You want cookies, but she's guarding the cookie jar. How do you move her?

Slice off her right tit, pan fry it with evoo and some herbs. Bot too well done, still want some chew it. Get a glass of milk and dunk her pan fried titty in milk and say bitch it didnt have to happen for christ's sake and spit out the chewed tit remains on her

Wave a .3 bag of coke in front of her face then throw it to the other side of the room

Why want cookies if you can fuck her

Tell her ronald mc donald is real and currently located in the frontyard

>she tucks herself in a ball, swinging till she gains enough momentum to crash into the cabin of the crane. It's crushed from the sheer impact, killing you slowly. The behemoth of heavy machinery topples over and crushes all other current challengers.
>You really fucked things up user
>she starts a Twitter brigade of angry sjws to expose you as a woman hating sexist, eventually your boss is pressured enough to fire you and you drink yourself to death, not wanting to live in this progressive world anymore
>she slaps the knife out of your hand into the ground and rolls like a boulder around you, springing her heavy legs forward knocking you into the knife neck first.
>"Looks like you weren't edgy enough"
>"But user! I have all the cookies I could want in here. See?"

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WITH MY DICK

Who is this

Just bend her over and fuck her? Then wait till she falls asleep.

Death by snu-snu

roll her soggy gelatinous fat body down the hall and out the door. momokun is a disgusting hambeast hippo

Momokun Mariah Mallad
Pic related

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I eat that fat pussy instead.

Nut all over her and use the slippery baby batter to roll her out of there.

Mah nigga

Time to make babies

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underrated

Only correct answer

That's the best idea I've heard so far

I dont, but instead let her overpower me and sit on my face

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>"Ha! As if I wouldn't waste my time with these pencil dicks, I only go for 12" black dick"
>you die from embarrassment/slight racism
The keeper of cookies, user. This ancient guardian doesn't let anyone near her precious treasure
>you attempt to cow-tip her, but her sheer mass is immovable and you fall face first into the ground.
>she then jumps in the air and cannonballs your face into the ground, crushing your skull with ease
>she road roller simply goes over her, massaging her fat and replenishing her stamina
>"I really needed that, most store bought massagers don't work for me. Thanks anime man!"
>you start furiously masturbating to the sight of her mystical bazoingas, but only let out two little tiddlywinks of cum as a result of chronic masturbation. She laughs and you run away crying
>she decides to let you satisfy her phat pussy, upon climax she drowns you in her pussy juice.
>not a bad way to go

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at least youd die with a smile on your face

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Tell her there’s chocolate covered donuts in the lounge

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Well I give up all hope. Better donate to her patreon and get sucked into her orbit.

Nothing you've posted is the least bit funny.

Due to the local bending of space-time, the cookie jar should be freely orbiting around the guardian. I just wait for it to pass next to my hand.

>"Ah! Not a bad idea user!"
>she creates a new patreon tier for $500,000 to achieve cookie access. You do not gain access to her photos and still refuses to go nude
>she changes battle outfits out of joy

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I would pump triplets into her, she can take a seat on it

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DEAD

M-mlady, please spare a crumb of coochie! I left my wife and remortgaged the house to buy your highest tier.

tell her i dont want the cookies and leave. i then hop into the nearest bush and wait until nightfall so i can snatch them while she sleeps, hopefully she didn't notice

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Bring her more cookies to add to her hoard, become a subservient cookie slave while dressing in similar outfits and getting reamed in exchange for cookies to give to my mistress.

(What's her name?)

There's nothing funny about the failure of hungry men, user.
>you wait 10 years for the cookie jar to orbit into your hand, as you grab it you revel in success. You were so focused on the jar you failed to realize you yourself got caught in her personal orbit.
>another object in her orbit crashes into you, sending you ripping through her stratosphere burning up all the way down. Only the cookie jar remains as it lands
Revert back to the "no pencil dick" comment
>she is unshaken by your sad story, but sees you paid the toll and allows you to take a cookie crumb because that's all you asked for
>+1 Cookie Crumb
>you wait a full week for her to rest, but your patience pays off! You successfully grab a cookie before hearing her roaring snore, scaring you off before you can take more
>+1 Cookie
>She appreciates your dedication but doesn't want your cookies to spoil her collection
>Instead she teaches you the ways of the Guardian, allowing you to guard your own cookie jar alongside her.
>She is planning to have you as her replacement once she becomes too weak to guard the holy cookies
>instead of sexual acts, she occasionally flashes you her boisterous tits and ass

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start pulling out colored napkins from my sleeves while i dash from side to side, hoping i put her in a state of confusion i then try to pole vault over her to get to the jar

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>not posting the good version

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Persuade her to dress as a cow.and milk herself, using the draw of cookies to sell milk to thirsty anons.

Splash her with black and white paint, and let my dog or bull mate with her

>Tfw actually got a cookie crumb

Mission success boys.

Tell her the cookies are Weight Watchers approved and watch as she runs as fast as she can

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>she gores you with her horns and leaves your broken body on the kitchen floor as a grim warning to other would-be cookie thiefs.

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Dude, whats that staining on your balls? Gross.

I get donald trump to tweet about gamergate and the alt right becomes alright. The moomookoon jumps over the the moon and I get my fucking cookies

Also something about a knife and a fork running away or someshit whatever

Fuck her till she can't even stand.

This thread is aids

>she is baffled by the endless stream of colored cloth, and starts to collect them to make a new outfit
>you take this opportunity to pole vault over her and arrive at the cookie jar, stuffing your face as quickly as you can
>+3 Cookies
>she hears the signature sound of cookies being gobbled and quickly panics to stop you
>you pole vault away, leaving it behind and attempt a mad dash away
>she boulder rolls towards you before you can make it to safety
>you are flattened and killed, but die happy knowing you achieved the unachievable
>persuade?
>what milk do you think she dips the cookies in user?
>she allows you to sell her titmilk to passerbys, demanding 80% of income
>+$10,000
>costume change

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Go to hell, i spent a week in a damp bush and i got my fucking cookie

ask her to move

>U ask her 2 moov den she kil u
This thread in general

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lawl

I legit want to be her toilet slave

It usually takes a crane to get it out.

I giggled

i build a mine shaft under the cookie jar, i hope i got my calculations right, the cookie jar should be right above me

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fuck the shit out of her and then went for the cookies to restore burnt callories

Old fag detected.
>Throw her in a pool. It'll take a crane to get her out.

Put a cosplayer on the other side of the room for her to sexually harass.

Implying anything 'good' about her or her pictures.

Damn, this user just stole the whole jar. Thread over.

Tell her there's ice cream in the freezer.

Tell her Saber is outside.

She's so fat she's got double chins on her eyes.

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Based