How self destructive are you?

sedintary lifestyle, my legs are aching right now, due to lack of movement. but i won't do anything about it

my friend died from that. it only took a few months to kill him. just get up walk a little bit

Have you already tried weed instead of alcohol ? If you're taking drugs to escape your daily life you might aswell take those that are the least harmful.

Did you try stronger psychedelics ? If your life is a nightmare you may want new perspectives.
Try out lsd/dmt/mdma/shrooms. Each one has its advantages. Just make sure you're not mixing it with meds (serotonin syndrom, etc.) and when your body can handle it (a bad trip could cause a heart attack if you have cardiac issues for example).

dude if you're able MOVE. GET ACTIVE!
I was very active, I was a fucking athlete but ive got problems in my legs that make it hard to be physically active and it frustrates me greatly. But if you can move and choose not to thats YOUR problem, so you need to fix it. Im not telling you but damn dude go for a walk for your own sake. I would love to be able to go for a walk without my legs being in agony, so do it for me please.

with my mental illnesses I already see life in multiple perspectives and realities. I legit cant smoke weed, i get fucked up, paranoid, anxious, and green out after a short while. Maybe on my meds i might be able to smoke it now, but i just cant do it. Never tried psyches, but ive always wanted to, but my experience with strong marijuana keeps me from trying. Id like to microdose on shrooms, but if i tried them id want a good dose to see what they're really like first. But i am simply afraid to.

Yeah, really fucked up how a clot can just form and kill you. I move my legs a lot and I fuck all in the weekends, during the week I do some running.
I'm not blaming anyone, OP asked about self-destruction. I'm doing this willingly. Also, when I run on the treadmill I get pain in my achilles tendon and calf.

Humans are dumbfucks. We constantly do stupid shit even though we're aware it's damaging us. It's beyond my understanding...

You were responding to OP. My calves is where i feel most of my pain also. Its not muscles but veins. You should see an orthopedist or a vascular doctor, what i had to do. There could be something wrong. And also doing it willingly, i would consider that self-destructive if you're not actively enriching yourself. Im really not judging at all, im in no position to say anything else. Its good that you DO exercise but my dilemma is; Is the pain worth the "gain"? My answer is No. Why engage in an activity that causes you pain that you cant control? Thats the very reason that I have stopped being physically active for the most part. I do things sometimes but im basically broken for the next three days at least after it. I cant even walk a mile without pain. I wore compression socks yesterday and was on my feet from 7am to 9pm roughly and this morning my legs hurt like fuck. Theres only so much you can do, and for me compression socks are the only treatment for my disorder. But they slide down your leg every five seconds. Its a real pain.
Basically you need to see a doctor, and if you have something wrong with you its fucking hell.

Im an intelligent individual, stupid as fuck but still able to do things...poorly. I cant control myself but im good at sitting on my ass. Every time i DO anything Im damaging myself in the form of my veins in my legs. I stopped moving so i can protect myself from the degredation of my veins. I get my exercise, which is recommended by my doctor, to strengthen my muscles by walking on my toes mostly but even that isnt enough to keep me from feeling pain on a daily basis. but as far as alcohol, its my coping method. My body is fucked and i know its fucking my body up even more but I cant deal with all this shit i have to deal with. Everything fucking hurts, physically and mentally.

I'm gonna hang myself on the 25th of August

story?

Nothing interesting. My girlfriend broke up with me, my friends all cut contact pretty fast after, and now I have no reason to stick around. So that's why. I was already really depressed and dependent on my friends and girlfriend to keep me happy, and now that they're not here I just keep spiraling downward

don't you have family to hang out with?

Weed used to make me extremely paranoid for a long time. Smoke less weed at a time and see how it works.

Remember that neurones are just cells in your brain. It's always possible to work on your mind through meditation.

Everytime I took lsd the come-up got really hard and anxious. But after that the experience gets better for a lot of people.
Last time I had a terrible experience during the come-up. I fucking visited hell. I was in a completely timeless black space where there was nothing except my consciousness, alone forever, boredom forever. I don't know if I was lucky or it was just one of those messages the universe sends you but I came back from this hell. After that life seems quite enjoyable. During the same trip I also went to some kind of weird heaven where I could enjoy each dopamine neurotransmission in my brain and literally destroy bad neuronal connections.
Tbh this trip was so fucking meta I felt I met Lucy (like the indivual ancestor).

Sure psychedelic could "fry" your brain if you have a mental illness predisposition. But paradoxically it can also help you fix it.

Now lsd is really hard. You could maybe take 50 mcg (max) with a comprehensive friend to guide you through and make sure you don't end your life in the middle of a psychotic bad trip. Trip killers pills also exist and are extremely efficient.

You could also try those legal mdma meditative trips with a psychiatrist. Mdma will very probably make you happy during the trip and the mda can help you see life differently forever. So many possibilities. Just be as safe as possible. Do your research, test your substances, pay attention to the set and setting...
these psychedelic, unlike stimulants or downers, can make your brain extremely plastic. It's a double edged sword.

Dmt could also work because of how intense, short and quite secure it is. Sometimes the universe just gives off powerful tools.

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A family that doesn't care about me that much anymore. If I died tomorrow they would not care

I was going to kill myself on the 2nd. It was my 20th birthday but I pussied out.

>getting depressed over people

I dont know what to say user. Just embrace being alone.

Ill keep that in mind user. Thanks for the advice. Im not even sure how to obtain any of those substances, but obviously if theres a will... But im afraid my mental illness is very strong. im just not sure how it would affect me. Fucking psychosis is a hell of a thing to deal with.

It’s not that easy for most people user. I know this place attracts introverts but humans are social creatures.

tfw black pill propaganda

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Then you obviously dont belong here. Not being mean, but other people are a liability. they cost you time an effort. Its not worth it. Sometimes its nice but most times being alone is optimal.

don't forget alcohol is neurotoxic. It fucks your brain up. I can't say I know your pain. All I can advice is that you should find something else to relieve the pain. Something less hard on your health. Why don't you try painkillers ? The same molecules given in hospitals. It will be way less hard on your health. It would fix your physical pain but not your depressive thoughts.

That's what's so hard about depression. You can use your mind to become great at something but it can also be used to literally destroy your own neurones and set you in psychosis cycle. Depression is a disease as much as a symptom. No need to add neurotoxins on top of that. I hope you find a way to fix everything user. Take care of your physical and mental health.

This thread has came at the weirdest time

I just came to the realization hours ago that I hate myself.
I completely hate everything about me.

I don't make any good decisions, I don't have any qualities except that I work my ass off at something I'm not even sure I like doing anymore. I'm an immature overly sensitive piece of shit. I pretend to not care about things but inside its just fear of failure.

I know I have to make changes, yet I never do.

I'm fighting a lot with my gf and even though I thought it was because she was being unreasonable and petty about stupid shit, the fact is I was just deflecting from my own feelings of disappointing her and me.
I know if things continue like this she'll resent me and eventually hate me.

But I try and try to do things different and I still fuck everything up.

I tried to kill myself when I was 13 and I keep thinking I should try again and this time NOT put my feet back in the bucket.

the black pill is the only pill. If you see life any differently you're deluded. There is no left and right. There is only center, focused on the present and reality. Dont delude yourself with the perceptions of others. Realize that your death is imminent and everyone else is trying to avoid death by the means of pleasure. There is no pleasure in life because one day it ends. Your entire life is simply entertainment to keep you from reminding yourself that you're going to die. Embrace death. Dont hide from it like a scared rabbit. RUN toward it like an angry bull. Life is a race but not a race to see who can last the longest. The longer you last the more you lose. I have more to say, but you're going to refute me anyway.

This is the most strange advice. Suggesting one addiction over another. I would love painkillers, but i cant get any with my alcohol abuse. Its on record. Im almost out of beer and i would love nothing more than an oxy or a benzo, but my problem is anxiety so Id prefer the benzo. I dont care for physical pleasure in regards to this, I just like to not care. ....OP is drunk im losing my ability to think. Thread is basically done, but keep telling me your thoughts. If the thread is still here when im sober i will post again.

I legitimately have nothing to say bro. You're in the beginning stages if you JUST now recently felt these things. Its gonna last a while and you'll get to the point you cant handle it anymore. I hope you prevail over your thoughts.

At least you acknowledged you're not perfect. If you know what you want to be or want to do make a list of steps. Divide the first steps until they seem achievable. And then work on them.
It sounds simple. It is. Simple but hard. Motivation is key.
Stop being ingrateful and take those steps. Some people have nobody to help them. They are missing money. They are homeless. They have health issues.

You're lost dude. You never felt good in your life or what ? Pain is a sense. If it's there it's to signal something is wrong. Happy experiences can be felt regularly. That's the fucking point of the animal existence. Other animals feel happy when their basic needs are fulfilled. Humans need more. What could it be, huh ? Each one has his answer.

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