My upstairs are always having sex and I want to hear it. What is the best way to listen...

My upstairs are always having sex and I want to hear it. What is the best way to listen? I tried pizo mics and zoom recorder, but too much ambient noise and huge noise floor. How can I hear clarity?

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bathroom. vent fan ducts are usually connected

is that dick masterson?

Tried this, the vent is in awkard place and I would need lader to make it work.

bunp

What about non-electronic means of sound amplification, like a stethoscope or just a very large cup placed against the listening surface? It's difficult to hear clearly a lot of times because the higher frequencies get attenuated easily in the wall while the lower frequencies pass through, so everything always sounds muffled. Maybe you could pass the sound through that audacity program and only amplify the higher frequencies?

is the bitch hot

apartments are newer so the metrial used is very thick. I can heard faint footsteps, but overall never hear anything unless they are jumping or running.

This made me laugh, +1 for effort though.

Record and upload it.

Probably concrete with Styrofoam noise dampening inserts. What about the HVAC system in your apartment, does it use heated/chilled water? If so you may be able to sneak a microphone up the risers into a better location.

lul

Find a way to invite yourself in and plant a baby monitor.

shotgun microphone.

Alternatively the circuitry could be removed and implanted in a lamp or something as a "gift", something that can be plugged into the wall so there's no need to worry about batteries dying.

That sounds pretty complicated but plausible. Though a gift to strangers might be weird so OP might have to spend a week or so at minimum to foster a friendship.

Also there no telling where they'd put the lamp OP might end up listening to the Living room.

Here's an idea. Start a friendship. Find an excuse to be in their bedroom and find something broken. Offer to fix it or discretely buy a new one as a gift. Then do your idea and bug it. This almost ensures it would get used it their room.

raspberrypi.org/blog/tinkernuts-spy-cam/

In some cases, the item can just be left outside the door in the hope that they take the bait. Provided no one else takes it. Like you say, there's a lot of what if's. Let's keep brainstorming, just look at the man in OPs picture, he's trying to listen but he can't, he needs our help.

is there any device that can make listening through walls easier

Well that does still suffer from the "got put in the livingroom" problem. Lol what if they take the bait and put it in the bathroom because they're weird af and OP has to listen to his male upstairs neighbors gnarly shits.

You could plant an audio recording device in the vent though.

>OP has to listen to his male upstairs neighbors gnarly shits.
lol

A drill.

spy gadgets sells a small wireless mic the size of a shirt button that you can stick on their door frame. really UN-noticable and stealth. you need the app to tune to the frequency and then $10 for the record option. Its how I got evidence to divorce my wife who was cheating on me.

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Walk into the room masturbating with a video camera, ask them who wants to make some porn money

If shes a slut like you say she is, she'll be down for it.

>using a "spy" device that requires and app and a charge to record like they don't also keep logs of the recordings

I'll take "quick ways to go to jail" for 500

Laser microphone pointed at their window? You'd have to be outside for that, but you sound like enough of a weirdo for it.

Not a tech geek so how to laser microphones work exactly? Would a well placed mirror help or am I taking the "laser" part too literally?

It's basically a type of interferometer where the vibration of the window glass causes the laser light reflected back into the device to vibrate around when mixed with the outgoing laser in sync with the noise vibration.

You lost me at interferometer. Would mirror help or not?

I believe any reflective surface that is also exposed to the sound waves will work yes.

>exposed to the sound waves
Nigga I'm asking this.

If OP place a hidden mirror outside at an angle could he bounce the laser microphone off the mirror up to his neighbors window.

Also could he just set a remote controlled one up somewhere?

The mirror will end up picking up ambient outside noise so it's going to make everything hard to hear. The laser has to be pointed directly at the window.