it's fucking hard.

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It's your higher power of some sort giving you a sign that there is a way out of the shitty fucking cycle of alcoholism and addiction. Find a meeting this morning. Where you from

I have thought about meetings for some time now. My ex used to go to them and i would pick her up and watch those people talk and just laugh under my breath thinking i was above all of them. Ohio

also I used to get up in the morning,workout,go to work,come home and work out and then do something around the house. Now it,s get up work,drink repeat. Cut everyone out of my life.

Good thread OP, excellent. I love these stories. 8 years sober here, it gets easier.

That was what I noticed at my first meeting....these people who were like me were laughing and actually happy. Ohio the birthplace of AA

Try to get back to that work out thing. I also got put on trazadone(sleep aid none habbit forming I think) when first sober and if it was a really tough night I would Say fuck it..take it and crash

Take a loan and go on adventure

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Thank you and congrats on 8 years!

I can't even qualify for a prepaid credit card at the moment kek

holy fuck

TLDR buddy

I was thinking about to that but my back is so messed up anymore(12 fractures at last count) i don't want to risk any further damage. I think most of my reason for drinking is depression. I thought about going to Dr's but don't want to be put on a ((((list)))). Also for those have achieved sobriety have you had depression before? Does it get better after sobriety?

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I find most addicts or alcoholics I have met have some sort of mental illness usually at least mild if severe depression. My dad got off all opiates for his back and started using RSO(rick Simpson oil..strong thc) and it has alleviated his pain without the opiate high. But yeah don't fuck the back up anymore. The other thing I found when I was sober a few months is how much the drinking was the cause of alot(not all) my depression. Life still comes at me sober..have had a few people die..but to be able to be present and not consumed with when my next drink is and to actually be of service and to feel emotions both good and bad far supersedes being drunk all,the time.

>drinking was the cause of alot(not all) my depression.
This is the answer i was looking for. It's kinda what Ive been thinking.
My dad has been gravely ill and mom is in the early stages of dementia. I keep coming up with excuses not to help out my sisters with them because i would rather drink and be by myself and i hate it.
Also I'm keeping this post for future reference. If anything OP you might have helped at least one person with this thread. Going to archive for future reading when i think i might slip.

Mental Illness. The thread

Bamp

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Bump2

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I read all the posts. You started by saying you dont know why youre an alcoholoc. Do you now accept that its your own fault and that you constantly lied to everybody and yourself for literally years. You chose to be a liar and a sneak and a drunk. Im not surprised your wife cheated on you and i would bet you're lying now about how well your kids are doing. Do you still lie constantly to everyone in your life?

Don't like it then go back to your tranny or dick rate threads. Op was telling some life experiences and choices he made along the way. I thought it was a good thread.

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No one said i didnt enjoy the thread, retard. OP is clearly a lying scumbag whos 100% responsible for his miserable existence. I just wanted to know if he sees it that way too. I can enjoy a story and think the protagonist is a dick at the same time you know.

This past January I celebrated 10 years. Rehab X5, Jail X4, and the grand finale was 8 months in DRC.
Thought my problem was Smack but found out that if I could stay away from that 1st drink I’d never use other substances.
It gets better and easier.
The big thing you find out eventually is that alcohol is truly but a symptom.
I can truly be addicted to anything depending on what it does for me.
The real work is the 6th and 7th step.
Alcohol has been removed now what are you willing to let go of?
Beware of the emotional bottom that comes a few years in. Eventually you will have such a full life and you will even have material things again.
What you do on the day that it leaves you empty and you realize you have zero control is key to longevity.
The big question will never change...
How powerful is your higher power?
Amazing, friends of ol’ Bill W. Even here. Best wishes to you and yours

honestly that story was too long for me to read. 39 and fighting not to become and alcoholic myself. this weekend was hard on my liver i look forward to 5 days of work.

>Beware of the emotional bottom that comes a few years in. Eventually you will have such a full life and you will even have material things again.
What you do on the day that it leaves you empty and you realize you have zero control is key to longevity.
Explain further please.

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Then read the whole thread. I found it very informative.

fuck off edgelord

Keep going OP. I'm a recovering alcoholic, too, and am enjoying (perhaps not the right word) your story.

You are probably drunk right now.

>8 months in DRC
8 months in the Democratic Republic of Congo would sober up anyone

SHE WAS PERGANAT?!

one last bump

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