I was first raped when i was 7. Ever since then i want it to happen again...

Greentext rape

The biggest step is admitting this to someone you're confident with. You'll never get the help you need by keeping this to yourself. Hiding it is the reason it has this control over you

You've already got your mind made up
What do you want? Ask yourself that instead of asking b
Op, do you want to embrace it or push it down?

no ur not pleasure is a common way of dealing with trauma. whats a common fantasy u have like? does it involve the rapist? tell in length pls

Not really close with anyone, at least the people i consider myself to be close with i could never admit this to.

Why? I was drugged, most of what i’ve remembered has been in bits and pieces.

Greentext it op

What do you remember?

Being submissive is a positive feminine attribute for a woman. It is completely natural for a woman to want a man to dominate them. That is how it has been for millions of years. Fantasizing is normal, but you will have to control your lust and not let anyone take advantage of you until marriage.

After it happened a lot of my childhood got blocked out. I was drugged, I came back in bruises. I don’t have a lot of details. My parents weren’t the best people. Everything’s always been fuzzy. I don’t remember much leading up to it, they knew. They didn’t ever talk about it with me. I think they might have let it happen. I don’t want to believe that, but either way they never did much. I was never allowed to talk about anything sexual in my family. It was shunned and i kept everything in, probably why i’m still ashamed.

Then try and confide in a counselor or therapist. I'd recommend not just starting out with this issue if you feel like you need to build trust, but do confide in them at some point. They'll keep your sessions private, they'll be honest with you, and they'll help you reach a conclusion. They're there to help. There are people who care, and as you can see, even strangers who would rather you not go down this road. Please realize you're not alone

I wouldn’t be able to find anyone willing to marry me anyways, i think i’m just fucked.

I’ve tried that. Didn’t even scratch the surface of all of the shit i could say. It always seemed forced, and like they were just waiting to lock me up in the looney bin if i said the wrong thing.

Because they really don't care
That's how it is
Therapists/cops don't care about you
They care about you in a general sense but not you personally
Therapists will use your words against you to go by the books

Also consider there are bad therapists. They might guide them down a bad path, or take advantage. Real or fake, this person sounds incredibly vulnerable. Personally, I would never reveal this to anyone until I found someone worthy of marriage, and know they will take care of me no matter what. A therapist has no obligation to do that. Who knows their values. You would have to basically date the therapist fist.

Why do you think that? It's not difficult to find decent people.

Then how about contacting and joining counseling groups of people who have been in similar situations. Maybe contact an abuse shelter, and ask around for groups of victims who meet up and discuss their issues. Maybe you'd be more comfortable in that setting.

I’ve got a lot of shit i need to deal with. I don’t think i’ll be finding anyone who cares about me, and i might just eventually give up and try and live out these fantasies. In the end i guess i’ll be getting what i deserve for being so weak from it. I think if i told a therapist anything and tried to work it out i’d be in a worse place than before.

No, it’s not. But it’s difficult to get a decent person to care about you when you are full of flaws.

I think i would just feel guilty for trying to think my problems were worse than theirs. I’ve always had issues trying to tell anyone partially because i feel like it’s a burden. I’m probably just sensitive, if i wasn’t i would be in a better place. I’m not good with people face to face anyways. Never know what to say

It's going to be difficult to find a decent person when you have an attitude of entitlement, complain, and use your flaws as an excuse for any behavior instead of trying to change them
We all have flaws
I'm an asshole
Maybe I can work on that instead of saying " oh, yeah, I'm an asshole"

Can you write it down and give the note to a therapist/psychologist?

Perhaps you're right to. I'm just stressing the fact that trying to figure this out alone is dangerous. But yes, there's no forcing OP to reveal this to anyone, and perhaps OP should try and get out there more and realize the worth they have to someone who won't see OP as an object

Yeah, you’re right. I probably just gave up on that. If i changed and found someone anyways, i would feel guilty and feel as though i was tricking them to what i’m really like. Probably just not cut out for having a good life.

Feeling weak and like you deserve what you're feeling is entirely in line with symptoms of PTSD, which is most likely the diagnosis have given how horrible a trauma you have experienced.

Also, the guilt/shame is also to be expected in that circumstance. I think that's the way the mind copes with the powerlessness.

I don’t think that would help me, i would still have the knowledge that i was going to write it and hand it to someone. It’s just as personal.

I don’t know how to fix myself

I'm not saying that to put you in the wrong op
I'm not saying that to be the asshole I could be
We don't know each other and you can probably vibe the assholery in me
Either way
You probably are
Or maybe your idea of what a good life is unrealistic..... For now
You're not tricking them
You were raped and that wasn't your fault
Now, if you were raped and now you use it to justify "I was raped, let me cheat on you and be a shitty person" then you'd be tricking them in a way

Changing isn't deceiving
People used to be a certain way until they realised they had to change, if we're being optimistic when viewing change

Well. I do, but there's no easy solution.

First of all... you have a very severe mental injury. You'd been through more by the time you were 8 than most people go through their entire lives.

So yeah, you're badly injured. That doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you were surrounded by people who hurt you, and other people who failed their responsibility to protect you.

None of that is your fault. All the shame and guilt you're feeling rightfully belongs to the adults who failed you.

Also, while you're still scared to talk to a therapist about it, the fact that you're able to talk about it here means you've gotten further in facing your trauma than quite a few people ever do.

I care about you, and I want you to heal from your trauma. Sadly, the by far most effective way to do that is to accept that you'll be afraid and that that's just your mental injury talking. And then go seek therapy even though your injury keeps telling you not to.

Because that's the path towards healing.

I suffered childhood physical and mental abuse and neglect; I was put in a chokehold at age six. I think your trauma sounds fucking horrible.

Corrects the flaws that are easily correctable. Downplay the uncorrectable ones by pointing out your more desirable attributes.

I guess anytime i’ve tried to change it hasn’t seemed genuine. It’s like i’m always the same underneath. Thanks, for what it’s worth.

Going off what he said, you can either let this control you, having it dictate your life and define you, or you can be real with yourself, see the effects on your psyche this has had, and relinquish this control on your life. It won't just happen, but stop thinking you're too weak willed to make it happen

I’m sorry you went through that. As for the therapy, i don’t know if i’m ready for that. I don’t think i could get the words out.

It’s hard for me to imagine ever having desirable attributes.

I don't think they have any injuries. I think they just had a bad life experience. Nothing I would consider a flaw or a downside.

>g

*hugs* Thank you for your kind words.

Maybe you can't do it just yet. If you can start mentally preparing for it, that could help.

Regardless of if you can or not, try to remind yourself that none of this is your fault.

Sadly some people are assholes, but no reasonable person would blame a molestation victim for having low self-esteem and feeling like shit as an adult.

You deserve to be happy, it's not your fault they mistreated you

You still considering the vodka&cuddles?

Having a life experience that bad will leave a trauma, in the same way that experiencing a very hard hit to your arm will leave a broken arm.

I spent 13 years trying to self-heal my trauma. I could milden the effects a fair bit, but there were things I just couldn't get to on my own because it was too scary.

op i was raped and have this exact same problem.
i dont know why just ever since it's happened i've been obsessed with being overpowered and forced to have sex.
normal sex gets me wet but nothing crazy enough for me to cum.
i dont know how to fix this

It sounds to me you're a very obedient, accommodating and accepting person. Those are all attributes I, and most others, find attractive.

ha. got blackout drunk last night, couldn’t find the bullets. I never did do it.

>i dont know how to fix this
We should be friends.

I suppose so.

I’m still not sure what i deserve. Still trying to find that out.

Or you got blackout drunk, found the bullets, and chose to live.

I think that effect lasts just until you get to know me.

Oooor you did it and this is now the afterlife.

sounds good to me user. maybe we could grow and be healthier together

I knew where they were. They weren’t there anymore. But maybe you’re right, maybe i just decided to not look harder.

Sounds to me like you have an easy life surrounded by enablers which allow you to hyper focusing on a negative issue.

You must be fun at parties.

this makes me happy user

Yeah, sure.

I imagine you find people in wheelchairs who keep refusing to walk very annoying.

You can hire someone to rape you for fairly cheap

Why? Trying to be a nice person, and treating others with respect never let me down on first impressions.

I’m pretty ugly. I’d feel bad.

Or you hid them while in a previous alcoholic blackout.

Don’t remember doing that, but who knows

If they're capable, yet refuse in order to be coddled, then yes, it is annoying.

Oh, no, I was just going to choke you out and then try to time when I came inside you to right when you regained consciousness and realized what was about to happen.

Get yourself in shape, and find someone equally ugly.

Tits or gtfo

Attached: IMG_20190713_042323_819.jpg (777x777, 132K)

> I was first raped when i was 7.
> first
Go on...
How old are you now?

on second thought

You’re a comedian. I’m not quite sure if they exist

Not old enough to be drinking.

Right, but since you don't recognize mental damage, I figured neural damage wouldn't count either in your book.

I gotta say I'm a bit jealous though, I wish my life was so easy I thought all mental damage was entirely possible to ignore.

You dont need to ignore anything. Just accept it and move on.

The lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

Who was president the first time you were raped?

There is always someone uglier than you, but you don't have to settle for them. Aim equal or higher. Even if you get rejected a million times, you put yourself in that circle. The people who rejected you will know you want a moral and good person to be with. They might even help you find that person.

You have obvious self-worth issues. You probably also have self-image issues and may not be as ugly as you believe.

mental injury is same as physical injury just say physical injury. Abuse is synonymous with abuse. IT Abuse Never Changes.

Yeah, sure. That's essentially the same thing.

Unless you do what you can to heal the trauma, you'll keep living with the side effects of it.

If you genuinely think you've experienced a trauma, and that the path of "acceptance" worked for you, then I'm hoping you've subconsciously worked a little on your issues. If not, you're still living with the side effects. Anyhow, if living with those side effects doesn't make you acutely suicidal, then I guess continuing that path works for you.

That path didn't work for me, but all the better, thanks to the path I chose I'm happier now than I felt was possible a decade ago.

I don’t talk to people much. I don’t even have much of a chance of getting rejected. Which is worse?

Consent is a social construct. It only exists to allow civilised society to function. All sexual contact was not designed with consent in mind. During the vulnerable 15 years we live as children, we would have been insanely lucky to not have been violated in natural circumstances. If you wish to live as a functioning member of society then pretend it never happened, since this is something it refuses to acknowledge since it shows a fault in its system. No one will help you and no one will care. It’s not a terrible thing to succumb to your natural instincts and desires that have been initiated through sexual contact at a young age, which has caused you to surpass societal conditioning.

I suppose.

I too was violated at a young age and I’m still in the process of deciding if I want to live as a functioning member of society or not

Attached: 09421F81-5111-482F-8093-BDB72015B0D6.jpg (4032x3024, 1.41M)

I wish acceptance worked like that.

N word

High five user

*claps cheeks*

hehe funy

i know the obvious answer is to try to get over what happened and try to enjoy sex as rape free as possible i'm just not sure what steps to take to make that happen
(im not op)

Attached: 4E9D034B-F254-43E9-8E95-4020E5D0D038.jpg (1242x1230, 273K)

You and me both buddy.

I am not sure on your age or sex, but meeting people at a church event is always a good place to start. You dont even need to say much, only your name and that you want to be a better person. Church types are usually very accepting. Just listen to what they have to say and smile.

What kind of relationship are you in? or do you mean sex as in future relationship?

I could try but i live in a small judgmental town. Never had much luck with church goers either.

You try to recreate the situation over and over again, but each time willingly, until you're okay with it and can move on.
It helps if you can do this with a single, very patient, partner who'll give you a proper punch in the undies in less rapey ways, too.

Just smile and try not to talk in a deep voice. Try to dress and act as the group does. Let them judge you all they want, a good person doesn't try to stop someone from being better.

i have a boyfriend who i've been with for about a month now. we're in a romantic and sexual relationship

This. If you eventually act on these fantasies and, for instance, intentionally put yourself in a situation where you'll likely be raped, you may end up bumping into a total savage. I'd hate to see you come back here in the form of a gore image...

i don’t think i’ll ever find that person

Op here. Can’t say i’m not jealous of you. I wish you luck

I feel as though that’s what i’m fated to end up as.

do you think being submissive in the bedroom (for example letting a partner degrade you and dominate you) make the problem worse? or help someone come to terms with it?

Have you tried having him be more controlling? Like in your daily life. Then having him deny you sexual pleasure, and stopping you from pleasing yourself. Saving sex for special occasions.

i know he's fairly kinky. i've been handcuffed and been told to shut up and be a good girl for him which is amazing but i dont want to push it and make him uncomfortable as we havent been together for very long.

Depends on whether they're doing it to fulfill their own kinks, or doing it for you so you can work through whatever it is.

no you don't and you will never be able. it's not a decision you make. you experienced the world for what it really is while others live their stupid little oblivious lives.
you can use your experience for your own advantage - a daily driver.
or you can get consumed by your experience and perish.