Well guys and gals, time for another late night depression thread. What's on your minds? I'll try to help

I fucked up and partied all weekend ditching my wife on her birthday. I even had plans and paid for a theater show but flaked... we were supposed to submit a rental application which was due Sunday, but since I was mia she excluded me from the application making it incomplete, thus we didnt get the place.

Now she is talking about separating and all that jazz. She is out now and idk where or with who she is.

You need to own up to your mistakes user and apologize.

Geez man, it seems like an insanely complicated game

Nice trips. It is it took me a good while to get good at it and I haven't attempted to play as any of the indian, african, or native american civs yet.

feel pretty useless, no job no studies. fat fuck. lost in life

Why did you do that though man? I mean, honestly that's a lot of mistakes to make in one weekend, are you sure that you still think you belong with your wife? I mean, deep down you believe that you belong together? If so, like the other guy said, you really gotta own up to it, take her out somewhere nice, and find a new place to move to. Prove to her you're sorry

How many civs are there?????

Well man, do you have any experience? Or a high school diploma? Anything you can work with?

Its been like a year and a half since me and my ex last spoke and I still cant get over here, she still has so much power over me today even if she doesn't know it.

I don't know when it will end or if I'll ever feel the same way about someone else. I often find myself comparing other girls too her and its no contest.

I'm doing that. But she is a very proud person, doesn't take BS. and it's not the first time I've done this. Let's see how it goes. She is 35 and wants kids, so I might have to put one in the oven soon, otherwise she might leave me for that reason. The partying is just the icing on the cake.

No idea but at least 200 at the 1444 start. Some of them are minor duchies or Japanese daiymos though

You need to stop the partying user. It's hurting your life.

Man that is rough, what happened between you two? Honestly though, I was pretty similar, not quite as long but a long while. It happens, you'll get over it eventually for sure, but until then, it's definitely hard

yeah high school diploma. still, ive been sending job applications and nothing. feeling kinda low for the past week. dont even wanna play video games that much

Man don't have a kid just so she doesn't leave. Also, assuming you're anywhere near her age, you need to seriously stop partying. ESPECIALLY if you're seriously thinking about having a kid man, you're about to ruin your life really fast if you even consider all this man

Where are you sending it out to? I had to go to Kroger right out of High School and work my way up. It's hard and it takes a while, but it's really the only way to do it

That's seriously insane, are they all pretty different? Or is it pretty similar, but a lot of choices?

I was struggling with Xanax addiction and I sometimes when I got too fucked up I treated her like total shit.

She gave me multiple chances and she tried to understand the best she could but I couldn't stop.

I'm 6 1/2 months clean and I can't help but wonder what it would be like if i would of gotten clean sooner.

But instead im left with no closure and why's or what ifs. and i have no one to blame but myself.

It sucks

I dont know wtf I was thinking man. Tbh even as I was writing the post I couldn't believe it myself. I hope she gives me the opportunity to prove how sorry I am. And I'm seriously considering giving her that kid she has been wanting , it might be what I need to get my own life in order.

Feeling lifeless like yesterday or the day before yesterday.
Somehow, I have stopped getting any reaction from actual porn anymore. Masturbation feels like a chore that you need to do to get something for a few seconds but even that is going off.

Other than that, working on a loli classifier.

different kinds of places. stores, schools, hospitals. i mean i dont really have experience with anything. ive been in this situation for 2 years. feels like im never get anything. just have to send more but so deep down i know none of them are even going to respond to my aplication

Each nation has different 'national ideas' that differentiate them from the other nations. Also there are different technology groups. There are also 'events' that can happen. Some of them are general events (like the protestant reformation) other events are nation specific (such as an event that unites Castille and Aragon into Spain)

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And No, i don't like lolis but i don't have any ideas on what to test tensorflow for. Found a database online of 1.7 million lolis

No more zoomer memes. You are the most unfunny things to ever exist.

my family wont leave me alone even after i moved states off. they also fucking hate me. it was my birthday today and i got "Happy Birthday" from a number i didnt recognize. i asked "Sorry, I don't have your number, who's this?" the response was "Its your uncle you insufferable little shit" im considering going totally off the radar and just fucking off to russia to sell drugs to young gopniks in the shitty part of novgorod. Should i and any tips on how to survive russia?

I wouldn't have one just so she doesn't leave... the way I figure, if I had a kid, I would definitely stop the partying which is subject to destroying our relationship if I keep it up, as well as bringing other problems. I'm almost 32. Ideally i would want kids at 40, but her biological clock is ticking away, so that's why I'm considering it. She's a gem, has put up with a lot of my shit throughout the years, but now shes 'too old to put up with it any longer." her words.

Happy birthday user.

Man it's tough, but sometimes that's exactly what it takes to come clean. Some people can get so deeply ingrained in something that only losing something more important will force a change. Seriously though man, I'm glad to hear you're clean, that's a really big step in fixing your life

thanks. it means a lot

Can someone tell me I am a piece of shit or something. I can't feel anything. It's just so....damn tolling. No one understands. No one cares. No one tries. No one returns the kindness.
I realised this world isn't for me a long time ago. It's just I can see myself being successful and having a good chance at something above average but i can't see myself happy. Became too good at faking smiling that i don't know whether if i am faking it or actually smiling probably the former.

Man stop jerking off then if you don't want to, in a few days you'll start feeling it again I'm sure, it's happened to me

stfu

Depressed user here. On 150 mg Zoloft. Can finally cry again

any other SSRI niggas here? Also im an alcoholic and smoke pot

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I know. Oddly enough you share your birthday with my little sister.

Yeah the shitty part is that it didn't even get me sober, it made me worse when she left.

I OD'd this last christmas and thats what finally sober'd me up.

Man, you gotta cut off your family then. It's tough, but I'm sure you had a good reason to move so far away, and if they can't accept that, you gotta cut them out. It's family and all, but you gotta do what you gotta do if they're making you miserable. And happy birthday man

stop being a little fucking puffball of utterly stomach turning cum covered shit. I hope you stub your toe on sharpened bamboo covered in grease from an expired reaper pepper.

(hey you asked for an insult. hope that helped)

Happy birthday buddy

thanks Yea Forumsro

Man you're not a piece of shit, you're a good person. Helping people out despite being unhappy yourself? That's pretty selfless of you man, you gotta look at it like that, but also realize that you are absolutely allowed and very much should ask your friends/family/others for help when you feel like you need it, like you just did

somehow you saying 'buddy' filled the pit in my stomach that is my drunkard dad. thanks

Of course homie

That's tough man, glad you were able to see past the hills though man

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Well all care about your here my man, feel free to ask for help if you ever need it

Does anyone actually look at these anymore? It's just become so spammy that I refuse to join even if they were giving away money

if 20 working amazon cards worth 100 bucks each were attached i still wouldnt join

Yeah I guess.

Thanks for hearing me out user, don't really get to talk about to anyone due to my front.

true Yea Forumsro

Thanks. Felt better....felt more real. I didn't sleep and it's 9 am. And I am still not feeling sleepy. I wish I could hang myself just wished those godamn family members weren't in the house. Waiting for the day I am left alone....

Ofc man, anytime. I'm always here for anyone who needs me

I will try to make it easier to understand. I know I am not a piece of shit. I know there's no point in blaming myself over shit when it's not even my fault but you see, it's easier to blame yourself and accept it. The mentality here is that you have control over the outcome. You can even punish the person guilty for the thing they(you) did. Which is why a lot of people get stuck in this loop of self loathing and blaming.

just more summer depression since my friends dont talk to me :/. even my internet friends dont give a fuck about me

I don't know. I can't figure out if my depression is making me think that so far, i haven't been happy in true sense or i haven't actually been happy.
Was abused as a kid a lot by relatives, parents and sexually by my cousin. Lost 3 siblings and mother and had a ton of health issues + psychological abuse along with a lot of guilt tripping and religious fags. Had ton of shit going in the family with daily fights since age 7. Stopped after 8 because only dad was left but then it turned into psychological abuse. And..well more stuff.
Changed schools 7 times, had some bullying and sexually repulsive behaviours like groping from other kids and was always used as a shit counsellor because they thought I was a good listener. Well i am but nobody cared to listen to me. Listening is not hearing.....

It sure is easier to blame yourself, sad truth of the day, but man, you at least realize that you have this problem and how you can work to fix it. Now comes the real hard part of actually trying to fix it. Try to wake up everyday and tell yourself "It's not all my fault things are this way", even if you don't believe. Eventually, you will seriously start to see that it's true and will really begin thinking that way

Hey guys, I'm about to head out for the night and get some rest, if absolutely anyone feels like they want to keep talking though just hmu on Discord, I'm pretty active on there. I'm undanny#2054

I'm depressed. I've never finished college and I've never held a job for more than 8 months. I've been applying at some places these past couple of weeks and when going over my resume I noticed that a good 5 years of my life were spent doing nothing, just being a neet. I wish I could get those years back. I'm not looking for advice or someone to talk to I just wanted to make a small post about it and continue doing whatever it was I was doing on the internet.

I have tried all those things. I have read into it a lot and I know my behaviour which triggers certain type of reactions like suicidal ideation or self harm. It's just I can't look past and see something bright. I just wish someone was there but no one was since childhood and even now, there is no one. I feel like an edgy teen because that's what everyone loves to label people as who talk about anything that hints at suicidal ideation or thoughts and it's sort of irritating but i guess, i also learned to act all happy and fake due to this. :/ I just need someone to be there and hug/listen for once and like understand that I can't cry when i want and I can't live without choking myself because it makes me feel alive. It's something people don't understand. I am not crazy.

well, i had a whole essay typed out for you and acedentally deleted it but the main gist was, get a pet. theyll listen to your problems andd help you through them.

It's just a fucking cope. It just gets worse if i don't do this. My sanity is maintained by the fact that I can tighten up the rope around my neck and block my carotid enough to kill myself whenever things get too much.

Eh, i don't wanna take responsibility of another creature when i struggle to take care of myself and mostly ignore it. I am most likely gonna attempt suicide again in the upcoming week. I don't want a happy life. I don't want hopes of it. I don't even want someone as long as I can get a peaceful exit. I am not even saying it on impulse because impulse doesn't stay strong for whole fucking 3 years.

my discord is
TheRapetor
#0281

talk to me

Naturally, no one knows that i am even suicidal or depressed even though I show every sign of it well subtle but somehow people are too obvious I guess. Not that I care tbh. Last time I attempted and got into hospital, few of my relatives blamed me, my step mom blamed me because they might get into jail if something was found, they all came and told me how stupid and selfish I was.

slow your roll dude. what have you accomplished in your life? have you told your family that you loved them recently? sounds really fucking lame but trust me call them and tell them you love them. im sure someone in your family would love to hear that from you.

if anyone needs to talk my discord is

Jake the PAWG
#9216

If you will try to talk me down about suicide, it's honestly futile. I am not emotional or impulsive about it. It's purely rational with a bit of bias, I guess.

Also not a big fan of talking about negative things because it might make others think I am too "pessimistic" and "edgy".

i never said i would talk to you. i said i wanted you to talk to me. i wont make you do anything. i just want to hear what you have to say

I am telling you. That's gonna be retarded. I have tried. Do you know the length I went to just to get them to see me a psychiatrist? oh well,
>Ingest 80gs of salt and ends up in hospital bed
> Cuts on both wrist
> Tries to hang using and suffocate through tourniquet.
Yes, even after that step mom blamed me and every relative did but they reluctant agreed to let me see a psych but guess, what the psych was retarded too. Was prescribed usual mood stabilizers with sleeping pills with a lot of side effects and the dude even tries to not even explain to me what the pills are for and pretends that he knows more about me than I do. Oh not to mention I researched the heck out of those meds and still had to take them because muhahaha family and 3 months down the road, i am worse with other side effects showing up.

My drunken father who has been absent the majority of my life, and hasn't talk to me in years explained to my aunt while drunk at a bar that he has been telling my whole family I'm a monster. That he and my step mom fear and were constantly under the impression I would murder them and my very much younger siblings in their sleep. He also proved everyone in my childhood right about me being a mistake. I don't really know what to do, it's been 13 years since anyone on that side of the family has talked to me. On the other side of my family is just my mom, her brother and his now divorced wife (aunt featured above)

Happy birthday man. Remember, you can choose your own family. Take care of yourself.

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Best to leave them user. Cut the ties and be happy.

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I live by myself over 2 hours from them. On my own and they know nothing about me except my phone number which hasn't changed. the problem is I need that side of the family to get my native American ID to help with college.