Janeane Garofalo Appreciation Thread

It's okay we can order you tea.

Your fortune: Good news will come to you by mail

she looks like she stinks :(

No it was good.

My eyes turned into spirals and I fell in love with Asian Gorl.

Your fortune: Outlook good

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Yeah ok I guess but it's just tea

So... 11 then?

Your fortune: Outlook good

check um dubs

garofatribs

Your fortune: Average Luck

bump for pretty brunette lady

Your fortune: Very Bad Luck

When I was in my 20's I used to rent a house with a guy. He had his helicopter pilots license but he had it temporarily revoked due to some DWIs so he worked a factory job in the meantime. When I moved out we kept in touch but didn't talk too often. I met up with him a little over a year ago for drinks and we talked about our lives. He got his pilot license back and he was doing a gig at a large city's festival where he flew groups of 4 around for a few minutes. One of the groups of 4 was Janeane Girofolo and three of her friends. All the passengers wore a headset so my friend could point out landmarks and such and he said Janeane used the headset to talk to her friends about where they should go to eat after the festival. He said she would angrily reject every suggestion her friends had, then finally Janeane decided for the group that they would eat at Perkins. My friend didn't get to point out any landmarks and he said the passengers didn't even seem to look out the windows. When he landed to drop them off the helicopter blades kept spinning and Janeane's wig flew off due to the wind. Janeane screamed at her friends to get the wig while Janeane jumped back into the helicopter to hide from the next people in line. It took her friends 5 minutes to retrieve the wig and they all entered the helicopter to deliver it to Janeane. Then Janeane had her friend give her the friend's hoodie and Janeane wore it, pulled the hoodie over her head, and pulled on the strings so she only had a tiny peephole to look out of. She stumbled around when she walked so her friends guided her by putting their hands on her shoulder and wrist.

Honk!

I work as a masseuse in LA. I'm used to lots of celebrity clients. I was called up to the beverly whilshire for a massage with oil. I knocked and Janeane answered, already in her Wilshire bathrobe. The room smelled of stale cigarettes and the room service tray was still in the room with half eaten french toast on it.

She declined the massage table and sat down at the padded recliner. She removed her wig, showing a patchy and alopecia ridden scalp. She made me oil up her head and give her an extended 'deep tissue' scalp massage. Halfway through she said she 'needed a happy ending' and began playing with my flaccid penis through my tennis shorts. I am NOT that kind of masseuse but I was frankly too shocked to do anything. The sight of her scalp and hungry eyes were not doing it for me and it took quite a while to come. After making me towel off the stain on the carpet she handed me a tattered business card that said Lawrence Gordon- Universal Pictures and said that they would take care of everything since they have her on a holding deal. I called the next day and Gordon's assistant at Universal said she hadn't worked for them since 1999 in Mystery Men and that she wasn't on any extended contract for them. They explained that this happens frequently and while they sympathize they just cannot go around bankrolling her lifestyle 6 years after the release of a movie. I told them I understand and hung up the phone. Long story short she still owes me $75 for the half hour massage, plus tip.

Love this one.