Hey Yea Forumsro’s, depressedfag here...

Hey Yea Forumsro’s, depressedfag here. I’ve suffered from major depression and existential anxiety for half a decade now, been thru numerous therapists and medications and I’m pretty certain it’s unfixable. I want to pursue a career in psychiatry so I can help others, but if I can’t even help myself is it even worthwhile?

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you'll find a lot of psychs get into the field because they've had shit going on themselves. It's a good reason to get into the field.
That said: you need to be able to function as a person to follow through with that.

Psychiatry/Psychology are reasonably long degrees. Start them if you want, but know that until you figure some of your shit out know that depending on your mental state later in life you may never be able to turn it into a career.

Social worker is a good backup plan. Shorter degrees and your personal experience still applies.

Wouldnt having depression yourself make you better able to understand the people you're trying to help? Don't let having problems yourself get in the way, everyone has their struggles.

I understand exactly where you're coming from. I chose comedy as mt medium to keep going. Im the "i make others happy because i never will be" type. The feelings and thoughts dont go away, but it definitely puts the apathy and self loathing to good use. I fucking kill at open mic nights then i get hammered and "cry" myself to sleep. I weap but there are never any tears. Sorry for making that about me. Anyway, do whatever you feel brings meaning to you. What do you think will give you a purpose? What can you do for others thats worth sticking around for? If you believe you can prevent others from falling into the same pit, then do it. Thats really the only way.

do you understand the mechanics of how drugs effect the brain? is your depression related to thoughts/memories or is it like an uncontrollable emotion always keeping you down? i get anxiety thinking about the smallest things like going to work and other random shit that just won't piss off out of my head, but i binge on my medication and smoke weed I feel at peace.

Nothing is unfixable things may take time and may not be your idea of perfect or fixed, but never give up. Helping others may be a good way for you to help yourself, especially since it will put you around people in similar circumstances. Are you working towards a degree right now?

I've been in the same situation, but dropped out like many others, since it's mostly a coping mechanism to deal with other peoples problems. Don't do it OP, it'll fuck you up even more. The reason you have this tendency is because it makes your own mental shit go away momentarily

I understand they’re long degrees, unfortunately there’s 0 money to be made at just a bachelor psych level (which i’m about to finish). While I don’t consider myself materialistic and insanely wealth driven, what’s the point of committing myself to a job that doesn’t make ends meet?
This is why I figured the field would be good for me, but I guess my inability to help myself gives me doubts that I’d be able to help someone else in my position. It’s perfectly fine to share your own experience! Helping others does make me feel better, but as I’m sure you’ve experienced it doesn’t ever heal the emptiness I experience, only masks it.

Yes, I watch pharmacology videos for fun sometimes to give me more knowledge than the classroom ever offers. I don’t exactly buy into the monoamine theory behind depression and think our current understanding of medications is very inadequate as we’ve only just began to realize the importance of the enteric nervous system considering the majority of our serotonin lies in the gut and serves many other functions. After this summer I’m a term away from finishing my BS in psych. I’ve began to notice this and this is why I’ beginning to doubt things. I’d feel horrible if I dropped out during med school.

Oh yeah dude. There always a void inside of me that im sure nothing can fill. But faking it really helps. Doing the things I do to make people laugh, and going home and feeling the way I feel. I really understand things in a way probably not many people can. Like, i feel like I get why Robin Williams ended his life and shit. Its hard to fathom how I can make so many people smile and want to be my friend, but feel so alienated, unloved, and alone at the same time. The depressed mind is a scary thing.

I'm certainly not saying you should drop out, but reconsideration if this is the path you should specialise in isn't a bad thing. Me myself dropped out, but a good mate who had the same issues just changed his path to stomach intestine liver diseases (sorry not native English, wouldn't know the correct term, MDL in Dutch). The wonderful thing about med school is that you can turn it into many directions, and either way you'll be able to help people. If it's by hearing their stories, or doing colonoscopies, either way you'll have someone grateful for the job that you did, though the latter doesn't have as big of a risk of scaring your own mental health

I completely get this. I have a few very close friends and a long term girlfriend (though we’ve been having major issues lately), but it still doesn’t help me get through the torment of my own mind. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since the age of 15 (19 now), and told myself if I was still depressed at 30 I’d off myself.

This

Hey your English is great! I think that’s along the lines of gastroenterologist or internal medicine maybe? I don’t pay too much attention to other specialties as they’re not a burning passion of mine ahah. How far in were you when you dropped?

Psych RN here. Psych patients are horrible and all need euthanized. Yes, its time for a career change. Fuck you psych patients. Please really kill yourselves and stop fucking around. Nobody needs you.

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you sound smarter than me, though i personally favor chemistry and my expertise is recreational drug use, i am considering getting methylphinidate in addition to dexamphetamine because working is impossible on speed, i always feel like gapping home to smoke weed. concerta/methylphinidate sounds alot milder and easier to push through to day with and dex will be my reward when i finish muhahaha

Guess accidents happen.

No fucking way, user. I have the same promise to myself. Thoughts of suicide have been buzzing since i was around 17, (24 now) and i told myself that if life hadnt taken such a significant turn that i had a solid reason to be around by age 30, I'd end my life. Not exactly healthy to be excited about something like that but its always nice to relate. Knowing you arent the only one feels assuring. Its like, maybe im not as alone as I thought.

Just focus on what you think will give the best possible outcome, be it within the next 1, 5, or even 10 years. Having a plan or trying to think of one really helps with garnering ambition and motivation

Why torment yourself as a psych RN if you don’t like the patients? I have an idea of what you mean though, I’m sure most patients cause a fair portion of their own suffering but just want to be told somethings wrong with them or the world so they can have a reason to be useless.

most psychiatrists suffer from a mental illness or know someone close to them who does.

Gastroenterologist is the right word indeed. And thanks! I almost at the end of my first year. Could've made the year, but I lost all motivation. I had the same idea of not having another passion, but when I look back I'm sure I would've enjoyed specializing in fe infectious diseases, neurology, etc. When saying you like pharmacology videos, ever considered specializing in anesthesia?

Assuming you aren't just trolling, why on fucking earth would you ever become a psych nurse if you didn't want to deal with those people?

I'm not even defending them, I wouldn't want to deal with them either. I'm just genuinely curious, why the hell did you go into a field you clearly despise?

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Larp on faggot

So pre-med, medical school, residency... The amount of anxiety in med school is not worth your mental health. Psychology is a better and easier path, then going into neuroscience will make you unstoppable. I'm a depressed MD BTW.

Taking my gen chem sequence right now, chem is very interesting to me and honestly I wish I majored in that or physics just bc I basically taught myself all a psych bachelor does and I ave my courses without the slightest effort. Chem and Physics are a nice challenge and get really interesting at the higher levels but it gets hard to wrap my head around. For a while I treated my depression with LSD and it worked until my 2_th trip and then it gave me a nice beat down and I haven’t used since. Glad (maybe glad isn’t the right word) to know someone else can relate and I’m not alone, though I wish I were alone in this so others didn’t have to feel this pain. I think since I don’t exactly have a plan right now other than school school school it could be contributing, but I don’t really know what to do to counter it.

toast

Go to hell, faggot

Nobody gives a fuck

OP will greatly contribute to society, instead of being a cancer living with his mom
>nice trips though

Take acid

I thought about it in high school, but was discouraged thinking about malpractice and that if the patient dies it’s pretty much my fault. I think losing a patient due to my own incompetence would really spiral me further (assuming it can get lower). Neurology is interesting as well, Freud was one after all! I love psychoanalytic thinking (more of a Jungian than a Freudian) but it’s really lost it’s importance in the US and universities which was a big disappointment for me. My major gripe with clinical psych is the fact that they can’t prescribe meds (even though I don’t like medication it’s still useful and rampantly abused by psychiatrists, I’d like to be one of the few good ones), I do like neuroscience though but don’t know what career I could make out of it other than research. Schools never really been difficult or anxiety provoking for me, I’m mostly frustrated with how basic even upper division classes are.

That's a tough one. It was really hard battling depression and going to school. I tried university twice. First time around my room mates were beefnecks who thought it would be funny to push me to suicide attempts until i stapled a would be suicide note to my own arm. I was pretty edgy at 18. They turned around and had me removed from the dormitory for being a "threat". So without housing. i left. Second time around I just lost the motivation and drive. Its hard.

The only advice I can give is find something to occupy free time to get the creative part of the mind going. It momentarily diverts the bad thoughts and opens up the window for possibly thinking of that years long plan/goal

How can you help others if you’re too useless to help yourself?
Become a shrink. They’re all crazier than their patients anyway

Thanks for having faith, I’ve heard this a lot recently (even from an Uber driver yesterday), but I think part of being bright is knowing that you still don’t know enough and probably never will, which discourages me from taking on enough responsibility to truly make a great impact. After 20 something trips I can’t anymkre, just get stuck in loops and feel like i’m on the edge of a psychotic break. However I did a small dose (1.5g) of mushrooms a few months ago and it was an amazing experience which gave me a nice motivational burst but unfortunately it fizzled out within a week or two.

This. Being that I enjoy psychodynamic thinking I believe this is why therapy is really hit or miss for most people. A lot of transference goes on between client and therapist and it goes nowhere, along with the risk of making both people worse. Sorry to hear how your situation played out, I had 3 really shitty roommates this year (college apartment, roommates were matched) who weren’t even students, they were ghetto african american coke dealers who would have 15+ people over every night. Luckily they respected me and listened when I complained, but it really took a toll on my mental state. Luckily I got them kicked out. I’ve been thinking of creative outlets, wrote a few poems but can usually only write when I’m in a deep depressed state, as well as getting back into minecraft so I can have something to keep me busy. Ideally when I finish this degree I’ll have money to afford a few other hobbies i’m interested in like martial arts and piano.

But if one of your patients committed suicide it'd be pretty much the same situation, and maybe even harder because their physical health wouldn't have been an issue. It's never your fault, you do what you can, but eventually either the patients body decides to quit, or the patients mind decides to an hero. Same situation, both not your fault. There must be some kind of support from your university (or college, fuck amerifags) in choosing a direction right? It might even be a teacher you just happen to like. Broaden your horizon!

Im the same guy having faith. As I told you i dropped out, and now am studying to teach primary school children. You have the motivation of wanting to know everything, and wanting to help people. That's something most people can't say.
Also, try 2cb. Can't fuck you up as bad as shrooms and gives the same positive boost!

My point being that i'm getting a shitty job for not that big of a paycheck. But i know im helping making the world a tiny bit better. And you're going to do that to, one way or another

Thats great. Im sorry about your living situation as well but it's good to be optimistic about the eventuality of being able to partake in things you think you'll enjoy. From everything I've learned about you thus far, i think you'll turn out fine OP. You just need that hobby or occupation that just feels right. A small reason to keep going, is still a reason to keep going. Even with something as precarious as the frailty of mental health and suicide. Something or someone to look forward to after a hard day. Thats what its about. You'll be okay.

That’s true, but also being that I’ve had so much suicidal thinking myself I think I’d be more understanding that the patient genuinely thought that was the best decision for themselves. Of course this is me just thinking about it without actually experiencing, so it could end up very different in the actual event. My university does offer services which I’ve taken advantage of, unfortunately I just don’t feel like a good fit with what they suggest. Not sure how read you are on Jung and MBTI, but this worlds really designed for extroverted sensors, and as an introverted intuitive it feels like a huge mismatch. As an amerifag, I’ve considered instead of pulling an hero at 30 maybe I’ll just say fuck it and travel the world, but also if my govt. is bad fuck a foreign govt. Lol. I’ll look into 2cb, thank you for the recommendation. I always thought teaching would be a good backup plan, but fuck not being able to fully design my own course (would only have that freedom as a uni professor, even then they lack it and you have to teach what they tell you, plus a huge push on research).

Thank you for the motivation and advice, I didn’t really expect to find someone to make me feel a bit better on here. Thank you for that. It sounds like you’re on your way to making the world a better place, at least you’ve helped me for the night. I’ve got class in 6 hours so I’m going to log off. Again, thanks user

Gtg, but I think we understand eachother in lots of ways. If you want to continue to talk later:
[email protected]

Ein Yea Forums, Ein reich, Ein Fuhrer

no kis

I think you're delving into useless trivia. Medicine is not like what you seem to expect, you're going to kill and it won't mean incompetence. Prescribing is not power, it's a burden that can ruin a person's life even if correctly used. I tend to discourage people with narcissistic tendencies because we're the ones that think we can cure. It's your life, do what you think is best but I encourage you to look elsewhere.