Had fun with the “douchebag genie” thread yesterday thought I’d start it again...

im just gonna pull out an amiibo from my screen and say it's a factory defect
unless it's like blown up or destroyed beyond repair, I could still use the stuff

What is this? Reddit?
I wish I was fucking dead

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They dont itch anymore, but you're now either castrated, infertile, or you got prostate cancer.

You're dead but you can still sense the outside world. Even as a rotting skeleton 500 years from now, you can still see and sense the dirt around you.

They don’t itch but they swell to the size of bowling balls

Granted but then she hates you

shit, I replied to the wrong post here
is what I meant when

Yeah I got what you meant

Okay but the job market ranks and there is 100% unemployment

I wish I could have as much free real US dollar money as I wanted when I wanted

Granted, but each time you spend these cursed dollars, you're inflated and become lighter, but look fatter. This effect varies with how much you spend.
haha, inflation geddit???

i wish a busty witch would turn me into a frog and keep me as her pet

you have your wish. however, the witch is very busy and is really only home for about an hour before she sleeps every night. during that time, she has things to do and only sometimes pays any attention to her pet frog at all

made me feel for the frog/b/ro
: (

Oh, and on that note, I wish to be able to supresss my feelings, or master controlling them.

I wish I coulda fixed myself faster So i could have saved my chances with a guy I really cared for.

I wish for a pizza.

You get to live back in time to fix yourself up for the guy, but he ends up dumping you for a girl that's even better than you in every way

Unless you're gay. Then mecha-time Hitler comes to your time traveling machine and kills you.

sounds abt right lol
I accept my fate

The pizza you get is oddly enough, only equipped with a few pieces of beef and a couple spoonfuls of sauce. The cheese, as little as there are, is the best thing about this "pizza" which is actually just a unraveled, undercooked burrito from a mexican/italian place.

Granted but you become horribly disfigured and can’t express your emotions

Aw man I don’t wanna be a fatty

trips dont lie, time to cut off my face and become a circus freak

I wish for a wish that can't be ruined.

Check fucking mate, douchebag genie

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But you can’t wish for more wishes (that’s always a rule) so you waste your wish

Jeez guy hardcore

Trying to make another anons wish bulletproof. I wish for an army that is completely loyal and unbeatable that only I can command telepathically

the programming your telepathy is running has an exploit! Russian's hack you from afar, and your army goes under the enemy's control!

Wtf machine telepathy? Ok good ruin

i wish a busty witch would turn me into her shoe

i wish i were never born

the witch got enough other shoes so she never uses you and you end up in her shoe cabinet, forever destined to be there

Granted you are a stillborn that doctors try to save by giving your mother a c-section killing her and spiraling your father into manic depression for the rest of his life

I wish I could have completely normal tasty food made instantly just by thinking it

All the dishes that you can think about have to use potatoes in them as an ingredient, otherwise granted,

Yeah but I could just put like 1 tiny piece

At least a major part, like vodka, or french fries.
As small as a potato flake? nope.

You didn’t specify but ok

Granted. She skins you while you're still alive, tans your skin, and forces her slave elf cobbler to turn you into a shoe. You eventually die after long torment in excruciating pain, but at least you skin is now part of her shoe.

Damn dark

Gave him what he literally asked for, instead of the fantasy fetish version

shit user , you cut me deep.

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i just want a sandwich and a coke

there is no ham or mayo on the sandwich

i wish all of niggerkind to teleport to venus

i wish that everyone's nose holes fused shut

i wish to erase the existance of male nipples

kek

i wish that for quads

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i wish to smell the farts of a brachiosaurus

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Granted, but then in Venus, they manage to become more resilient, tougher, and stronger, not to mention smarter, and build a rocket to travel back here to beat your ass

that looks good

niggers can hardly survive afrika how would they survive venus
the most they can make is a crude mud hut
how would they suddenly be able to make a rocket

Google the story of the Cybil of Cumae. Don’t fuck with people who can grant wishes.

Granted you will live but your body never stops aging
Granted but they're always still 2d images and taste like paper
You no longer have any balls
It's all stolen and traceable by the fbi
You will be starved to death
You no longer feel anything other than you're impending doom
Turns out he was a douche
Its anchovies
You get a lifetime supply of oxygen
You hear every single one of their thoughts telepathically as well. It will drove you mad.
You can only make bread
You go with them
You are now the only male with nipples and are considered a woman

space niggers can work wonders, and wishes need to be corrupted so this was the best I could think of

You’re actually permanently sent to the Late Jurassic. You’ll never see anyone of anything you know ever again, have no idea what is or isn’t poisonous, have no way to purify water, and are at the bottom of a long food chain.

I wish the douchebag genie got everything he wanted in life.

i wish for a hug

i wish to be able to fly

Sure, but you can’t figure out how to land. Have fun

85 cents

Fine, but it’s from the Walmart greeter

i wish my for my dog to live as long as me

He wants to see you disappointed

Don’t worry about saving for retirement

>crushing death hug breaks back and you are now dead from a crushed spinal column

i wish to see the 4th dimension

You earn 1 cent every 85 days

Deal, but you can neither affect nor comprehend it

i wish for the finest beer that will ever exist perfectly chilled

it teleports in the air out of your reach
the glass breaks and the precious beer is spilled over your carpet

Without clarification, finest is a matter of perspective and this genies taste is poor

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i wish i were a dumpster rat

that is evil
how could you do this to me

someone throws a garbage bag full of glass on you

i wish to do magic

i wish to wish a wish

i wish for super strength

you're sent back to the witch hunt eras, and are only capable of performing harmless magic stunts.

You only get super strength in the bathroom, or near a toilet, or in situations where it's not needed.

I wish Infinity Chan would come back online so that I did not have to post on this shitty web site.

You are now in an infinite psychosis screaming out your wishes to all around you. They think you've lost it and none of these wishes of grandeur ever come true.

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I wish I was a hot chick

i wish for every human to be teleported in the middle of the ocean

you are a newborn chick and you are being cooked alive in an oven

i wish to skip time for everyone else but me

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it comes back, only to have 20 mass shootings linked to it.

I wish for a tiny Asian WiFu. Dating right now to make it happen.

Can't beat me. It will happen.

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It comes back, but all posts include the poster’s real life personal information

I wish I wish upon a genie, can I please have a bigger weenie?

It’s done, but only one person at a time and only for ten seconds. Eventually people decide to use it as a convenient way to pick up ocean trash, which they subsequently leave in your yard

your wiaifu is a fat midget

now your asshole itches

i wish for an army of armed midgets to do my bidding

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Fine they're armed but not legged. Good luck

Wishing I have a 12 inch dick

But then ger puts you in a death loop

A midget named Richard who is only 12 inches tall shows up at your door.

Granted your hotdog is twice the size of others

No more balls

N..NANI!

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i wish to go to sleep

You never wake up

Wish I can time travel at will

Granted you can only go 5 seconds in the past

how can you fuck this up?
I wish I was conventionally attractive.

Or you can go back in time to Will Ferrels bathroom when he was taking a shit

society changes to dictate that attractiveness means you have no penis and no teeth

Granted but everyone becomes grotesque to you and loves sex with the lights on

Really fucking cliché but i wish i could fly

The other wish is being able to turn invisible

you can only fly naked, 1 meter off the ground at a top speed of 5 km per hour

I wish i could breathe underwater

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Water is eliminated from the entire universe

I wish every ethnic group except caucasians get wiped out.

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>the flying rapist

It's not too late for you to be aborted, genius.

granted but the only water you can breath is used bath and shower water

I wish I was a hot anime babe

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Stay on topic you stupid nigger

Granted, but the only people who pay any attention to you are middle aged, fat weebs

you transform into a two dimensional drawing of a pretty anime girl that some fat need uses to sploog all over instead of getting laid.

granted but der furher will never be reincarnated. not worth it imo

I wish i never again feel fear or anxiety:(

I wish could time travel

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Granted you never feel anything ever again

Granted, you can only travel back to 5000b.c

Granted your boldness causes you to be to reckless and you die

granted but from now one you always feel like you're just about to sneeze

So close. Feeling nothing might be preferable

not so bad

Granted but it sends you to different times at random where you wouldn’t know languages and would be murdered

I wanted everyone to be satisfied with their existence.

Jeez guy lighten up

i see that as a plus tbh

Fine. 50000b.c

You gain a time machine but the travel time to the future is just as long as if you had waited and when you go to the past the door wont open until as much time has passed that you traveled back

Granted, but you can only travel back and forth Charles Dickens style accompanied by a Christmas ghost to observe but never influence events.
I wish I could come up with a good wish

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Jokes on you that's my fetish

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3 years of crippling agoraphobia, anxiety and depression.

Ypu now know what to wish for but have no wish to wish for it

granted, but you have to live for 900+ years through 12 regenerations to totally new forms of yourself travelling in time and space while protecting some random planet

Everyone becomes fine with being fat slobs and society regresses back to the dark ages

Well you’re bumming out my thread go to a psych or somethin

my turn my turn
>i wish i could make my work shifts pass faster

>3 years of being a pussy

All time passes faster

I wish your dick shrinks to 1cm

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granted but your balls swell to 8cm diameter each

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I wish for an attractive brown nazi shemale std-free gf who loves me

Top kek

Granted, but all your commutes pass proportionally slower to the increased speed of your workday

He becomes rich and famous for having the worlds smallest dick. Women pay him to suck it and it's super sensitive and feels amazing

Granted everyone’s penis becomes 1cm

Sounds like you'd like to suck his dick

It is 1cm when flaccid and in ice water.
It is a grower tho and is 19cm when fully erect

Sounds like your projecting hard here

get it? 88?

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What a circlejerk, lol

I wish all banks went under

She kills herself like a true nazi cause they hated blacks

I wish women lost the ability to speak

I wish I was healthy and in great shape until I was 100yrs old

Granted but in return they gain telepathy so the nagging and whining goes directly into your brain whether you turn up the TV volume or not

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You are invisible only when you yell

granted but the rothschild elite go underground and continue to rule the world in secret

Granted but in return you become feeble minded

granted but you live to be 300 years old

Fuck

Dammit

I want to live a fun and fullfilling life

I wish for my papa to stop drinking

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Granted, but you only live for 3 more months

Granted, but he starts beating you instead

Better just 3 months of happiness than 80 years like this

He stops drinking but develops a heroine addiction

He picks up drugs and smoking instead.
At least he doesn't beat you- but he extinguishes cigs on you.

Granted, but he starts molesting you to cope

Granted, but instead of drinking he copes using pedophilia

Granted. But now all the pussies becomes just 1cm deep

I wish my wife would turn her life around, stop cheating on me and be a better mother to our children.

lulz

Granted, but you feel horrible it's happened and take it out on your kids

Granted. But Your wife break up with u and go away with your children and her new millionaire husband

Granted, but she never has sex with you again

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I wish this thread would stop getting so real

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Granted, but it 404's instantly

Aw shucks now i feel bad

I wish I was the perfect being as Kars from jojo in the real world but I still keep my wits and my very personality with me

Granted. But u die of polio u fucking prick

I wish I was famous

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I wish Hitler came back from the dead and instilled a New World Order where the Aryan race is master above all other races.

Granted, however you become Jared Fogle

Granted, but youre the number one porn star for scat fetish.

Granted, but you live in the Washington, Nebraska

You’re fan girls become ravenous and murder you and try to wear your skin like clothes

Granted. You are famous in the whole world for being the ugliest dude ever

Granted, but you're famous for being a child molester

Granted, wanted across the nation for child molestation, you didn't do it but there's several false testimonies and perfect false evidence.

You're famous for pulling off the most retarded darwin award, by managing to die in the most safest conditions.

I wish I had a more comfortable bed.

Granted, but it's all an elaborate fantasy brought about by the coma you will never awaken from. For context, you ended up in the coma from falling off a power transmission tower after yelling something about the book The Stand.

I want that to be me IRL for real

I wish for a an expired Twinkie snack

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Granted, however every other bed in existence becomes less comfortable

You jerk

Granted but it's made entirely of foreskins

I wish to be the first person in history to fuck a hot alien

Granted, but you're never tired again

Granted, but it's one of those old folding beds that closes into the wall and will inexplicably decide to shut on you while you sleep, and only while you sleep

Granted but they age extremely rapidly and die out in weeks

Granted, but you get a alien STD that makes your dick fall off

Granted but it's composed entirely of molten lava

Worth it, I'll still take it

Granted it’s a lava alien and you burn to death

DammitYou beat me to it

samefag keeps samefagging

I wish i could snap my fingers and half the living creatures in the universe die

I wish Yea Forums would go back to how it was

Granted and now you’re allergic to it

i wish my penis was soo big no woman can handle it. men prepare your anus.

No actually

Granted, but it only kills good creatures

Wish granted, but you get blasted into space and turn to stone

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Granted, but you always have really,really shitty internet connection

Granted but you and everyone you love dies with them

I wish I could live in a peaceful japanese village surrounded by my own geisha sex slaves.

Granted, your born and die at Disneyland same day

But you are forever depressed and within 3 days you wish you were dead on a whim

Granted but due to bad circulation it must be amputated

Granted along with impotence

Granted but the slaves are all half nigger mutts

Ahh, those were the days!

Granted but you are invaded and killed by the men who’s women you took

I wish i was the frontman of a successful metal band

Granted you are a shitty band saw salesman in the ghetto

Not bad

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I wish I could be anally raped by chainsaws and have my innards ripped dying in the most excruitiating manner.

Heh wording

Successful, not famous. Success does not always equal fame brauh

Granted and it appears to you to last for eternity

Granted, however this will only happen at the happiest point in your life

Sure, but you dont die, instead you're stuck in a loop of the most excruciating pain of anal chainsaw rape

I'm ok with that

Me too man

Granted, but you will wake up from that nightmare in a hospital completely paralyzed and never be able to sleep and stay alive for the next 200 years.

I wish I lived in a white ethnostate with a strong family and community happily ever after..

I wish my farts smelled really good

And MLP is on loop for the entirety of that time, if you happen to enjoy my little pony, then Man VS Wild will be played instead

youtube.com/watch?v=XRj8ZxnzWGo

Granted but you will never fart again the rest of your life.

Granted, but your state will be you, your dad and your grandfather.

Granted, but you're retarded

Granted, but you can never grow a lawn in your yard and your neighbors grow to resent you

Granted but a plague wipes it all out

I wish i could return to being 5 years old with the knowledge i have today

I wish that corrupt politicians would disappear.

Granted but you have to go through kindergarten again.

Granted, but you will never age and never reach puberty while the rest of the world ages.

Granted but then no politicians remain and the govt is in shambles

I'd be a fucking genius

You're kicked out of the daycare trying to tell your playmates about traps, and have a generally shitty childhood.

Granted, but nobody will understand you and think you are nuts.

kek

Why would i tell anyone about traps? Im not a faggot

I wished I had endless money so I can buy the best drugs in the world, cocaine, meth, benzos of all kind, barbiturates, Heroin, dillies, oxys, all kinds of opioids, weed, lsd, mdma, and especially real and pressed mandrakes/lemons 714/Qualudes just every nice drug with the best quality. With all the money in the world I can happily die with the age of 30 while fucking hookers being on so many drugs that you could intoxicate whole linz.
That's my fucking wish

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Because you're trying to stop the cancer from spreading, not promote it

Granted, but you have zero drug tolerance so you don't get to enjoy it before you OD

But you OD amd die on your first hit

Granted but its currency in a country that no longer exists.

Mah man

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Granted, but the first drug you use will kill you in a very painful way due to allergy.

I wish i was immune to physical pain

Granted, but you will now suffer from Lepra.

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I wish I had eyes as good as an eagles

But it's extremely literal. The moment any minor inconvenience makes you say/think "oh fuck just kill me now" you instantly die

But you always have eyelashes stuck in them

Granted but you are resurrected to become the handsome chad boy toy of a beautiful Amazonian army and will forever suffer the wrath of warm snu-snu as they cuddle you asleep every night

But any time you spend any money the Feds open up investigations into how you got so much money. Eventually they figure you to be a drug Lord (what with all the drugs around) and incarcerate you for life.

At least you get endless commissary

With unlimited money I feel he could just buy himself out regardless of the law

To all
>but it uses the same.amount of energy as sprinting

But thats a paradoxical loop. As soon as you spend money on lawyers they investigate even further

I think you might have me there

Granted, but so can anybody else. Hyperinflation renders it all useless in less than a month.

Always wish for more Djinn & Lamps.
Loop holes are always the best option.