>be me >be living on farm in south Texas with wife >mostly rent land to commercial farmers, make decent living >neighbor is shockingly radical feminist, let’s call her Bitch >how could the disease spread so far south? >after our lord and savior was elected, neighbor gets more triggered than ever >turns up outside church every Sunday to screech about how Jesus was a misogynist because he didn’t marry a hooker >we’re all getting sick of her >she won’t rent her property to any men either, so starts hemorrhaging money by the day >one day Bitch shows up at our house, demands we let her destroy our windmill >windmill doesn’t run anymore, essentially a relic from when parents ran a basic subsistence farm >Bitch can’t stand the sight of it, says it’s “too phallic” >wife inherited some vernacular from her hippy parents, asks Bitch, “Why must you project so much negative energy? Love is free, you know.” >bitch tells wife she has “internalized misogyny,” resist urge to knock her fat ass out >look out over Bitch’s barren acres, tell her I’ll give her the windmill if she sells us her land >Bitch really needs the money, and we really want her to move away >astonishingly, she agrees >pay cash, tell her be ready to move out ASAP
>week later, we invite neighbors to come see the spectacle of windmill’s destruction >Bitch turns up with all her worldly possessions and an actual Bomb, a fucking BOMB >makes some asinine speech about striking a blow against “the patriarchy” >tell her “Don’t worry, I think we’ll take it in stride,” we all kek >can tell she wishes we weren’t here to ruin her moment, but fuck her, she’s on our property >bomb is attached to kitchen timer, Bitch winds it up and it starts ticking >we all take cover, bomb detonates, windmill falls down >pretty anticlimactic, can tell she’s disappointed, we all kek again >as she waddles to her car on the verge of tears, wife takes my hands in hers and we spin in a circle >the monster is finally gone >gather everyone in front of windmill wreckage for group photo >ask “Is everybody in the frame?” >suddenly realize Windmill, windmill for the land Turn forever hand-in-hand Take it all in on your stride It is ticking, falling down Love forever, love is free Let’s turn forever, you and me Windmill, windmill for the land Is everybody in?
