The lies your parents told you are now true. How has your life changed?

The lies your parents told you are now true. How has your life changed?

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Santa Claus. :)

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> "... How has your life changed? " ;
I'm back to accepting that:
> " When the Ice Cream van starts playing that jolly jingly music " ;
> "... it means they've run out of ice cream.

All of my enemies have shitty jobs, all of my friends are successful, Santa Claus is real, but the ice cream truck is always out of ice cream

: nice dubs ;
> "... How has your life changed? " ;
I momentarily realise that they really were just
> " Bed Wrestling " ;
all the time and I suddenly disappear in a freak divergence of the space-time continuum.

eyyy proud to meet Filipinos in this page!
putang to haters!

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They actually loved me

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nice dubs

> "... How has your life changed? " ;
I am suddenly afflicted by:
deafness, blindness, mental incapacity and an inability to shave the hairs off the palm of my right hand.

>i can be anything/do anything
>my childhood bullies will never amount to anything wich is the most baseless statement someone can make being an asshole does not make you stupid
>that anyone would be lucky to have me
i am a boring sellfish dickwad who does not give a single shit about anything but himself
>that niggers are not as bad as people say

I inexplicably
> "... amount to something ..." ;

I become a little girl

My attempts to:
> " look after the pennies " ;
miraculously result in the
> " pounds looking after themselves
and I become a billionaire

I have value now.

I mean, wind turbines are crashed airplanes, so I guess I'd never fly again. Also, I would sue Santa for not giving me any presents and that settlement would probably net me something nice. A car, maybe.

Too many cucks no longer spoil the broth,
they are just highly entertained by the magnitude of my sexual prowess.

I become aware that a hand in the bush is worth two in the bird.

Mick Jagger gets diagnosed with a serious moss infection of the skin

My parents love me

My parents never lied to me; they always told me straight-up what was going on.

They allowed me to believe in Santa and the easter bunny and tooth fairy and etc., but they never lied to me about things.

I'm in a stable relationship of 6 years with no intentions to marry or have children.
>thanks for all the inadvertent divorce advice.

If the lies one parent told me became true then, all of a sudden,
(for the very first time in the history of the universe):
> " Women can do anything men can do
> " ( and better ) ".

I'm dead at the bottom of a pool.

also nice triple dubs