I feel dumb for asking this, but I’ve never really been in one. I don’t think I’m aromantic or asexual at all. I definitely feel attraction and lust, but it’s almost theoretical, if that makes sense. I have a libido and I do like being social. I just don’t know where and how they intersect.
What makes this all more confusing is that there is this one person that I really like, I’m in love with I think.
I’d been good friends with this dude who was always kinda soft and androgynous. They’d make jokes about traps and would occasionally do gender-bent cosplay, but I never thought anything of it because he was interested in and was dating women. I knew him for nearly 8 years before he came out as she, and now it’s been a good 4+ years since then. Anyway at first things were somewhat awkward and I thought it was a bit strange, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders so I just rolled with it because ultimately it didn’t really change anything.
then one day I noticed she was pretty cute...
So it’s been a bit weird because here is this person that I’ve known for over a decade that we’ve seen each other through ups and downs across 2 states through sickness, health, drunkenness and some legal trouble and we totally get each other but now I like how she looks in a skirt. Finally I thought fuckit and just straight up told her that I liked her and wanted to date, but she only sees me as a platonic friend, which really bummed me out.
So I guess what I’m asking is is a romantic relationship being really good friends with someone you also have sex with?
Depends. As a man who's in their late 30s, I would've thought you'd figure out that there's a lot of different people. Something is something for someone, but it's not the same thing for some other person. So to answer your question, it can be either way, yes or no.
Some people think that you're best friends with your partner, other people think that it's more like a business arrangement and you're not really friends. The list goes on.
Carson Myers
Seeing a fully grown man doing video like that makes me doubt that there will be men in the future.
Christian Allen
>is a romantic relationship being really good friends with someone you also have sex with?
Not really. I've had good friends who I've had sex with occasionally, and it's not the same as a romantic relationship, if you are romantically inclined. Even though I loved my friends, it wasn't romance or romantic love. Romance has something extra, a thrill to it, a desire, a need, a passion.
Asher Edwards
So I have married friends that went the business arrangement way, and I really don’t want that.
How did you keep things separate in your head? I don’t think I could have sex with a friend unless I desired them romantically. I should add that this is someone that I like to see all of the time. They could call on short notice and ask if I wanted to grab dinner, and I’d clear my schedule for it. Even with all of the inevitable arguments and times we’ve gotten in each other’s nerves during a road trip, I would honestly marry her, and that certainly isn’t something that I’d say about most of my friends.
its someone to touch ur peeper and that's about it
Blake Reed
Imagine a snake swallowing a mouse which then nuzzles up into the insides and sighs contently as the acids turn it to goop.
Dominic Collins
...is the goop the relationship?
Jayden Gonzalez
>How did you keep things separate in your head? I don’t think I could have sex with a friend unless I desired them romantically Both the main ones were initially short romantic relationships. But if it doesn't deepen, if you don't fall in love, then there may be not a lot there, or there may be friendship, repect, and a desire to fuck if that side of things was good. Or you haven't had any for a while. I guess you can be close with someone while knowing you aren't going to be 'the one' for them, nor they for you, and that you aren't going to be together. And, I have friends who I wouldn't have sex with, so it's not just an imbalance in me in that department.
It sounds like you've gotten pretty close to your friend. Might be best just to respect their boundary and forget the idea of something else between you, stay friends.
Dylan Jones
>Might be best just to respect their boundary and forget the idea of something else between you, stay friends That I know. They made it clear that they aren’t interested. It just made me think, though. The way we get along is essentially what I think I want in a relationship. I don’t have anything to compare it to, though, and I don’t know how to build that sort of closeness on purpose. It just sort of happened, and one day, I realized that I would like to spend the rest of my life with them.
Jack Martin
Well, cliches are usually cliches for a reason, and 'plenty more fish in the sea' is one of the best.
David Edwards
Hahaha I've never found anyone who managed to explain this to me
Ethan Gonzalez
“She” has a wiener. Wanting to hookup with someone that has a wiener does not classify you as straight.
Brandon Kelly
Let’s say you were hanging out with your closest friend when, in a flash of light, a portal appeared and sucked them in. Seconds later, a figure tumbled out and the portal vanishes. You turn them over to find a strangely familiar looking woman. A brief conversation later, and you realize that you’ve encountered the alternate universe, gender flipped version of your friend. Their personality, indeed, even their memories are almost exactly the same, except now they are a good looking woman. Would it be gay to find yourself attracted to them?
I’m not interested in dealing with dong. I’m simply saying that while my feelings surprised me, it isn’t that surprising in retrospect. I don’t think I would have even considered dating a trans woman before, and now there’s this one I really like.
John Parker
Aargh you've got me thinking about all my friends. Mostly 'no'.
Brayden Wright
Any really good friend that you can discuss pretty much anything with, including hard to discuss topics? Financial difficulties, parents’ declining health, concerns about excess alcohol consumption, a mutual friend’s (that’s younger than both of us) terminal illness, etc. Then later go back to silly shit, like how Batman could pretty much solve all of the problems in the Sailor Moon universe within a season, even with filler episodes, or how the live action version of Tonari no Seki-kun should never have existed. Someone you can play video games with before helping them with a chain and sprocket replacement on their motorcycle before getting a steak and complaining about the weather. Someone that will try to explain the minutiae of Persona 7 to you but you don’t really understand because you didn’t play any of the other ones, and it doesn’t really matter because you’re both busy replacing 30 year old wiring that had to be done by some drunk shithead that couldn’t find his ass with both hands. Someone you’ve known for damn near 15 years including a 2 year stint when you were room mates, except imagine you find them really attractive now. It’s like that.
Connor Russell
>how the live action version of [insert favorite anime/comic] should never have existed. That would be pretty much a prerequisite for any future relationship of mine.
I've been in very different relationships that I would describe as romantic. I'm not sure you need to be friends with the person you're fucking for it to be "romantic". It just needs to be more than fucking I think.
Daniel Williams
>I'm not sure you need to be friends with the person you're fucking for it to be "romantic". Can you expand on that? I understand the concept of wanting to be able to tolerate them even when you don’t have your dick in them, but I can’t really picture a romantic relationship without friendship.
Cooper Richardson
This also.
Brandon Kelly
Well I get it, you can be attracted to someone, date a day or a week and fuck, be 'romantic', but true friendship takes time to build.
Adam Nguyen
But now I'm older and divorced, I'm much less likely to do the 'romantic' thing with somebody without a sense of at least potential good friendship there.
Dominic Perry
I opened myself up to a woman once. Ended up being the worst experience of my life. If you can't handle a dead pet don't get one.
Adam Thompson
I guess what I’m saying is I seem to wind up attracted to friends, and I think the way most people form romantic relationships is from the opposite direction. Or something. I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure out if it’s a romantic relationship when you have sex with someone you know well and like spending time with.
Cooper Miller
I'm the type who prefers to go friend -> girlfriend, but I know it's not the norm either. Different strokes for different folks.
I've tried it the other way and it just ends up being a lot of wasted effort on a person I can't stand outside the bedroom.
Camden Torres
You can occasionally play out some of the romantic things, being close, holding hands, loving eye contact, but the understood context is always that you both know where the line is. So no, it's not really a romantic relationship unless you are both free to be romantic.
