alright Yea Forums i have a story to tell all you about a very "special" guy that i had displeasure of knowing, i still shit myself when i see him on the street. i call it, the story of an ice cream tard
>be me 13 at the time around 5th grade >our school was in the shitty part of the town, next to some shitty college, big kids from their would do drugs and occasionally fuck near our school playground >cars, trees, rooftop, you name it >i was good friend with one kid, lets call him Roger >Roger was a cool guy, we would play pokemon and yugioh before and after school >basically we were pretty much the only ones in school who were not complete normies and the only ones who knew what the fuck pokemon are (shitty eurofag town) >rest of the school would talk about soccer and sports, for which we didnt give two shits >roger was a massive kid, tall and strong he would be fucking terrifying if he didnt have a strong case of babyface >meanwhile i was short and skinny kid, used to be bullied a lot >i swear to fucking god we looked like asterix and obelix when together >at the start of the next school year one of the new students really sticked out >it took only 3 seconds for us to realise that he was a tard >pedophile moustache >bowl cut hair >no jawline >think of the uglliest 12 year old you could imagine >for no reason at all he came up to me and Roger who were talking about yugioh or something >He walked swinging his head like a pidgeon and his arms tight around his torse like they were glued >Hi GuYS >he said in the most annoying voice a 12 year old could shit out of his mouth reavealing his half rotten teeth >mY NAME iS ICeCREAM >mother fucker thinks that his name is icecream later found out that his real name isnt much better but well call him icecream from now on. >roger immediately realised that we dont want any of this bullshit and told him to fuck off >he realeased a tard screech with the streinght of 1000 gypsies and ran back into the building
>what in the name of saint joseph's left nipple.onion >later i found out that the tard goes to the same classa as my younger sister >oh fuck no.wad >this is where shit hits the fan >most of the info im about to list comes from my sister becouse due to being in the same class as the ice cream tard has had much more laughs than me >allegedly he likes the taste of his boogers >he would take peanuts from his lunch box and shove them into his nose which would make even schlomo shekelstein tremble in fear and proceed to eat them with his nose souce on them >some sources say he also did that with his asshole but im not sure, he very well cold have >he was also a public masturbator, college fags would record him wanking beneath their windows >he would also slab asses of other boys, i witnessed him get beat up for that, after which he stopped >and now the reason why he is called ice cream, a couple of kids witnessed his mother licking him before he is sent to school >after which everyone would mock him by making licking noises >pic related >this is where i got really fucking mad at him >durring a luch break i ran into him in front of the boy's bathroom >HuAheuHUE ANooooN >he said in a voice that resembled a duck more than a human >i politely told him to fuck off cuz i dont want any of his shit >this is where shit hits the fan >faggot nigger fucking touched me >that faggot touched me with his booger and peanut staied hands >my inner anger was so high i tought i would turn into a supper saiyan >some of my former bullies and a girl i liked came around to see me go ape shit, i was know to get pissed easily >i didnt wanna look like a pussy so i gave them what they want to see >i released a scream 10 times louder than that of his >WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP I WILL BEAT ICE CREAM TARD AND STACY WILL SUCK MY DICK REAL QUICK >i punch him in the face with the streinght of 1000 weebs >im was not a strong kid, but the sound of his teeth crunchin could be heard
>he proceeded to smear his face with his greasy hand >FUCK YEA user THE ICE CREAM SLAYER >I liked the name, ice cream slayer >ice cream did his tard bid walk to the principal's office >oh shit oh fuck.pdf >our principal was a ginger SJW bitch and one of the main reasons we dont have special ed classes nor tard wranglers >i knew i was fucked >TellMyMomIlovedHer.iso >any sane kid would run for their fucking life in a situation like this but I decided to grow some testicles and face the bitch head on, the victory against the ice cream tard gave me a confidence boost >i shit you bot that bitch literally has the word "hell" in her name >i see the bitch holding tard by the hand and coming in my general direction >the tard pointed his finger at me and said in a half crying voice >It WUZ Him >I already see myself spending 3 fucking hours in that bitch's office and her telling me 'hoW COUld YoU EVEN thiNK abouT doING tHaT" or some shit >when suddenly i hear all the people who were watching me falcom punch the tard speak in one voice >"ICE CREAM PROVOKED user FIRST, HE WAS OBLY DEFENDING" >mfw "did the cumshot of jesus land directly on my head to get this fucking lucky >still got punished by my parents for attacking the tard tho >literally washed my hand until it turned red >sadly didnt get the suck from the wweeb girl i liked sadly >roger congratulates me and we spend the rest of the day drawing comics about the retarded advantures of ice cream tard >from this point on ice cream will try to fuck my life up as hard as he fucking can
alright the sotry continues faggots >one day i came back to school and asked my sister about the ice cream tard as usual, im trying to get as much embarassing shit about him as can >my sister tells me that the oucnh i gave him knocked out two of his teeth (they were rotten anywway" and that he tried to fucking GLUE THEM BACK >mothefucking tard stole a hot glue gun from the art class and started shoving it up his fucking mouth >teacher wasnt there so instead of helping him my sister's class just watched him in ave >the very next moment he discovered why it is called a "hot" glue gun >faggot started screaming in pain as the hot glue filled the holes where his teeth once were >didnt see him a couple of days after that >arigato sister-chan, you are a good spy >buckle up boys it get brutal from now
>couple of days later me and roger were playing some yugioh to kill time >he came up to us >me and roger were prepearing ourself for a potentional shitsorm >me and roger were playing cards a bit further away from school so the 1st graders would try to eat our cards or something >he came up tho us with a smile that resembled a serial killer >a pretty damn ugly serial killer >roger stood up prepeared for a fight >ice cream did something that he should never have done >he snatched cards from my hand with the speed of 1000 monkeys on viagra >the moment he snatched my cards, one of which mas my precious slifer the sky dragon card,(its not a very good card nowadays but it is my lucky card) he started running like 6 million Usain bolts were chasing him >holy motherfcuking shit of the holy demon cow raised beetween satan's ass cheeks he is fast >que the benny hill theme >me and roger were running like a wind trying to catch the ice cream tard >that shit must have been funnier than any scooby doo chase scene >one skinny weeb kid naruto running and screaming "ICE CREAAAAAM"
>followed by a suprisingly fast fat kid chasing some tard who was running like pic related with my cards >STOP IN THE NAME OF LAW.png >we finally corner him in the dead end of a ghetto street >surrender to justice you son of a bitch.bmp >he gives us a shit eating grin while he proceeds to do something which to this day makes me wanna give a full frontal penetration to my cranium lobe with a 9mm parabellum fucking bulelt >he drops the card on the floor, together with his nylon shorts >motherfucking nigger isnt wearing any underwear >oh please not this.isis >he proceeds to go face down ass up >his hairy chocolate starfish was on full display for us to see >oh my fucking eyes.png >a fucking stream of liquid shit starts to pour out of his >half of it is cought in his shorts while the other half got on my card >my precious slifer is now decorating his puddle of shit like a peice of nacho chip in a creamy chocolate souce >im crying inside and screaming on the outside >Roger looks like he just witnessed his entire race getting massacered >we didnt know what to do, we were at a complete fucking loss for words > fucking tard pulls up his shit filled shorts back up while giving us a fucking grin >next moment he is hystericaly laughing > roger fucking snapped and started pucnhing him in his shitty fucking face >roger was much stronger than me so the results were devastating >he falls on the floor, nearly ffalling face first into his creamy chocolate gravy >roger went fucking berserk >he made sure every single bone in his body w as crunched into dust >never seen roger this angry, it was beautiful >we niggered away from there, leaving the tard beat up on the floor >i can remember that shit stain decorating the floor for the next couple of months, legends say that on that specific spot if you chant "chocolate ice cream" 3 times you will open a portal to the tard dimension
>didnt see the tard for the couple of months after that >me and roger managed to escape without penalty >he was probably too much of a pussy to tell the teachers again >betterthanexpected.zip >after a couple of months my sister gives me some more info on the ice cream tard >she said that his arm got broken and that he says that he will kill me and roger, screaming between every word he made >not on my watch.wad >i decided to do something i was planning to do a long time ago >i packed up some clothing in my bag and waited for the school to end >school lasted a lot longer than usual, so it was almost pitch black outside >perfect.ds >after the school ended i quickly rushed to the bathroom and put on my new attire >black combat boots >black pants >a black trench coat i borrowed from my edgy sister who likes large clothing >a long scarf i wrapped around my lower face >and to top it all, a black fedora >i looked myself in the mirror and said to myself in some weird accent i just made up >worry not lads, ice cream slayer is 'ere >my plan is to stalk ice cream to his house and find out as much embarassing info as i can >the time is now >thankfully he lives in a shitty part of the town so getting around unnoticed should be easy >i stalk him until he decides to stop poking a dead bird with a stick >he eventually does > i follow him like a shadow i the night, my slender frame makes it easy to qucikly move from one hiding location to another >we came across the place where he shat on my slifer, i try not to give away my location by laughing my dick off >after a few minutes he is there >on of the most beat down houses i have ever seen > its an apartment building with around 10 floors >the doors are big and make a lot of noise i try to enter in the moment he opens it >the fact that he didnt notice me enter right behind him is a fucking miracle, he was probably too busy doing his tard walk >faggot literally singing theme song of power rangers as loud as he can
>bingo, entered the tard fortress >now i have to get into his apartment building >i quietly stalk him all the way to the 8th floor >he keeps his keys under his carpet >well, what would you expect from a tard >i wait for him to enter the house >i quetly stand outisde his door like a shadow waiting to strike >i lay my ear on the door to hear if his parents are home >only thing i hear is him screaming "TENasgeee MUTant NInjAAA TURtlES >i assume he is home alone >try to lockpick his door quetly >check the doormat just in case >no fucking way.jpg >there is another fucking key, next to some candy wraps >my guessi s that his parents probaly tought that he would loose the key eventually so they put another one just in case >i slowly open the door and take a peek to make sure he is not there >jackpot >i make my way into the tard chamber >his house smells of alcohol and decomposed corpses >in retrospect a flashlight would be usefull but i had my phone with me so i was ok >his apartment had one hallway connecting a couple of rooms and a kitchen, >i see that the door to his room is slightly open so i decide not to go there for now, instead i explored what ressembled his kitchen >jesus fucking christ the smell is horrible >ithankfully the scarf blocked some of the tard aroma >how do I even begin to describe this, there is spilled spaghetti on the carpet, fridge wide open, its mostly filled by beer bottles and dogfood, i also see some dogshit on the sofa >wait a fucking minute.wasd >dog food >dog shit >fucking tard has a dog >it was this moment exactly that i shit myslef >i slowly start tembling in fear and look around me in every direction >oh sweet jesus i might be super fucked >im thinking of niggering away, but im not going away empty handed >i turn on my camera and make my way to his room >wish i never had >my eyes still burn whenever i remember this >he is completely naked watching some cartoons on his dvd player repeating the lines of characters on tv
alright guy OP here 4fhan decided to gay up while i was writing but im back
Jeremiah Collins
you're trying too hard. lost interest in your fake story halfway through your first post. be concise, be direct. you wrote too fucking much. remember that everything you tell your audience should serve a purpose. if something doesn't further the plot, if doesn't belong in the story
>the tard is on his room >dick out >clothes on the floor >i see the dog on the leesh tead to his bed >bastard trapped the dog in his room >i back away for now >my inner animal lover kicks in >dog is the same as a fucking goldfhish for fucks sake you cant just trap it in one room >dont worry doggo ill save you >i form a plan in my head >my goal is to produce as much noise as possible >ill make his unfortunate neighbors check his room and discover the dog >im pretty sure that dogs are not allowed in his room so this should make them take doggo away from the tard >new mission: save doggo >i should have probably just told the landlord that there is a dog in there but fuck it, worked out in the end >i hear the doggo bark in pain >ice cream i will fucking kill you if you hurt that doggo >i see rough half open door that he is spinning the dog around with his hands like a beyblade >its a pretty small dog >ice cream, you may have shat on my slifer and you may have got me in trouble with the principal but this, i will not tolerate this > i kick open his door as he screams in suprise >:amma put 'n end to yer evil deeds ayscreem boi" >he is completely teriffied, he unleashed the biggest scream yet >oh fuck >he is charging at me full speed > i did not sign up for this shit >i decided that the smartest choice of action is running away >that would be easy, but there is a naked tard right behind me >I rush to his kitches and take cover behind the sofa as best as I can >o grab a dirty frying pan and launch it at him with the streinght of 1000 neckbeards >He is fucking furious >cheery-o dear chum >i make a run for it > my combat boots make loud thumping noises as i run back home >i call roger to tell him that if my mom calls he should tell her that Im at his place and if she asks to talk to me tell her that im taking a shit, becouse i noticed my battery is at 4% > i safetly escaped the tard fortress, >i hope that the dog get taken away from them too be continued
When you start a new thread because this one 404s title it ice cream adventures
Tyler Howard
This is entertaining
Jaxson Harris
Bump
Aiden Watson
Bump again type faster
Nicholas Murphy
>next day at school was quite unusual >ice cream tard told everyone that there has been a burglar at his house >now that i think of it i should have painted my face to resemble a nigger >he says that he will find the burglar with his "super dragon magic"or something, i was too busy laughing at myself >school next day warns us about the burglar >lock your dors,close the windows, usual shit >after that the tard became much more introverted, didnt hear much shit from him, other than the fact that he has brougt used toilet paper to school once, >fast forward a bit {a lot) >im about to take my finals >might aswell go out with a bang, me and roger want to show ice cream tard one last time who is the boss >we stay up late to draw some more comics about ice cream tard, and we are going to give them to everyone >the comic is basically about ice cream tard and him being retarded,not much different from real life, and we are going to send a crap ton of copies to his house >we tought it was a good idea >but we wanted more >i talk to my sister about some more shit he has been doing, just so we have more info on the ice cream tard >jack fucking pot >we discovered the most usefull peice of info so far >he has a crush on a girl from my class >she isnot ugly, but not a supermodel either 6/10 >lets call her ema >the ultimate plan shall now begin >unlike most of the other girls, i actually like spending time with her, we still talk from time to time but nothing serious. >i deliver her the terrible new >i tell her that ice cream tard wants her vaggie >she is obviously disgusted and feels like dying >"oh and those poorly written love notes with grease stains you found in your bag, that was him. >i tell her my plan to embarras the flying shit out of ice cream tard >the plan is to make ice cream tard ask her out and her to reject him (obviously) >here comes the part where i make my move >ever since the "robbery: ice cream was much more quet (still a tard tho)
here we go boys >i aproach the ice cream >hey pal >W-wHA? >so you know that we are not the best friends and stuff, well i wanna be your friend >i hand him a pack of yugioh card that i bought yesterday >his face was like if he had just received 6 million shekels >i talk to him for some time to give him a false sense of security >eventaully i get him to spit the truth >so..you like emma right? >Y-YEAH SHE is CUTe and pREtty >good for you shamp cuz she just told me that she likes you >r-REAlly?!?!! >motherfucker believes it >he bit the bait >she told me to tell you that she want you to ask her out tommorow at the lunch break, she will be waiting for you outside the school >fucker ate every word i told him, unironically considers me his best friend >fft tommorow >its the day >i dress up in ice cream slayer attire just before the lunch break >there is no way im missing this
ok boys we made it, the post after this one will be the grand finale, see you on reddit
Bump. Op please make this the last part the suspense is killing me
Lincoln Kelly
incoming fail post
Jonathan Fisher
If there is even the hint of going home to bel air or walking I dinosaur I'm going to hunt you down
Easton Phillips
I hope you get your five upvotes after you screenshot your own post and post it on bleppit. go fuck yourself
Nathan Edwards
gon die in new
Josiah Taylor
This is my last bump OP you screaming faggot.
Landon Lopez
cmon OP
Matthew Phillips
>the big day is here >clock strikes lunchtime >i specifically picked this time of day becouse i knew there would be a lot of "witnesses" >emma is waiting >ikm hiding behind a corner in my ice cream slayer uniform waiting to jump out >here he comes >ice creaam has the biggest fucking smile i have ever saw >Hi EMMa >hi Ice cream >lhe is still doing his retard walk btw >everyone is trying not to laugh >w-will you MARy Me >he said confidently with peanut peices shooting from his mouth >she obviously rejects him >oh fuck i did not predict this > i expected him to drop on the floor and cry, possibly shit his pants, but not this >he turned fucking angry >he is making animalistic noises >oh fuck >he starts attacking her >fuck this was not meant to happen >she is thrown on the floor and he is punching her >i jump out of the hiding >thankfully there were a lot of people so she didnt suffer drastic amount of damage >we have the tard pinned to the ground >other girls are calling the teacher >he sees me >Y-YOUUU!!! he screams in the angriest tard voice imagible >i take out an ice cream from my pocket >care for a snack dear chum? >i say those words as i smear the ice cream on his face, > i take off my scarf revealing my face >he looks supper pissed, even 4 people have trouble holding him down > trying to think of a cool one liner but i ended up saying "that one's gonna hurt tommorow >i walk into the sunset as he screams my name >I WILL KILL YOU user I WILL KILL YOUU >summer break rolls around >i spend time chilling with my friends >ice cream has been aprpehended by the teachers, its a miracle he didnt get expelled but again, sjw principal >emma got a few scratches but nothing serious >ice cream grew up to be a mega nerd, shy and walks like virgin instead of a bird, last time i saw him he was looking at me like i fucked his sister, i respond with a confident smirk i am the terror for all the tards, I am the shadow which talks disabled, I am the ice cream slayer
thank you all for lisening to my story, and for those who say that i type slow you can suck my ice cream coated dick
Cameron Garcia
you do tho
Nolan Lewis
Drumming is a form of non-vocal communication used by most species of woodpecker and involves the bill being repeatedly struck on a hard surface with great rapidity. After a pause, the drum roll is repeated, each species having a pattern which is unique in the number of beats in the roll, the length of the roll, the length of the gap between rolls and the cadence. The drumming is mainly a territorial call.
Logan Morris
someone posted the first part on r/greentext right now
Jeremiah James
>13 >5th grade
Were you held back user?
>eurofag >soccer
Ok, now you're just a larping faggot.
Luis Peterson
God speed, Ice Cream Slayer
I hate tards that know they can get away with shit because their retarded
I just so happen to have a light form of ADD and SPD, but you're doing God's work by putting that fucker in his place
