Anyone with FAILED suicide attempts over here?

Anyone with FAILED suicide attempts over here?
I mean if you did it right you wouldn't be here in the first place anyway, faggots (me included)
Share stories. Will bump if needed, but might forget because drinks.

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I tried to cut my throat but couldnt find my jugular. It was definitely deep enough, just missed.

After a minute of digging around in my neck it became too painful. Went to the hospital for a shaving accident to avoid a 5250. Got stitches.

Pro tip, children. Its over by your ear, not your esophagus. Probably should have googled it beforehand but was blinded by crippling depression that evening.

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>Probably should have googled it beforehand but was blinded by crippling depression that evening.
Fucking sweet quads, and I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. What age were you?

Nah, i didnt fail

Are you the 1000 bucks shotgun OP trying to necro his dead thread?
Also checked

Am 46. This was last year. Yes, i know im a loser, etc.

>doesn’t know where the jugular is
try taking up jujitsu, works wonders on depression too

I’ve never tried to kill myself, but when I do I’m going to drive to a gun range and rent a gun. I don’t know why more people don’t do this

1. Tried to run into a divider at like 100 kph on my birthday, dumbass forgot to unbuckle seatbelt, only got a hip fracture.

2. Tried to cut the long way but got caught midway

3. Tried to OD on pills but just woke up really sick and constipated

I give up at this point I'm just gonna hope I get into a freak accident or some bullshit.

Or you can stab your fucking neck and stop kiddng around or better yet, improve your life somehow

I took an overdose of benzo+opiate+alcohol+beta blockers, but apparantely like 15 minutes afterwards I told my parents what I did who called an ambulance, went unconscious on way to hospital and spent a week in a coma

second time I drove my car off the side off a hill at like 100km, fractured my skull nose and collarbone, hypothermia, needed over 180 stitches

this was years ago, looking back I can just see that suicide (and attempted suicide) doesn't end pain, it just transfers it onto your loved ones

but if I'm being honest, it's not like I can look back and say "wow I'm glad I didn't die". just more of the same life really, work suffer, no meaning purpose etc. no real joy in life, just escapism.

The real boon is to have never been born at all

Use a gun, point it right between your eyes or better yet your temple.

Shit, even better yet... I'll do it for you roody-poo

OD'ed twice that ended up with just feeling like shit and passing out in vomit. Last one got rescued, hospital stomach pump. Cardiac ward a few days and damaged a heart valve for life, than pysch ward a week. Lol they have me the same meds od'ed on.
Idk it was neat, slight terror of feeling the wind getting knocked out of me but an eerie serenity of blacking out. Anyway haven't tried again, fuck pills tho I can't even swallow a vitamin. I've got a glock on the nightstand next to me at all tines and even a shotgun in the room but they're my bfs because he's gun nut which tempts me but he's retardedly in love with now and I feel like crao wanting to eat a slug now since his bro and bestbud an hero'ed a few years ago and it ruined it him so I just hope for a freak accident or something though I've never even broke a bone or been in a wreck or got hospitilized for anything other than suicide attempts so fuck

Cut up my thighs, took a whole bottle of Lamotrigine and Lithium, chugged a bottle of wine. Had seizures for 8 hours off and on, threw up all over myself. Definitely recommend. Had to quit my job because of the anxiety of knowing that the other people knew.

ITT: yea id love to be dead, its just the dying part that sucks.

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>buy motorcycle
>learn how to ride it
>decide to try and splatter myself on wall just outside work
>accelerate as fast as I can
>not fast enough, runway too short, I would just end up crippled at the low speed
>hard brakes and turn
>fall down and slide

holy mother of fuck

Post pics of yourself without a neck slice

Yes. I was drunk af when I was 16, lonely and depressed because of my family and whole situation so I suffered and still do suffer from a cognitive triad, soft narcissism disorder and body dysmorphia.

Since I'm a diabetic i decided to pump myself up with 20 units of novorapid but quickly panicked and asked myself what I was doing after 5 minutes so I went down to the kitchen weakened and confused and ate all sweet shit I could find.

It wasn't as tragic as a slit wrist or oding on pain killers but I felt ashamed the next 2 weeks. I'm still suicidal but I know that I dont wanna kill me but something inside of me and that I want to live but not live like that.

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in march i fell on a knife in my bathtub 3 times after my girlfriend of 4.5 years left me.

i took a bunch of klonipin and drank a bunch of navy strength gin, i woke up 12 hours later. alive.

the apartment was covered in blood and it cost 2300 to clean. My intestines were bulgining from my 3 knife wounds and i freaked out and called my twin brother to take me to the hospital.

i wish i just would've stabbed myself one more time and hit something worth hitting, although i did hit my pancreas.

my life has been a living hell since she left me, please come back Sabrina.

Ironically she works for a suicide/crisis intervention hotline called hopeline.

if anyone wants to call hopeline and let her know that user loves her. please do.
if anyone isn't my personal army, that's fine too.

Here user

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You're as much of a faggot as me aka the poster above you: You dont really want to die but your actions are only cries of hopelessness and for attention.

Get your shit together. We're all gonna make it.

37, Attempted jumping off a shitty ass parking lot after total meltdown about how Im trying to avoid to look disabled, and couldn't work but I got paid thanks to tax payers, didn't want to feel like a pussy, hoped it would kill me

>post pic
Its very hard to see the scar in the pic. Easier in daylight.

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Supposedly one of the most painful ways to go