"H... hey user. Bad news. Umm I seem to have let myself go a little bit...

"H... hey user. Bad news. Umm I seem to have let myself go a little bit... do you think you can help me lose some weight? Please...? Oh fuck..."

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Remember this rhyme user:
Tums for the pains. IF for the gains.

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"w...what?"

Sure, follow me to the basement

You're going to stay locked in here living of three slices of bread for a month

Works like magic

Anti-acid to stop hunger pains. Intermittent fasting to lose the weight using calorie deficiency.

You're beautiful just how you are, I love that squishy little pootch, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Literally this too.

"Uh, that's a bit extreme don't you think? I didn't put on that much weight..."

"Ohhhhh ok... damn is it really that bad?"

Sure, I'll fuck the weight away, you know sex is a great way to burn calories, and semen is super healthy for you if you swallow it :)