Be me age 20

>be me age 20
>dating this girl for 2 years
>love of my life, this is the girl I want to marry
>propose
>get rejected
>completely destroyed me as a person
>now 40 - still think about her every day, have never been in love since

I think I fucked up

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no shit retard

Thanks /bro

They say time heals all wounds.
Maybe wait another 20 years

You fucked up by getting that fucked up about it. Man, shit happens. Go get some damn therapy.

If that's the case, you have severe mental health issues which go deeper than this woman. I don't advise talking to a therapist as they're all but useless, but some pills might help.

>therapy
Men don’t get therapy in my country.
You bottle it up and drink to forget.

I’ve had my fill of drinking.

I’ve tried “moving on”, I know that she wasn’t “the one” because “the one” wouldn’t have rejected me.
But since the day before I proposed to her I’ve never been happy since.

I feel like there’s an alternate universe where she said yes - and I’m happy and fulfilled - and this universe is the dark hell mirror reflection of that universe

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You were just a kid at that age, don't let it define your life. Think about it man, when she said no she set you free. She did you a favour. Better to know she wasn't the one back then instead of after years of unhappy marriage. Be thankful for the good times you had and leave her in the past where she belongs.

You have to understand this: Some people find love, and some people do not. This is an important fact of life.

This does not mean that you should throw away your life. This is the reason you feel miserable, for you have not understood the true meaning of life.

Everything you need, you already have. The shard of the divine, the consciousness that let's you live a life according to nature. Instead of clouding your soul with a love that is not meant to be, you should accept it, and do what you have to do. Use your life to help the people around you, for they are your kin. Maybe you will find love, maybe you don't ; it does not matter. Consider yourself dead, and restart your life as a man who does what he has to do.

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Shit, dawg.

I get it.
But..,, you weren’t there.
Even before I met her, if I were to describe my ‘ideal woman’ it was her.
She was funny. She was intelligent. She would say funny/smart things. We had the same sense of humour.
To then be lucky enough to be with my ideal woman.

I’ve been with a lot of women since, and I’ve been unmoved by them. They’re not in the same league.

I live my life, I continue to function....but everything is marred in a grey cloud of deep, deep depression that all started the day she rejected me. And has been following me for 20 years.

Well on the therapy side of things, I'm not quite qualified but I did some study and Im just gonna throw something out there quick, take it or leave it, cause you know you better than me..

Any chance you just didn't build yourself a life worth living or enjoying, and to this day you just blame losing that girl for your misery?


If this sounds about right, you still have decades ahead of you..

Probably.
After breaking up, I spiralled. And never really got out of the rutt.
The problem is I can’t love. My heart is broken.

I’m a talented guy. I’ve played in bands for years. Getting women isn’t a problem for me.
Developing feeling for the women I’m with is....because none of them compare.

Ask any of my friends, they’d tell you I’m the life and souls of the party, the joker.
But inside I’m dead.

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Well I think you already know you've overidealised her.
Are you able to get your hands on some MDMA? Might be good to have a dose and work yourself through accepting what you've already said. That she isn't the one and that you can be ok without her.

Hmmm
Actually.
Maybe taking MDMA with my current GF. That might not be such a bad idea.
Maybe I can chemically induce those feelings.

Actually helpful advice.

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Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors?

based marcus

No because Gwynith Paltrow

Also, I wouldn’t say I ‘overidealised’ her.
She WAS my ideal woman.

...still is.

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Get over that shit already.

I’m guessing you’ve never been in love with your ideal woman, and then had your heart irreparably broken by them?

It’s not really something you just “get over”

It's only something you should appreciate now. A fond memory of a unique rose. I thought I would forget or get over it and while I did get over it I'm still reminded of her in the most beautiful of things. Good luck OP give another lady a chance anyway

OP, you only saw this, the good. You would eventually have seen shit you didn't like. You would have had arguments, you would have doubted, you would have lusted after other women. You're stuck in an illusion because that's all it was, an illusion. You didn't really see her for who she is. That doesn't come out until your older, until you face difficulties and trauma. It's not real, let it go.

You are stuck as a 20 year old, thinking like a 20 year old.

I 'fell in love' when I was 26 and it was intense. She didn't feel that way about me so it didn't last. Took me a little while but I got over her, don't think about her now. After her I was with someone for a year. Didn't 'fall in love' the same way, but after we split I thought about her every day for two years, because we had something deeper than that falling in love illusion. Fast forward many years, I have a kid. Now, I know what real love is. And how that 'falling in love' you go through in your teens and 20's is just a chemical illusion to get you to reproduce.