I was a child sex slave ask me anything
Quick answers:
No I'm not a girl
No I won't post pics
No he wasn't caught
No I didn't press charges
No I'm not smart
I'm doing this as part of my exposure therapy because pretending it didn't happen is bad for me.
Were there moments that you liked it?
>no pics
LARP alert.
From what age to what age?
With who?
Were you paid?
Did you enjoy it?
There were more times I liked it than times I didn't. I didn't really think there was anything wrong until years later when I told people what happened.
Oh I'm sorry, lemme just go get photos of myself as a child sex slave, you're right
5ish to 16? Foster parent. No. Yes.
are you better now user?
How has it fucked up your sex life now?
Trust issues obviously but what else.
so, what was the gay/straight ratio of stuff you did?
I'm getting better every day. Unfortunately my sex preferences are fucked beyond repair. I'm still finding out how much. I can't deal with people my own age even though I'm in my late 20s now.
100% gay. I only had one partner. I wasn't allowed to touch anyone else.
I'm just gonna post weird hentai clips because they make me smile
>I'm getting better every day. Unfortunately my sex preferences are fucked beyond repair. I'm still finding out how much. I can't deal with people my own age even though I'm in my late 20s now.
how so? older or younger? Straight or gay?
man that's fucked up.
found a girl to heal you?
Older by a considerable amount. I'm not attracted to guys under 30. I'm repulsed by women. I think little girls are cute but not sexually. I collect loli images but only because they're cute.
No. I just got into the healthy, more controlled side of BDSM where everything's legal and safe. I try not to tell my partners about my past because they (understandably) believe they'd be manipulating me and contributing to my trauma. Which is partly why I'm venting here.
>I collect loli images but only because they're cute.
that's dubious at best but thanks for answering me
I've never gotten aroused or jacked off to them. They make me feel comfy. Although ones like this are better.
DELETE THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW
Epstein's suicide is probably why I wanted to talk. I can't really sort out exactly what my feelings are though.
Do you think justice was averted, or served by his "suicide"
you didnt press charges and you didnt tell anyone until much later, how do you feel about pedos who act on their impulses? like epstein sure, but what about the average run of the mill pedo? do you feel they're entiteld to what they want/do or do you think they should be held accountable, even if it was consenting (as much as a concenting person can be ages 12-17)?
(((suicide)) come on OP, those filthy kikes got spooked and either necked that cunt or pulled off a 47 on him.
>pulled off a 47 on him
explanation for non-native american fag?
oh boy, it's worse than i thought.
do you think most of the gay and/or LGBT community is a threat to kids?
Averted. He would have died either way. But I don't think he was the only one involved.
I think that it's a complicated subject and I think if pedophilia weren't so... reprehensible? I'm having a hard time saying what I mean. I think they should be able to seek treatment and talk about their shit and seek outlets without being threatened with death. I think bottling it up causes pedophilia to turn into child abuse.
No. Being gay has nothing to do with being attracted to kids. I think there are more male/male abuse cases because male predators are more comfortable with young boys and are allowed to be around them more.
By the way, I obviously don't think Epstein killed himself. Not possible. I think it was a cover job. But this isn't the thread for more on that topic.
No offense, but is this (still) causing you any practical problems that you need therapy for? You say you enjoyed it, and it sounds like you have a sex life, and your sexual preferences are uncommon but not pathological, so what else?
(Apologies if I'm digging right into the part you don't want to think about, I get it if you don't want to answer)
Do you think you would have been gay if you never experienced the abuse?
Likely a reference to the game Hitman
In one of the Hitman games your mission is to get a guy out of prison by injecting him with shit to look like he's dead. Then they take him into the morgue and you sneak him out of the morgue and escape. The guy you play as is called Agent 47, hence the name. Obviously real life would look different, more bribes, more looking away and I'm guessing less staff than usual...
>I think that it's a complicated subject and I think if pedophilia weren't so... reprehensible? I'm having a hard time saying what I mean. I think they should be able to seek treatment and talk about their shit and seek outlets without being threatened with death. I think bottling it up causes pedophilia to turn into child abuse.
fair point and i think the germans initiated a program that allows people with pedo desires to seek therapy without judgement, legal reprocussions, etc.
That's a hard thing to answer. I "kind of" have a sex life. But this is a part of my life that lasted for over ten years and hardly anyone knows about it. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because if I say I didn't hate it and I didn't hate him, then people automatically think I'm disturbed and don't want to be around me.
I don't have an answer for that. I don't think people can be forced to be a sexuality they weren't meant to be. Gay peeps come out in their 40s after years of repressed homosexuality.
Did any females get involved?
>Epstein's suicide
>suicide
Sure, it was a suicide.. and the camera glitching out was purely coincidence too.
Only once or twice. Again, I wasn't allowed to touch them. Sometimes if "friends" came over, he would hold me and let them touch me but I wasn't allowed to look and it didn't go on long. He always framed it as "protecting" me from them.
See
By the way, I'm going to try not to answer questions about what happened in detail. One, I don't think it's important, and two, I don't think it's good for me to describe that stuff in excess.
could your repulsion of women be caused by that conditioning your abuser/partner did to you?
"Repulsed by women"
Just sexually, or in general?
Possible. It's discussed in my therapy but I haven't gotten further than "possibly".
Sexually. I don't mind being around girls but I don't want to see them naked or think about them romantically or otherwise.
The responses and questions I've got here are far more positive and not nearly as trolling as I expected. I appreciate that, Yea Forumsros.
don't get too used to it, you're still a faggot
more seriously, good luck, you should really try to get past that repulsion
maybe i'm just biased because i find homos disgusting, but i think that as long as you can't free yourself from your training and have an healthy [sexual and loving] relationship with a girl, you won't progress.
Do you have recoil/vengeful thoughts when you hear an affecting story about a child getting abused?
It's very commendable you can have this sober/nuanced/empathetic look on the subject despite what happened to you - when even 99% of people who never experienced sexual abuse feel raging bloodlust for even the pedophiles who share their moral compass and do everything in their power to not act on it.
>I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because if I say I didn't hate it and I didn't hate him, then people automatically think I'm disturbed and don't want to be around me.
I see, sorry to hear that. Fuck taboos.
>I don't think people can be forced to be a sexuality they weren't meant to be.
Wouldn't be so sure about that. Nobody's managed to do this consistently, but the only people who've tried are butthurt fundies who have no idea what they're doing, the people with the best chances (social science researchers and psych doctors) wouldn't want to do it, and their general effectiveness isn't even that great anyway.
Personally, I can't imagine that sexual orientation is 100% decided from birth and immutable (nor 100% learned), but we really just don't know.
Well, user, why do you find homos disgusting? Maybe that's a repulsion you need to explore and get over.
If I end up being attracted to girls, it's fine, but I think I need to just have a healthy relationship with a person, regardless of gender. What's in their pants shouldn't really matter in the long run.
It upsets me. Mostly because I don't see a situation in which that child is... happy? And I'm trying to reframe my mind in that regard too. I know now that there is no situation in which a child should be happy and consenting to a sexual relationship. And there's a certain part of every story that makes me feel physically ill. But I keep wondering if that part is the "sex with a kid" part or the "unhappy child" part.
would be fun to waterboard pedos in a soundproof room equipped with a drain leading to a garbage disposal. follow your dreams
No, I agree. Someone who recognizes that they have this tendency and seek treatment and help for it shouldn't be punished for their thoughts. It only makes them hide it until it boils over. I actually even agree with the use of kid-sized sex dolls if it helps. I know there are those who say it doesn't.
As for part two, I really don't know. Maybe I was supposed to be gay, maybe I learned it. Maybe I'm bi. Maybe I don't care. I think right now I need to focus on the healthy part and not so much the gender.
Child predators and abusers, maybe. Pedophiles who don't want to act, not really. Personally I don't think acts of violence against people who hurt me would make me feel better.
Damn dude this is heavy shit. I wish you the best on your way to a better mental state.
Thanks bro
As proof that I need fucking help, I keep getting hard throughout this discussion and I hate myself lol
I would say to not hate yourself, but that's a very difficult thing to do. I have a lot of self-loathing, though I certainly don't have anywhere near the same shit to deal with and work through, but I can offer at least a little empathy there.
Thanks.
I mean it's weird. I'm in this odd reality where it's like I spent my whole life wiping my ass with my hand only to be told as an adult that toilet paper exists and people reacting like I still have shit all over my hand when I say I didn't mind not using paper.
I don't know how else to explain it.
So Yea Forumsros, thanks agains for the support, I'm gonna end it here for tonight cuz I gotta work in the morning. Somehow a fuckup like me is gainfully (somewhat) employed.
I might stop in and open up questions again, it's helping me answer some questions for myself.
Good night Yea Forums
Sleep well. I hope you gave a good day
Take care dude, and good luck! Do the best you can when you can and you'll do just fine.
Oh what the hell, guess this is where the topic went. Maybe you'll still see this.
>Mostly because I don't see a situation in which that child is... happy? And I'm trying to reframe my mind in that regard too. I know now that there is no situation in which a child should be happy and consenting to a sexual relationship.
I don't think you're reading that right. Setting aside situations involving violence or coercion, children can totally "say yes" (without feeling they're being forced to) and enjoy sexual relationships at the time, as reports like yours show. You can abuse someone without making them feel bad at the time.
The problems are that children are considered unqualified to make that decision, those relationships are considered unhealthy - which in the world we live in is obviously usually true, and again, your story matches that - and the adults involved always have the ability to manipulate them.