Hey user, I'm married, got a 6 year old. Today's her B-day party. I spent a shit ton on it. Had all the bells and whistles. She and her friends had an awesome time. My wife did a lot as did I... But I'm pretty sure we hate each other mutually. I've realised I'm unhappy about 2 years ago, but I'm trying to hold it together for my daughter... She might be as well. She's in school... Sort of... She signs up for classes and drops all but one (sometimes all if I'm unlucky) always after the drop period so there's no reimbursement. Things like this make me think she's punishing me for nothing more than supporting her. The resentment has been building for years and i drunkenly lost my shit and choked her after being berated about my parents (who live out of state) not being more involved with our daughter. Is there any turning back? I'm miserable, I'm sure she is too. I think we've tried in our own ways to fix it but it might feel too far gone. Should i (we) eat shit to keep a stable home and in my daughter's life without the court ordered "weekends and holidays" BS. Or should we split? We might be better people away from each other... Maybe. Fuck I'm miserable.
Hey user, I'm married, got a 6 year old. Today's her B-day party. I spent a shit ton on it...
Split , no doubt , a stable house with miserable parents is far worse than two houses with "happy" parents
Do whatever is best for your daughter
"Happy" that's the thing. Im tethered to this for life and I'm not sure if there is happiness after this. Just worry and sorrow over my poor daughter.
Word. That's all i want but hell. The thought of leaving kills me. The thought of staying makes me want to blow my head off. Ffs this is truly hell.
I have been with my GF for 12 years. We built a lot together but we grown apart. We are 2 completely different person now without opposite view on life. 2 kids. House. buildings we rent. cars and shit. We have enough for it to become a factor.
I've been miserable for at least 3 years but it is getting out of hand. Working 12 hours a day coming home to ear her fucking complain and shit. I decided it was enough. That decision would've been easier couple of years ago. The longer you wait the more time you loose i guess.
I just landed a big contract. Next week i start. Right after i start, i'm throwing it all away and start fresh and hopefully a more happy life.
post her nudes here, or at least pics
if you have a trustworthy person in your life, put all your property in their name so she can't take it.
Second this. Grew up with parents that hated each other. They didnt realize it(I hope), but I ended up having to eat the shit sandwich more often not, just trying to maintain a measure of balance between them. Im miserable because my parenta were miserable about staying together to give me the best chamce.
I really wish they just divorced amd were honest and real about it. The only people I can make friends with now are people just as torn and broken as me. If theres not something I can try to fix(mostly ineffectively) I just cant maintain the relationship. My friends fucking suck. My parents suck. I suck. It all sucks.
I dont blame them for doing what they thought was right, I actually love them dearly and just want the best for them, but I really deeply honestly wish they would have just went for the clean break and let it heal correctly. Instead Im stuck with this festering dread about life, stuck inoperably close to my heart. Kids dont realize it usually, but on some level they know somethings wrong and that its not being addressed jist like adults do.
Teach your daughter how to confront and overcome her future problems by setting the mature example she needs. Thats my advice.
Uhh, jeez. She makes me miserable but i don't hate her.
Most everything i have (pretty much just a house) i owned before we met. She'd have a hard uproad battle to take that. Did i mention she doesn't do shit and has nothing to her name? Another reason I'd hate to leave her. She's got nothing. Not even direction.
I feel ya bro, i came from a broken home but my dad took off when i was 8. I wished the exact opposite. I wanted them to be together because i had to watch my mother (who only had a couple years of community college and hadn't worked in over a decade) struggle and try to provide for my sister and i on minimum wage. Hence the reason im apprehensive about leaving. I do my best to keep our crap between us and give my daughter the illusion everything's fine. My daughter is everything to me and i only want what's best for her. Thanks for listening to my retarded shit bro.
I’m in the same boat. Married 6 years, 2 boys. Thought about becoming an hero for years. Finally broke down and decided to get a job in a nearby town this summer. Signed a lease on a shitty studio apt on Friday. That way I can still afford the mortgage on our 4 bed 2500sqft house. I spent the day with my boys today and dropped them off an hour ago, and I’m a fucking wreck right now. FML
Its not retarded, man. This is one of the realest conversations Ive had on Yea Forums in a while. Foregoing this stuff that really matters in order to shitpost the hottest memes is retarded.
So, you say you hate her but you care enough that you wont kick her out on her ass? Have you tried couples therapy? Cause to me it sounds like there might be something salvagable there. That or youre just a genuinely decent person that wont let spite get in the way of right.
Either way, if you cant leave her why not try to set it up so that you dont want to, right? I mean, if theres any chance that could work. I dont know the fine details of the conflict but I do know some things are unforgivable.
Christ that's horrible man. Why are we such masochists?
so long as you let your love for your daughter guide you, and be kind to her mom, you’ll be square. you can split if you need to. you have options.
As I drunkenly contemplate this it seems like a consequence of fighting against the inevitable. Like you, my parents split and I promised I’d never, ever put my kids through that, no matter what. The more I tried to make things work the more miserable everything became. Goddamn it, I just wanted to be a good dad.
Yeah, Hate's a strong word and i shouldn't have said that, but I've been drinking a bit so i might've been a bit dramatic. I don't hate her. More so just feel indifferent. We haven't tried couples therapy although, it has been put on the table after i physically assaulted her. She wanted to go to one at her church (another thing that's a wedge between us). We were both nonreligous when we met. Now it's a constant topic. I can't even have a beer in the garage and listen to some music without her (drunkenly) playing her boring ass Jesus rock or lecturing me (whilst drinking) about how i need to go to church. It's all so tiresome. There's way more to it all but i think it's irreparable and we've become different people over the last decade. If we didn't have a child and she was a bit more independent, I'd have told her to kick rocks long ago. I feel so stuck.
Right man. I seriously try to keep everything as chill as possible. I know my daughter needs a semblance of normalcy.
trips of truth i know how bad it hurts
i have a hard situation too, eleven years. I'll spare the details but i have 6 children involved with my wife.
Don't do it. You've got to stay together for the daughter because there is no such thing as a divorce that does not totally mess up a kid.
Lots of our parents went through divorces and broken homes. Boomers were lazy and took the easy way out.
We don't have that option unless you want your kids being turned over to the wolves.
We have to swim in a river of fire not because we chose it over better conditions, but because it is that or something worse.
The only thing I can say that would seem a little positive about her is that going to Church does help, so long as it is one of the hard core trad types that take their stuff seriously and stand up against degeneracy (ex. trad Catholics, etc.) and not the evangelical or novus ordo leftover garbage.
Other than that I know where you are coming from. You have 16 years until she is an adult, and your main job is less for the wife but more for the kids, since she needs you.
You become the man she looks up to and that is the man she seeks in life and you can guide her towards when she is older- you split now and it does not matter what the situation is, the chance is that she ends up with Demarcus or a basic roastie is very high.
God speed OP.
> I’ll spare the details
Proceeds to type half a fucking novel.
TL;DR fuckhead
understood, and same.
I think the only reason we made it this long is because i told myself I'd never ever put my baby through a divorce. Here i am, just turned 40(fuuuuuuuuuuu...) And I still think about it daily. What could've/might've been, worrying about things a 8 year old shouldn't have to worry about... I know it sounds ridiculous, but i guess it's trauma of some sort and that shit never leaves.
Yeah. It didn’t help that my step dad kicked my ass every time he had an excuse. The presence of another man in my kids lives terrifies me. Funny how religion plays into all this. My wife and I were from a super fundamentalist culty church and got married young and had kids right away. Might have helped if we’d, you know, dated more than one person or had sex before committing to a lifelong partnership or making children. Fuck religion and fuck marriage.
I hear you, but there are times when splitting is the best of a bunch of shitty options. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, and forcing it is worse for everyone involved, including the kids. Not saying OP shouldn’t fight - he should. Get counseling, etc. But there are some battles that just can not be won.
i agree there are some that cannot be won, but at the same time splitting is always a bad bad bad idea unless violence is involved (like she is trying to seriously hurt him).
op needs to start documenting everything about his wife and keep a dosier on her- details, dates, times, and ideally video and audio footage that she is not aware of. keep it hidden because if she goes violent later or starts making erratic claims, he can pull this out to his defense.
like i said before ive been in a hard marriage that began almost immediately, but there is no other option. the children are more important than my own satisfaction, and leaving always destroys kids it does not matter how the parents separate and the damage cannot be fixed
Look, I’m no authority on relationships. But sometimes in order to be a good parent you have to do what’s best for yourself. I chose to leave because I was going to kill myself if something didn’t change. That’s extreme, but if the kids are taken care of, loved, and treated with kindness, they’ll be OK. There are lots of marriages that stay together that fuck up kids far worse than a divorce would.