HAVE YE HEARD THE STORY OF THE LEGENDARY MUFFIN RIDERS??!~

HAVE YE HEARD THE STORY OF THE LEGENDARY MUFFIN RIDERS??!~

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Tell us the tale OP...

tell us the bloody tale op!

When he was a boy, Bran knew he would grow up to be the best Muffin Rider in the world. His mother told him he wasn't worth even a Corn Bread, but his dream was to some day make Blueberry league. He used to ride his little Power Muffins in the yard, cruisin' around, making the other neighborhood kids hungry for their own Muffins...

You can do it bran!

Unfortunately, when Bran was in his teen years, a half-baked bully absolutely battered his self confidence. He took to hiding away in basements, put all his Muffin Rider posters away, and even his girlfriend couldn't get a rise out of him anymore...

No! Bran don't give up please!

BRAN I BELIEVE IN YOU

Top of the muffin to Bran

However, one day, as he was trying to look the other way while passing the local Muffins-R-Us, an old man rolled up to him and blocked his path. It took a moment for Bran to realize that it was the legendary MASTER APFEL OATMEAL!

Blinded by the glow of the Streusel covering the Masters Muffin, Bran stumbled backward and fell to the ground. "Get up, Bran! Life Bites!", said the legend. Bran fell at his feet, begging to be taught by such a Magnificent Muffin Rider. "Show me your recipe for success!!"

Goddamn this is inspirational

Early pioneers would ride these babies for miles!

"Ahh", said Master Apfel Oatmeal, Revving his Muffin." 'Tis a long, stale road... Frought with mold and ants... Do you really think you are ready, BRAN?"

>monitoring potential epic bread thread

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Bran can do it!

Well, you've never seen anyone work as hard as Bran those next few months, I must tell you. He Threw Muffins, Ate Muffins, Pulled Muffins... And just when Master Apfel thought his pupil was licked, Bran would wipe the flour from his brow and start over. Muffins are love, Muffins are life.

The master pulled down his pants revealing his cream dispenser bran knew what had to be done! He sucks and swallows his knowledge and finally realize "muffins are gay"

When the day of the Muffin Races finally came, Bran knew he was ready. Master Apfel knew, too, and revealed to Bran that while he had been training, the council of the Muffin Riders had put together and baked the best Blueberry Muffin anyone had ever seen. Bran accepted this gift with tears of joy, wobbling the fat that proved his months of Muffin labor.

I know.yout hard work will pay off bran!

Nope, Bran will ride again and stop this nonsense
Hindu muffin

As Bran pulled up to the starting line at the Muffin Internationals, he gazed up and down the line at his competitors. To his surprise, the bully that had battered him those years earlier was sitting to his left, laughing like a maniac. It was CUPCAKE MAGEE, and he rode for the other side... THE DREADED HELL'S KITCHEN.

Bran knew killing the other competitors would give him victory so before the race started he pulled out a AK 47 that his sand nigger friend gave him from the war and went out and shot at his rivals we felt great! "Wow" Bran said as he killed his mother for the awful name she gave him

As he let out a breath, he looked to his right, and saw, in the stands, Master Apfel and his mother, cheering him on. "BRAN, BRAN, THE MUFFIN MAN!", they shouted. Bran knew what must be done. He must fulfill his destiny and become a true Muffin Rider.

Bran knew the cops were gonna fuck him up and knew if he got caught he would be a human fleshlight to some nigger so he turned the gun and himself and yelled MAGNETS HOW DO THEY FUCKING WORK???!!?!!

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Picture of bran
Rip

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Shrekis a 2001 Americancomputer-animatedcomedy filmloosely based on the 1990 fairytale picture bookof the same namebyWilliam Steig. Directed byAndrew AdamsonandVicky Jensonin theirdirectorial debuts, it starsMike Myers,Eddie Murphy,Cameron Diaz, andJohn Lithgowas thevoicesof the lead characters. The filmparodiesother films adapted from fairy tale storylines, primarily aimed atanimated Disney films. In the story, an ogre calledShrek(Myers) finds his swamp overrun by fairy tale creatures who have been banished by the corruptLord Farquaad(Lithgow) aspiring to be king. Shrek makes a deal with Farquaad to regain control of his swamp in return for rescuingPrincess Fiona(Diaz), whom Farquaad intends to marry. With the help ofDonkey(Murphy), Shrek embarks on his quest but soon falls in love with the princess, who is hiding a secret that will change his life forever.

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Well, I dare say I need not tell you the remainder of Bran's tale. We all know how he became the legendary Muffin Rider on that fateful day.

I leave you all with this lymeric that a friend wrote for the magnificent Bran:

Though my mother doesn't think I can
I'll Ride my Muffin like a manly man
Blueberry is my dream
though it doesn't seem
Like I can win, I'm MUFFIN EFFIN BRAN!

A fitting end to a heroic tale. LONG LIVE BRAN!!

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Eh. Meter was a bit off on that Limerick. I should have read it before posting. xD

Though my mother doesn't think I can
I'll Ride my Muffin like a man
I had a dream
was on the team
and won because I'm MUFFIN BRAN!