Lets play a game i like to call douchebag genie...

Ham sammich has worm. Worm lives in your stomach and now you are always hungry

Here’s a sprite laced with lye. You’ll never taste the difference.

I wish that Trump was shot by Melania but it doesn’t kill him. It leaves him paralyzed neck down and in diapers so that he can curb that ego of his.

you get shot instead

I wish for an apple that is the following
>Untampered
>Sweet
>Juicy
>Very normal
>Tastes like an apple

you will die from a heart attack after eating it

thats not how it works faggot.

He gets the sympathy vote and wins the next election then uses an executive order and puts 80% of defense spending budget into robotics and exoskeleton research. Within three years he controls an army of robots and his body is housed in a 50ft mech that is fully impenetrable to most weapons.

But wait that would mean it's not a normal apple

Wrong, you just have a heart attack from the joy of having an apple.

I wish to be instantly and painlessly physically transformed into an adorable woman of my ideal appearance, traits, and attributes right now.

Oh.. fuck

It has nothing to do with the apple, you just happen to die of a heart attack after eating it.

made me kek. Would make for an interesting boss fight. Maybe we get to fight Mecha-J-Epstein before hand?

And you get raped by Tyrone

You remain heterosexual to your current sex, meaning you no longer have any sexual desire for women, only men.

I can live with this. Small price to pay for getting to be a woman.

I wish to become a better musician and songwriter

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You're brutally raped and your vagina is torn so severely it must be surgically removed. You piss through a tube and can no longer orgasm.

You are forced to make nightcore because your music career can only live on weaboos

The fuck? That's not part of the rules. (1) corruption per wish.

Besides, I said of my ideal traits and attributes and part of my ideal traits is that my vagina has teeth that prevent rape.

You are made a proficient player of the hurdy gurder as well as able to write music with it but are rendered incapable of understanding how to use any other instrument

I can accept this

You are pulled over and forced to show ID. You do, and are arrested when your face and sex don't match. You explain and by a stroke of luck are believed.
However, you go "missing" shortly there after. The rest of your life is spent being experimented on by an unknown three letter agency, after all, you could be the future of bio shape shifting technology!

You become a "better" musician and songwriter, but not by much. Have fun playing Weezer songs and Wonderwall in acoustic.

I can already do those things with lots of ease so I don't think that's better, it's not even corrupted just worse.

Fake, extremely unflattering, yet overwhelmingly convincing nudes of yours leak, ruining your image and reputation. Alex Jones refers to your photos as an "Alien thief, robbing the earth of it's cum."

I wish to successfully rid the world of all mentally retarded people, a category I do not fit into in this timeline.

The funny thing is, there is actually a movie about a vagina which has teeth. Perhaps in that timeline you get a parody film based off of your phenomenon.

That one is pretty good and bonus point for being likely to happen if said wish were granted.

I want a stand

Melania shoots him and he fits what you wanted but he consequently starts war with Russia which you get drafted into.

you stand.... completely naked in a packed department store, covered in shit. You are now in police custody for indecent exposure and must register as a sex offender, and there's no tendies for bad boys.

Just realized I read that wrong, fuck.

Still nice

It had a completely normal curse on it

You become super rich & famous. Then od on smack. Sad

I wish to be a cute trap

Get aids. Ded

As cute as you are you can never find love in a world where traps are hated by 100% of everybody. also you get stds lmao

Your stand is a skinny, naked, and slippery homeless guy. He can't put on clothes, and once you summon him he won't go away.

But hey, you could speed up your commute if you surf on his trail of goo or something

I wish for mind control

Funniest thing I've read on here in weeks

Cant wait for [Rondabout Requiem]

How to? If everyone hates traps

Traps dont hate traps

Then I guess they'd be the only trap if everyone hated them, he could've gotten raped too

When you mind control someone, your head grows 2.5x times larger, and the only way to reverse it, is to let them know you mind controlled them

You are now a cute trap, and eventually use your newfound beauty to create an Instagram following. You get many fans, and many obsessed fans.
On the way back from [insert women's makeup and clothing store] you open your trunk to store some bags, instinctively popping your ass out- which catches the attention of an unknown assailant. They sneak behind you and slam the trunk lid knocking you out cold. While unconscious your car is stolen, and you are raped and killed in an unknown location.

I wish to be a standard 3 wish genie.

Granted, your first client is the Yea Forums user who posted this:

now for my turn
I wish to shapeshift into anything, be it a inanimate object, some dude's waifu, a loli, Franz Ferdinand, a cyclops, moot, ect, while also retaining the ability to reverse this

sure is a deleted post. if you wanna give the gist of it, cool, otherwise I get my wish for free. I'm ok with either.

Sorry about that, I use 4chanx lol.
It's literally:
>All women to be killed
>BustAKnutt™ Succatron 9000
>Genie to kill himself

granted, except that no matter what you pick, you become the nastiest and/or ugliest version of that thing.

hell yeah, ugly moot

It's a McDonald's sprite

I inform him prior to his wishes that I intend to horribly fuck up his wishes unless he grants me the last one.

So it's going to go something like
>everyone dies, but is reincarnated and starts their life over. time rewinds accordingly, paradoxes are nulled by creating of multiple timelines
>granted, except it malfunctions and rips your dick off leaving you horribly scarred
>I die, but my soul generates another body.

I wish K-Pop stans aren't so toxic.

I wish for the love of the girl that i love, her real and only love

Granted, bur then the reggaetón moves to Japan to create a new genre

It's your mom

Wish granted, but she dies in a car crash or other unspecified event early on in marriage.
at least you had kids, right?

I love incest, so it’s so fucking hot to me

This may be fucked, but i got turned on reading this... I have problems...

Well... i think at least you were gentle, thank you, she would never regreat her life,

I'd give it a chance.

I wish to have and master the superpowers of self-subatomic manipulation and true illusion.

Devil trips gets to cheat

Granted, but you can only manipulate dildos and other sex toys at the subatomic level.
also, using your true illusion powers gives you slight amnesia that wears off quickly at first,but grows in strength after continuious uses, until you can't distinguish reality from illusions

I wish to be omnipotent.

All handicapped people are erased but all your future family’s children are handicapped

Stands should be invisible

Fuck, the second clause is good.
Dildos are a creative cover-up.

kill all niggers

The five people who hate you the most are collectively as powerful as you, are aware of why they've received their powers and are determined to erase you from all plains of existence.

Granted but no one believes you and you can’t act on it

Sounds like fun.

If you can't act on it then you're not omnipotent.

Idk then using your power kills you

I wish for the douchebag genie to have a great day tomorrow.

All niggers die of a genetic disease found in watermelons, but then the drug cartels in mexico make more moves in the U.S. adding to the crime rate, and a new world war in Africa for new territory ends up with nukes blasting us back a thousand years back to square 1 cavemen days

The genie wakes up to find he's lost all his powers.
I guess we have to finish this thread before midnight now that you've fucked things with that wish.

You have more talent than anyone in the history of the world but also lose your voice and hands in a freak accident.

I wish to have complete control of my body, purge disease and stretch as desired, add/subtract/fix and improve parts at will

I wish for douchebag genie's freedom.

oh fuck what have I done

Have babies with my sister and they aren’t afected by the incest

sure, but everytime you get rid of a disease in your system, a new epidemic for a new disease sprouts up near your area
each time you modify your body parts, a feature in your body worsens, be it your eyesight, muscles, or general stench
also, if you stretch far enough you have a chance to never stretch back.

Granted, but all your offspring are assholes and are dim-witted, and are bound to die under the age of 20 due to their personality
they're strong as hell though, so win?
also your family fucking hates you but that's not part of the wish

he's free and he's fucking your wife, family members, and pets

I wish for my emotions to come back

His quadriplegic status generates so much sympathy he walk... err rolls off with the 2020 election, ego intact and now coupled with the pent up rage of a once whole man crippled.

>nucleararmageddon.jpg

I wish to be able to freeze time whenever I wanted.

My sister hate me too?

forgot to mention everytime you get rid if a disease you suffer like hell for a week to 10 days, but are guaranteed to live
They all come back in the matter of MGS4 nanomachine suppressions coming back, probably overwhelming you

that's the sole exception, but you're both in exile from your family

granted but you shit your pants and go blind every time you use it

well atleast ill feel something for a change

Hmm effectively being immune to disease is cool but causing epidemics is fucked

Well... that’s fine,

I wish to end all wars

All current wars end and new ones start.

Humanity achieves peace, and somehow no crime too with all police forces and armies being outlawed, but with no wars and rulebreakers, it eventually grows weak enough in time to fall in under 30 minutes when aliens invade to probe our anuses
it's shit, but this seems realistic enough other than you die from 30 million dildos shoved in your house after stopping wars

holy shit, scratch this one

you manage to end all wars by nuking every country, destroying Earth, but effectively ending all wars.

Well fuck

I wish i lived in an alternate reality where the only difference is i am omniscient

Nice wish...
(You become well-known South Korean musician and k-pop song writer, and you find yourself in North Korea)

I wish AOC dies in her sleep tonight

You become a cute trap. In the center of the Red Square in USSR in 1950, when Stalin is still alive.

A random lady named Alice O. Canterbury dies in her sleep.

IT HAS VEINS

A giant meteor blows the Earth to pieces. All wars end instantle.

The alternate reality beings have different incompatible ways of communicating and consider you subhuman

You freeze time. Also, you get frozen with the time. Time (and you) unfreezes after 10 seconds.

Ehh, close enough she was probably a lesbian with a name like that

Maximum time freeze duration: 10 nanoseconds.
Cooldown: 10 years

I want an unlimited n-word pass

I wish something bad would happen to me

granted but you turn black

I wish for a girlfriend to marry me and make me her chastity slave, always mocking my small dick and forcing me to give oral sex or rimjobs to her everyday while my cock struggles in it's cage.

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Shit

You have complete control on your body. Now you have to give orders to each cell, what to do. Without your orders, your cells dont do their routine operations. (You die from asphyxation or from heart stop)

Sure, but she ends up going too far, and cuts off your dick.
Also she gets arrested for life, so you're left dickless.

Okay, but after a year you turn gay

i want a busty witch to turn me into a frog and keep me as her pet

How is that the same as our current reality? I did specify a singular difference

Nice trips and wish fuck-upping

Damn, well worth the price i guess, depending on how long the relationship with the dick lasts.
will i find a bf who does the same thing then?

I wish I could become as big and muscular as Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was young.

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She does so, but her cat accidentally kills you
That, or she mistakes you as an ingredient, so whichever comes first.

All illegal aliens die or get deported by tomorrow

No, you die alone

I wish those who wronged me in life to become my personal slaves who do anything i say.

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I wish my ex would recover from his depression and give me the love and intimacy I've been living without for about a year.

Yeah I’m retarded. Why even do an alternate reality? No one believes you and you become paralyzed

i wish i had a sandwich

Wish granted, but the sandwich has sand in it

Am i an illegal alien right now? Also is that the rules of our current reality?

You become a genetically-modified cow on the farm. Your genes are modified to let you gain as much muscular mass as possible before you'll be butchered for meat.

Okay but everyone now finds that body type to be hideous

I wish for money.

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i wish for my anime waifu to become playable in smash ultimate, replacing one of the current FE characters.

You get 100000 venezuelian bolivars.

The sandwich is the best you've ever had! It even makes you immortal!
But, you're left with a existential dread, looking for the perfect sandwich for ages, not knowing that the genie jizzed in it, and threw sand on it

It’s stolen and the person who’s it was knows it was you and kills you

You have to speak Japanese as long as your stand is out

Your waifu has a shit moveset and replaces any S++ tier figher

You replace a beloved character, millions of normies roit then find your house and kill you

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT YOU STOLL MY JOKE YOU FUCKER

I fulfill my dream of becoming a Knight, Living in Family Heirloom Castle, My Hair turning White, and the girl I Love Loving Me back and Marrying Me.

Okay but they spend no time on the model and it barely resembles them and they are shit tier to play

You get a sandwich, and then get arrested by the feminipolice for a gender violation and spend of the rest of your live in prison taking sensitivity training

didn't read it fully, my bad.
your waifu still has a shit moveset, and is under the effects of this

The alternate reality is to limit the ability of a "but" to corrupt my wish. If everything is the same except for exactly what i want changed, how can it be corrupted? Everything has to be exactly as it was the moment befoe the wish is granted. I just want to see if the collective processing power of Yea Forums can figure a way around that little bit of psuedo-legalese

The girl you love has transitioned, and is now a man.

dayum

i wish my parents loved me :(

Your dream ends and then you wake up, Trump is President.

That’s breaking the whole point

This lasts until you wake up

kek

granted, but you cant eat it

i wish a busty witch would turn my gf into pic related

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I see this as an absolute win

You find yourself in a bank during a bank robbery. You have a bag full of money. You're the only robber who remains alive, your "colleagues" are shot down by cops performing the assault. Your gun is empty, and there are some innocent people who are killed with it.

They love you but everyone else treats you like Hitler

>FE
>Beloved
>S++
Was Hector going to be DLC or something? i don't believe anyone cares about any of the lords, mister genie, not even your magic could change that.
Damn, i guess i'll still play her out of loyalty though, she can't look that bad, her design is too unique.

Ok but her vagina is unreasonable because of her legs

Your parents loved you, but soon after they say this, they're killed, and you're kidnapped indefinitely

You can only freeze time for up to 10 seconds, and have to monologue the entire time to yourself

granted, but she only exists in minecraft

Exactly, im trying to find out if ive cracked the code of monkey's paw. The failure of most wishes is not understanding where/how it can go wrong, which is then exploited.

It's Minecraft Steve

I was the most powerful being in the universe.

I said FE character.

Fucking why. She turns into what looks like a cube but only to you

Was. Past tense. Now you're just you, but you have to remember when you were awesome and had it all.

At least he can donut people

You get your personal universe, where are noone and nothing except you. Before you die from lack of oxygen, you can count yourself as the most powerful creature of that universe.

Alex then

granted but you both live together homeless

I wish California succeed from the USA and was overrun by Muslims who killed all the fags

i wish for THE ROMAN EMPIRE TO RISE ONCE MORE!

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It is summoned withing your urethra

I wish to become Mama Ragyo, to do anything she can.

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I wish for eternal power

I wish for a harem of beautiful women.

Checkmate Yea Forumstards

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You’re only omniscient about an unrelated insane universe completely foreign to our own

i wish i could find some decent car insurance!

You get raped by everyone on Yea Forums

Sure but now the muslims want to take over the rest of America.

It rises once more.
You get your name written in high scores of "Rise of Rome: The strategy of millenium" and close the game.

Most of the women in this harem are married.
Their husbands find your location and pummel you, until you change genders.

They all have super aids

Fair trade

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USA gots overrun by muslims, they kill all fags and non-fags. California separates, but gets overrunned by muslims too, with the same consequences

I wish everyone would disappear except for me

You get super cheap insurance but your car gets demolished by a meteorite and the insurance doesn't cover that.

They all remain in chastity under the impression you and them will make love in the afterlife, where everyone actually never has sex.

Wish granted, you’re an actual ruler and you’re the only one on the planet. You’re now an inanimate object.

this game is more commonly known as Corrup-a-wish
at least from what I've seen

You get teleportated to the Pluto, all your senses are cut off. From your point of view, everyone disappears.

At least the fags are gone

I wish to be a beautiful girl by American model standards, with a healthy job and societal standard of living and a good mental state.

ha checkmate libtards

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Congrats, your electric bill is now ridiculously expensive. They won’t turn it off, but if you don’t pay it goes to collections.

There we go. Now were talkin. Little bit more refining and we'll see if i can beat the monkey's paw next time

Everyone becomes invisible to you so you think you can do whatever you want and steal so you go to jail

I wish I was happy

Breast cancer

Should’ve said it’s a shit sandwich

Yeah took me a bit

Alright but your friends become very jealous and decide to stab you, put you in a bodybag and throw you into the ocean.

I wish my balls didn't itch

You’re always maniacally happy even at bad news/funerals

You no longer have balls

Someone castrates you with a rusty knife.

You no longer have balls, but hey they don't itch

They don’t itch they always burn like you put Icy Hot on them

jokes on you, I don't have friends they dispoint me

I wish I could have sex with any girl anytime I wanted to.

I wish to gather an army, which given any task, can complete it, outnumbered, outgunned, or both, and they can't turncoat me.

flat is justice anyways

Wish granted, but you contract mega aids after thr 5th or 9th one.

Granted. But its flat. :(

you're driven insane by knowing all the terrible things happening to everyone, but with no power to stop it, and no way to talk to anyone about it

only chicks with HIV

You are unable to communicate any task you want to give them

Mine was ruining a different anons wish

they are in constant anguish in the fact that as long as you keep giving them tasks, they will never see their families again

Granted but they complete any given task from anyone who commands them. Someone tells them to kill themselves.

i wish that Epstein would kill himself

California succeeded in passing a law that anyone that confuses the words succeeded and seceded shall be shot by fag-hating Muslims, and that's how you die.

Christ, this is the scariest one..... my life becomes a harem anime......

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I wish I could see/hear in my mind any media/event that’s ever happened and that will ever happen and not get overwhelmed by it

You become blind to anything that's not reported in the media

You become emotionless, you feel nothing for anything

Still would get JoJo part 8 early

Granted, but he comes back and diddles your kids

Blind in my head? I said in my mind

well shit, guess i'l relay my commands to someone else that'll hopefully give them to the field commander
MISSION BRIEFING:GO THE FUCK BACK HOME
kek, now i'm imagining someone screaming KYS, and they all just point the rifles at their own heads

reread it

I wish Yea Forums was no longer cancer

Meant could watch/read anything in existence or anything to come

You didn't say that, so you don't get it

Media means that, it covers all videos and entertainment shit

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Media also means the Media, not the format. Do you really think this is a thread where anybody will have any sympathy for your pathetic attempt at rules lawyering?

>holy fucking autism
>in a douchebag genie thread
my sides

Yea Forums is no longer cancerous, but everyone who has browsed it at some point gets uncurable, fatal brain csncer

Blind in my head is still bs I’ll fight you on

cancer*

Bored? why not check thiis cool server, full of hot lewds of females and traps!

discord gg/7e5ce36

you can write amazing beautiful songs that humanity ever knew, but only can write it with your dick over sand paper.

I wish moot would reply to my post with his red admin ID

Douchebag genie revises your wish so you become completely blind, deaf, dumb, can't feel any sensations, and you lose your arms, legs, and penis. And you still are blind to anything except what's reported in the media.

I wish that the fag making these discord bots would lose his dick and sanity

Yes, but yours has also vanished in the process.

Yes, but the post was made to let everyone know you are BANNED for that post.

youtube.com/watch?v=0iCUUGV9QiI

Perfect wish, but we have to fuck it up somehow

The guy who made these bots has his dick cut off, and loses all his sanity and morals, making him a bot that spams CP on all boards out of revenge, pretty much killing Yea Forums in a fit of robotic autistic rage

You have to endure a minute long unskipable advert everytime before using this power

Could be way worse

Bored? why not check this cool server, full of hot lewwds of females and traps!

discord gg/7e5ce36

You were the best ruler we ever had. 12 inches , cold metal, but was replaced by classic wooden rulers

i wish i were aunt jemima

You were aunt jemima, persecuted for being black, lynched on a tree, and humilated by being plastered on a pancake / syrup brand.

I wish i could get a nice pair of dubs

I wish niggers went extinct

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Granted, now the hate forced their way is concentrated more on things related to you as an individual