I've been thinking about raping my ex more and more, she really broke my heart

I've been thinking about raping my ex more and more, she really broke my heart.
I could live with that, but she proceeded to spread lies about me, and turn most of my friends/classmates against me.
And just tarnish my name, since then I've struggled with depression and hardly leave my house.
It's been a few years, I've been sinking more and more into darker and darker places.
And the realization that I can completely fuck up her life makes me feel quite powerful.
Honestly, where I am right now I think it'd be quite fun to jump her and tie her up, take her somewhere and just beat the shit out of her, and rape her for a few days.
Make her apologize, beat and rape her some more, Either let her go or stab her and continue raping her as she dies.

How fucked am I, b?

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Meh, like pretty fucked up, but I don't se how a lifetime in jail would make your life better in any way

would it be lifetime?

if you really were wronged then go ahead.

if you're lying to yourself then just drive to the other side of the country and start fresh

Hang yourself.

Even if he got out, then what? Absolute rejection from literally everyone? Hate from people you don't even know? Being unable to get a decent job because police record? It does not look worth it tbh

Stop being a sad fuck and go outside

this sounds good and all, but i'd make sure you really have a plan set, preferably some black mail. take tons of pictures, save them to hard drives, and then threaten to give them out if she says anything. i can't relate to what you're going through, because 1) no matter how hard i try i cannot care what people think, and 2) because i have never felt this strongly about a person. just make sure you're rational, if you go to prison you'll probably get killed by an inmate

do it faggot and post pics

the only answer is: don't.
Your vision sounds pretty fucked up, so that's probably why she left you. You deserved to be left. Accept it, improve yourself, and move on.