Tell a joke and let’s see if any of you fuckers are actually funny

Great thread everybody

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
>keep the tip

Guys, stop being racist.
Racism is a crime.

And crime is for niggers.

Socialism will work in the USA

How do you know when your sister is on her period?

Dads dick tastes like blood

2 blondes walked into a building
> You'd think one of them would've seen it.....

2 blondes walking in a park. One says "Oh look! A dead bird"!
>The other one looks up and says "Where"?

Tell us about your life, I'm sure that's a hilarious joke.
You wanna hear a joke go watch stand up. I don't have to prove dick to you.
Faggot

2 vampires go for a drink, one orders blood the other orders a cup of hot water.
"The fuck you doing?"
He pulls out a tampon
"Makin tea"

hillary clinton

WINRAR!

tits or gtfo

I'm not racist. I don't separate black people from normal people

I'm no racist, I own a colored TV

A black Jewish boy runs home from school and asks his father, “Dady, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $80 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? THEY TASTE FUNNY!

I'm pissed. I've just learned to US has 25 million battered women and I've been eating them plain!

Fire at an orphanage. Priest and Rabbi run out without saving anyone. The Priest saus, Wait! What about the kids? Rabbi replies, Fuck the kids! Priest says, Do you think we have time?

Plane goes down with 3 televangelists and wives on board. The first approaches St Peter, but Peter says, You've had a life long obsession with money. You even married a woman named Penny. You can't come into Heaven. The couple left in shame. 2nd goes forward, You've had a life long obsession with alcohol. You even married a woman named Brandy. You can't come in. They left in shame. The 3rd televangelist looks at his wife and says, We're not even trying. Let's go, Fanny!

My life is a joke AMA

Where did the suicide bomber go after he died?

Everywhere.

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Blind guy call a gynecologist

- hello doctor, can you give me some information?
- sure
- what's the biggest clitoris you've ever seen?
- 4 cm
- FUCK............. I sucked a cock

youtube.com/watch?&v=c2lNdtfAb1Y

Funny 6/10

banana

kek

>Toc toc

>hwo is there

>The no bell price

Donald Trump

5/10

bell is broken, yell ding dong loudly

best so far

>str wrs episode 4
>millennium falcon on its way to alderan
>han: yoda are we on the right course?
>off course we are

Why do anons keep two glasses of water (one full and one empty) next to their beds at night?
If they wake up thirsty they drink from the full cup. If they are not thirsty, they drink from the empty one.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. The man says to the bar tender “A drink for me, and one for the road”

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman, and an Irishman walked into a bar, and the bar tender says “Is this a fucking joke or what?”

Two cannibals were eating a clown one day. The first cannibal asked the other “Does this taste funny to you?”

Have you heard of a joke of a mute that walked into a Thai tranny bar? The fucker never told anyone about it.

*hits blunt*?

How does a baby in a microwave looks like?
I don't know either, I close my eyes when I masturbate

you also had the internet in 2009?

Fanny means pussy in Britfag

A joke, yes. But not funny.

true

An Irishman, a SCottsman and an Englishman are washed up on a desert island, one day a lamp washes up... THe english man goes over and rubs it, BOOM GENIE

"I will grant you one wish, and no infinite wishes smartass"

English guy: "WOMEN!"

*boom back home kneedeep in clunge*

Genie now looks to Scottsman, says the same thing.

Scottsman: "WHISKEY"

*Boom, back at home doing what Scotfags do best*

Genie now turns to IRishman, states the same statement..

Irishman: "I'm lonely I wish my friends were back"

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Eh, Better than the last guy.

Would’ve worked better as a chink joke.
>what happens when a chink runs into a wall with an erection?
>he cracks his glasses
See?

I actually fucking laughed at that. Good job, Yea Forumstard.

Grandfathers favorite.
>two colored girls down south, late 1800s, getting their photo taken
>the old school cameras required the operator to stand beneath a cloak to take the picture.
>one negress says to the other "What am he doing under there??"
>the other one says back, "why, he am gonna focus"
The first one replies in shock, "wait, boff us?!"

Hint, read the nigger quotes in a heavy ebonics accent.

A skin condition has mottled my skin so badly it feels like uncooked Turkey, I haven’t seen any of my friends in months, I haven’t left the house in weeks and spend every waking moment praying desperately for death as the last thing of worth I accomplished was speedrunning Skyrim four months ago.

You fucking laughing yet?

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What’s the worst part about having gay parents?

Either twice as many dad jokes, or a serious danger of getting stuck in an infinite loop of ‘ask your mom’

What's the difference between a nigger or a dodge challenger? The challenger is faster

Would’ve been funny without Hitler.
Osama, sure, that’s topical, Satan’s buttplug? Not so much.

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Eskimo’s snowmobile breaks down so he calls out a mechanic. Mechanic looks at the engine and says ‘you’ve blown a seal’. Eskimo blushes and says ‘fuck off perv, it’s frost on my moustache’

I used to have a third nipple.

Feels good to get that off my chest.

Ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.

What’s black and screams?
Stevie wonder answering the iron.

You go back to Tumblr with that shit

why don't ants get sick? bc they have anty-bodies :D

A little girl and her father are walking down a dirt trail in the woods together. It's a cold winter night, and the full moon is shining in through the branches above, casting sinister, crooked shadows all around them. From beyond the forest trail, they hear the sound of mysterious creatures of the night, prowling, hunting, and being hunted. So deeply frightening is the scene that the little girl soon finds herself shaking in fear. Looking up at her father for comfort, she pulls herself closer.

"Dad," she says, "I don't like this place. I'm scared."

"You think you're scared?" The man says. "I've gotta walk back alone!"

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Three Grannys Knitting
1st Granny "I think its a boy so im knitting a blue sweater
2nd Granny "I hope its a girl so im knitting a pink sweater
3rd Granny "I hope its thalidamide cos ive made a right fucking mess of this.

Why do you hate the United States military?

Connie faggot

Variant:
Three pregnant ladies are knitting together.

One pops a pill and says ‘ginger; doc says it’s good for baby’.

Two pops a pill and says ‘folic acid; pharmacist says it’s good for baby’.

Three pops a pill and says ‘Thalidomide’. The others gasp in horror and ask why, to which she shrugs and replies ‘I can’t knit sleeves for shit’.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a slice of bread to the ceiling.

I got a good one about women.

When a woman is 8 years old you first put her in bed then you tell her a story.
When she is 18 you first tell her a story and then you put her in bed.
When she is 28 you don't have to tell her anything, she gets in the bed on her own.
At 38 she is the one that tells you stories to get you in bed.
At 48 you tell her every story you know to avoid the bed and the woman.

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Lost

Anons mama's like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday