Jokes thread

Jokes thread
Hello!!! I love jokes and I very much enjoy writing jokes whenever I am alone or bored.
I want to share a few of my jokes today as well as hear your jokes too!!! Okay here goes nothing!!!!

What did the hawk say when he saw a flying snake?
Well, that was HAWKaward!

What did the blood cell say to the other blood cell when they reached the heart?
Now we're CELLMATES!

What did the chicken say to the other chicken when they entered a beauty competition?
Good CLUCK at the competition!

I'll share more of the jokes I wrote but I want to hear your jokes first can I hear it please please

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>HAWKaward
HAWKward, ftfy. Also made me chuckle slightly

Snakes don't fly. Blood cells and chickens dont talk dumbfuck.

My favorite joke is that these things think they're female

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Whoa!!!! Thanks for the help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am happy to know that my joke made you smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holy shit an actual meaningful post on Yea Forums

i'm so proud of you user

godspeed

Hey that is not true... I jsut made a joke so it can be funny... did you find it funny or not please be honest

I don't get it...

I liked the Cellmates one! Made me laugh.
Also aren't this more like puns instead of jokes ?

it's funny cuz they're mentally ill

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!! Far too kind!!!!
Do you have a joke you want to tell or want me to tell more jokes I have more jokes if you want

Yes if you want I can tell more jokes I have lots I wrote lots if you want I can tell

Okay I tell more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What did the vampire say to the bat when the bat told him he looked so cool?
Oh my, FANG you!

What did the egg say to the other eggs when it fell from the nest?
HATCH you all later!

What did the ducks that live in the city say when an earthquake happened?
It is an earthQUACK!

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they stayed in the bays they’d be bagels!

Why did the snake’s wife file for divorce?
He had ereptile dysfunction

Hahahahaha I get it because seagulls (means sea then gulls) and if they staed on bays it'd be (Bagels)
I love your joke lots

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This sounds super funny but can you explain it more for me please I don't get it much

Why did the chicken cross the road?
WEEDEATER.

based

I don't get it...

He’s pp don’t work

What's a pp

It’s a tool that priests use

Yeah I love priests they are so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also wanna hear more of my jokes or not please be honest

How did the dog chef make his specialty sauce?

Well he started with a ROUUUUUUX

Sire!
I humbly request the finest jokes you have

Hahahahahahaha I giggled

What did the candy say to the other candy when the first candy asked the second candy if the second candy would dance with the first candy?
Of course you CANdy dance with me!!!!

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If sire does not mind this one would like a joke involveing companions

Companions like... friends???
I have one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>If sire does not mind this one would like a joke involveing companions

I apologize for that mistake i Hope for forgivness

I'll call you Mozart, cause I'll be Bach

Please bless me with the knowleadge of jokes

Im glad you did, have another.
What did the violin say to the anxious guitar?

don't FRET.

dude these jokes are great do you have more?

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did the fork say to the knife when the knife asked the fork how it looks in its new suit?
You're looking sharp!!

I really love your jokes they are so good!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!!!!!!!!
What did the cat say to the mouse when the mouse asked the cat if the cat can jump over the fence?
I CAT do that!!!

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Wonderfull!
Sire this one would like for more such jokes

Okay!!!!
What did the shark say when the octopus asked the shark how he was feeling?
I am feeling FIN-tastic!

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Mexican, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

all go to a bar..

The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a Thai.

Thank you for the enlightenment!
Your fine art of jokes brought joy to me this fine night.
Now exuse me i'm leaveing to sleep with a smile for the first time on a long time.
One again thank you and have a pleasent night!

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

What did you call a big, big pile of cats ?

A meowtain !
...

...This joke was CAT-astrophic, i'm not feline alright...

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I want to make a joke about the cheese, but i don't think it's a Gouda-dea

Why did the child drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck
Nothing like a claasic

Ever hear about the guy who drowned in a bowl of muisli? He was dragged under by a nasty current!

Kill myself with gun
Leave this world with a bang

What do you get when you put a baby in the microwave?
>an erection

Waddaya call a guy with a small prick?

Justin

How many babies does it take to paint a garage?
>depends on how hard you throw them

Do you know what else have a chiken taste ?

MY COCK

What's the best thing about having sex with 4 year old girls?
>when you're done, you can turn them over and use them as 4 year old boys

Whaddaya call a guy with a car on his head?

Jack

How do you get out a baby off a blender ?

With a straw

two guards are standing on patrol, it's almost curfew time, they see a guy running down the street and the first guard shoots him down.
the second guard asks the shooter: 'why did you do that? he had like five minutes before the curfew begins'
the first one responds: 'i know where he lives, he wouldn't have made it on time'

What's the difference between you and a bucket of shit?

The bucket

made me chuckle

what is the common point between a girl and a bottle of wine ?

-4 years old
-6 months in the cellar
-Share with friends

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What's the best thing about fucking 29 year olds?

There's 20 of them

Sorry

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It's okay, don't worry

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What does a house wear?

An address!

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke

Why don’t hookers wear panties?
Ever tried to pull a grilled cheese apart?

English joke
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman ?

Nothing !

No problems!!!!!!