Listen up Yea Forums...

>Knock knock.
>Who's there?
>The police ma'am.
>The police who?
>Your son was killed in a car accident. The driver was an alcohol

ha! flappy penis funny looking amirite?
thanks for the quick exhale in mild amusement

Attached: 1547505465677.gif (220x207, 92K)

classic
appreciated user

Attached: thumb.jpg (466x525, 29K)

Two hillbillies are out hunting in the woods. All of a sudden, one of them collapses, and isn't moving at all. His buddy, panicking and thinking he's dead, calls the police. The dispatcher says "Okay, calm down. First, we have to make sure he's actually dead before we do anything else." The hillbilly says okay. The police dispatcher hears a gunshot, then the hillbilly speaks again. "Okay, now what?"

I feel there's a lot of unhealthy ideology behind this one.

wat is deference between from oral sexy to anal sexy...

smirk'd
was funnier than the joke somehow...
twat?

Attached: 1471151567716.jpg (600x512, 26K)

all ideology is unhealthy, user.

there's a joke in there somewhere but i can't be bothered to think of one myself so will wait for someone to do it for me

Attached: 1522778139863.gif (275x224, 692K)

As in, ideology is ignorance?

>ha ha, hillbillies are stupid
You could've just said "hunters". Or idiots. I feel you're missing the joke and just laughing at your own edge.
Might be wrong, obviously. Don't take any stranger on the internet too seriously. Cheers!

A man walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass...

Attached: tyrion.jpg (906x709, 314K)

oral sex makes you whole day
anal sex makes your whole week

>implying
you having a stroke user or did you just quote the wrong faggot?
haha make sure he's dead
finishhim.mp3
iFunny.co

Attached: 1530045282974.jpg (320x290, 15K)

Misunderstood. Sorry bro, english is my third language and I fuck up sometimes. Peace.

Same person as here. Here's one of my favorites.

A woman whose husband requires a lot of travelling decides to get a pet for companionship and protection. So she goes to the store, intending to buy a dog or cat, but the moment she walks into the store, her eyes are drawn to a beautifully plumed bird with an enormous beak sitting on the back of the cashier's chair. Intrigued, she walks over to the cashier and asks about it.

"It's a Crunch Bird, ma'am."
'A Cruch Bird?"

Instead of directly replying, the cashier turns to the bird and says: "Crunch Bird, my chair."

The bird locks its massive beak around the back of the man's chair and bites down. Shards of metal and scraps of leather go flying in every direction. Deciding it's perfect for her, she buys it and goes home.

A few nights later, the woman's husband goes home and asks about the bird on the nightstand.

"It's a Crunch Bird, dear."

"Crunch Bird? Crunch Bird my ass."

>As in, ideology is ignorance?
i think fixed ideals, which is what ideology is made up of, are unhealthy for the mind and soul (if there is such a thing). rigid thinking is weak thinking.

or at least that's what i gather from the edgelord of all philosophers, Max Stirner.

[internal mental chuckling intensifies]
i see what you did there user
if he had a honeycomb and a jackass then why'd he need the brothel?

kek

crunch bird, my sides
however still only a smirk, too much workup to the punchline for me
good joke tho
whoa whoa whoa, if you wanna talk philosophy try a "why can't atheists define god?" thread...
punchline or gtfo faggot

Attached: 1525820424700.png (429x410, 10K)

God is a metaphysical consciousness with a degree of power in our realities. At least I'd define it that way.

>punchline or gtfo faggot

fair enough:

i had a hard time in high school. every day the kids would tease me and call me a "nigger lover"....

.....because i LOVED saying "nigger".

Me again. A shorter one this time, and a math joke.

You know what seems odd to me? Numbers not divisible by two. And five is a prime example of that.

good for you
now why can't you define a joke he would tell?
heh, you know what user...you're right i do love saying faggot!

Attached: i wanna carrot in the ground.jpg (284x282, 12K)

check'd and wanted to kek
good joke user, will cherish it

Attached: bazooka.png (500x251, 62K)

When the Lord made Man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be the Boss.
The Brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be Boss. The Legs argued that since they took the Man wherever he wanted to go, he should be the Boss.
The Stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be the boss.
The Eyes said that without them, Man would be helpless, so they should be Boss.
Then the Ass Hole applied for the Job. The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the ass hole became mad and closed up.
After a few days the Brain went foggy, the Legs got wobbly, the Stomach got ill, the Eyes got crossed and were unable to see.
They all finally conceded and made the Ass Hole Boss.
This proves you don't have to be a Brain to be Boss...Just an Ass Hole.

your spelling of asshole made it less funny than it is
and it's not that funny
better luck next time user
but here's a (You) for the effort

Attached: to your colon, and beyond.jpg (500x380, 22K)

>[This is just a shameless self bump]
(You) get a (You)!
(You) get a (You)!
Hey faggot on the front page scrolling through porn...You can get a free (You) to!!
Click the link below to find out how!!

Attached: (You).jpg (3840x2160, 1.46M)

Because jokes follow the scheme

tension buildup -> well-meant transgression -> tension relief

As God doesn't exist in my subjective reality, he can't make a transgression and therefore a joke. I can find irony, and that's the closest thing to it I guess. Other persons who do believe in God grant him the authory? authorship? you know what I mean here. That. But I'm guessing that's it.

I'm interested in your opinion about all this.

>scheme
everything after this was just considered part of the joke
thanks for the spicy punchline however still no chuckle, for i am sad, not for myself, but for a god who cannot tell a joke...
would love to debate the topic of could god tell a joke with so much irony that even he did not get it? but this isn't the thread

Attached: 1549401100904.jpg (190x266, 9K)

Why did Johnny fall off his bike?

Because somebody threw a fridge at him.

What's the difference between a duck?

One of it's legs is both the same.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
A mosquito bit me

Knock knock
Who's there?
Andy
Andy who?
And he did it again

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ann
Ann who?
Another mosquito bit me

>What's the difference between a duck?
The remainder between it's legs?
[that one was for you math joke user]
>The rest
see: Original Post
Here's your complimentary (You)
if any one asks, it wasn't a bribe

Attached: 1471172943587.jpg (301x267, 25K)

Here’s one. What did the chicken say to the vegan restaurant? PETAlicious!

>yikes
You sound like a retarded preppy bimbo

Attached: 4L_5p55bOsV.jpg (1600x1275, 620K)

What do you call an animal rights protester convicted of bestiality?
a PETAsexual

Attached: 1471232527129.png (263x248, 159K)

Just sayin'

Is that the 70 and 76 intersection?

nvm the sign says it right there. I used to frequent it a lot travelling from Baltimore to Pittsburg. For anyone who is curious Pittsburgh girls are easy but kinda ugly.

ha! pittsburg amirite?

Attached: 1533064124544.jpg (807x659, 42K)

Government inspector goes to a farm to have a look around. Farmer says he is welcome to do so but points at a field and says "Whatever you do, do not go in that field." The Inspector flashes his badge back at him saying "See this? This means I can go wherever I want" and off he storms.

A few minutes later the farmer hears a scream and sees the inspector running across the field being chased by a large bull. The farmer runs to the fence and screams "Quick! Show him your badge!"

boring town. easy bitches. there is always a trade off.

that's some real wholesome southern humor right there
cherished however there's a snake in my boot at the moment so i am unable to laugh
is the joke herpes?

Attached: buses amirite.jpg (802x483, 108K)

Met a girl the other night, she wanted sex with me. I had to disappoint her, we had sex.

Joined a group for premature ejaculaters, first meeting was horrible though. I came on the bus.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not shouting and screaming like his passengers.

>Met group for premature passengers the other night, first meeting was horrible, ejaculaters right. Girl wanted sex with my grandfather, not me, had to sleep on the bus, disappoint joined her shouting and screaming. I came, i want die

Attached: tfw.jpg (218x262, 13K)