Im retarded and autistic and hardly had any education growing up cause shitty schools in mexishit until I moved into the U.S.A where they treated me like a human being. the first few years in elementary atleast. still got bully in 4th grade thought but still had a few friends and 5th grade was fun,You'll be surprise how shitty people are in mexico basically India 2.0.Still middle school was shit.Shit people and HS same shit plus 10 times worse since is now teachers + students that are shit.Now im 18 and about to start my senior year and contemplating suicide.I still have no idea how i made it here.I can't communicate properly like literally If i were to talk to anybody they wouldn't understand me,I have a hard time with pronunciation and basically everything and I can't even speak or write my native language so basically i am mute guy.I am human but I posses none of the qualities to properly become one.I have no real experience with anything or nothing.I tried but it just never works out.I have so many unrealistic goals in life but Ik I won't achieve them.I rarely go outside and when I think about it it hurts my head since in so inexperience with it.The cars,the other people it kills me to think about it since Idk what to do in certain situations like crossing the street.It all builds up to this big anxiety ball that pulsates throught my head.My memory and skills that i was decently at are slowly fading away.Im starting to forget things and forgetting who I was and what im currently am since ik that im currently am is nothing.No nothing everything fail me.Family+fake friends+education system.It all just fail me and now the result of it is suicide.And If i could i would want to kill everybody and anybody.I would like everybody to feel the pain and suffering I have suffer since im jealous that they libe such good life while mine roots away by purely outside reasons.I am humans i have emotions but they are starting to become bland.It really hurts.
Im retarded and autistic and hardly had any education growing up cause shitty schools in mexishit until I moved into...
I just wished that i could have lived a normal life with normal friends.I am human,I wanted to be love and appreciated and productive.I just wanted freedom from all the shit I have lived.I just want to enjoy life.The family part.The friends part.People don't truly know how it truly feels to be empty with no real nothing and not be able to do anything about it.but killing is propaply my only real method of expressing all this emotions and shittyness.I was born with human factors but now they have just turn into complely shit and have basically turn into something worse then an NPC.I wonder why my mom never brought me to the doctor for autism it was pretty obvious.I play with objects and just stare at them and its not toys is pencils for me and i just stare at then for hours and people even wonder why i do it.I have a hard time learning and when people scream at me.It kills me.When people don't have patience .it kills me.when people don't understand me it kills me.when people fail me.it kills me.It kills me to know that im slow and people don't like that.it kills me to live this life and not be able to enjoy it.
It kills me when I have no real nothing to show other people that im also human.I have nothing or anything.It really hurts and idk why am i like this.Idk why i still care.idk why i cant just go naked and run around the street like i just don't give up.idk why i still care about human lifes when all they have brought me up is useless conections and pain.It hurts me
I wish I was in a mental hospital.They would propaply treat me like a human and the people in there seem to be more understanding even if they have mental problems.do you know the movie "one flew over the cuckoo's nest.It seemed like mental hospital are really nice.hect they even have a basketball court and a speedball.They seem more human but thats just a movie.I have never seen the real thing should propaply find a documentary or something.I want to be in touch with humanity.I want to feek human once again and not have a care in the world.
I don't want to feel like i want to kill another human for pure insanity anymore its really unhealthy.Its bringing me to levels of mental decrease that its kind of scarring me.I never thought it was possible to be this insane amd crazy.Wanting to kill everybody.Is in my mind all the time.
I finded unhealthy to be in this website since there is porn,rekt and porn and creep threads all the time and i really don't think is helping my state of mental health but theres nothing i can do.I have been so isolated and this websites
just makes me feel right at home.It makes me feel like am in a mental asylum.A mean,ignorant,stuped one it is.I have a great taste in music and i would like to play that has im killing people.
I have a great taste in music and i would like to played as im killing hordes of people.Idk why but it will bring a sense of normally and satisfaction of normally that I haven't experience almost like a real human.I tried my best to act human but its useless when I live in a world where im not appreciated as a human.Might as well destroy something that i can't adapt too.Its only natural or so i want to believe.its only natural to destroy something that a persons can't adapt to.Its is my human nature.It is everybody nature.why else do you think crazy people killing people are so common?
Idk why but i care to much for people.When i think of annihilating all humans i just think of all those cute facebook post and instagram post and how would they react to it.It's very hard to kill when a persons is not born a killer.
I really like that gif.I really have no other way to fulfill my needs since no real human life.
The book cover for this book of the movie really is a way to simplify exactly how i feel.
I just wish there was a cure to what i have and how i could fix my behavior.Ik how to but i just can't reached alone.
Better version of gif.its more relateble.
You know.A lot of people say movies and videogames don't really effect how a persons think.but that s just horseshit so they can have an excuse to put more fuck up shit in the entertainment world.Ik personally.That wenever i heard or watch a movie of pure action and killing it brings me a step closer to actually doing it.They make it so entertaining and welcoming.
Op I just think you need someone to speak to. Like a therapist probably you seem to be going down a steep decline into insanity imo. Seek help as soon as possible.
You know im kinda jealous of rich people.they live life so beutiful if i were to become a serial killer.i would want them to know me as the one who kill as this actors and rich people.its just so unfair.Its kind of sad since i kind of enjoy stalking their perfect lifes but they are not terribly important to me.
Would the therapist fulfill my needs?im kinda scare.how would i go to one?would they even care.im better off just going to a mental ashylum less expensive and more personal.you know?
I like that this thread is by itself it gives me time to think about all my life choices and how i got here.its hard to sleep at night cause i have an uncomfortable bed and it makes me think why.Why do i have all this anxieties and why can't i adapt to modern civilization.Why am i like this.And it makes me sweat and u close my eyes hoping someone robs my moms and dads house and kills me and my whole family.such a toxic family shouldn't spread their genes.
You know if i ever do become a serial killer.I would like to be the one that kills rich people and hollywood actors.They are too rich for their own good you know?They have everything they can express themselves perfectly.they can have everything they want.they have fans.they have beutiful life and all because they were born into a beutiful life.I would feel bad if i do it since i personalky enjoy stalking them and killing them would bring me a bit of sadness.but my envy is more powerful.
Why has nobody posted the best line yet?
If i ever do act human.I would like to have a line like that to get out of awkward situation.